Why do so many people think it's okay to flake last minute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Repeatedly trying to orbit people who perpetually blow you off is deeply creepy. Take a freaking hint.

Put another way: A guy repeatedly asks out a gal. Over and over and over she’s “nice” to his face but then flakes. You’d all tell the guy to stop being so weird, creepy and stalkerish because the gal is CLEARLY not interested in him. That’s literally what you’re all doing repeatedly trying to befriend and orbit people who don’t give a s*** about you.

No one is doing this. Most people on here say they stop inviting people who don't show. And then are accused of being insensitive to others' mental health or whatever.

No one said this. People are saying that people don't show up to things for valid reasons, but no one is saying that it is big concern for anyone if you choose not to invite these people to anything again. If you don't want to invite them, don't. Not a problem.

[Anonymous]

Here is my take... I really try to be a good friend and not flake at all, so I would not do this, but I have come close through brain fog and I find myself turning down many more offers than i used to because i am too afraid of cancelling at the last minute.

My theory....we all were already running on almost empty before Covid shutdown hit. Then we all were running on more than empty. Then between job insanity, inflation, world events and life events we are all just trying not to have a nervous breakdown. For me all that is mentioned sent me over the edge and combine that with elderly emergencies over the course of years and family drama from that and I was afraid if I walked on a bridge, I'd be tempted to jump off to escape it all. It's not a matter of...do I want to make it to this party or just chill at home. It's like sometimes you are so overloaded you forget things you would never have forgotten in the past and sometimes you or I should say I am at the point where I realize true mental insanity is closer than it has ever been, I am exhausted and if I don't bail on some things I may need a strait jacket.

I am so sorry you dealt with that OP and it's why I stopped entertaining besides the fact I have no time and no patience left these days. I say no all the time to avoid having to cancel last minute and I hate turning down friends, but the rest and time to take care of myself has kept from that bridge scenario. I can fill the glass just enough to appreciate life and my family. It would break my heart to know you put in so much effort and I had to bail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Here is my take... I really try to be a good friend and not flake at all, so I would not do this, but I have come close through brain fog and I find myself turning down many more offers than i used to because i am too afraid of cancelling at the last minute.

My theory....we all were already running on almost empty before Covid shutdown hit. Then we all were running on more than empty. Then between job insanity, inflation, world events and life events we are all just trying not to have a nervous breakdown. For me all that is mentioned sent me over the edge and combine that with elderly emergencies over the course of years and family drama from that and I was afraid if I walked on a bridge, I'd be tempted to jump off to escape it all. It's not a matter of...do I want to make it to this party or just chill at home. It's like sometimes you are so overloaded you forget things you would never have forgotten in the past and sometimes you or I should say I am at the point where I realize true mental insanity is closer than it has ever been, I am exhausted and if I don't bail on some things I may need a strait jacket.

I am so sorry you dealt with that OP and it's why I stopped entertaining besides the fact I have no time and no patience left these days. I say no all the time to avoid having to cancel last minute and I hate turning down friends, but the rest and time to take care of myself has kept from that bridge scenario. I can fill the glass just enough to appreciate life and my family. It would break my heart to know you put in so much effort and I had to bail.

Your Covid card expired a long time ago. Stop RSPVing yes to things you won't go to.

[Anonymous]

1. Something sounds good until the day of, then it doesn't sound so good anymore and they bail.
2. People love to give the appearance of attending an event -- e.g., they'll RSVP via group chat or social media to say they'll be there with bells on so to speak, then not show up. The former is public and look at me; the latter is private and nothing to see here. Who's going to post on social media that they didn't show up? They know the host will be kind about it to save the friendship. Flaking feels low risk, in other words.
3. People are always looking for the better option these days, whether it's a love interest or a party invitation, FOMO rules. Your invite was good until a better one came along.
4. Modern society is incredibly narcissistic. "All about me rules" the day. People don't think twice about putting themselves first and canceling on you even though they said they'd show up. It's all about them and how they are feeling in this moment, not about your feelings at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

[Anonymous]

Is “I’m having diarrhea, will not be able to attend your event tonight” valid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is “I’m having diarrhea, will not be able to attend your event tonight” valid?

Sure but you’re lying and we know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Someone trying to be nice to the parent of their kid's friend gets lambasted as a social climber or a doormat. No wonder people are miserable here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have more things going on in their lives than you realize/know. Issues with spouse, health / career / financial issues that you may be unaware of, etc.

This is me. I am barely hanging on. There are times when I can’t make commitments and rather than killing myself just to not appear rude, I cancel. I’ve come to accept this is my life. It is what it is.

+100

[Anonymous]

That's ok. I won't be friends with you though. Not it you don't initiate. Certainly you could initiate something, sometime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Washington and by extension this forum is full of creepy and clingy strivers super thirsty to social climb. I guaran-freaking-tee the woman PP was serial inviting to things wasn't some pisspoor apartment dweller mom from her kid's school. What do you wanna bet it was from PP's point of view a high status mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

When the same moms repeatedly flake on you it is not a coincidence. Yes, they're most certainly gossiping about you and laughing about how desperate you are to get into their friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.