BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the “4 weeks to go to Australia is crazy” mentality. If you already have a passport and money isn’t an issue, what’s hard about that?

I suppose if you have the kind of job where you can tale a week+ off on short notice, with little ability to work while you're out, that's the case. Many of us don't.

And "it's very difficult logistically" is only half the issue. After a multi-year engagement, scheduling a wedding on the other side of the world (literally) for 4 weeks later, and then getting pissy when people can't (or decide not to) come is a special kind of narcissism. One that, quite frankly, shouldn't be encouraged, or accommodated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the “4 weeks to go to Australia is crazy” mentality. If you already have a passport and money isn’t an issue, what’s hard about that?

I suppose if you have the kind of job where you can tale a week+ off on short notice, with little ability to work while you're out, that's the case. Many of us don't.

And "it's very difficult logistically" is only half the issue. After a multi-year engagement, scheduling a wedding on the other side of the world (literally) for 4 weeks later, and then getting pissy when people can't (or decide not to) come is a special kind of narcissism. One that, quite frankly, shouldn't be encouraged, or accommodated.

+1, I would decline. I’m surprised OP is getting such push back. This isn’t a wedding in Bethesda or even NYC. It’s half way across the world in 4 weeks. I have one sister, and she simply wouldn’t do this to her family. And for our wedding that was in DC, where family didn’t live, we gave a year notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Australia is a horrendously long flight. I'm gearing up that MAYBE in my life, I will go. I will probably be retired and save up, and I'll try to combine with other one in a lifetime places like Tokyo or Vietnam.

Just to highlight that not everyone can be beckoned to Australia for any reason at all, never mind with 4 weeks notice with tons of other things going on in life. This summons is ridiculous.

Agreed. We had some friends move to Australia. I was desperately sad about it, and it was very hard to be happy for them. I may see them once or twice again my lifetime. Some mutual friends who are wealthy are happy "for the excuse to travel to Australia." That is nice for them, but for me this is just a few steps removed from them dying.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn’t need to “send” her DH like he’s a FedEx package. He can decide for himself and it appears he has opinions too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Traveling to Australia on four weeks notice is. not. reasonable.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Australia is a horrendously long flight. I'm gearing up that MAYBE in my life, I will go. I will probably be retired and save up, and I'll try to combine with other one in a lifetime places like Tokyo or Vietnam.

Just to highlight that not everyone can be beckoned to Australia for any reason at all, never mind with 4 weeks notice with tons of other things going on in life. This summons is ridiculous.

Agreed. We had some friends move to Australia. I was desperately sad about it, and it was very hard to be happy for them. I may see them once or twice again my lifetime. Some mutual friends who are wealthy are happy "for the excuse to travel to Australia." That is nice for them, but for me this is just a few steps removed from them dying.

The main character syndrome is strong with this one

[Anonymous]

Adults in their 50s throwing tantrums because their families won’t drop their own plans to attend a second wedding all the way across the world on a few weeks notice is really mature. 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Traveling to Australia on four weeks notice is. not. reasonable.

This. The cost of flights alone, sheesh. They should have given more notice, and should reschedule if necessary.

Has OP even priced out travel? Not clear from her post. August isn’t high season in Australia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Traveling to Australia on four weeks notice is. not. reasonable.

This. The cost of flights alone, sheesh. They should have given more notice, and should reschedule if necessary.

Has OP even priced out travel? Not clear from her post. August isn’t high season in Australia.

Doesn't matter. I went to Australia last month, and the economy seat that I purchased MONTHS in advance was a little over $2k.Everything will be more expensive a month out, especially if you don't want to sit in a horrible coach seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adults in their 50s throwing tantrums because their families won’t drop their own plans to attend a second wedding all the way across the world on a few weeks notice is really mature. 🤣

This! Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People aren’t clocking the fact that the family dinner is because one of the kids will be home briefly, who is otherwise posted abroad. And the other kids have booked flights to come home.

So to change the dinner would require more than one person rebooking flights and changing their own plans, days off from work, etc.; the overseas kid likely missing it altogether; and OP giving up her planned, heart-filling get-together with ALL her kids. On four weeks’ notice.

I’d be interested to know who has “dropped their plans” and is planning to fly across the world to Australia. The other brother was already going to be there at that time, so it’s not him.

The biggest compromise I can think of would be to rebook your party, which itself would be incredibly annoying, and you might lose people who have plans otherwise on the new date, and then send your husband to go to the wedding by himself. He flies back the next day to make it home in time for the family dinner. Yes, he will be extremely tired, but that’s the choice HE needs to make, and then he can decide if it’s worth it to go to his brother’s wedding on the other side of the world.

We get that fact! But OP buried in so much other BS that we see where it falls on priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There could be a valid reason why the wedding is rushed. OP says she has never had issues with husband's side of the family before. So this isn't a pattern.

Maybe there are valid reasons to move it up (visas, residency, terminal illness, her side of the family only being able to make that period of time work). Surely someone can ask why there is such a rush? Especially since there wasn't before.

Maybe this is something they want to share in person. Definitely have seen situations where you don't get the whole picture and the facts until you are there.

I find it strange that no one has cared enough to ask BIL about the reason for the change in plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, they may have a reason just as good as yours. Maybe someone on her side of the family is deployed. Maybe one of her parents or siblings doesn't have long to live. Who knows. Don't be thinking your super special dinner reservation is the trump card here. You have no idea.

This is all true. But you are overlooking one important element - that OP is not demanding that someone else change their plans to accommodate her, on short notice, by flying halfway around the world and then pitching a fit when people say they have other plans that are just as important to them. That's a pretty big difference.

[Anonymous]

You say no.

You don’t want to go to this wedding, point blank. Even if you do go, you’re going to be a resentful and miserable guest. Your original post is so dripping with contempt with the details about it being a second wedding for both, the somehow unacceptable to you length of time it’s taken for
Them to get married, the fact it’s not in the cathedral, and your Very Important Birthday Week, just really - don’t go.

It would be nice if you’d let your husband go, but that seems it would cause problems for
Him to not be around for VIBW, so I’d say whatever, lock him down too so you can keep your marriage.

You’re posting here for validation. Yes, it’s all a pita but you don’t know the whole situation. That said, you clearly hate these people and think very much of yourself. Happy VIBW, OP!

[Anonymous]

You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.