What's wrong with a kid being "overscheduled"?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

Music is often started at 5-8 and same with sports. Mine started music around age 6 and club sports at I want to say 6 as well. They stuck with both, though one is more prefered than another. No regrets, all their choice.

There are benefits to both.

I'm not letting my kid ride a bike and run free every day all day. I don't know any kids who go to playgrounds in middle school except those whose parents kick them out of the house to be selfish and pretend its good for them. They end up over at a house like mine instead.

What do you mean by selfish parents? Or are you just assuming that all kids want to do activities?

DP it cuts both ways. Do you assume all kids doing activities are forced by their evil parents?

No, not all, but i do know some are. I grew up with some of those kids.

Why don't you know any now?

Never said I didn't.

Sure. Nobody can quite put their finger on whatever overscheduled means but claims to know so many (they grew up with). So, what exactly does it look like? Educate us. Even if you have to go back 30 years to your last relevant experience.

Ok, well this isn't quite 30 years back, but I had a friend in high school who was expected to participate in multiple activities in high school along with a part time job and hw of course. Problem is, she only liked one of the sports and being in chorus, the rest was parent made and she told us that herself. I said why dont you quit what you dont like, she flat out said her parents wouldn't allow it. Another friend, younger than this, was made to compete in a sport at a very high level, wanted to quit because she didnt have time for much else, es and ms aged we were. Again met by dead ears by parents

And where are they today? I know more people who wished their parents would have pushed them more, or not let them quit the sport when they did and had them stick with it. Sometimes parents know better. But this doesn’t really read as overscheduled more than the typical parent/teenager control issues. But I have elementary school kids now and a high schooler and don’t see overscheduling. Kids are busy and that’s about it.

It was overscheduling though, they were tired and wanted abd needed more time to just be a kid and their parents ignored him. They're both doing well now, but both felt like it was way too much, parents their best, but their parents weren't right in these instances.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

I have yet to meet a violin parent or a travel sports parent who started it before middle school who isn't a complete loon. But I'm SURE you're totally normal, PP!

+100

Have yet to meet a normal, non-egotistical parent who put their kids in travel/club sports before middle school

I have two teens in high school. Your kid has no shot at high school teams if they didn’t play travel/club/AAU in middle school. Most middle school kids played travel in elementary.

I am not an athlete but I have two athletic boys.

DP: My kids went to high schools that let everyone play. One of ours is entirely unathletic and played three different high school sports, and has a leadership position in one. My other kid is pretty good at the chosen sport, but not recruitable, and was MVP and team captain in high school, plus they won their league championships all four years. All of this was reflected in their college applications and no one in admissions ever asked how good they are or whether they played travel. Outside of recruiting (which is a tiny percentage of high school athletes and was never going to be my kids), the kid who has the leadership position gets more of a bump in admissions than the kid who is most skilled and played on travel teams out of high school.

My boys attend a school with over 2000 kids. There will be over 100 kids trying out for freshmen basketball. Same for soccer and baseball. I believe baseball doesn’t even have a freshmen team so your kid is competing to get a spot on the JV team that already has the freshmen from
Last year. Our tennis team only has varsity. There will probably be a handful of open tennis spots for the 100+ kids trying out.

Your kid has 250 freshmen boys and 100 of them are trying out for basketball? I find that very hard to believe.

That is what I have been told. My kid is only a freshman and hasn’t tried out yet.

100 new kids try out. Some may be upperclassman who didn’t make the team last year?

I have heard this 100 number from various people.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

Music is often started at 5-8 and same with sports. Mine started music around age 6 and club sports at I want to say 6 as well. They stuck with both, though one is more prefered than another. No regrets, all their choice.

There are benefits to both.

I'm not letting my kid ride a bike and run free every day all day. I don't know any kids who go to playgrounds in middle school except those whose parents kick them out of the house to be selfish and pretend its good for them. They end up over at a house like mine instead.

What do you mean by selfish parents? Or are you just assuming that all kids want to do activities?

DP it cuts both ways. Do you assume all kids doing activities are forced by their evil parents?

No, not all, but i do know some are. I grew up with some of those kids.

Why don't you know any now?

Never said I didn't.

Sure. Nobody can quite put their finger on whatever overscheduled means but claims to know so many (they grew up with). So, what exactly does it look like? Educate us. Even if you have to go back 30 years to your last relevant experience.

