DH choked me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

You sound like an abuser.

NP. You sound like someone who has zero knowledge of BDSM.

This is her husband, not some casual partner. You tell your husband NO and he needs to effing stop.

What a bizarre response.

If no means no, it doesn’t matter who it is - husband, casual, or whatever.

If no means “that is a word I might say that does not mean no” where my actual no word is “red” meaning stop everything indefinitely, then husband casual or whatever stops on “red”

This of course is not OPs situation

A bunch of illiterate people who don't know what BDSM is are just ranting. Ignore them.

We know what BDSM is bro.

BDSM isn’t even relevant to this thread. Does OP sound like she’s into BDSM? Like she’s consented to it? Like she and her dh have worked out safe words?

It doesn’t matter that other people enjoy BDSM. OP doesn’t and she and her dh were operating without clear boundaries and mutual respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ this comment is irrelevant. Start your own thread.

It's not irrelevant. Pretend violence is a huge part of American culture: children playing with toy guns, WWE, violent movies and TV shows, etc. What makes pretend sexual violence so different?

It is not pretend if you are actually causing pain to another person, even if you say it is "consensual".

Boxing, wrestling, tackling, football cause pain with significant risks of long term damage, and these are accepted forms of entertainment.

What does this have to do with OP being hurt by her DH? It was not pretend to her at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our society is sick

I agree. The normalization of violence as a turn on is absolutely disgusting. Safe words...blah blah blah. If being violent toward your partner or being the victim of violence turns you on, there is something wrong with you. So many f-d up people.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

wow how can you look him in the eyes ever again.

GET OUT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow how can you look him in the eyes ever again.

GET OUT.

+1 don't delay

[Anonymous]

Op's husband is kinky, and she's not. This may be a sexual incompatibility mismatch more so than the serial killer some on this post are making it. Goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op's husband is kinky, and she's not. This may be a sexual incompatibility mismatch more so than the serial killer some on this post are making it. Goodness.

It’s not “kinky“ when someone tells you to stop choking them and you ignore them. As I said earlier, that is doing it totally wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer some questions…he said he did not notice I said no. I just don’t want to try it anymore at this point.

Let’s break it down.
He is either:
-Lying about not hearing you and put his want to get off of choking you above your request for safety.
-Not checking in with you during dangerous behaviour to see if you’re doing ok, still enjoying it. Again putting his want to get off on choking you above your own pleasure.

Either way, he’s a bad lover and doesn’t care about YOU in bed at all.

THIS

A choker has an obligation to pay attention to their partner during the act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ this comment is irrelevant. Start your own thread.

It's not irrelevant. Pretend violence is a huge part of American culture: children playing with toy guns, WWE, violent movies and TV shows, etc. What makes pretend sexual violence so different?

It is not pretend if you are actually causing pain to another person, even if you say it is "consensual".

Boxing, wrestling, tackling, football cause pain with significant risks of long term damage, and these are accepted forms of entertainment.

What does this have to do with OP being hurt by her DH? It was not pretend to her at that point.

Boxing and football are not pretend either. Doesn't stop most of the husbands of these hypocrites from enjoying these as entertainment. And brain damage is common in these sports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Choke his balls and see how he reacts.

Tons of men like that.

Just like tons of women like being asphyxiation role playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These reactions are insane. it was a bedroom behavior that she has consented to repeatedly in the past. he apologized and she can and should say it is off the table going forward. OP, see what happens after you put the boundaries in place. Jumping to divorce is absurd.
If he has an affair bc he just has to get this kind of kink fulfilled elsewhere, then you have your answer.

The problem is she never truly consented to it, she was just “indulging” him.

Same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ this comment is irrelevant. Start your own thread.

It's not irrelevant. Pretend violence is a huge part of American culture: children playing with toy guns, WWE, violent movies and TV shows, etc. What makes pretend sexual violence so different?

It is not pretend if you are actually causing pain to another person, even if you say it is "consensual".

Boxing, wrestling, tackling, football cause pain with significant risks of long term damage, and these are accepted forms of entertainment.

What does this have to do with OP being hurt by her DH? It was not pretend to her at that point.

Boxing and football are not pretend either. Doesn't stop most of the husbands of these hypocrites from enjoying these as entertainment. And brain damage is common in these sports

You sound like you partake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. We spoke again this morning and I said there will be no more choking again period in any context. He was apologetic and said he has no problem with no longer doing it.

I’m taking some time to myself to think all of this over.

Yeah you kinda overreacted most likely It's understandable, but it was simply poor communication and poor boundary setting.

Sounds like a nothing burger mostly and that you both need to brush up on safety protocols when diving into certain BDSM activities like that again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ this comment is irrelevant. Start your own thread.

It's not irrelevant. Pretend violence is a huge part of American culture: children playing with toy guns, WWE, violent movies and TV shows, etc. What makes pretend sexual violence so different?

It is not pretend if you are actually causing pain to another person, even if you say it is "consensual".

Boxing, wrestling, tackling, football cause pain with significant risks of long term damage, and these are accepted forms of entertainment.

What does this have to do with OP being hurt by her DH? It was not pretend to her at that point.

Boxing and football are not pretend either. Doesn't stop most of the husbands of these hypocrites from enjoying these as entertainment. And brain damage is common in these sports

You sound like you partake.

Nope. And I think boxing and football are barbaric.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not directed to OP, just a PSA.

This is why people should have safe words. And don’t consent to anything you aren’t comfortable with.

If you don’t know if you are comfortable with something and want to explore it, have that conversation with your partner. Make it clear that would like to explore the act but that if you don’t like it or are uncomfortable with it you will let them know and you expect them to respect that decision and that will be the end of the discussion. No pleading, begging, guilting and/or arguing.

And possibly the most neglected fact, you have the right to withdrawal consent.

Don’t consent to anything that is not your affirmative idea and desire just to “indulge” a man. That’s not actually consent.

Did you not read my post at all? FFS Nothing I said was about indulging anyone. It isn't always the mans idea. Woman talk, some like choking some don't. There are plenty of woman who ask men to do this without the man bringing it up.