What's wrong with a kid being "overscheduled"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who are like this tend to have hyper kids that are hard to be around. Non-hyper kids don’t need this level of entertainment at all times and the parents need fewer breaks from them too.

While I disagree with your delivery, I do agree that my ADHD extroverted kid is happiest with a booked calendar and so are the rest of us. Because when he's not scheduled he is moving, talking, asking for play dates, making his own activities, etc. He doesn't need nor want quiet time. So lots of activities is a good thing.

I sometimes hear about families content to do nothing all weekend and cannot understand that lifestyle.

I have a friend who prides herself on family time. They all spend time on their screens. The kids have no time limit on screens. Boy plays video games all weekend. Daughter watches YouTube. One kid is a good student. One kid is not. She just lets them be.

These parents need to parent and kick them off screens and kick them outside.

That family also often criticizes people for being over scheduled.

I get that, but they dont need to overschedule, literally all they need to do is take the screens.

[Anonymous]

My, are we defensive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My, are we defensive!

Overscheduling threads are always like this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is good for most American parents because if they had to quietly sit with their spouse and kids you know they would go crazy.

None of this comes across as very genuine. Why do people care what other parents do with their spare time? It’s like the redshirting debate. They care because they fear their own kids are missing out, will be left behind in the dust, or that playmates can’t entertain their own bored kids giving them the downtime they, the parents want, but refuse to pay for or drive their kids to. Figure out how to entertain your bored kids without trying to drag everyone else down.

It’s hard to give kids a normal childhood when all the other kids around them aren’t around. This is not about giving myself downtime.

+1

Everyone can make their own choices and that's what's happening, obviously. No one is trying to pass some kind of ban on kid activities. People are also pointing out that yes this impacts the overall vibe and feel of a neighborhood, whether kids are available for unplanned play, etc. That is true and the comparison to redshirting is apt - there are impacts on other kids.

I don't see why anyone is denying that. You can still make whatever decisions are best for your family. No one is forcing you to take this other stuff into account.

It’s so obvious this faux concern was always about other people not knowing how to entertain their own kids and wanting free babysitting or entertianment. They are bragging that unscheduled kids are more creative and can handle boredom but that doesn’t really ring true. Just give your bored kids a book and move on. If another kid wants to dance or play the cello it’s not your business.

It's genuinely fascinating to see someone who sees people wanting their kids to have unstructured play and thinks they're trying to score free babysitting. If can't imagine how you survive with such a dismal view of the world.

Nobody is stopping your kid from unstructured play. Nobody cares what your kid is doing, it is you trying to bend everyone else to your will.

What is so wrong with unstructured play?

What is so wrong with a kid who likes to do other things? Open the door and let your kids run free. Why do you spend so much time talking about it?

Nothing is wrong with a kid who likes other things, but, imo, they need free time and free play. Just like you most likely think thet need activities

You have no idea what’s going on in other homes. Probably those kids have siblings and have plenty of play time. How many kids do you have that this is such an issue for you?

I didn't say that this was an issue for me, im participating in a thread about overscheduling.

And yet nobody has defined overscheduling to be anything other than if the unscheduled kid has nobody to play with then everyone else is suffering from “overscheduling”. How many hours and activities is too much according to you? Be specific.

I have the opposite feeling. I wonder why a parent would not want to let their child try something new whether that be ice hockey or ballet or swim.

We are on the upper end of achieving as a family. We work hard and play hard. We know many people who don’t work that hard or maybe just unsuccessful, don’t try hard and don’t do much at all. Shrug. They probably look at us and don’t envy us either.

I don't think anybody has said that they wouldn't let their kids try things, but there are limits and thats ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who are like this tend to have hyper kids that are hard to be around. Non-hyper kids don’t need this level of entertainment at all times and the parents need fewer breaks from them too.

While I disagree with your delivery, I do agree that my ADHD extroverted kid is happiest with a booked calendar and so are the rest of us. Because when he's not scheduled he is moving, talking, asking for play dates, making his own activities, etc. He doesn't need nor want quiet time. So lots of activities is a good thing.

