Husband Wants Open Relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband recently dropped a bombshell on me and asked to have an open relationship. He is telling me that he still loves me he just wants to hook up with other people but is not interested in dating anyone else. I’m really not sure what to think of this or how to respond. Just for context, I am in my 30s and we have two kids. We have been married for almost 8 years. I was very surprised about this conversation and kind of in shock, so I told him I needed some time to think. What should I say to him and how would you respond if your husband asked for permission to sleep around?

He has already had sex with someone else, OP. And it’s probably a regular thing.

BTDT with my ex-wife asking this question.

It didn’t end well.

Was your bedroom “dead?”

Yes.

Why do you have dead bedroom ? You are no longer attracted to him ?

I'm the husband. That's a complicated question rooted in medical reasons (cancer treatment) that morphed into drifting apart. Separate bedrooms for snoring (at least that was the lie we told ourselves). Then I grew tired of being talked down to all the time so I withdrew more. Wasn't about to cheat and didn't want to see my kids half the time or less, so I endured it. Finally, she decided I was the source of her unhappiness and was encouraged by a therapist to "self-actualize." So, she hooked up with a business partner. I found out, we separated. Kids teens by then. Custody was 50-50 on paper but they chose to be with me 90% of the time. Seven years on, kids are launched, I'm happy and remarried and from what I hear, she's still miserable. At least the cancer didn't come back.

She asked ME for the Open Marriage, even telling me there was "no side piece." It was one of the many lies I discovered.

Unfortunately this story is not uncommon.

When a spouse asks for an open marriage, they are already three steps out the door and have their eye on someone or are already "exploring" with someone. It's more like a bid to relieve their own guilt by making their cheating "ok".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband recently dropped a bombshell on me and asked to have an open relationship. He is telling me that he still loves me he just wants to hook up with other people but is not interested in dating anyone else. I’m really not sure what to think of this or how to respond. Just for context, I am in my 30s and we have two kids. We have been married for almost 8 years. I was very surprised about this conversation and kind of in shock, so I told him I needed some time to think. What should I say to him and how would you respond if your husband asked for permission to sleep around?

He has already had sex with someone else, OP. And it’s probably a regular thing.

BTDT with my ex-wife asking this question.

It didn’t end well.

Was your bedroom “dead?”

Yes.

Why do you have dead bedroom ? You are no longer attracted to him ?

I'm the husband. That's a complicated question rooted in medical reasons (cancer treatment) that morphed into drifting apart. Separate bedrooms for snoring (at least that was the lie we told ourselves). Then I grew tired of being talked down to all the time so I withdrew more. Wasn't about to cheat and didn't want to see my kids half the time or less, so I endured it. Finally, she decided I was the source of her unhappiness and was encouraged by a therapist to "self-actualize." So, she hooked up with a business partner. I found out, we separated. Kids teens by then. Custody was 50-50 on paper but they chose to be with me 90% of the time. Seven years on, kids are launched, I'm happy and remarried and from what I hear, she's still miserable. At least the cancer didn't come back.

She asked ME for the Open Marriage, even telling me there was "no side piece." It was one of the many lies I discovered.

If your spouse asks for an open marriage, you book an appointment with at least 3 divorce attorneys to start the process. Don't tell them yet. It takes time to gather all the information you will need to get a reasonable settlement. They are most likely already sleeping around, so accept that it's over, stay calm, and focus on your divorce case. Also, find yourself a therapist. Divorce is rough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pages upon pages and no answer to the question about the state of the bedroom from the first page.

Because it’s irrelevant. If her DH has concerns about their private intimate life then it’s a discussion he should first have with his wife.

Long before seeking out anyone else or offering to open the marriage which is just his validation for cheating.

You don’t know that he hasn’t because OP hasn’t answered the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only 8 years in with 2 little kids, you’re both only in your thirties and he already wants a buffet of strange? You might as well have purchased stock in the red flag factory. Dump this loser and find someone who will value and respect you.

This took me out. Will def be using this one ..

[Anonymous]

He is open to it until you bring home a much younger higher testosterone stallion with a massive shlong.

He will revert back to monogamy so fast lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only 8 years in with 2 little kids, you’re both only in your thirties and he already wants a buffet of strange? You might as well have purchased stock in the red flag factory. Dump this loser and find someone who will value and respect you.

