Boyfriend told me to “shut the F up”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about marriage is that it’s long and sometimes bad stuff/mistakes happen. Some mistakes are inexcusable. This is something that if a one off and out of character you can forgive. The fact that he apologized right away and has otherwise been kind is a good sign. Let him know, he doesn’t get a second chance at this. Then see what happens. A second time and you should be out.

That is giving him a second chance. No second chance means op breaks up with him the first time. If she sticks around, there will be a next time. If she doesn't want a bad relationship, she needs to find someone else.

Why shouldn't he get a second chance? He said one swear, once, and when confronted, apologized?

Who are all the perfect people posting on this thread like they've never done something stupid? Y'all are liars.

It is not hard to find people who don’t behave this way.

100%!!
These men are invested in op believing that all men do this, all men behave like AHs and we have to accept it. They aren’t!! We don’t!! There ARE good men out there OP. I wish so badly for you to find one. The men saying this are telling on themselves - making it easy to avoid. You just need to know the signs.

all PEOPLE sometimes act like AHs, men and women alike. You don't have to blindly "accept" it; nobody's suggesting that. But if you can't account for the flawed humanity of humans, well, I sure hope you're perfect. But you're not. Nobody is.

Doing something stupid doesn't make him a "bad man". That's so ridiculous!

Staying with someone who shows you they don’t respect you is a mistake. Man or woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP came in hot with the know-it-all posturing, got clapped back, and had to come to DCUM where all the misandrists would join her pile-on instead of helping her correct the core of the problem: her stupid choice to tell her boyfriend what to do about things she doesn't even fully comprehend and wasn't asked to provide advice about.

Just drink your own beer and mind your own business, OP. In short: STFU.

Stay away from women. You aren’t a safe person.

Stay away from people, period. I doubt women are the only people PP bullies. Anyone deemed less than probably hears about it on a regular basis.

Excellent point. This person is an equal opportunity abuser. Men, women, children, animals prob. Terrifying to know they could be our neighbors or coworkers.

This judgmental harpy could be your neighbor.

You don't even know pp by name, but feel comfortable labeling them an abuser? Because... they disagree?

You need to step back and analyze your own nastiness, creepo. Calm your life down, and recognize that people who disagree with you are allowed to exist. Your need to control everyone, label those who disagree, and ostracize anyone who doesn't lockstep with your nonsense makes you the problem.

People who defend abusers are abusers themselves. No need for a name. Stop justifying abuse and people will stop calling you an abuser.

So anyone who has ever sworn once while upset is an abuser, but the namecallers aren't abusers because THEY are justified.

Okay. Sure. That makes perfect sense.

Swearing in general =/= swearing at your partner.
Your failure to grasp basic concepts about decency is concerning.

dropping a "STFU" when drunk and being badgered by someone who has no standing to be involved in the first place isn't the egregious decency violation you're trying to claim, but good luck living your life while this hysterical and overreacting this hard about small things.

And you didn't address the part about how someone who didn't swear at anyone got abused, but that's because it makes sense you can't argue. So you'll go back to insulting people, abuser.

Project much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about marriage is that it’s long and sometimes bad stuff/mistakes happen. Some mistakes are inexcusable. This is something that if a one off and out of character you can forgive. The fact that he apologized right away and has otherwise been kind is a good sign. Let him know, he doesn’t get a second chance at this. Then see what happens. A second time and you should be out.

That is giving him a second chance. No second chance means op breaks up with him the first time. If she sticks around, there will be a next time. If she doesn't want a bad relationship, she needs to find someone else.

Why shouldn't he get a second chance? He said one swear, once, and when confronted, apologized?

Who are all the perfect people posting on this thread like they've never done something stupid? Y'all are liars.

It is not hard to find people who don’t behave this way.

100%!!
These men are invested in op believing that all men do this, all men behave like AHs and we have to accept it. They aren’t!! We don’t!! There ARE good men out there OP. I wish so badly for you to find one. The men saying this are telling on themselves - making it easy to avoid. You just need to know the signs.

all PEOPLE sometimes act like AHs, men and women alike. You don't have to blindly "accept" it; nobody's suggesting that. But if you can't account for the flawed humanity of humans, well, I sure hope you're perfect. But you're not. Nobody is.

Doing something stupid doesn't make him a "bad man". That's so ridiculous!

Staying with someone who shows you they don’t respect you is a mistake. Man or woman.

