What's wrong with a kid being "overscheduled"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's something I'm hearing over and over in this thread.

Un scheduled kids end up alone at home or wondering the neighborhood with no one to play; their parents have complained on here that they are not getting unstructured friend time -- which was the very reason they eschewed structured activities in the first place.

Meanwhile, more scheduled kids, for example those on a travel sports team, are on the same schedule as their teammates, whom they have built friendships with around shared interests and with whom they naturally end up having unstructured time to play with them all throughout the week. Hangouts before a carpool to practice, run off and play after a game, playdates on a day they don't have practice...

Oh the irony!

Yep, totally true. And there are lots of jokes about the feral siblings who run wild at baseball parks for example playing in the dirt the whole weekend tournament. But to people not in the know they are busy, and dragged to a sibling’s activity, and their life is devoid of play time.

The "behold the feral baseball sibling" videos are funny! Last spring my older DD's house softball games were played on a field by a really nice bike bath. The younger siblings started bringing their bikes and going off for bike rides together. It just sort of happened. My younger DD loved it, and also really clicked and made friends with another girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

Has anyone on here said they are ok with OVER scheduling? I don't recall that, or if so, it's a tiny minority.

I'm ok with ES kids participating in structured activities, even several a week. And even something like a travel sport in ES, absolutely. I think unstructured kid-led playtime is important, so if my kid wasn't getting some of that each week, a child of mine would be over scheduled. But no, it does not need to be for hours and hours every week day afternoon. I think sleep is obviously important, so if my child were physically exhausted, they would be over scheduled for my taste. School work always comes first, but we are at a very low homework ES (I like it that way), so this is not currently an issue. I'm not so concerned with having intentional time built into their schedule for them to "be bored". When my kids have alone downtime they usually choose to read a book; I'm not going to take the book away so they can be bored. I let them take a book to a doctor's office waiting room too.

I'm not a busybody, so I trust that most families know what is the right amount for their child. And, hint: it has ZERO to with whether their child is available to hang out with your kid at a random time your kid is free.

I mean the title of this is, "what's wrong with overscheduling?" And i wouldn't call playing or hanging out in the neighborhood random, or say that those friendships aren't real

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

Has anyone on here said they are ok with OVER scheduling? I don't recall that, or if so, it's a tiny minority.

I'm ok with ES kids participating in structured activities, even several a week. And even something like a travel sport in ES, absolutely. I think unstructured kid-led playtime is important, so if my kid wasn't getting some of that each week, a child of mine would be over scheduled. But no, it does not need to be for hours and hours every week day afternoon. I think sleep is obviously important, so if my child were physically exhausted, they would be over scheduled for my taste. School work always comes first, but we are at a very low homework ES (I like it that way), so this is not currently an issue. I'm not so concerned with having intentional time built into their schedule for them to "be bored". When my kids have alone downtime they usually choose to read a book; I'm not going to take the book away so they can be bored. I let them take a book to a doctor's office waiting room too.

I'm not a busybody, so I trust that most families know what is the right amount for their child. And, hint: it has ZERO to with whether their child is available to hang out with your kid at a random time your kid is free.

I mean the title of this is, "what's wrong with overscheduling?" And i wouldn't call playing or hanging out in the neighborhood random, or say that those friendships aren't real

The only people complaining here are the unscheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's something I'm hearing over and over in this thread.

Un scheduled kids end up alone at home or wondering the neighborhood with no one to play; their parents have complained on here that they are not getting unstructured friend time -- which was the very reason they eschewed structured activities in the first place.

Meanwhile, more scheduled kids, for example those on a travel sports team, are on the same schedule as their teammates, whom they have built friendships with around shared interests and with whom they naturally end up having unstructured time to play with them all throughout the week. Hangouts before a carpool to practice, run off and play after a game, playdates on a day they don't have practice...

Oh the irony!

Yep, totally true. And there are lots of jokes about the feral siblings who run wild at baseball parks for example playing in the dirt the whole weekend tournament. But to people not in the know they are busy, and dragged to a sibling’s activity, and their life is devoid of play time.

The "behold the feral baseball sibling" videos are funny! Last spring my older DD's house softball games were played on a field by a really nice bike bath. The younger siblings started bringing their bikes and going off for bike rides together. It just sort of happened. My younger DD loved it, and also really clicked and made friends with another girl.

For my oldest’s baseball games the younger kids brought scooters, soccer balls, and played at the playgrounds a lot of the time. There are always playgrounds at these baseball fields. My 2 younger kids brought paper, markers, bracelet making kits and would make the other kids bracelets in team colors. It’s funny that strangers are worried that kids don’t play enough or don’t know how to be bored. If they only knew what the people they are faux concerned about were really doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

Has anyone on here said they are ok with OVER scheduling? I don't recall that, or if so, it's a tiny minority.

