How to handle being pissed at a college

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why your younger likes to attend the same college as their older sibling. They can find their own new path and explore new things on their own in a different college.

[Anonymous]

Our younger one applied but got waitisted at older sibling's very competitive university. Strong applicant grade wise (more APs and slightly higher grades than older sibling, STEM) but it never seemed like their heart was truly in it applying to that school. When kid saw weightlist, they said "oh, ok" as if someone were giving them directions to a building up the street. No big deal. Not upset at all, moving on, closed laptop and went to grab a snack. Turns out kid saw school as their older sibling's school and wanted to make their own mark elsewhere at a place that's all their own. A place where nobody in our family has gone, it's all new, they're not following in our footsteps. And the school they chose is the perfect fit for them. I have a new yard flag in our college flag collection. Sometimes it's as simple as your kid not wanting to be their sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do what my kid did. Write the President and Director of Admissions a nice letter thanking them for taking the time to review their application. Let them know you understand life is a competitive process and that as a result of the decision to not accept them, the university is no longer in the running to house their future presidential library.

And the director of admissions will use that letter, probably with your kids name on it, as a punchline joke for years, as further proof that they made the correct decision to deny admission to someone too immature to even be in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:…where you have a current student and then there sibling with uw 4.0, 36 ACT and similar great ecs/recs/activities gets rejected. Having a hard time after seeing a kid with much lower stats get off WL and in. The holistic B’s is not an answer. Older sibling is also thriving and top of class- so it’s not that either.

It leaves such a sour taste in my mouth.

How to handle this? Meditation? Wine? Apply to transfer next year?

Were they applying to the same major?

Maybe the competition for second child was more intense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why your younger likes to attend the same college as their older sibling. They can find their own new path and explore new things on their own in a different college.

They can still find their own path at the same college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just do what my kid did. Write the President and Director of Admissions a nice letter thanking them for taking the time to review their application. Let them know you understand life is a competitive process and that as a result of the decision to not accept them, the university is no longer in the running to house their future presidential library.

And the director of admissions will use that letter, probably with your kids name on it, as a punchline joke for years, as further proof that they made the correct decision to deny admission to someone too immature to even be in college.

That's not even getting past the admin that opens the mail.

[Anonymous]

Parents whose kids get denied at their alma maters deal with this all the time! No reason to be mad at a college. My kid was waitlisted at my alma mater. No hard feelings. It’s not personal. Move on. Rejection is redirection. My kid is where he needs to be and the same will be true for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Is it Michigan? I’ve heard of this happening there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had this happen. Second child was admitted to 4 Ivies but not the older sibling's school despite having a great anpplication and applying ED1. They went elsewhere, got a 4.0 and applied as a transfer, got in and are going in the fall as a sophomore. First child has a 4.0 at the school in question it wasn't like they've burnt any bridge either.

It's a hard situation because you want to tell the school to f-off but you have a child there AND you're paying them a lot of money. I'm looking forward to putting this behind us and going all-in at this school.

Also, second sibling is a girl. it's definitely easier for boys.

In this process we met another sibling girl who is a double legacy as well and didn't get in despite applying ED and having great grades and being admitted to 2 other top10 schools. Admissions can be brutal.

This Ivy has had a lot of student activism against legacy of any kind, so it was like the connection actually was a negative factor —-which is it’s own kind of discrimination ironically,

It's really not.

[Anonymous]

OP - I can relate as I am pissed also. I have twins that applied this cycle. One was accepted at DH's alma mater with an acceptance letter that specifically called out our family's history with that college. The other one was rejected outright. Very similar profiles and all other colleges treated them the same, so we were all shocked. We are pissed and will not give them another cent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I can relate as I am pissed also. I have twins that applied this cycle. One was accepted at DH's alma mater with an acceptance letter that specifically called out our family's history with that college. The other one was rejected outright. Very similar profiles and all other colleges treated them the same, so we were all shocked. We are pissed and will not give them another cent.

Were they the same academically?

I have twins who applied 2 cycles ago. The college took the academically weaker one and not the stronger one. Then the hard stuff continued with the admitted one going to accepted student events, moving into the school, wearing the gear, us going to parent stuff, etc. It was hard. I wish they would have rejected both-everyone would have taken the rejection in stride, moved on right away and never thought about that school again. But it's very hard for a family to balance the celebration with the rejection. It got better but not for a good 9 months to a year when the second twin settled into their school.

I get that schools don't owe twins anything. But my advice would be to never, ever, ever, let your twins ED to the same school. It's not worth the potential issues. Frankly, they should not RD the same school either. It's very hard when they both like the same place but in retrospect we would have insisted on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I can relate as I am pissed also. I have twins that applied this cycle. One was accepted at DH's alma mater with an acceptance letter that specifically called out our family's history with that college. The other one was rejected outright. Very similar profiles and all other colleges treated them the same, so we were all shocked. We are pissed and will not give them another cent.

Were they the same academically?

I have twins who applied 2 cycles ago. The college took the academically weaker one and not the stronger one. Then the hard stuff continued with the admitted one going to accepted student events, moving into the school, wearing the gear, us going to parent stuff, etc. It was hard. I wish they would have rejected both-everyone would have taken the rejection in stride, moved on right away and never thought about that school again. But it's very hard for a family to balance the celebration with the rejection. It got better but not for a good 9 months to a year when the second twin settled into their school.

I get that schools don't owe twins anything. But my advice would be to never, ever, ever, let your twins ED to the same school. It's not worth the potential issues. Frankly, they should not RD the same school either. It's very hard when they both like the same place but in retrospect we would have insisted on it.

PP here. My twins were very similar academically. Same GPA, SAT score was 10 points different. If I had to guess, they rejected the twin that had a more popular major. We did not let the twins ED to the same school, but it didn't matter because one was rejected and the other was deferred. After that, it's a crapshoot as you know, so they did apply to a lot of the same schools RD. They got into most of the same schools but chose different ones.

Your situation was the worst case scenario with twins applying to colleges at the same time. I feel for you as that whole year must have been miserable for you. It really does suck when a college does not care at all about the individual candidates and their families during a very stressful time.