Oh, you sweet summer child. Nobody will ever meet your standards. If doing one thing you don't like equals disrespect worth jettisoning an entire relationship, well, good luck being alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about marriage is that it’s long and sometimes bad stuff/mistakes happen. Some mistakes are inexcusable. This is something that if a one off and out of character you can forgive. The fact that he apologized right away and has otherwise been kind is a good sign. Let him know, he doesn’t get a second chance at this. Then see what happens. A second time and you should be out.

That is giving him a second chance. No second chance means op breaks up with him the first time. If she sticks around, there will be a next time. If she doesn't want a bad relationship, she needs to find someone else.

Why shouldn't he get a second chance? He said one swear, once, and when confronted, apologized?

Who are all the perfect people posting on this thread like they've never done something stupid? Y'all are liars.

It is not hard to find people who don’t behave this way.

For values of "this way" equalling "did something someone didn't like. once."

That's literally everyone, but go off...

Amazing how most people here are able to find partners who have never done the particular behavior, not even once.

But best of luck finding a partner who will tolerate your nonsense.

Your partner who never swore at you probably cheats. Or gambles. Or drinks/uses drugs. Or doesn't do their share of the housework. Or gossips. Or...

Congratulations on the fact that your partner (allegedly, on the internet) never swears at you (yet). Your partner has flaws.

But yeah, they tolerate your nonsense, which is basically the whole point, clownshoes.

Why do you so desperately want women to believe all men suck equally? Just because you do? No, not all men cheat or gamble or do drugs or or or. You really can’t accept that there are good men out here making you look like trash. It’s sad, instead of bettering yourself you try to bring down other men. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about marriage is that it’s long and sometimes bad stuff/mistakes happen. Some mistakes are inexcusable. This is something that if a one off and out of character you can forgive. The fact that he apologized right away and has otherwise been kind is a good sign. Let him know, he doesn’t get a second chance at this. Then see what happens. A second time and you should be out.

That is giving him a second chance. No second chance means op breaks up with him the first time. If she sticks around, there will be a next time. If she doesn't want a bad relationship, she needs to find someone else.

Why shouldn't he get a second chance? He said one swear, once, and when confronted, apologized?

Who are all the perfect people posting on this thread like they've never done something stupid? Y'all are liars.

It is not hard to find people who don’t behave this way.

100%!!
These men are invested in op believing that all men do this, all men behave like AHs and we have to accept it. They aren’t!! We don’t!! There ARE good men out there OP. I wish so badly for you to find one. The men saying this are telling on themselves - making it easy to avoid. You just need to know the signs.

all PEOPLE sometimes act like AHs, men and women alike. You don't have to blindly "accept" it; nobody's suggesting that. But if you can't account for the flawed humanity of humans, well, I sure hope you're perfect. But you're not. Nobody is.

Doing something stupid doesn't make him a "bad man". That's so ridiculous!

Staying with someone who shows you they don’t respect you is a mistake. Man or woman.

You're totally right. OP's boyfriend should've left her the moment she butted her busybee self into his business like she was entitled to call the shots and talk down to him about his life, his dog, etc. Total lack of respect! Doesn't she understand boundaries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP came in hot with the know-it-all posturing, got clapped back, and had to come to DCUM where all the misandrists would join her pile-on instead of helping her correct the core of the problem: her stupid choice to tell her boyfriend what to do about things she doesn't even fully comprehend and wasn't asked to provide advice about.

Just drink your own beer and mind your own business, OP. In short: STFU.

Stay away from women. You aren’t a safe person.

Stay away from people, period. I doubt women are the only people PP bullies. Anyone deemed less than probably hears about it on a regular basis.

Excellent point. This person is an equal opportunity abuser. Men, women, children, animals prob. Terrifying to know they could be our neighbors or coworkers.

This judgmental harpy could be your neighbor.

You don't even know pp by name, but feel comfortable labeling them an abuser? Because... they disagree?

You need to step back and analyze your own nastiness, creepo. Calm your life down, and recognize that people who disagree with you are allowed to exist. Your need to control everyone, label those who disagree, and ostracize anyone who doesn't lockstep with your nonsense makes you the problem.

People who defend abusers are abusers themselves. No need for a name. Stop justifying abuse and people will stop calling you an abuser.

So anyone who has ever sworn once while upset is an abuser, but the namecallers aren't abusers because THEY are justified.

Okay. Sure. That makes perfect sense.

