If your wife stopped having sex with you, what would you do?

[Anonymous]

STBxH started with A, moved on to B, and now he's decided to C.



If it matters, I "withheld" sex AFTER he morphed into a fucking prick who is unapologetically verbally abusive and began calling me fat, stupid, unambitious, and more. Oh, lazy, unattractive, "stupid like the rest of your family," ....

It's hard to ever get the vag juices flowing after hearing that for years, you know?

Point being, OP, it's never one-sided. Next week you can start a cutesy poll titled something like, "WHY did you stop having sex with your husbands?"

A. He's an unemployed high functioning drunk
B. He sucks in bed.
c. He's emotionally abusive and cruel

etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STBxH started with A, moved on to B, and now he's decided to C.



If it matters, I "withheld" sex AFTER he morphed into a fucking prick who is unapologetically verbally abusive and began calling me fat, stupid, unambitious, and more. Oh, lazy, unattractive, "stupid like the rest of your family," ....

It's hard to ever get the vag juices flowing after hearing that for years, you know?

Point being, OP, it's never one-sided. Next week you can start a cutesy poll titled something like, "WHY did you stop having sex with your husbands?"

A. He's an unemployed high functioning drunk
B. He sucks in bed.
c. He's emotionally abusive and cruel

etc etc.

SO WHY NOT DIVORCE? These posts never make sense to me. If my DH were all these things, I wouldn't be withholding sex, thus adding fuel to the fire. I'd say, You know what, you're a dick, and you can be someone else's problem, but you're not mine. Tit for tat in a marriage does not work!

[Anonymous]

Well, I believed I owed it to my children to at least attempt to work things out and ask him to get help for his mood disorder. You sound like a nanny, maybe? without children, or a young curious woman without children, or a dude.

NO grown woman I know with children old enough to understand what's going on would say, Hey, your spouse has starting being unkind to you. Fuck the kids, and kick him out pronto!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I believed I owed it to my children to at least attempt to work things out and ask him to get help for his mood disorder. You sound like a nanny, maybe? without children, or a young curious woman without children, or a dude.

NO grown woman I know with children old enough to understand what's going on would say, Hey, your spouse has starting being unkind to you. Fuck the kids, and kick him out pronto!

Uh, no. I'm not a nanny. I have kids. What you described is not "unkind." You specifically said emotionally abusive and borderline alcoholic. Yeah, I definitely would consider NOT letting my kids grow up in that environment. I'm not a martyr, and my kids would surely be happier not living in a home like that if that's the kind of man their father was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I believed I owed it to my children to at least attempt to work things out and ask him to get help for his mood disorder. You sound like a nanny, maybe? without children, or a young curious woman without children, or a dude.

NO grown woman I know with children old enough to understand what's going on would say, Hey, your spouse has starting being unkind to you. Fuck the kids, and kick him out pronto!

New poster here. An unhealthy home is much worse for the kids. PP, you sound like YOU cannot function without your husband's support. That's your problem. I feel sorry for you if you HAVE to stay with an abusive drunk. That says a lot about you and your self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:STBxH started with A, moved on to B, and now he's decided to C.



If it matters, I "withheld" sex AFTER he morphed into a fucking prick who is unapologetically verbally abusive and began calling me fat, stupid, unambitious, and more. Oh, lazy, unattractive, "stupid like the rest of your family," ....

It's hard to ever get the vag juices flowing after hearing that for years, you know? Point being, OP, it's never one-sided. Next week you can start a cutesy poll titled something like, "WHY did you stop having sex with your husbands?"

A. He's an unemployed high functioning drunk
B. He sucks in bed.
c. He's emotionally abusive and cruel

etc etc.

You heard that for years and you still stayed? That's sad to think that you'd rather put yourself and kids through hell (and a sexless marriage) instead of trying to find a healthy situation for you and the kids.

[Anonymous]

An unhealthy home is much worse for the kids. PP, you sound like YOU cannot function without your husband's support. That's your problem. I feel sorry for you if you HAVE to stay with an abusive drunk. That says a lot about you and your self esteem.

Who said I stayed with a drunk?

Anyway, you still sound like a young adult with no children who has not lived a particularly long time, and who has not encountered real-life situations that demand compromise.

And so I'll help you out a little here: a home where everything is very pleasant and civil and full of riches and provides 99.5% of everything a child needs is, actually, not "worse" for kids. Kids do not give a shit if their parents are fucking properly so long as their world is cheery and supportive. That's the big 'if.'

The parents care, hell yes. That's what this thread is about. But no 10 year old is going to say, you know what? My father is entitled to get hot sex initiated by both partners about 4-6 times per week. I would gladly give up my pleasant, cheery, upper middle class life with parents who see me every single day and don't fight and don't snipe and are quite cordial to each other -- just so dad can have inspired sex 4-6 times per week. That is in fact what I really want. Shuttling between 2 homes with diminished lifestyle and not seeing one parent at every. single. holiday is what I prefer. I want a step mom with 2 baby step sisters and I want my mom and me to sometimes live in a crappy apartment and leave my friends at my school. I want my college funds to be cut by 66%.

That is not worse for me, no way! What's worse for me is my dad not getting great sex 4-6 times per week. That just kills me to think about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

An unhealthy home is much worse for the kids. PP, you sound like YOU cannot function without your husband's support. That's your problem. I feel sorry for you if you HAVE to stay with an abusive drunk. That says a lot about you and your self esteem.

Who said I stayed with a drunk?

Anyway, you still sound like a young adult with no children who has not lived a particularly long time, and who has not encountered real-life situations that demand compromise.

