Why do so many people think it's okay to flake last minute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I say no to most invitations- I know I won’t want to go once it’s actually time to go. But DCUMs complain about that too - “she never accepts my invitations to go out.” You can’t win.

Who complains about someone constantly turning them down? Most people stop inviting after 1 or 2 unaccepted invitations. The vast majority can read the writing on the wall.

Yeah, I don't complain about that, I just stop inviting you, because I can take the hint that someone doesn't want to be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have more things going on in their lives than you realize/know. Issues with spouse, health / career / financial issues that you may be unaware of, etc.

This is very true.

But also people nowadays are more inclined to flake just because they'd rather stay home and watch Netflix in their sweatpants. There's a guise of doing it to take care of their mental health but sometimes it's just selfish and inconsiderate. And ultimately defeats the purpose since a big part of mental health is positive interactions with other humans.

This. Plus a generational thing. Peoole in their 20s and 30s mostly.

[Anonymous]

I agree….it is VERY rude and disrespectful to bow out w/little to no notice (unless of course, there IS a genuine emergency issue of course.)

Cancelling on little notice puts the host in such a hard position (like you illustrated.)

People need to learn how to keep their word….as well as practice human decency too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People have become very selfish and self-absorbed. Manners have gone out of style.

This and it seems so many have social anxiety now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have more things going on in their lives than you realize/know. Issues with spouse, health / career / financial issues that you may be unaware of, etc.

This is very true.

But also people nowadays are more inclined to flake just because they'd rather stay home and watch Netflix in their sweatpants. There's a guise of doing it to take care of their mental health but sometimes it's just selfish and inconsiderate. And ultimately defeats the purpose since a big part of mental health is positive interactions with other humans.

This. Plus a generational thing. Peoole in their 20s and 30s mostly.

My friends are mid/late 40s and early 50s. This is not a thing. I’ve never had 1/3 of people not show up for a birthday party. People are rude now. They don’t care about others. That’s what it boils down too. You are absolutely right to stop including these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RSVP me thought your party sounded like a great idea. Day of party me didn’t..

Do you care at all that your friend went to the trouble to cook, clean, and prepare for you? All that effort wasted because you don’t feel like it? You are not a good friend and deserve to be dropped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have more things going on in their lives than you realize/know. Issues with spouse, health / career / financial issues that you may be unaware of, etc.

This is me. I am barely hanging on. There are times when I can’t make commitments and rather than killing myself just to not appear rude, I cancel. I’ve come to accept this is my life. It is what it is.

Then don’t accept to begin with.

We’re all dealing with sh*t.

[Anonymous]

A few years ago I was invited 20 people (friends/cousins) to a catered dinner party at my house for my birthday. Some people had good excuses for not coming last minute (death of a parent, flu), but about 8 people just canceled last minute for more frivolous reasons. I had food for 20 people and only 10 came…I tried one more time after that to host a small charity event and at least 5 people canceled 5 minutes before event. Had a going away dinner for a friend who was moving out of town. Everyone RSVP’d yes and then 5-6 bailed right before the dinner or while we were there. In any event (no pun intended), I decided to stop hosting or organizing things like this and I’m just focusing on the reliable people I know. It’s depressing but it’s reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I say no to most invitations- I know I won’t want to go once it’s actually time to go. But DCUMs complain about that too - “she never accepts my invitations to go out.” You can’t win.

Who complains about someone constantly turning them down? Most people stop inviting after 1 or 2 unaccepted invitations. The vast majority can read the writing on the wall.

Yeah, I don't complain about that, I just stop inviting you, because I can take the hint that someone doesn't want to be friends.

Maybe. Or maybe they do want to be friends, but their other issues (e.g. social anxiety) take over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I say no to most invitations- I know I won’t want to go once it’s actually time to go. But DCUMs complain about that too - “she never accepts my invitations to go out.” You can’t win.

Who complains about someone constantly turning them down? Most people stop inviting after 1 or 2 unaccepted invitations. The vast majority can read the writing on the wall.

Yeah, I don't complain about that, I just stop inviting you, because I can take the hint that someone doesn't want to be friends.

Maybe. Or maybe they do want to be friends, but their other issues (e.g. social anxiety) take over.

Maybe. But then it's on them to demonstrate interest in some way. I'm not going to keep asking someone who always says no. Why would I?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I say no to most invitations- I know I won’t want to go once it’s actually time to go. But DCUMs complain about that too - “she never accepts my invitations to go out.” You can’t win.

Who complains about someone constantly turning them down? Most people stop inviting after 1 or 2 unaccepted invitations. The vast majority can read the writing on the wall.

Yeah, I don't complain about that, I just stop inviting you, because I can take the hint that someone doesn't want to be friends.

Maybe. Or maybe they do want to be friends, but their other issues (e.g. social anxiety) take over.

But do you care that you're putting your friend out by being a flake or does the word revolve around your anxiety? If you know you're anxious say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this more and more lately. I had a party earlier this year, and of the 30 people who said they could attend, 10 cancelled within the 24 hours leading up to the party. I had so much extra food and frankly it was a bit hurtful 'friends' couldn't bother to show up, as the reasons for cancellation were largely BS. Yesterday, I went to a dinner and was annoyed that 2 of the 3 people I knew attending the event cancelled last minute. When I did show up, the host told me that a third of the attendees had also backed out.

Can we start calling this out as the rude behavior that it is? I've stopped making an effort with many of the people who do this regularly. People talk about how difficult it is to make friends in this area but pull this type of thing.

Well, I don’t bail on events and I’ve also never found it hard to make and keep friends so put two and two together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have more things going on in their lives than you realize/know. Issues with spouse, health / career / financial issues that you may be unaware of, etc.

This is very true.

But also people nowadays are more inclined to flake just because they'd rather stay home and watch Netflix in their sweatpants. There's a guise of doing it to take care of their mental health but sometimes it's just selfish and inconsiderate. And ultimately defeats the purpose since a big part of mental health is positive interactions with other humans.

Look, I don’t flake on things I have responded yes to, but you don’t get to order that people need to put aside their mental health so your party can be full. Life is complicated, and while I will do everything I can do that I can honor my commitments, sometimes it can be too much for some people. Also, frankly, they don’t like you as much as they need to help themselves. You can either find that hurtful or informative of how your friends feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RSVP me thought your party sounded like a great idea. Day of party me didn’t..

Too bad. It’s rude to back out if that’s your reason. You show up and leave early if you truly aren’t enjoying yourself. Honor your commitments.

[Anonymous]

I have noticed this too, and now only host open-house type of events where it doesn't matter if people flake.

Social anxiety is not a good excuse for being flaky. I have it, I push through because if I made a commitment to attend a gathering, it will only take an emergency for me to cancel. As another PP said, I rarely if ever regret going!

It's understandable that people go through rough times, but then don't accept an invite unless you're committed to going.