Seems like they are sexless . It’s too early to have dead bedroom in the 30s.
But I think the whole thread is fake

Not OP but I had a deadbedroom from 32-42. Sex twice in all that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce.
He probably won't even ask for 50/50 custody esp. with little kids.
Sorry. He is the loser. Walk away now. Kids will be fine. Mine are so much happier.

He will ask for 50/50 to pay less child support. They all do. Even if they did zero during the marriage. Expect 50/50 custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So glad we're in a Christian marriage, where neither spouse has to worry about this happening.

+1

The "Christian marriage" husband would never go outside of marriage to be with another woman.

Other men, yes. Teenagers, probably. Definitely not another woman.

My aunt's ex husband was the minister and was sleeping with multiple married women in his congregation.

The Christians just tell their spouses "God has forgiven me, you're wrong not to."

Your single data point is noted. However, the data tells us that Americans who regularly attend church are between about 30 and 50 percent less likely to divorce. They are also about 15 percentage points more likely to say they are happily married, compared to secular couples. (American Enterprise Institute)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So glad we're in a Christian marriage, where neither spouse has to worry about this happening.

+1

The "Christian marriage" husband would never go outside of marriage to be with another woman.

Other men, yes. Teenagers, probably. Definitely not another woman.

My aunt's ex husband was the minister and was sleeping with multiple married women in his congregation.

The Christians just tell their spouses "God has forgiven me, you're wrong not to."

Your single data point is noted. However, the data tells us that Americans who regularly attend church are between about 30 and 50 percent less likely to divorce. They are also about 15 percentage points more likely to say they are happily married, compared to secular couples. (American Enterprise Institute)

Ken Paxton would like to have a word. As would Philip Yancey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce.
He probably won't even ask for 50/50 custody esp. with little kids.
Sorry. He is the loser. Walk away now. Kids will be fine. Mine are so much happier.

He will ask for 50/50 to pay less child support. They all do. Even if they did zero during the marriage. Expect 50/50 custody.

This is a poor person mentality. Not OPs situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So glad we're in a Christian marriage, where neither spouse has to worry about this happening.

+1

The "Christian marriage" husband would never go outside of marriage to be with another woman.

Other men, yes. Teenagers, probably. Definitely not another woman.

My aunt's ex husband was the minister and was sleeping with multiple married women in his congregation.

The Christians just tell their spouses "God has forgiven me, you're wrong not to."

Your single data point is noted. However, the data tells us that Americans who regularly attend church are between about 30 and 50 percent less likely to divorce. They are also about 15 percentage points more likely to say they are happily married, compared to secular couples. (American Enterprise Institute)

Sure, less likely to divorce. Doesn't mean they aren't cheating. How many christian men have been found with grindr accounts? Or soliciting children? Yeah sometimes their wives don't leave, but that doesnt mean they are faithful whatsoever. It just means the women have been conditioned to accept whatever the man does because they are lesser beings as women. Religion is brain rot.

[Anonymous]

May want to watch this.

https://youtu.be/NFwVXcA-5ps

[Anonymous]

To answer your final question, I would just leave.

Opening up a marriage is truly the epitome of opening up Pandora’s box.

If your husband truly wants to sleep around - - I would let him but I would divorce him first…..

No way would, could I be married to someone who would want to be intimate w/another person aside from myself.

[Anonymous]

Gurl NOPE
Don’t be a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure my immediate reaction would be “WTF. Do we need to get you checked for a brain tumor? Or are you already cheating or just thinking about cheating? GTFO with this nonsense. Not in a million years am I staying in an open marriage and this request is making me reconsider whether you are the right partner.” That would be after I laughed at first assuming he was joking.

But really, I cannot even imagine staying together long term with a spouse who thought an open marriage was an option.

Hmmm that’s a good point. Do you think it’s possible that medication he is taking could be causing a weird personality change? He started taking testosterone because his hormone levels were low and he became depressed after his grandfather died so he started taking Wellbutrin. I don’t know how common that is, but I did read a Slate article a few months ago about medications causing changes in personality.

Dopamine + testosterone, he is now a horndog now