I sometimes hear about families content to do nothing all weekend and cannot understand that lifestyle.

I have a friend who prides herself on family time. They all spend time on their screens. The kids have no time limit on screens. Boy plays video games all weekend. Daughter watches YouTube. One kid is a good student. One kid is not. She just lets them be.

kids are bums

Or those kids are buying drugs and trying them alone in their rooms or asking ChatGPT how to kill themselves. I’d rather my kids be out of the house with friends doing the activities they love than sitting alone in their rooms at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who are like this tend to have hyper kids that are hard to be around. Non-hyper kids don’t need this level of entertainment at all times and the parents need fewer breaks from them too.

While I disagree with your delivery, I do agree that my ADHD extroverted kid is happiest with a booked calendar and so are the rest of us. Because when he's not scheduled he is moving, talking, asking for play dates, making his own activities, etc. He doesn't need nor want quiet time. So lots of activities is a good thing.

I sometimes hear about families content to do nothing all weekend and cannot understand that lifestyle.

I have a friend who prides herself on family time. They all spend time on their screens. The kids have no time limit on screens. Boy plays video games all weekend. Daughter watches YouTube. One kid is a good student. One kid is not. She just lets them be.

kids are bums

Or those kids are buying drugs and trying them alone in their rooms or asking ChatGPT how to kill themselves. I’d rather my kids be out of the house with friends doing the activities they love than sitting alone in their rooms at home.

You have an extremely negative view of kids not in activities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who are like this tend to have hyper kids that are hard to be around. Non-hyper kids don’t need this level of entertainment at all times and the parents need fewer breaks from them too.

While I disagree with your delivery, I do agree that my ADHD extroverted kid is happiest with a booked calendar and so are the rest of us. Because when he's not scheduled he is moving, talking, asking for play dates, making his own activities, etc. He doesn't need nor want quiet time. So lots of activities is a good thing.

I sometimes hear about families content to do nothing all weekend and cannot understand that lifestyle.

I have a friend who prides herself on family time. They all spend time on their screens. The kids have no time limit on screens. Boy plays video games all weekend. Daughter watches YouTube. One kid is a good student. One kid is not. She just lets them be.

kids are bums

Or those kids are buying drugs and trying them alone in their rooms or asking ChatGPT how to kill themselves. I’d rather my kids be out of the house with friends doing the activities they love than sitting alone in their rooms at home.

Weird conclusion to jump to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is good for most American parents because if they had to quietly sit with their spouse and kids you know they would go crazy.

None of this comes across as very genuine. Why do people care what other parents do with their spare time? It’s like the redshirting debate. They care because they fear their own kids are missing out, will be left behind in the dust, or that playmates can’t entertain their own bored kids giving them the downtime they, the parents want, but refuse to pay for or drive their kids to. Figure out how to entertain your bored kids without trying to drag everyone else down.

It’s hard to give kids a normal childhood when all the other kids around them aren’t around. This is not about giving myself downtime.

+1

Everyone can make their own choices and that's what's happening, obviously. No one is trying to pass some kind of ban on kid activities. People are also pointing out that yes this impacts the overall vibe and feel of a neighborhood, whether kids are available for unplanned play, etc. That is true and the comparison to redshirting is apt - there are impacts on other kids.

I don't see why anyone is denying that. You can still make whatever decisions are best for your family. No one is forcing you to take this other stuff into account.

It’s so obvious this faux concern was always about other people not knowing how to entertain their own kids and wanting free babysitting or entertianment. They are bragging that unscheduled kids are more creative and can handle boredom but that doesn’t really ring true. Just give your bored kids a book and move on. If another kid wants to dance or play the cello it’s not your business.

It's genuinely fascinating to see someone who sees people wanting their kids to have unstructured play and thinks they're trying to score free babysitting. If can't imagine how you survive with such a dismal view of the world.

Nobody is stopping your kid from unstructured play. Nobody cares what your kid is doing, it is you trying to bend everyone else to your will.

What is so wrong with unstructured play?

