Dating at gender-lopsided universities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do agree with some of the conclusions here. I have both boys and girls, so you won't catch me bashing either.

My daughter would love to be "asked out" in the old-fashioned way. Dinner, coffee, whatever. She's sick of "talking to" guys.

My son is definitely a bit afraid to ask out a girl and either be shot down or shamed. He has friends who are gay and bisexual, but he admits to being confused about whether it's OK to pursue a girl who has said she's bi.

I don’t really understand sort of extreme reactions like this.

My two sons attended DCPS and while they shrugged at some of the social engineering, neither felt oppressed or overwhelmed by the messaging. Maybe in the scheme of things DCPS isn’t that crazy.

Neither has ever had an issue reading social cues and asking women out…sometimes a rejection happens but I guess they ask out normal people because there is no public shaming.

I don't think he'd get shamed, either, but HE thinks he would!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could parents or students at universities with 60/40 ratios comment on the dating scene? DD is straight (and white if that matters, but would be open to other races and ethnicities). Not looking for her to get an Mrs but I think she would like to be asked out on dates and have a boyfriend in college.

She could always date some townies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Asked out on dates"

Is she willing to do the asking?

That's not going to go well

Why not?

I'm surprised you don't know this. Men want to do the choosing. If they want to date you they will ask. If they don't ask they won't want you. And I don't want to hear about the one man who was asked out because this true of the majority of men!

The 1950s have spoken.

It’s different in 2025. Women need to ask. Men have been taught they will get charged with harassment and guilty first.

Have any of you ever asked a woman out in the past quarter-century? I've never had any problems with this.

I've never been poisoned with a date-rape drug while at a bar, but it's something that happens and it's perfectly understandable for an individual to be concerned about and take steps to keep themselves safe from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My beautiful daughter, now 25 and in a relationship with a great guy was single all through college. She was in a co-ed dorm freshman year where one kid slept with half the girls in the hall and they all fought over him. Other guys would hit on the girls in the hall and they all rejected him for not being cool enough and he transferred. DD would meet a guy out at a bar or party that she hit it off with with girls would run up to her and tell her he was off limits because he slept with another girl last week and she would be devastated. My daughter walked away and he went home with the girl who told her he was off limits. It was all so competitive and gross she just gave up: She was in a top sorority and most of her friends were also single. Hook up culture is real. The guys don’t want to or have to settle until they are Jrs or seniors if at all.

It's not really competitive - if a girl ignores the top 5% of guys and is instead more realistic with the guys she shows interest to (e.g. the normal guy who ended up transferring, or the many many normal guys who she doesn't even remember because of how normal they were) then the possibility of a long term relationship becomes more realistic.

It's like someone only applying to Goldman Sachs and complaining about how cutthroat the job market is when they get rejected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Asked out on dates"

Is she willing to do the asking?

That's not going to go well

Why not?

I'm surprised you don't know this. Men want to do the choosing. If they want to date you they will ask. If they don't ask they won't want you. And I don't want to hear about the one man who was asked out because this true of the majority of men!

The 1950s have spoken.

It’s different in 2025. Women need to ask. Men have been taught they will get charged with harassment and guilty first.

Have any of you ever asked a woman out in the past quarter-century? I've never had any problems with this.

That's because sexual harassment is a pattern. Ask once, accept a "no," move along? That's not harassment, and no serious person thinks it is

Not everyone is "serious", and most girls confuse sexual attention with romantic interest and will thus reject a guy at their level because they have (or can easily get) a "date" (sex appointment) with a very attractive guy who has no long term interest in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Asked out on dates"

Is she willing to do the asking?

That's not going to go well

Why not?

I'm surprised you don't know this. Men want to do the choosing. If they want to date you they will ask. If they don't ask they won't want you. And I don't want to hear about the one man who was asked out because this true of the majority of men!

The 1950s have spoken.

It’s different in 2025. Women need to ask. Men have been taught they will get charged with harassment and guilty first.

Have any of you ever asked a woman out in the past quarter-century? I've never had any problems with this.

That's because sexual harassment is a pattern. Ask once, accept a "no," move along? That's not harassment, and no serious person thinks it is

Not everyone is "serious", and most girls confuse sexual attention with romantic interest and will thus reject a guy at their level because they have (or can easily get) a "date" (sex appointment) with a very attractive guy who has no long term interest in them.

That is how girls notch up double digits while at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Asked out on dates"

Is she willing to do the asking?

That's not going to go well

Why not?

I'm surprised you don't know this. Men want to do the choosing. If they want to date you they will ask. If they don't ask they won't want you. And I don't want to hear about the one man who was asked out because this true of the majority of men!

The 1950s have spoken.

It’s different in 2025. Women need to ask. Men have been taught they will get charged with harassment and guilty first.

Have any of you ever asked a woman out in the past quarter-century? I've never had any problems with this.

That's because sexual harassment is a pattern. Ask once, accept a "no," move along? That's not harassment, and no serious person thinks it is

Not everyone is "serious", and most girls confuse sexual attention with romantic interest and will thus reject a guy at their level because they have (or can easily get) a "date" (sex appointment) with a very attractive guy who has no long term interest in them.