I'm ok with ES kids participating in structured activities, even several a week. And even something like a travel sport in ES, absolutely. I think unstructured kid-led playtime is important, so if my kid wasn't getting some of that each week, a child of mine would be over scheduled. But no, it does not need to be for hours and hours every week day afternoon. I think sleep is obviously important, so if my child were physically exhausted, they would be over scheduled for my taste. School work always comes first, but we are at a very low homework ES (I like it that way), so this is not currently an issue. I'm not so concerned with having intentional time built into their schedule for them to "be bored". When my kids have alone downtime they usually choose to read a book; I'm not going to take the book away so they can be bored. I let them take a book to a doctor's office waiting room too.

I'm not a busybody, so I trust that most families know what is the right amount for their child. And, hint: it has ZERO to with whether their child is available to hang out with your kid at a random time your kid is free.

I mean the title of this is, "what's wrong with overscheduling?" And i wouldn't call playing or hanging out in the neighborhood random, or say that those friendships aren't real

I really don't know why the OP adopted the busybodies' language of "over scheduling"; it sounds like she thinks her kids' schedule is fine.

And neighborhood friendships are real, and wonderful when they work out (they can be a bit more fleeting than other types of kid friendships, I have noticed, though). I meant random in timing. Just because my kid does not happen to be available at the random times when your kid is does not mean she is over scheduled. You don't even know that her lack of availability is because she is at a structured activity. She could be at a playdate/hangout with teammates or other non-neighborhood friends or our weekly gatherings with cousins, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

Has anyone on here said they are ok with OVER scheduling? I don't recall that, or if so, it's a tiny minority.

I'm ok with ES kids participating in structured activities, even several a week. And even something like a travel sport in ES, absolutely. I think unstructured kid-led playtime is important, so if my kid wasn't getting some of that each week, a child of mine would be over scheduled. But no, it does not need to be for hours and hours every week day afternoon. I think sleep is obviously important, so if my child were physically exhausted, they would be over scheduled for my taste. School work always comes first, but we are at a very low homework ES (I like it that way), so this is not currently an issue. I'm not so concerned with having intentional time built into their schedule for them to "be bored". When my kids have alone downtime they usually choose to read a book; I'm not going to take the book away so they can be bored. I let them take a book to a doctor's office waiting room too.

I'm not a busybody, so I trust that most families know what is the right amount for their child. And, hint: it has ZERO to with whether their child is available to hang out with your kid at a random time your kid is free.

I mean the title of this is, "what's wrong with overscheduling?" And i wouldn't call playing or hanging out in the neighborhood random, or say that those friendships aren't real

The only people complaining here are the unscheduled.

I dont think many ppl are totally unscheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

Has anyone on here said they are ok with OVER scheduling? I don't recall that, or if so, it's a tiny minority.

I'm ok with ES kids participating in structured activities, even several a week. And even something like a travel sport in ES, absolutely. I think unstructured kid-led playtime is important, so if my kid wasn't getting some of that each week, a child of mine would be over scheduled. But no, it does not need to be for hours and hours every week day afternoon. I think sleep is obviously important, so if my child were physically exhausted, they would be over scheduled for my taste. School work always comes first, but we are at a very low homework ES (I like it that way), so this is not currently an issue. I'm not so concerned with having intentional time built into their schedule for them to "be bored". When my kids have alone downtime they usually choose to read a book; I'm not going to take the book away so they can be bored. I let them take a book to a doctor's office waiting room too.

I'm not a busybody, so I trust that most families know what is the right amount for their child. And, hint: it has ZERO to with whether their child is available to hang out with your kid at a random time your kid is free.

I mean the title of this is, "what's wrong with overscheduling?" And i wouldn't call playing or hanging out in the neighborhood random, or say that those friendships aren't real

The only people complaining here are the unscheduled.

I dont think many ppl are totally unscheduled.

I don't personally know any but there seem to be some here worried about kids they don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

Has anyone on here said they are ok with OVER scheduling? I don't recall that, or if so, it's a tiny minority.

I'm ok with ES kids participating in structured activities, even several a week. And even something like a travel sport in ES, absolutely. I think unstructured kid-led playtime is important, so if my kid wasn't getting some of that each week, a child of mine would be over scheduled. But no, it does not need to be for hours and hours every week day afternoon. I think sleep is obviously important, so if my child were physically exhausted, they would be over scheduled for my taste. School work always comes first, but we are at a very low homework ES (I like it that way), so this is not currently an issue. I'm not so concerned with having intentional time built into their schedule for them to "be bored". When my kids have alone downtime they usually choose to read a book; I'm not going to take the book away so they can be bored. I let them take a book to a doctor's office waiting room too.