Ok, well this isn't quite 30 years back, but I had a friend in high school who was expected to participate in multiple activities in high school along with a part time job and hw of course. Problem is, she only liked one of the sports and being in chorus, the rest was parent made and she told us that herself. I said why dont you quit what you dont like, she flat out said her parents wouldn't allow it. Another friend, younger than this, was made to compete in a sport at a very high level, wanted to quit because she didnt have time for much else, es and ms aged we were. Again met by dead ears by parents

And where are they today? I know more people who wished their parents would have pushed them more, or not let them quit the sport when they did and had them stick with it. Sometimes parents know better. But this doesn’t really read as overscheduled more than the typical parent/teenager control issues. But I have elementary school kids now and a high schooler and don’t see overscheduling. Kids are busy and that’s about it.

It was overscheduling though, they were tired and wanted abd needed more time to just be a kid and their parents ignored him. They're both doing well now, but both felt like it was way too much, parents their best, but their parents weren't right in these instances.

Sounds like the end justified the means.

[Anonymous]

I have a very social/active kid. I’m single parentand we live in a corner of the city with mostly retired people. My kid has an activity every day of the week, and multiple activities on Saturday and Sunday. She’s over scheduled from my perspective, but she refuses to consider dropping anything and also I work or do errands when she is there. It would not work for every kid, but she thrives on it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

Music is often started at 5-8 and same with sports. Mine started music around age 6 and club sports at I want to say 6 as well. They stuck with both, though one is more prefered than another. No regrets, all their choice.

There are benefits to both.

I'm not letting my kid ride a bike and run free every day all day. I don't know any kids who go to playgrounds in middle school except those whose parents kick them out of the house to be selfish and pretend its good for them. They end up over at a house like mine instead.

What do you mean by selfish parents? Or are you just assuming that all kids want to do activities?

DP it cuts both ways. Do you assume all kids doing activities are forced by their evil parents?

No, not all, but i do know some are. I grew up with some of those kids.

Why don't you know any now?

Never said I didn't.

Sure. Nobody can quite put their finger on whatever overscheduled means but claims to know so many (they grew up with). So, what exactly does it look like? Educate us. Even if you have to go back 30 years to your last relevant experience.

Ok, well this isn't quite 30 years back, but I had a friend in high school who was expected to participate in multiple activities in high school along with a part time job and hw of course. Problem is, she only liked one of the sports and being in chorus, the rest was parent made and she told us that herself. I said why dont you quit what you dont like, she flat out said her parents wouldn't allow it. Another friend, younger than this, was made to compete in a sport at a very high level, wanted to quit because she didnt have time for much else, es and ms aged we were. Again met by dead ears by parents

And where are they today? I know more people who wished their parents would have pushed them more, or not let them quit the sport when they did and had them stick with it. Sometimes parents know better. But this doesn’t really read as overscheduled more than the typical parent/teenager control issues. But I have elementary school kids now and a high schooler and don’t see overscheduling. Kids are busy and that’s about it.

It was overscheduling though, they were tired and wanted abd needed more time to just be a kid and their parents ignored him. They're both doing well now, but both felt like it was way too much, parents their best, but their parents weren't right in these instances.

Sounds like the end justified the means.

Sure, they're successful now, but they both felt like they missed out. Thats not good imo.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

Music is often started at 5-8 and same with sports. Mine started music around age 6 and club sports at I want to say 6 as well. They stuck with both, though one is more prefered than another. No regrets, all their choice.

There are benefits to both.

I'm not letting my kid ride a bike and run free every day all day. I don't know any kids who go to playgrounds in middle school except those whose parents kick them out of the house to be selfish and pretend its good for them. They end up over at a house like mine instead.

What do you mean by selfish parents? Or are you just assuming that all kids want to do activities?

DP it cuts both ways. Do you assume all kids doing activities are forced by their evil parents?

No, not all, but i do know some are. I grew up with some of those kids.

Why don't you know any now?

Never said I didn't.

Sure. Nobody can quite put their finger on whatever overscheduled means but claims to know so many (they grew up with). So, what exactly does it look like? Educate us. Even if you have to go back 30 years to your last relevant experience.

Ok, well this isn't quite 30 years back, but I had a friend in high school who was expected to participate in multiple activities in high school along with a part time job and hw of course. Problem is, she only liked one of the sports and being in chorus, the rest was parent made and she told us that herself. I said why dont you quit what you dont like, she flat out said her parents wouldn't allow it. Another friend, younger than this, was made to compete in a sport at a very high level, wanted to quit because she didnt have time for much else, es and ms aged we were. Again met by dead ears by parents

And where are they today? I know more people who wished their parents would have pushed them more, or not let them quit the sport when they did and had them stick with it. Sometimes parents know better. But this doesn’t really read as overscheduled more than the typical parent/teenager control issues. But I have elementary school kids now and a high schooler and don’t see overscheduling. Kids are busy and that’s about it.