This rings true. My mother didn't really teach me this stuff. She met my dad at 21 and he fell madly in love. So I guess I assumed a guy would fall madly in love with me as well. I had no idea how dishonest they could be. I also didn't realize guys could feel sexual about women they cared nothing for, since for me that would be impossible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My beautiful daughter, now 25 and in a relationship with a great guy was single all through college. She was in a co-ed dorm freshman year where one kid slept with half the girls in the hall and they all fought over him. Other guys would hit on the girls in the hall and they all rejected him for not being cool enough and he transferred. DD would meet a guy out at a bar or party that she hit it off with with girls would run up to her and tell her he was off limits because he slept with another girl last week and she would be devastated. My daughter walked away and he went home with the girl who told her he was off limits. It was all so competitive and gross she just gave up: She was in a top sorority and most of her friends were also single. Hook up culture is real. The guys don’t want to or have to settle until they are Jrs or seniors if at all.

It's not really competitive - if a girl ignores the top 5% of guys and is instead more realistic with the guys she shows interest to (e.g. the normal guy who ended up transferring, or the many many normal guys who she doesn't even remember because of how normal they were) then the possibility of a long term relationship becomes more realistic.

It's like someone only applying to Goldman Sachs and complaining about how cutthroat the job market is when they get rejected.

I agree with this except for the 5%. Going for the 85-95% (never mind the 100%) — and ignoring the 70-85% — is a big part of the problem. This isn’t school grades: 70-85% is pretty darned good relationship material.

[Anonymous]

I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

What happens when your DD and her friends ask guys out?

[Anonymous]

Meh. They told me it would be hard to find a man in DC, it wasn't. Confident, sane, attractive people find partners at or near their "level."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think some of you have kids in the trenches. My daughter and friends are all freshmen and most of them would be happy to date or hang out with any guy in the top 50% but no one asks them out or really pays them any attention. They go to darties or pre-game events and are ignored by the guys who just focus on the top 5%, STUNNING girls. There are easily 2-3 girls for every guy. Their academic lectures are generally 100+ and it's really hard to meet guys in those because no one talks pre or post lecture and they're not asking random girls out on their way out the door. Places like the gym are also 2:1 female. Then there are social and academic clubs but it's slow going there to meet anyone 1:1 and again a lot of girls. My daughter would say yes to a date with a guy in a heartbeat (and has no interest in the top 10% guys or bro culture at all) but guys don't pay any attention to her because she's just one of a sea of girls. It's the same for her roommate, hallmates, etc. They're getting asked out either. Same for her friends at other schools. There are all large universities private/public (Michigan, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UVA, Wisconsin, Boston College, etc). It's very hard out there if you are pretty, smart, well dressed but not the hottest in the room.

The guys don't because they have been told that they are creeps for asking girls out unless the girl gives over the top signals or has a friend explicitly mentioned their interest.

The othe poster is correct. The girls only want the top 5% guys look wise and ignore the regular guys.

I have boys currently in high school and guys who spent their teen years during the tail end of "Me Too" when it started to get so extreme and anti man instead of just anti predator men.

My current high schoolers and friends are experiencing none of this. But my older boys, normal, smart, kind, normal attractive, have experiences closer to what I and other people described above. Throw in needing to be perfect on social media and the latest push to not even talk to anyone who is remotely moderate or conservative (which includes the majority of young men) then you have what we have now.

Your daughter might not care if a guy is a far left as she is, but when everything they see online say that young women should not date or talk to non liberal guys, then this is the natural outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter has been in school for a month and she has been asked out a couple of times by different guys. The same thing has occurred to two of her roommates. It is not as bleak as it sounds.

What kind of school? And how did she meet the guys? Can you share more? This has not been my daughter's experience at all and she's sort of bummed because she went to a girls' high school and hoped college would be a bit different.

She goes to a midsized school of 8k. The school had 5 days of orientation and she was able to meet numerous people during the various events. She also lives in a coed dorm and they had various activities. Being an active participant and engaging people, I think goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do agree with some of the conclusions here. I have both boys and girls, so you won't catch me bashing either.

My daughter would love to be "asked out" in the old-fashioned way. Dinner, coffee, whatever. She's sick of "talking to" guys.

My son is definitely a bit afraid to ask out a girl and either be shot down or shamed. He has friends who are gay and bisexual, but he admits to being confused about whether it's OK to pursue a girl who has said she's bi.

I don’t really understand sort of extreme reactions like this.

My two sons attended DCPS and while they shrugged at some of the social engineering, neither felt oppressed or overwhelmed by the messaging. Maybe in the scheme of things DCPS isn’t that crazy.

Neither has ever had an issue reading social cues and asking women out…sometimes a rejection happens but I guess they ask out normal people because there is no public shaming.

I don't think he'd get shamed, either, but HE thinks he would!

I totally agree.

The guys (thanks to social media in my opinion) think they are going to be mocked and shamed if they make a misstep.

Social media has destroyed dating relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Asked out on dates"

Is she willing to do the asking?

That's not going to go well

Why not?

I'm surprised you don't know this. Men want to do the choosing. If they want to date you they will ask. If they don't ask they won't want you. And I don't want to hear about the one man who was asked out because this true of the majority of men!

The 1950s have spoken.

It’s different in 2025. Women need to ask. Men have been taught they will get charged with harassment and guilty first.

Have any of you ever asked a woman out in the past quarter-century? I've never had any problems with this.

That's because sexual harassment is a pattern. Ask once, accept a "no," move along? That's not harassment, and no serious person thinks it is

My husband of 20 plus years asked me out twice...

Glad we didn't live in today's era.