If your wife stopped having sex with you, what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, so this thread has me worried. I'm engaged, and my fiance and I have basically everything in common but our sex drives. He is very sexual whereas I like sex but don't have to have it, and my sex drive definitely suffers with work and stress. There have been times when we have argued about our sex life or the lack there of because of my disinterest. Are we setting ourselves up for potential disaster? Things are otherwise great, but I could see after a couple of decades, kids, and high pressure jobs, just not wanting to have sex...

Please do not get married with doubts about long term sexual compatibility. Do your research. Try reddit deadbedrooms. Learn what happens to incompatible couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, so this thread has me worried. I'm engaged, and my fiance and I have basically everything in common but our sex drives. He is very sexual whereas I like sex but don't have to have it, and my sex drive definitely suffers with work and stress. There have been times when we have argued about our sex life or the lack there of because of my disinterest. Are we setting ourselves up for potential disaster? Things are otherwise great, but I could see after a couple of decades, kids, and high pressure jobs, just not wanting to have sex...

You should be very worried. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

A.

You vowed for better or worse.

[Anonymous]

Usually women lose the desire after years of being overworked and handling the lion share of child care. Then the husband is confused about his wife's missing sex drive, burnout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This actually pertains to me. My wife and I have not had sex for 2 and a half years. I love her. She is my soul mate. I don't want to leave or divorce but if I make an advance she will always push me away.There are no other overriding conflicts. No abuse, no alcohol or drug abuse, no infidelity. Frankly I don;t know what to do. I don't initialize anything anymore because I know she will not want me. I just wondered if anyone else fell into this pattern and ever recovered their marriage.

So, other than making advances and then stopping making futile advances, what steps have you taken to attempt to resolve this issue? If you are just accepting it and ignoring it, it is not going to help. There is an issue and it needs to be addressed.

That is a super long time! I would ask her point blank, but I wonder if it's do to ageing and attraction. People are in such denial about that. As people age they aren't always attracted like they were. Still she should make the effort, but first find out why.

Menopause decreases sex drive, but many times the dw is not excited about 2 minutes of one sided sexual gratification with an aging man who doesn't make her feel like more than a roommate/maid/cook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A.

You vowed for better or worse.

Or how about we open the marriage... for better or worse you vowed to stay with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A. Get used to relieving yourself and watching porn
B. Stay married and have affairs
C. Get Divorced now
D. Get Divorced after the kids are older

NP.

E. Masturbate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A.

You vowed for better or worse.

Actually I didn’t, nor am I silly enough to grow old in a miserable situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. Get used to relieving yourself and watching porn
B. Stay married and have affairs
C. Get Divorced now
D. Get Divorced after the kids are older

NP.

E. Masturbate.

That's A. It works for a couple weeks, but soon enough it transitions to B or C.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A.

You vowed for better or worse.

But your spouse vowed to have sex with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, so this thread has me worried. I'm engaged, and my fiance and I have basically everything in common but our sex drives. He is very sexual whereas I like sex but don't have to have it, and my sex drive definitely suffers with work and stress. There have been times when we have argued about our sex life or the lack there of because of my disinterest. Are we setting ourselves up for potential disaster? Things are otherwise great, but I could see after a couple of decades, kids, and high pressure jobs, just not wanting to have sex...

How often are you having sex now and, of those times, how often do you REALLY want it? Regardless, it sounds like to me you sex drives are mismatched and that will absolutely cause major problems, and it won’t take decades as you say. Trust me, once you have a child and start dealing with that stress, which you really can’t imagine today, my guess is your libido will be gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, so this thread has me worried. I'm engaged, and my fiance and I have basically everything in common but our sex drives. He is very sexual whereas I like sex but don't have to have it, and my sex drive definitely suffers with work and stress. There have been times when we have argued about our sex life or the lack there of because of my disinterest. Are we setting ourselves up for potential disaster? Things are otherwise great, but I could see after a couple of decades, kids, and high pressure jobs, just not wanting to have sex...

I hate to say this but, as you add the stresses of marriage and kids, it's only going to get worse. The fights will increase, as will the resentment will grow. You will desire him and sex less and he will get more frustrated and start to wonder why he married you. If you can't find a way to close your sexual gap or find sex more desirable, you are reading about your future in here almost daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. Get used to relieving yourself and watching porn
B. Stay married and have affairs
C. Get Divorced now
D. Get Divorced after the kids are older

NP.

E. Masturbate.

How is that not A?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A.

You vowed for better or worse.

Just words and not your own words but someone else's you were forced to repeat as part of a process.

[Anonymous]

We are both now in our early thirties, and we have sex 2-3 times a week. I only really want to about once a week (less when stressed), but I do understand that he has different needs and was used to a different life before me. We are come from similar backgrounds, similar careers, want the same things in life, and are best friends. So far I thought that has been enough to make a wonderful relationship, and the difference in sex drives was minor especially because he proposed, but these responses are terrifying.