Why do so many people think it's okay to flake last minute?

[Anonymous]

Never hosted. I don't even know 30 people. I think you live in a different era. Everyone wants to stay home nowadays.
I have one friends that says they are on their way and then disappear. I think they have an anxiety and more.

[Anonymous]

RSVP me thought your party sounded like a great idea. Day of party me didn’t..

[Anonymous]

This has absolutely increased since Covid when everything became optional/if you feel comfortable. I think a lot of people rsvp yes with the intention of going but aren’t able to think about what all else is going on that day and how they will actually feel. They say yes to everything because they aren’t able to think ahead. Other people don’t think about the “what if everyone did that” scenario. The concept of showing up for things you’ve committed to have gone out the window.

I don’t host anymore and I try to be very realistic about what I say yes to and if I have a change of plans I left the host know asap. The last minute bail is the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RSVP me thought your party sounded like a great idea. Day of party me didn’t..

I've totally been there.

And can't think of a single time when I've regretted pushing through and making myself go. Even the few times when the party was not fun because of my mental state, I still learned that I can do the hard thing and can still consider myself someone who follows through on commitments. And I forced myself to think of three good things that happened.

One time I even said to a fellow attendee "it was hard for me to come tonight. I've been staying home more often because......." And this ended up being a point of connection because they had gone through something very similar. We actually decided to be each other's pushy friend and text each other things like "make me go to this work happy hour." And basically bug or encourage each other to get out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once people show they are a flake, believe them. I don’t have time for that.

+1
Someone flakes more than once, I never invite them to do anything where it matters if they show up. A big party or a hang out somewhere I'm happy to be anyway? Sure (assuming I enjoy their company). A dinner party or anything that requires ticketing? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have more things going on in their lives than you realize/know. Issues with spouse, health / career / financial issues that you may be unaware of, etc.

This is very true.

But also people nowadays are more inclined to flake just because they'd rather stay home and watch Netflix in their sweatpants. There's a guise of doing it to take care of their mental health but sometimes it's just selfish and inconsiderate. And ultimately defeats the purpose since a big part of mental health is positive interactions with other humans.

OP here and I agree. I'm introverted and have some social anxiety. TBH, I wanted to flake on the dinner last night because I was nervous about not knowing many people! But I went, generally enjoyed it, and felt better about myself afterwards for making an effort.

I read someplace that so many people "dread" stuff, including extroverts, but that shouldn't be an indicator of anything. I remind myself it's okay to go out because my dread is biological and means nothing more. Then, I go and am so glad I did.

[Anonymous]

This is why I say no to most invitations- I know I won’t want to go once it’s actually time to go. But DCUMs complain about that too - “she never accepts my invitations to go out.” You can’t win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RSVP me thought your party sounded like a great idea. Day of party me didn’t..

I've totally been there.

And can't think of a single time when I've regretted pushing through and making myself go. Even the few times when the party was not fun because of my mental state, I still learned that I can do the hard thing and can still consider myself someone who follows through on commitments. And I forced myself to think of three good things that happened.

One time I even said to a fellow attendee "it was hard for me to come tonight. I've been staying home more often because......." And this ended up being a point of connection because they had gone through something very similar. We actually decided to be each other's pushy friend and text each other things like "make me go to this work happy hour." And basically bug or encourage each other to get out the door.

Great idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I say no to most invitations- I know I won’t want to go once it’s actually time to go. But DCUMs complain about that too - “she never accepts my invitations to go out.” You can’t win.

Who complains about someone constantly turning them down? Most people stop inviting after 1 or 2 unaccepted invitations. The vast majority can read the writing on the wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have more things going on in their lives than you realize/know. Issues with spouse, health / career / financial issues that you may be unaware of, etc.

This is very true.

But also people nowadays are more inclined to flake just because they'd rather stay home and watch Netflix in their sweatpants. There's a guise of doing it to take care of their mental health but sometimes it's just selfish and inconsiderate. And ultimately defeats the purpose since a big part of mental health is positive interactions with other humans.

OP here and I agree. I'm introverted and have some social anxiety. TBH, I wanted to flake on the dinner last night because I was nervous about not knowing many people! But I went, generally enjoyed it, and felt better about myself afterwards for making an effort.

I read someplace that so many people "dread" stuff, including extroverts, but that shouldn't be an indicator of anything. I remind myself it's okay to go out because my dread is biological and means nothing more. Then, I go and am so glad I did.

I’m the opposite. I really look forward to social stuff, go, am invariably disappointed and then am wracked with anxiety about what I said/did that was embarrassing and why no one likes me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RSVP me thought your party sounded like a great idea. Day of party me didn’t..

But this should not matter if you’ve already made the commitment. “I don’t feel like going” is not a valid reason to bail.

I have a friend who was always bailing on plans (including ones she had initiated) for reasons like “the kids have homework” and “we need to rest at home today instead” and “I need to catch up on things around the house.” I still like her, but I completely gave up on making any plans with them years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once people show they are a flake, believe them. I don’t have time for that.

+1. They never change. My own now adult son has been doing this since age 12 or 13. He's late 20s now and still does it! Agrees to something and then just... ghosts everyone the day of. Exact same thing he did when he was a tween. Then you talk to him a few days later and he acts like nothing happened or it's not that big of a deal; as if we're overreacting for still caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once people show they are a flake, believe them. I don’t have time for that.

+1
Someone flakes more than once, I never invite them to do anything where it matters if they show up. A big party or a hang out somewhere I'm happy to be anyway? Sure (assuming I enjoy their company). A dinner party or anything that requires ticketing? Nope.

They ain't flaking on the Obamas, if you catch my drift. They are literally telling at you they don't value you and frankly don't give a s*** about you. Actions speak far louder than phony texts and chit-chat when you see them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this more and more lately. I had a party earlier this year, and of the 30 people who said they could attend, 10 cancelled within the 24 hours leading up to the party. I had so much extra food and frankly it was a bit hurtful 'friends' couldn't bother to show up, as the reasons for cancellation were largely BS. Yesterday, I went to a dinner and was annoyed that 2 of the 3 people I knew attending the event cancelled last minute. When I did show up, the host told me that a third of the attendees had also backed out.

Can we start calling this out as the rude behavior that it is? I've stopped making an effort with many of the people who do this regularly. People talk about how difficult it is to make friends in this area but pull this type of thing.

Selfish. Entitled. Essentially, they have no manners.

[Anonymous]

This is why I loved the once a year open house party 🥳please bring it back! No pressure.