I'm not a busybody, so I trust that most families know what is the right amount for their child. And, hint: it has ZERO to with whether their child is available to hang out with your kid at a random time your kid is free.

I mean the title of this is, "what's wrong with overscheduling?" And i wouldn't call playing or hanging out in the neighborhood random, or say that those friendships aren't real

The only people complaining here are the unscheduled.

I dont think many ppl are totally unscheduled.

I don't personally know any but there seem to be some here worried about kids they don't know.

I wouldn't say worried, it is interesting how organized play has seemingly taken over a kids life. I do feel bad, however, for the kids, however many of few of them there are, that do feel overscheduled

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

I have yet to meet a violin parent or a travel sports parent who started it before middle school who isn't a complete loon. But I'm SURE you're totally normal, PP!

+100

Have yet to meet a normal, non-egotistical parent who put their kids in travel/club sports before middle school

I have two teens in high school. Your kid has no shot at high school teams if they didn’t play travel/club/AAU in middle school. Most middle school kids played travel in elementary.

I am not an athlete but I have two athletic boys.

DP: My kids went to high schools that let everyone play. One of ours is entirely unathletic and played three different high school sports, and has a leadership position in one. My other kid is pretty good at the chosen sport, but not recruitable, and was MVP and team captain in high school, plus they won their league championships all four years. All of this was reflected in their college applications and no one in admissions ever asked how good they are or whether they played travel. Outside of recruiting (which is a tiny percentage of high school athletes and was never going to be my kids), the kid who has the leadership position gets more of a bump in admissions than the kid who is most skilled and played on travel teams out of high school.

My boys attend a school with over 2000 kids. There will be over 100 kids trying out for freshmen basketball. Same for soccer and baseball. I believe baseball doesn’t even have a freshmen team so your kid is competing to get a spot on the JV team that already has the freshmen from
Last year. Our tennis team only has varsity. There will probably be a handful of open tennis spots for the 100+ kids trying out.

Your kid has 250 freshmen boys and 100 of them are trying out for basketball? I find that very hard to believe.

That is what I have been told. My kid is only a freshman and hasn’t tried out yet.

100 new kids try out. Some may be upperclassman who didn’t make the team last year?

I have heard this 100 number from various people.

My guess is 100 kids try out for the three teams. Not 100 new kids, or 100 freshmen. Generally schools run one try out, and then split up into Varsity/JV and sometimes freshmen team. So, a freshman, will be competing against 100 kids, but some of those kids will make Varsity or JV, and some will be upper grade kids who won't be offered a freshman team spot, and might even turn down a JV spot.

Our high school will have over 120 boys trying out for popular sports. For some sports there is no freshman team, only JV and varsity. So yes, PP’s numbers are correct because the public high schools here are very large (too big IMO). Someone whose kids went to a HS where everyone got to play should probably sit this one out. They have no idea how competitive it is at some of the schools around here. Boys playing on top travel teams for years cannot even make JV sometimes. People whose kids go to private school really shouldn’t comment on what public school parents choose when it comes to sports. It’s not even remotely an apples to oranges comparison. I think we all just want our kids to have a chance to meaningfully participate in things in HS. Unfortunately for many large publics that’s a lot harder and requires a lot more preparation leading up to that point just to have a chance.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

I have yet to meet a violin parent or a travel sports parent who started it before middle school who isn't a complete loon. But I'm SURE you're totally normal, PP!

+100

Have yet to meet a normal, non-egotistical parent who put their kids in travel/club sports before middle school

I have two teens in high school. Your kid has no shot at high school teams if they didn’t play travel/club/AAU in middle school. Most middle school kids played travel in elementary.

I am not an athlete but I have two athletic boys.

DP: My kids went to high schools that let everyone play. One of ours is entirely unathletic and played three different high school sports, and has a leadership position in one. My other kid is pretty good at the chosen sport, but not recruitable, and was MVP and team captain in high school, plus they won their league championships all four years. All of this was reflected in their college applications and no one in admissions ever asked how good they are or whether they played travel. Outside of recruiting (which is a tiny percentage of high school athletes and was never going to be my kids), the kid who has the leadership position gets more of a bump in admissions than the kid who is most skilled and played on travel teams out of high school.

My boys attend a school with over 2000 kids. There will be over 100 kids trying out for freshmen basketball. Same for soccer and baseball. I believe baseball doesn’t even have a freshmen team so your kid is competing to get a spot on the JV team that already has the freshmen from
Last year. Our tennis team only has varsity. There will probably be a handful of open tennis spots for the 100+ kids trying out.