Swearing in general =/= swearing at your partner.
Your failure to grasp basic concepts about decency is concerning.

dropping a "STFU" when drunk and being badgered by someone who has no standing to be involved in the first place isn't the egregious decency violation you're trying to claim, but good luck living your life while this hysterical and overreacting this hard about small things.

And you didn't address the part about how someone who didn't swear at anyone got abused, but that's because it makes sense you can't argue. So you'll go back to insulting people, abuser.

Project much?

Me, project? Says the alcoholic telling on himself. You must also spout off when you’ve had a few (already??) and think it’s totes acceptable. He was drinking, give him a break!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about marriage is that it’s long and sometimes bad stuff/mistakes happen. Some mistakes are inexcusable. This is something that if a one off and out of character you can forgive. The fact that he apologized right away and has otherwise been kind is a good sign. Let him know, he doesn’t get a second chance at this. Then see what happens. A second time and you should be out.

That is giving him a second chance. No second chance means op breaks up with him the first time. If she sticks around, there will be a next time. If she doesn't want a bad relationship, she needs to find someone else.

Why shouldn't he get a second chance? He said one swear, once, and when confronted, apologized?

Who are all the perfect people posting on this thread like they've never done something stupid? Y'all are liars.

It is not hard to find people who don’t behave this way.

100%!!
These men are invested in op believing that all men do this, all men behave like AHs and we have to accept it. They aren’t!! We don’t!! There ARE good men out there OP. I wish so badly for you to find one. The men saying this are telling on themselves - making it easy to avoid. You just need to know the signs.

all PEOPLE sometimes act like AHs, men and women alike. You don't have to blindly "accept" it; nobody's suggesting that. But if you can't account for the flawed humanity of humans, well, I sure hope you're perfect. But you're not. Nobody is.

Doing something stupid doesn't make him a "bad man". That's so ridiculous!

Staying with someone who shows you they don’t respect you is a mistake. Man or woman.

You're totally right. OP's boyfriend should've left her the moment she butted her busybee self into his business like she was entitled to call the shots and talk down to him about his life, his dog, etc. Total lack of respect! Doesn't she understand boundaries?

If he can save OP by breaking up with her, good. Too bad the poor dog doesn’t get a choice.

[Anonymous]

The OP followed up to say the guy didn’t say it in anger but rather in an exasperated tone. Sure, it’s not great, but the comparisons to domestic abuse ring a bit hollow.

I’d say the excessive drinking and whatever is going on with the dog are possibly bigger red flags than allowing a phrase to roll of his tongue (which very well could be a habit but also very crude).

Sounds like the OP also drinks a lot and has some issues with the dog - so in her mind those are a draw but she and everyone else is focused on words.

If the guy had flew into a rage, sure. But really you guys are upset because he said “fųck”. If he’d said in an exasperated tone “oh shut the heck up”, this wouldn’t be a topic of discussion. But 1 little word and you guys are freaking out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about marriage is that it’s long and sometimes bad stuff/mistakes happen. Some mistakes are inexcusable. This is something that if a one off and out of character you can forgive. The fact that he apologized right away and has otherwise been kind is a good sign. Let him know, he doesn’t get a second chance at this. Then see what happens. A second time and you should be out.

That is giving him a second chance. No second chance means op breaks up with him the first time. If she sticks around, there will be a next time. If she doesn't want a bad relationship, she needs to find someone else.

Why shouldn't he get a second chance? He said one swear, once, and when confronted, apologized?

Who are all the perfect people posting on this thread like they've never done something stupid? Y'all are liars.

It is not hard to find people who don’t behave this way.

For values of "this way" equalling "did something someone didn't like. once."

That's literally everyone, but go off...

Amazing how most people here are able to find partners who have never done the particular behavior, not even once.

But best of luck finding a partner who will tolerate your nonsense.

Your partner who never swore at you probably cheats. Or gambles. Or drinks/uses drugs. Or doesn't do their share of the housework. Or gossips. Or...

Congratulations on the fact that your partner (allegedly, on the internet) never swears at you (yet). Your partner has flaws.

But yeah, they tolerate your nonsense, which is basically the whole point, clownshoes.

Why do you so desperately want women to believe all men suck equally? Just because you do? No, not all men cheat or gamble or do drugs or or or. You really can’t accept that there are good men out here making you look like trash. It’s sad, instead of bettering yourself you try to bring down other men. Why?