It was overscheduling though, they were tired and wanted abd needed more time to just be a kid and their parents ignored him. They're both doing well now, but both felt like it was way too much, parents their best, but their parents weren't right in these instances.

Sounds like the end justified the means.

Sure, they're successful now, but they both felt like they missed out. Thats not good imo.

I missed out too because my mom didn't want to be put out and sign me up for anything. As a parent you can't always win.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

I have yet to meet a violin parent or a travel sports parent who started it before middle school who isn't a complete loon. But I'm SURE you're totally normal, PP!

+100

Have yet to meet a normal, non-egotistical parent who put their kids in travel/club sports before middle school

I have two teens in high school. Your kid has no shot at high school teams if they didn’t play travel/club/AAU in middle school. Most middle school kids played travel in elementary.

I am not an athlete but I have two athletic boys.

DP: My kids went to high schools that let everyone play. One of ours is entirely unathletic and played three different high school sports, and has a leadership position in one. My other kid is pretty good at the chosen sport, but not recruitable, and was MVP and team captain in high school, plus they won their league championships all four years. All of this was reflected in their college applications and no one in admissions ever asked how good they are or whether they played travel. Outside of recruiting (which is a tiny percentage of high school athletes and was never going to be my kids), the kid who has the leadership position gets more of a bump in admissions than the kid who is most skilled and played on travel teams out of high school.

My boys attend a school with over 2000 kids. There will be over 100 kids trying out for freshmen basketball. Same for soccer and baseball. I believe baseball doesn’t even have a freshmen team so your kid is competing to get a spot on the JV team that already has the freshmen from
Last year. Our tennis team only has varsity. There will probably be a handful of open tennis spots for the 100+ kids trying out.

Your kid has 250 freshmen boys and 100 of them are trying out for basketball? I find that very hard to believe.

That is what I have been told. My kid is only a freshman and hasn’t tried out yet.

100 new kids try out. Some may be upperclassman who didn’t make the team last year?

I have heard this 100 number from various people.

My guess is 100 kids try out for the three teams. Not 100 new kids, or 100 freshmen. Generally schools run one try out, and then split up into Varsity/JV and sometimes freshmen team. So, a freshman, will be competing against 100 kids, but some of those kids will make Varsity or JV, and some will be upper grade kids who won't be offered a freshman team spot, and might even turn down a JV spot.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

+1 ppl are convinced that all middle schoolers are trouble if they're left to just be

It’s perfectly find for middle schoolers to have interests and explore them. It’s not rot at home or busy until midnight.

Never said it was.

Meh it seems obvious that many people here think that any scheduled activity is overscheduled and kids should instead be feral running around the neighborhood or engaging only in family time outside of school. I have never met any overscheduled kids or families that are completely unscheduled. The majority of people do manage to do both just fine.

I don't think that at all. I do want my kids to have free time. And what if kids aren't into activities and are totally happy just running around with neighborhood friends and family time? Is that wrong to you, would you be ok with that?

I don’t care what you do but there’s a lot of negativity towards people who plan anything for their kids. The vast majority of kids are involved in things. The title of this thread isn’t “why aren’t your kids in activities?” Underlying all this is that people are mad other kids aren’t at their beck and call because they’re off doing things. Nobody is stopping your kids from having their free time or even telling you they shouldn’t.

It becomes a problem for the rest of us when your kids can’t visit a doctors office or restaurant without an iPad on full blast or without running around the place. They need to learn how to be bored. It is a life skill.

No one needs to be bored. That's a you issue. My kids have no issue going to a restaurant or doctors without an ipad, but its one of the few times we may allow it as we want some adult time as we don't use babysitters and just want to talk. You are on electronics being here so its very hypocritical to make those comments as why are you here vs. being "bored"? I'd rather my kids be learning then bored doing nothing. You can put educational apps or videos on the ipad vs. fun stuff. Mine were doing reading and math apps, not playing vidoe games.

LOL I judge this hard when I see it. Why not use a babysitter??

Why would we need a babysitter? They are expensive, most just keep the kids alive and do the bare minimum and better things to spend our money on. We always made it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

I have yet to meet a violin parent or a travel sports parent who started it before middle school who isn't a complete loon. But I'm SURE you're totally normal, PP!