What is so wrong with a kid who likes to do other things? Open the door and let your kids run free. Why do you spend so much time talking about it?

Nothing is wrong with a kid who likes other things, but, imo, they need free time and free play. Just like you most likely think thet need activities

You have no idea what’s going on in other homes. Probably those kids have siblings and have plenty of play time. How many kids do you have that this is such an issue for you?

I didn't say that this was an issue for me, im participating in a thread about overscheduling.

And yet nobody has defined overscheduling to be anything other than if the unscheduled kid has nobody to play with then everyone else is suffering from “overscheduling”. How many hours and activities is too much according to you? Be specific.

I have the opposite feeling. I wonder why a parent would not want to let their child try something new whether that be ice hockey or ballet or swim.

We are on the upper end of achieving as a family. We work hard and play hard. We know many people who don’t work that hard or maybe just unsuccessful, don’t try hard and don’t do much at all. Shrug. They probably look at us and don’t envy us either.

I don't think anybody has said that they wouldn't let their kids try things, but there are limits and thats ok

I don’t think you know how these activities progress. If your child is mildly good at anything, that child will want to get better at the said activity whether it is an instrument, art or sport. For sports, your child will want to swim more, dance more, be on a team that requires more than one practice per week. If you are on any non beginner team of any sport, you will have practice twice per week and often those same kids may do skills clinic or private coaching.

My basketball loving kid begged us to let him on his friend’s basketball team even thought he was already on a team so he played on two basketball teams in elementary school. If you are not passionate about said activity and/or not good at it, I guess it is possible to continue doing the activity once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who are like this tend to have hyper kids that are hard to be around. Non-hyper kids don’t need this level of entertainment at all times and the parents need fewer breaks from them too.

While I disagree with your delivery, I do agree that my ADHD extroverted kid is happiest with a booked calendar and so are the rest of us. Because when he's not scheduled he is moving, talking, asking for play dates, making his own activities, etc. He doesn't need nor want quiet time. So lots of activities is a good thing.

I sometimes hear about families content to do nothing all weekend and cannot understand that lifestyle.

I have a friend who prides herself on family time. They all spend time on their screens. The kids have no time limit on screens. Boy plays video games all weekend. Daughter watches YouTube. One kid is a good student. One kid is not. She just lets them be.

kids are bums

Or those kids are buying drugs and trying them alone in their rooms or asking ChatGPT how to kill themselves. I’d rather my kids be out of the house with friends doing the activities they love than sitting alone in their rooms at home.

Weird conclusion to jump to.

Kind of like how kids who do activities never see their families and can’t figure out how to entertain themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over scheduling is good for most American parents because if they had to quietly sit with their spouse and kids you know they would go crazy.

None of this comes across as very genuine. Why do people care what other parents do with their spare time? It’s like the redshirting debate. They care because they fear their own kids are missing out, will be left behind in the dust, or that playmates can’t entertain their own bored kids giving them the downtime they, the parents want, but refuse to pay for or drive their kids to. Figure out how to entertain your bored kids without trying to drag everyone else down.

It’s hard to give kids a normal childhood when all the other kids around them aren’t around. This is not about giving myself downtime.

+1

Everyone can make their own choices and that's what's happening, obviously. No one is trying to pass some kind of ban on kid activities. People are also pointing out that yes this impacts the overall vibe and feel of a neighborhood, whether kids are available for unplanned play, etc. That is true and the comparison to redshirting is apt - there are impacts on other kids.

I don't see why anyone is denying that. You can still make whatever decisions are best for your family. No one is forcing you to take this other stuff into account.

It’s so obvious this faux concern was always about other people not knowing how to entertain their own kids and wanting free babysitting or entertianment. They are bragging that unscheduled kids are more creative and can handle boredom but that doesn’t really ring true. Just give your bored kids a book and move on. If another kid wants to dance or play the cello it’s not your business.

It's genuinely fascinating to see someone who sees people wanting their kids to have unstructured play and thinks they're trying to score free babysitting. If can't imagine how you survive with such a dismal view of the world.