And so I'll help you out a little here: a home where everything is very pleasant and civil and full of riches and provides 99.5% of everything a child needs is, actually, not "worse" for kids. Kids do not give a shit if their parents are fucking properly so long as their world is cheery and supportive. That's the big 'if.'

The parents care, hell yes. That's what this thread is about. But no 10 year old is going to say, you know what? My father is entitled to get hot sex initiated by both partners about 4-6 times per week. I would gladly give up my pleasant, cheery, upper middle class life with parents who see me every single day and don't fight and don't snipe and are quite cordial to each other -- just so dad can have inspired sex 4-6 times per week. That is in fact what I really want. Shuttling between 2 homes with diminished lifestyle and not seeing one parent at every. single. holiday is what I prefer. I want a step mom with 2 baby step sisters and I want my mom and me to sometimes live in a crappy apartment and leave my friends at my school. I want my college funds to be cut by 66%.

That is not worse for me, no way! What's worse for me is my dad not getting great sex 4-6 times per week. That just kills me to think about that.

You have some horrible options to choose from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

An unhealthy home is much worse for the kids. PP, you sound like YOU cannot function without your husband's support. That's your problem. I feel sorry for you if you HAVE to stay with an abusive drunk. That says a lot about you and your self esteem.

Who said I stayed with a drunk?

Anyway, you still sound like a young adult with no children who has not lived a particularly long time, and who has not encountered real-life situations that demand compromise.

And so I'll help you out a little here: a home where everything is very pleasant and civil and full of riches and provides 99.5% of everything a child needs is, actually, not "worse" for kids. Kids do not give a shit if their parents are fucking properly so long as their world is cheery and supportive. That's the big 'if.'

The parents care, hell yes. That's what this thread is about. But no 10 year old is going to say, you know what? My father is entitled to get hot sex initiated by both partners about 4-6 times per week. I would gladly give up my pleasant, cheery, upper middle class life with parents who see me every single day and don't fight and don't snipe and are quite cordial to each other -- just so dad can have inspired sex 4-6 times per week. That is in fact what I really want. Shuttling between 2 homes with diminished lifestyle and not seeing one parent at every. single. holiday is what I prefer. I want a step mom with 2 baby step sisters and I want my mom and me to sometimes live in a crappy apartment and leave my friends at my school. I want my college funds to be cut by 66%.

That is not worse for me, no way! What's worse for me is my dad not getting great sex 4-6 times per week. That just kills me to think about that.

You have some horrible options to choose from.

I agree that staying together for the sake of the children is not something to judge from the outside. I think that most "do-overs" don't come without heavy consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I believed I owed it to my children to at least attempt to work things out and ask him to get help for his mood disorder. You sound like a nanny, maybe? without children, or a young curious woman without children, or a dude.

NO grown woman I know with children old enough to understand what's going on would say, Hey, your spouse has starting being unkind to you. Fuck the kids, and kick him out pronto!

Lets have a pity party for the woman who hijacked the thread.

[Anonymous]

I'm missing something - is the home life cheery and supportive or emotionally abusive?

Staying with emotionally abusive Dad to keep the gravy train running doesn't sound like a good long term solution. Staying with cheery, supportive Dad obviously makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

An unhealthy home is much worse for the kids. PP, you sound like YOU cannot function without your husband's support. That's your problem. I feel sorry for you if you HAVE to stay with an abusive drunk. That says a lot about you and your self esteem.

Who said I stayed with a drunk?

Anyway, you still sound like a young adult with no children who has not lived a particularly long time, and who has not encountered real-life situations that demand compromise.

And so I'll help you out a little here: a home where everything is very pleasant and civil and full of riches and provides 99.5% of everything a child needs is, actually, not "worse" for kids. Kids do not give a shit if their parents are fucking properly so long as their world is cheery and supportive. That's the big 'if.'

The parents care, hell yes. That's what this thread is about. But no 10 year old is going to say, you know what? My father is entitled to get hot sex initiated by both partners about 4-6 times per week. I would gladly give up my pleasant, cheery, upper middle class life with parents who see me every single day and don't fight and don't snipe and are quite cordial to each other -- just so dad can have inspired sex 4-6 times per week. That is in fact what I really want. Shuttling between 2 homes with diminished lifestyle and not seeing one parent at every. single. holiday is what I prefer. I want a step mom with 2 baby step sisters and I want my mom and me to sometimes live in a crappy apartment and leave my friends at my school. I want my college funds to be cut by 66%.

That is not worse for me, no way! What's worse for me is my dad not getting great sex 4-6 times per week. That just kills me to think about that.

You are so full of crap. Your DH is an alcoholic abuser by YOUR OWN WORDS. So you know that you are modelling a terrible home for your kids and their future relationships, setting up future dependency issues, exposing them to him, but you don't care because you are (a) a snippy bitch but mostly because you are an enabler and a control freak. If you think divorce is SO BAD FOR THE CHILDREN then FIX YOUR MARRIAGE. Go to counseling, offer sex (wet vag or not - lovely phrasing by the way. So classy), take your kids to therapy, do what it takes.

But I bet you didn't do that. Instead you patted yourself on the back that you are the better parent and that you are somehow some martyr because you can occasionally spit out a civil word to the man you married. You stay and drip poison into your marriage but somehow want to be seen as the good guy.

This divorce, your kids devastation, destruction of their home - is 50% YOUR FAULT. At least.

[Anonymous]

E. Talk with her about it.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and why don't you come back and explain how since you loooove your kids so much and would do anything for them (except a. pick a decent father and b. work at your marriage to said father), that they've been in counseling and therapy all this time.

[Anonymous]

No stupid. I made up a fake quiz with various fake ABCD explanations of why a woman might decline to have sex with her spouse.