+100

Have yet to meet a normal, non-egotistical parent who put their kids in travel/club sports before middle school

I have two teens in high school. Your kid has no shot at high school teams if they didn’t play travel/club/AAU in middle school. Most middle school kids played travel in elementary.

I am not an athlete but I have two athletic boys.

DP: My kids went to high schools that let everyone play. One of ours is entirely unathletic and played three different high school sports, and has a leadership position in one. My other kid is pretty good at the chosen sport, but not recruitable, and was MVP and team captain in high school, plus they won their league championships all four years. All of this was reflected in their college applications and no one in admissions ever asked how good they are or whether they played travel. Outside of recruiting (which is a tiny percentage of high school athletes and was never going to be my kids), the kid who has the leadership position gets more of a bump in admissions than the kid who is most skilled and played on travel teams out of high school.

My boys attend a school with over 2000 kids. There will be over 100 kids trying out for freshmen basketball. Same for soccer and baseball. I believe baseball doesn’t even have a freshmen team so your kid is competing to get a spot on the JV team that already has the freshmen from
Last year. Our tennis team only has varsity. There will probably be a handful of open tennis spots for the 100+ kids trying out.

Your kid has 250 freshmen boys and 100 of them are trying out for basketball? I find that very hard to believe.

That is what I have been told. My kid is only a freshman and hasn’t tried out yet.

100 new kids try out. Some may be upperclassman who didn’t make the team last year?

I have heard this 100 number from various people.

My guess is 100 kids try out for the three teams. Not 100 new kids, or 100 freshmen. Generally schools run one try out, and then split up into Varsity/JV and sometimes freshmen team. So, a freshman, will be competing against 100 kids, but some of those kids will make Varsity or JV, and some will be upper grade kids who won't be offered a freshman team spot, and might even turn down a JV spot.

DP. Yup, I'm sure that's what it is. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me that 100 boys out of 1,000 might be trying out for a very popular sport like basketball. And yes, many will be freshmen.

It's lovely that that other PP is at a high school where there are no cuts for popular sports like basketball, soccer, and tennis, but that is just not true for most of the high schools I know, and this is in various geographic areas (from my own experience and speaking to friends, siblings, etc.).

Because of this, the weakness of a lot of rec programs, and many other reasons, perfectly normal non-loony families have their upper-ES kids in club sports programs. Many kids benefit physically and social-emotionally from being on these teams. They also lead organically to a lot of unstructured play opportunities between teammates. And just because a kid is on a club/travel team doesn't mean he or she is over scheduled. I mean, some might be given a whole host of factors, but the folks on here of course don't actually know that about all the kids they are speaking abstractly about; like one PP said, it's just a busybody assumption.

The ridiculous narrative that all of these parents whose 5th grader plays travel basketball or whose 5th grader is in the school orchestra are "loons" is just something spun by guilt-stricken parents who don't have the bandwidth for their children to participate in those things, which most children would absolutely benefit from and enjoy. Maybe they are low energy, too busy at work, too busy with siblings, just too precious about "family time". Who knows?

[Anonymous]

I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:in my case I have 3 kids. Each kids is not overscheduled, they do 1-2 activities each but that’s about 5-6 activities I am driving them to. I am overscheduled, but each kid is not. They are of an age where I don’t have to take all of them with me all the time so they stay home and play with each other, do homework, whatever. But they aren’t available to run around the neighborhood or have playdates with other kids if I can’t be home or I can’t pick them up later due to a conflict. I don’t see any kids running around anyway in our neighborhood. It’s the parents stretched thin in cases like mine.

I think neighborhoods are different. I have friends who live walking distance to the school and they have impromptu play dates even though kids all do many activities. We used to live in a house where my son was in the same class and BFFs with the kids at the bus stop. They would play right after school and before sports or be on the same soccer or bade team and carpool.

We now live in an area where families are more affluent, attend different schools and not many young families because young families can’t afford to live here or would not pick this type of neighborhood as a starter home.

My friends who live in a townhouse hang out everyday at the local playground in their community.

My kids are too old to hang out a playground after school. That all stopped after about 1st grade.

Kids stop playing at the playground in first grade?

Pretty much. Most people have more than 1 kid and all this works up until about that age. Then when you add in varying kids ages it all kind of fizzles. The older kid doesn’t want to play at the park, or there’s a toddler or new baby and it just doesn’t work out. This was a blip when my oldest was about that age when we had the time and inclination and then circumstances changed.

Wow, that just seems so young.

My third grader would not be excited to go to the playground.