Nobody is stopping your kid from unstructured play. Nobody cares what your kid is doing, it is you trying to bend everyone else to your will.

What is so wrong with unstructured play?

What is so wrong with a kid who likes to do other things? Open the door and let your kids run free. Why do you spend so much time talking about it?

Nothing is wrong with a kid who likes other things, but, imo, they need free time and free play. Just like you most likely think thet need activities

You have no idea what’s going on in other homes. Probably those kids have siblings and have plenty of play time. How many kids do you have that this is such an issue for you?

I didn't say that this was an issue for me, im participating in a thread about overscheduling.

And yet nobody has defined overscheduling to be anything other than if the unscheduled kid has nobody to play with then everyone else is suffering from “overscheduling”. How many hours and activities is too much according to you? Be specific.

I have the opposite feeling. I wonder why a parent would not want to let their child try something new whether that be ice hockey or ballet or swim.

We are on the upper end of achieving as a family. We work hard and play hard. We know many people who don’t work that hard or maybe just unsuccessful, don’t try hard and don’t do much at all. Shrug. They probably look at us and don’t envy us either.

I don't think anybody has said that they wouldn't let their kids try things, but there are limits and thats ok

I don’t think you know how these activities progress. If your child is mildly good at anything, that child will want to get better at the said activity whether it is an instrument, art or sport. For sports, your child will want to swim more, dance more, be on a team that requires more than one practice per week. If you are on any non beginner team of any sport, you will have practice twice per week and often those same kids may do skills clinic or private coaching.

My basketball loving kid begged us to let him on his friend’s basketball team even thought he was already on a team so he played on two basketball teams in elementary school. If you are not passionate about said activity and/or not good at it, I guess it is possible to continue doing the activity once a week.

I understand that, kids in activities aren't a bad thing, I just hope there is a balance, and it's also ok for parents to say no to certain activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who are like this tend to have hyper kids that are hard to be around. Non-hyper kids don’t need this level of entertainment at all times and the parents need fewer breaks from them too.

While I disagree with your delivery, I do agree that my ADHD extroverted kid is happiest with a booked calendar and so are the rest of us. Because when he's not scheduled he is moving, talking, asking for play dates, making his own activities, etc. He doesn't need nor want quiet time. So lots of activities is a good thing.

I sometimes hear about families content to do nothing all weekend and cannot understand that lifestyle.

I have a friend who prides herself on family time. They all spend time on their screens. The kids have no time limit on screens. Boy plays video games all weekend. Daughter watches YouTube. One kid is a good student. One kid is not. She just lets them be.

kids are bums

Or those kids are buying drugs and trying them alone in their rooms or asking ChatGPT how to kill themselves. I’d rather my kids be out of the house with friends doing the activities they love than sitting alone in their rooms at home.

Weird conclusion to jump to.

Kind of like how kids who do activities never see their families and can’t figure out how to entertain themselves.

Except it's not, it's not a far stretch to say that overscheduled kids have less time for other things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who are like this tend to have hyper kids that are hard to be around. Non-hyper kids don’t need this level of entertainment at all times and the parents need fewer breaks from them too.

While I disagree with your delivery, I do agree that my ADHD extroverted kid is happiest with a booked calendar and so are the rest of us. Because when he's not scheduled he is moving, talking, asking for play dates, making his own activities, etc. He doesn't need nor want quiet time. So lots of activities is a good thing.

I sometimes hear about families content to do nothing all weekend and cannot understand that lifestyle.

I have a friend who prides herself on family time. They all spend time on their screens. The kids have no time limit on screens. Boy plays video games all weekend. Daughter watches YouTube. One kid is a good student. One kid is not. She just lets them be.

kids are bums

Or those kids are buying drugs and trying them alone in their rooms or asking ChatGPT how to kill themselves. I’d rather my kids be out of the house with friends doing the activities they love than sitting alone in their rooms at home.

Weird conclusion to jump to.

Kind of like how kids who do activities never see their families and can’t figure out how to entertain themselves.

