If your wife stopped having sex with you, what would you do?

[Anonymous]

A. Get used to relieving yourself and watching porn
B. Stay married and have affairs
C. Get Divorced now
D. Get Divorced after the kids are older

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman, but I'd get divorced. No sex is an outright rejection of an essential part of our marriage, my self esteem and happiness. I want to be married to someone who wants me 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman, but I'd get divorced. No sex is an outright rejection of an essential part of our marriage, my self esteem and happiness. I want to be married to someone who wants me 100%.

So, C.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A. Get used to relieving yourself and watching porn
B. Stay married and have affairs
C. Get Divorced now
D. Get Divorced after the kids are older

Probably start with A, then move to B. If continued indefinitely, eventually make it to D.

[Anonymous]

Is this a temporary thing? Like her mom just died and she needs more time? Or did she outright tell you she would not ever sleep with you again?

[Anonymous]

I would try counseling to figure out WTF is going on.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a definite C. (Barring the fact that I'm not having sex because I have cancer or am recovering from serious surgery or something like that.) If we're just living life and everything is otherwise fine but I tell him sex is off the table or just refuse to have it, he'd be gone. I would give it maybe a year tops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A. Get used to relieving yourself and watching porn
B. Stay married and have affairs
C. Get Divorced now
D. Get Divorced after the kids are older

Probably start with A, then move to B. If continued indefinitely, eventually make it to D.

Sounds about right

[Anonymous]

Working on C right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a definite C. (Barring the fact that I'm not having sex because I have cancer or am recovering from serious surgery or something like that.) If we're just living life and everything is otherwise fine but I tell him sex is off the table or just refuse to have it, he'd be gone. I would give it maybe a year tops.

"Can't" versus "won't" is a crucial part of my response. If my wife got sick or whatever and just couldn't have sex without being miserable despite her best efforts to find a solution, I'd masturbate more and keep loving her just as much. If it's just something where she loses interest and isn't concerned enough about my happiness and the health of my connection to her to make an effort to get interested again; then we look at C or D. It depends on the age of the kids and how bad things are otherwise at home. If things are more or less friendly at home, then wait until the kids are gone. If the hostility at home outweighs any benefit from having two kids at home, then end it now. Cheating is simply lying and betrayal and shouldn't be considered. However, I guess an open marriage with the consent of the low libido spouse might be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If the hostility at home outweighs any benefit from having two kids at home, then end it now.

Typo - should've been "having two parents at home".

[Anonymous]

B.

[Anonymous]

E. Poll DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a definite C. (Barring the fact that I'm not having sex because I have cancer or am recovering from serious surgery or something like that.) If we're just living life and everything is otherwise fine but I tell him sex is off the table or just refuse to have it, he'd be gone. I would give it maybe a year tops.

"Can't" versus "won't" is a crucial part of my response. If my wife got sick or whatever and just couldn't have sex without being miserable despite her best efforts to find a solution, I'd masturbate more and keep loving her just as much. If it's just something where she loses interest and isn't concerned enough about my happiness and the health of my connection to her to make an effort to get interested again; then we look at C or D. It depends on the age of the kids and how bad things are otherwise at home. If things are more or less friendly at home, then wait until the kids are gone. If the hostility at home outweighs any benefit from having two kids at home, then end it now. Cheating is simply lying and betrayal and shouldn't be considered. However, I guess an open marriage with the consent of the low libido spouse might be an option.

The problem that I notice with this sort of scenario is the spouse who unilaterally cuts of sex is selfish. They care only about their personal wants and wishes and not that of their spouse. (This goes both ways- men and women can put the other in sexless marriages.) This inherent selfishness makes them pretty much unlikely to be amenable to allowing their partner to at least get satisfaction outside the marriage. They want their spouse in the home, honoring them, valuing them, and only them, but refuse to do the same. Generally, "low libido" partners aren't willing to compromise a little to make their spouses happy by having sex, nor are they willing to compromise by allowing them to have extramarital purely-sex affairs either. So the sexless spouse has two choices most of the time: live with it, or leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Working on C right now.

Ditto. Kids are never worth misery. They are better off with parents who moved on.