Idk, I guess i was way different than kids are today.

Don’t worry in my neighborhood there are kids of all ages running happily at the playground. PP must live in some weird snobby area where kids are too cool for playgrounds.

+1. We live in a great neighborhood where kids still ride bikes and visit local playgrounds well into middle school. By that age they are just "hanging out" and chatting, sometimes on a swing or whatever, but they still get lots of unstructured outside time. It's wonderful. The kids that are overscheduled usually have the crazy type A parent that put them in travel sports or violin or whatever at age 9.

You think it is crazy to put your kid in violin at age 9? I don’t have a violin playing kid but my kid did start piano at age 5. My boys played travel sports at 9. They are out riding their bikes now at age 14.

I have yet to meet a violin parent or a travel sports parent who started it before middle school who isn't a complete loon. But I'm SURE you're totally normal, PP!

+100

Have yet to meet a normal, non-egotistical parent who put their kids in travel/club sports before middle school

I have two teens in high school. Your kid has no shot at high school teams if they didn’t play travel/club/AAU in middle school. Most middle school kids played travel in elementary.

I am not an athlete but I have two athletic boys.

DP: My kids went to high schools that let everyone play. One of ours is entirely unathletic and played three different high school sports, and has a leadership position in one. My other kid is pretty good at the chosen sport, but not recruitable, and was MVP and team captain in high school, plus they won their league championships all four years. All of this was reflected in their college applications and no one in admissions ever asked how good they are or whether they played travel. Outside of recruiting (which is a tiny percentage of high school athletes and was never going to be my kids), the kid who has the leadership position gets more of a bump in admissions than the kid who is most skilled and played on travel teams out of high school.

My boys attend a school with over 2000 kids. There will be over 100 kids trying out for freshmen basketball. Same for soccer and baseball. I believe baseball doesn’t even have a freshmen team so your kid is competing to get a spot on the JV team that already has the freshmen from
Last year. Our tennis team only has varsity. There will probably be a handful of open tennis spots for the 100+ kids trying out.

Your kid has 250 freshmen boys and 100 of them are trying out for basketball? I find that very hard to believe.

That is what I have been told. My kid is only a freshman and hasn’t tried out yet.

100 new kids try out. Some may be upperclassman who didn’t make the team last year?

I have heard this 100 number from various people.

My guess is 100 kids try out for the three teams. Not 100 new kids, or 100 freshmen. Generally schools run one try out, and then split up into Varsity/JV and sometimes freshmen team. So, a freshman, will be competing against 100 kids, but some of those kids will make Varsity or JV, and some will be upper grade kids who won't be offered a freshman team spot, and might even turn down a JV spot.

DP. Yup, I'm sure that's what it is. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me that 100 boys out of 1,000 might be trying out for a very popular sport like basketball. And yes, many will be freshmen.

It's lovely that that other PP is at a high school where there are no cuts for popular sports like basketball, soccer, and tennis, but that is just not true for most of the high schools I know, and this is in various geographic areas (from my own experience and speaking to friends, siblings, etc.).

Because of this, the weakness of a lot of rec programs, and many other reasons, perfectly normal non-loony families have their upper-ES kids in club sports programs. Many kids benefit physically and social-emotionally from being on these teams. They also lead organically to a lot of unstructured play opportunities between teammates. And just because a kid is on a club/travel team doesn't mean he or she is over scheduled. I mean, some might be given a whole host of factors, but the folks on here of course don't actually know that about all the kids they are speaking abstractly about; like one PP said, it's just a busybody assumption.

The ridiculous narrative that all of these parents whose 5th grader plays travel basketball or whose 5th grader is in the school orchestra are "loons" is just something spun by guilt-stricken parents who don't have the bandwidth for their children to participate in those things, which most children would absolutely benefit from and enjoy. Maybe they are low energy, too busy at work, too busy with siblings, just too precious about "family time". Who knows?

Sports has its own community. When my son’s AAU team travels, we spend time together at tournaments, at the hotel, eating out together, sitting together, carpooling, etc. We celebrate birthdays together. Kids hang out before and after practice. At my son’s schools, athletic boys are also often the “popular” boys.

My very athletic and smart kid is also well liked by many. Even though he plays sports 5-6x per week, he still finds time to hang out with neighbors and other kids from school. He is in similar company where these active high energy kids seem to gravitate towards one another. He hangs out with two kids in the neighborhood who do not play sports. They both don’t seem to do any organized activities at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

Has anyone on here said they are ok with OVER scheduling? I don't recall that, or if so, it's a tiny minority.