Except it's not, it's not a far stretch to say that overscheduled kids have less time for other things

I would much rather my child be passionate about something and enjoy doing it than sit around at home.

The kids who are home a lot often fight with siblings or on screens a lot. I am sure people on here want to think that they are using their creative brains to create the next big thing.

My kid had an activity almost everyday (sports). He had plenty of time to draw because he loves it, play with legos because he loves it and also read. Being in sports didn’t stop him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the opposite feeling. I wonder why a parent would not want to let their child try something new whether that be ice hockey or ballet or swim.

We are on the upper end of achieving as a family. We work hard and play hard. We know many people who don’t work that hard or maybe just unsuccessful, don’t try hard and don’t do much at all. Shrug. They probably look at us and don’t envy us either.

Perhaps your attitude is why many of us see overscheduling as a negative. Many families in this area have virtually no unscheduled or downtime. The line between balanced and over or underscheduled varies for every family. But I agree with PP’s who mentioned that the ability to entertain oneself and also socialize in unstructured settings seems to be an undervalued skill. So many studies have shown the relationship between boredom or daydreaming and creativity/problem solving. It is a skill to have a free day and figure out how to structure and fill your time - also how to meet new people in informal settings or without adult oversight/structure. It is striking to me the amount of college students who are posting on social media about how they have no friends/are alone/want to go home. I can’t tell the degree to which social media amplifies the phenomena, but when I went to college I was homesick and knew other kids who were homesick, but it was basically a given that we were meeting new people and finding our way socially. It did not seem as overwhelming as many young people today seem to find it and I’m not sure why, unless they are socializing less?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the opposite feeling. I wonder why a parent would not want to let their child try something new whether that be ice hockey or ballet or swim.

We are on the upper end of achieving as a family. We work hard and play hard. We know many people who don’t work that hard or maybe just unsuccessful, don’t try hard and don’t do much at all. Shrug. They probably look at us and don’t envy us either.

Perhaps your attitude is why many of us see overscheduling as a negative. Many families in this area have virtually no unscheduled or downtime. The line between balanced and over or underscheduled varies for every family. But I agree with PP’s who mentioned that the ability to entertain oneself and also socialize in unstructured settings seems to be an undervalued skill. So many studies have shown the relationship between boredom or daydreaming and creativity/problem solving. It is a skill to have a free day and figure out how to structure and fill your time - also how to meet new people in informal settings or without adult oversight/structure. It is striking to me the amount of college students who are posting on social media about how they have no friends/are alone/want to go home. I can’t tell the degree to which social media amplifies the phenomena, but when I went to college I was homesick and knew other kids who were homesick, but it was basically a given that we were meeting new people and finding our way socially. It did not seem as overwhelming as many young people today seem to find it and I’m not sure why, unless they are socializing less?

You weee socially inept it doesn’t mean that people with structure aren’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the opposite feeling. I wonder why a parent would not want to let their child try something new whether that be ice hockey or ballet or swim.

We are on the upper end of achieving as a family. We work hard and play hard. We know many people who don’t work that hard or maybe just unsuccessful, don’t try hard and don’t do much at all. Shrug. They probably look at us and don’t envy us either.

Perhaps your attitude is why many of us see overscheduling as a negative. Many families in this area have virtually no unscheduled or downtime. The line between balanced and over or underscheduled varies for every family. But I agree with PP’s who mentioned that the ability to entertain oneself and also socialize in unstructured settings seems to be an undervalued skill. So many studies have shown the relationship between boredom or daydreaming and creativity/problem solving. It is a skill to have a free day and figure out how to structure and fill your time - also how to meet new people in informal settings or without adult oversight/structure. It is striking to me the amount of college students who are posting on social media about how they have no friends/are alone/want to go home. I can’t tell the degree to which social media amplifies the phenomena, but when I went to college I was homesick and knew other kids who were homesick, but it was basically a given that we were meeting new people and finding our way socially. It did not seem as overwhelming as many young people today seem to find it and I’m not sure why, unless they are socializing less?

I agree with this alot, but what do you mean by underscheduled?