Your kid has 250 freshmen boys and 100 of them are trying out for basketball? I find that very hard to believe.

That is what I have been told. My kid is only a freshman and hasn’t tried out yet.

100 new kids try out. Some may be upperclassman who didn’t make the team last year?

I have heard this 100 number from various people.

My guess is 100 kids try out for the three teams. Not 100 new kids, or 100 freshmen. Generally schools run one try out, and then split up into Varsity/JV and sometimes freshmen team. So, a freshman, will be competing against 100 kids, but some of those kids will make Varsity or JV, and some will be upper grade kids who won't be offered a freshman team spot, and might even turn down a JV spot.

Our high school will have over 120 boys trying out for popular sports. For some sports there is no freshman team, only JV and varsity. So yes, PP’s numbers are correct because the public high schools here are very large (too big IMO). Someone whose kids went to a HS where everyone got to play should probably sit this one out. They have no idea how competitive it is at some of the schools around here. Boys playing on top travel teams for years cannot even make JV sometimes. People whose kids go to private school really shouldn’t comment on what public school parents choose when it comes to sports. It’s not even remotely an apples to oranges comparison. I think we all just want our kids to have a chance to meaningfully participate in things in HS. Unfortunately for many large publics that’s a lot harder and requires a lot more preparation leading up to that point just to have a chance.

I remember my friend’s son going to 530am Green Days last year for a very popular sport. 100+ kids are trying out for baseball or soccer and as pp stated, some teams have only JV and varsity.

At our high school, there is only one varsity tennis team. There are only 1-5 open spots per year so if your kid hasn’t played tennis a lot, your kid has no shot at making the tennis team. The kids who have done clinics once per week in elementary are not making our school tennis team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's something I'm hearing over and over in this thread.

Un scheduled kids end up alone at home or wondering the neighborhood with no one to play; their parents have complained on here that they are not getting unstructured friend time -- which was the very reason they eschewed structured activities in the first place.

Meanwhile, more scheduled kids, for example those on a travel sports team, are on the same schedule as their teammates, whom they have built friendships with around shared interests and with whom they naturally end up having unstructured time to play with them all throughout the week. Hangouts before a carpool to practice, run off and play after a game, playdates on a day they don't have practice...

Oh the irony!

Yep, totally true. And there are lots of jokes about the feral siblings who run wild at baseball parks for example playing in the dirt the whole weekend tournament. But to people not in the know they are busy, and dragged to a sibling’s activity, and their life is devoid of play time.

The "behold the feral baseball sibling" videos are funny! Last spring my older DD's house softball games were played on a field by a really nice bike bath. The younger siblings started bringing their bikes and going off for bike rides together. It just sort of happened. My younger DD loved it, and also really clicked and made friends with another girl.

That’s so kewl

[Anonymous]

It depends on the kid. My child is rather introverted and needs downtime after being in school the whole day. Also, I don't have money and time to do lots of activities, so we only do one paid activity a week.

[Anonymous]

I think way worse than the "over scheduled kid" is the at-home helicopter parent that insists every second of the kids free time at home is doing something to get ahead. They don't let the kid just be and play in the backyard with friends. Instead, they are constantly pushing workbooks and practice for this and that and zero playdates because they want them doing something productive. Those are the truly screwed up parents and kids - (my kids are grown - and had something almost every day and thrived - but we also valued and allowed downtime at home. I knew a more than a few families like described , and it never turned out well )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think way worse than the "over scheduled kid" is the at-home helicopter parent that insists every second of the kids free time at home is doing something to get ahead. They don't let the kid just be and play in the backyard with friends. Instead, they are constantly pushing workbooks and practice for this and that and zero playdates because they want them doing something productive. Those are the truly screwed up parents and kids - (my kids are grown - and had something almost every day and thrived - but we also valued and allowed downtime at home. I knew a more than a few families like described , and it never turned out well )

+1 kids really don't get to be kids anymore, they aren't allowed any freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think way worse than the "over scheduled kid" is the at-home helicopter parent that insists every second of the kids free time at home is doing something to get ahead. They don't let the kid just be and play in the backyard with friends. Instead, they are constantly pushing workbooks and practice for this and that and zero playdates because they want them doing something productive. Those are the truly screwed up parents and kids - (my kids are grown - and had something almost every day and thrived - but we also valued and allowed downtime at home. I knew a more than a few families like described , and it never turned out well )

I don’t know one person like this and I’m Asian American. Even my relatives in Asia who have to study after school in those cram academies still find time to hang out and they have lots of friends.