I'm ok with ES kids participating in structured activities, even several a week. And even something like a travel sport in ES, absolutely. I think unstructured kid-led playtime is important, so if my kid wasn't getting some of that each week, a child of mine would be over scheduled. But no, it does not need to be for hours and hours every week day afternoon. I think sleep is obviously important, so if my child were physically exhausted, they would be over scheduled for my taste. School work always comes first, but we are at a very low homework ES (I like it that way), so this is not currently an issue. I'm not so concerned with having intentional time built into their schedule for them to "be bored". When my kids have alone downtime they usually choose to read a book; I'm not going to take the book away so they can be bored. I let them take a book to a doctor's office waiting room too.

I'm not a busybody, so I trust that most families know what is the right amount for their child. And, hint: it has ZERO to with whether their child is available to hang out with your kid at a random time your kid is free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going ask a real question here to those who are ok with overscheduling, what do you define as overscheduling? Where is the line for you, or do you not think overscheduling is real?

Has anyone on here said they are ok with OVER scheduling? I don't recall that, or if so, it's a tiny minority.

I'm ok with ES kids participating in structured activities, even several a week. And even something like a travel sport in ES, absolutely. I think unstructured kid-led playtime is important, so if my kid wasn't getting some of that each week, a child of mine would be over scheduled. But no, it does not need to be for hours and hours every week day afternoon. I think sleep is obviously important, so if my child were physically exhausted, they would be over scheduled for my taste. School work always comes first, but we are at a very low homework ES (I like it that way), so this is not currently an issue. I'm not so concerned with having intentional time built into their schedule for them to "be bored". When my kids have alone downtime they usually choose to read a book; I'm not going to take the book away so they can be bored. I let them take a book to a doctor's office waiting room too.

I'm not a busybody, so I trust that most families know what is the right amount for their child. And, hint: it has ZERO to with whether their child is available to hang out with your kid at a random time your kid is free.

I have a kid in elementary school, middle and high school. I grew up in a very affluent neighborhood in NY and now live in an affluent neighborhood in the DMV. DH and I are both high achievers and almost everyone we know is also a high achiever.

I personally don’t think a child is overscheduled unless the kid is pushed into too many activities or practices that the kid does not want to do it. If the child enjoys said activities and is happy, I don’t think it is anyone’s business on what another family or child is doing.

I have one kid who is a tennis player. He has played tennis since he was in preschool. He loves it. He used to hit tennis balls against our garage door. He probably started with 1 clinic per week at age 5. Then he did 2x per week around age 8. By 10, he played 3-4x per week. He has always played other sports also like soccer. We started sending him to better training camps and academies around the DMV. We are on the lesser end of pushing tennis. Everyone at my son’s level plays A LOT more. They may train 3-6 hours per day.

Over the years, my kid has tried many different extracurricular activities. He also is very creative. What he is not is a kid who wants to roam the neighborhood. He is somewhat of an introvert. He seems busy with reading or building or doing schoolwork when he isn’t at tennis or his other many activities. He has friends who swim, play ice hockey, play lacrosse, baseball, etc and they are almost also always at some sort of practice or game. They still find time to hang out.

[Anonymous]

Here's something I'm hearing over and over in this thread.

Un scheduled kids end up alone at home or wondering the neighborhood with no one to play; their parents have complained on here that they are not getting unstructured friend time -- which was the very reason they eschewed structured activities in the first place.

Meanwhile, more scheduled kids, for example those on a travel sports team, are on the same schedule as their teammates, whom they have built friendships with around shared interests and with whom they naturally end up having unstructured time to play with them all throughout the week. Hangouts before a carpool to practice, run off and play after a game, playdates on a day they don't have practice...

Oh the irony!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's something I'm hearing over and over in this thread.

Un scheduled kids end up alone at home or wondering the neighborhood with no one to play; their parents have complained on here that they are not getting unstructured friend time -- which was the very reason they eschewed structured activities in the first place.

Meanwhile, more scheduled kids, for example those on a travel sports team, are on the same schedule as their teammates, whom they have built friendships with around shared interests and with whom they naturally end up having unstructured time to play with them all throughout the week. Hangouts before a carpool to practice, run off and play after a game, playdates on a day they don't have practice...

Oh the irony!

Yep, totally true. And there are lots of jokes about the feral siblings who run wild at baseball parks for example playing in the dirt the whole weekend tournament. But to people not in the know they are busy, and dragged to a sibling’s activity, and their life is devoid of play time.