I love the narrative here. One, not a man. Two, all PEOPLE suck equally. Women mess up just as often. You really can't accept that "good people" do dumb stuff sometimes? Really? And, in your world, one oops makes someone "trash". A whole human being, reduced to "trash" because of one minor choice that didn't kill anybody, didn't hurt anybody, and amounts to "unpleasant" in the real-world (not just DCUM where any minor infraction apparently equals "abuse OMG")

I'm not trying to bring anyone down. I'm pointing out that everyone poops. You keep pretending you and yours don't... you should probably mention that on the health forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP followed up to say the guy didn’t say it in anger but rather in an exasperated tone. Sure, it’s not great, but the comparisons to domestic abuse ring a bit hollow.

I’d say the excessive drinking and whatever is going on with the dog are possibly bigger red flags than allowing a phrase to roll of his tongue (which very well could be a habit but also very crude).

Sounds like the OP also drinks a lot and has some issues with the dog - so in her mind those are a draw but she and everyone else is focused on words.

If the guy had flew into a rage, sure. But really you guys are upset because he said “fųck”. If he’d said in an exasperated tone “oh shut the heck up”, this wouldn’t be a topic of discussion. But 1 little word and you guys are freaking out.

+1, but nothing brings out the DCUM harpies like a thread they can use to justify their misandry. Guy got exasperated after being negged (her bit about how the dog is great for her was especially rich), and everyone's on here, lighting their torches and getting their pitchforks. It's crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was young and stupid, I would have forgiven him. But now that I’m older and wiser, there is no way I would tolerate a man speaking to me that way.

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP came in hot with the know-it-all posturing, got clapped back, and had to come to DCUM where all the misandrists would join her pile-on instead of helping her correct the core of the problem: her stupid choice to tell her boyfriend what to do about things she doesn't even fully comprehend and wasn't asked to provide advice about.

Just drink your own beer and mind your own business, OP. In short: STFU.

Stay away from women. You aren’t a safe person.

Stay away from people, period. I doubt women are the only people PP bullies. Anyone deemed less than probably hears about it on a regular basis.

Excellent point. This person is an equal opportunity abuser. Men, women, children, animals prob. Terrifying to know they could be our neighbors or coworkers.

This judgmental harpy could be your neighbor.

You don't even know pp by name, but feel comfortable labeling them an abuser? Because... they disagree?

You need to step back and analyze your own nastiness, creepo. Calm your life down, and recognize that people who disagree with you are allowed to exist. Your need to control everyone, label those who disagree, and ostracize anyone who doesn't lockstep with your nonsense makes you the problem.

People who defend abusers are abusers themselves. No need for a name. Stop justifying abuse and people will stop calling you an abuser.

So anyone who has ever sworn once while upset is an abuser, but the namecallers aren't abusers because THEY are justified.

Okay. Sure. That makes perfect sense.

Swearing in general =/= swearing at your partner.
Your failure to grasp basic concepts about decency is concerning.

dropping a "STFU" when drunk and being badgered by someone who has no standing to be involved in the first place isn't the egregious decency violation you're trying to claim, but good luck living your life while this hysterical and overreacting this hard about small things.

And you didn't address the part about how someone who didn't swear at anyone got abused, but that's because it makes sense you can't argue. So you'll go back to insulting people, abuser.

Project much?

Me, project? Says the alcoholic telling on himself. You must also spout off when you’ve had a few (already??) and think it’s totes acceptable. He was drinking, give him a break!

Still not a man, and I've been totally sober for years, but you don't care about facts so let's set that aside.

The time to have a serious conversation with someone isn't when they're in their cups. OP takes zero responsibility for starting mess about a subject that isn't even her business, while the dude was having a drink. I don't drink, but if you interrupt my "me time" to tell me how you think I'm handling my business wrong while implying you do it better, well, that's not exactly compassionate, considerate behavior now, is it?

But it's going to be hard for you to wrap your head around that, because you're too busy arguing with a stranger you insist on misgendering to justify your misandry. Cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about marriage is that it’s long and sometimes bad stuff/mistakes happen. Some mistakes are inexcusable. This is something that if a one off and out of character you can forgive. The fact that he apologized right away and has otherwise been kind is a good sign. Let him know, he doesn’t get a second chance at this. Then see what happens. A second time and you should be out.

That is giving him a second chance. No second chance means op breaks up with him the first time. If she sticks around, there will be a next time. If she doesn't want a bad relationship, she needs to find someone else.

Why shouldn't he get a second chance? He said one swear, once, and when confronted, apologized?

Who are all the perfect people posting on this thread like they've never done something stupid? Y'all are liars.

It is not hard to find people who don’t behave this way.

For values of "this way" equalling "did something someone didn't like. once."

That's literally everyone, but go off...

Amazing how most people here are able to find partners who have never done the particular behavior, not even once.

But best of luck finding a partner who will tolerate your nonsense.

Your partner who never swore at you probably cheats. Or gambles. Or drinks/uses drugs. Or doesn't do their share of the housework. Or gossips. Or...

Congratulations on the fact that your partner (allegedly, on the internet) never swears at you (yet). Your partner has flaws.

But yeah, they tolerate your nonsense, which is basically the whole point, clownshoes.

Why do you so desperately want women to believe all men suck equally? Just because you do? No, not all men cheat or gamble or do drugs or or or. You really can’t accept that there are good men out here making you look like trash. It’s sad, instead of bettering yourself you try to bring down other men. Why?

I love the narrative here. One, not a man. Two, all PEOPLE suck equally. Women mess up just as often. You really can't accept that "good people" do dumb stuff sometimes? Really? And, in your world, one oops makes someone "trash". A whole human being, reduced to "trash" because of one minor choice that didn't kill anybody, didn't hurt anybody, and amounts to "unpleasant" in the real-world (not just DCUM where any minor infraction apparently equals "abuse OMG")

I'm not trying to bring anyone down. I'm pointing out that everyone poops. You keep pretending you and yours don't... you should probably mention that on the health forum.

Sorry your husband and all the men you know suck. There are legitimate good men out there. There are men that don’t abuse women. There are men that don’t cheat. There are men that are great husbands and fathers. If we want to be married to one, we have to ditch the men that don’t treat us well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing about marriage is that it’s long and sometimes bad stuff/mistakes happen. Some mistakes are inexcusable. This is something that if a one off and out of character you can forgive. The fact that he apologized right away and has otherwise been kind is a good sign. Let him know, he doesn’t get a second chance at this. Then see what happens. A second time and you should be out.

That is giving him a second chance. No second chance means op breaks up with him the first time. If she sticks around, there will be a next time. If she doesn't want a bad relationship, she needs to find someone else.

Why shouldn't he get a second chance? He said one swear, once, and when confronted, apologized?

Who are all the perfect people posting on this thread like they've never done something stupid? Y'all are liars.

It is not hard to find people who don’t behave this way.

100%!!
These men are invested in op believing that all men do this, all men behave like AHs and we have to accept it. They aren’t!! We don’t!! There ARE good men out there OP. I wish so badly for you to find one. The men saying this are telling on themselves - making it easy to avoid. You just need to know the signs.

all PEOPLE sometimes act like AHs, men and women alike. You don't have to blindly "accept" it; nobody's suggesting that. But if you can't account for the flawed humanity of humans, well, I sure hope you're perfect. But you're not. Nobody is.

Doing something stupid doesn't make him a "bad man". That's so ridiculous!

Staying with someone who shows you they don’t respect you is a mistake. Man or woman.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP came in hot with the know-it-all posturing, got clapped back, and had to come to DCUM where all the misandrists would join her pile-on instead of helping her correct the core of the problem: her stupid choice to tell her boyfriend what to do about things she doesn't even fully comprehend and wasn't asked to provide advice about.

Just drink your own beer and mind your own business, OP. In short: STFU.

Stay away from women. You aren’t a safe person.

Stay away from people, period. I doubt women are the only people PP bullies. Anyone deemed less than probably hears about it on a regular basis.

Excellent point. This person is an equal opportunity abuser. Men, women, children, animals prob. Terrifying to know they could be our neighbors or coworkers.

This judgmental harpy could be your neighbor.

You don't even know pp by name, but feel comfortable labeling them an abuser? Because... they disagree?

You need to step back and analyze your own nastiness, creepo. Calm your life down, and recognize that people who disagree with you are allowed to exist. Your need to control everyone, label those who disagree, and ostracize anyone who doesn't lockstep with your nonsense makes you the problem.

People who defend abusers are abusers themselves. No need for a name. Stop justifying abuse and people will stop calling you an abuser.

So anyone who has ever sworn once while upset is an abuser, but the namecallers aren't abusers because THEY are justified.

Okay. Sure. That makes perfect sense.

We are anonymous strangers on a discussion board, not intimate partners. You do understand the difference, don't you?