Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

Exact opposite here, I was taught lamps are trashy and overhead lights are much better and fancy because an electrician had to install them (costs money) whereas anyone can buy a "cheap kmart lamp."

Also SHOCKED at how many people don't use washcloths to wash themselves. It's a little disturbing actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chapelle’s show did a wife swap skit where the white family didn’t use wash cloths, and the black dad is appalled they all use the same bar of soap directly on their bodies.

At 1:20 here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrq01UB05Vc

Well he's not wrong, how are you going to rub a bar of soap in your butt hole then wash you face with it? Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chapelle’s show did a wife swap skit where the white family didn’t use wash cloths, and the black dad is appalled they all use the same bar of soap directly on their bodies.

At 1:20 here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrq01UB05Vc

Well he's not wrong, how are you going to rub a bar of soap in your butt hole then wash you face with it? Gross.

I don't do that, and I have never shared bar soap. I do think it's weird. My family did body wash growing up. Now I do bar soap but for body only, and just MY body!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.

Socialized means beyond manners and etiquette and cultural normals; it means you went out weekly and interacted with other families and ages groups. At temple, at restaurants, when traveling, had/at parties, went to sports games or arts, wandered museums, visited friends and family in person.

You socialized with other humans. Not the tv. Not only your parents.

I feel like cultural norms vary though. You can't know manners in every setting and culture even with the "best upbringing".

Well read people or people who socialize across various circles or many circles do. Besides reading or picking up on others’ cultural nuances, you can first hand just follow their lead.

Ex. when I lived in Asia I did not pee down the storm drains nor hack up phlegm out in public or my house multiple times a day. But totally acceptable there!

Right, but you don't know at first. That's my point. You would at first seem really inept if dropped in other countries. It's okay. You learn.

Hm. Like the ones from other countries that come to the US and like to do fireworks and disrupt the neighbors?

I'm not sure what that means. All sorts of people light fireworks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chapelle’s show did a wife swap skit where the white family didn’t use wash cloths, and the black dad is appalled they all use the same bar of soap directly on their bodies.

At 1:20 here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrq01UB05Vc

Well he's not wrong, how are you going to rub a bar of soap in your butt hole then wash you face with it? Gross.

I mean, it's soap. Wash it off before use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the youngest of 8, and my mom became ultra religious as she got older. My oldest siblings were taught manners and had a normal life, socializing with neighbors, listening to music, going to parties. By the time they got to me, there was no teaching and I was pretty much a feral kid playing outside until the sun went down. It was just assumed I learned things along the way. I had limited exposure to music, tv, absolutely no parties. I was born in the 70s, and didn’t see Ferris Bueller or other iconic 80s movies until I was in my 20s. A lot of college I was a bit awkward because I wouldn’t understand jokes or references to pop culture. As far as manners, I watched closely what other people did. I was very timid around my first (college) boyfriend’s mom (I was not allowed to date before college) because I knew I didn’t know anything about how to act or manners. Little things like don’t cut all of your meat at once, only one bite at a time. I can’t remember what else I picked up in college, but that’s pretty much what civilized me.
Washclothes… I grew up with them - but never liked them. I just use a bar of soap. My husband uses liquid body wash and a washcloth.
Overhead Lighting… I assume the people who dislike it are referring to fluorescent lighting? Almost every room in my house has a hanging fan / light combo. Or recessed lights. Or hanging lights. We have some lamps, which frankly I hate. They take up space, one more thing to dust, or worry the kids or dogs might knock it over.

"I just use a bar of soap."

How do you wash your bottom? How do you wash your face?

[Anonymous]

Some of you lack common sense here.

[Anonymous]

I have to laugh at the pearl--clutchers here. You can get yourself clean without a wash cloth, okay? You don't rub a bar of soap in your butt; you rub the soap and lather up and then wash your parts.

Some of you need to unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

Exact opposite here, I was taught lamps are trashy and overhead lights are much better and fancy because an electrician had to install them (costs money) whereas anyone can buy a "cheap kmart lamp."

Also SHOCKED at how many people don't use washcloths to wash themselves. It's a little disturbing actually.

I’m shocked at the number of people who deem the term “trashy” acceptable to use. It’s a little disturbing, actually. NOKD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh at the pearl--clutchers here. You can get yourself clean without a wash cloth, okay? You don't rub a bar of soap in your butt; you rub the soap and lather up and then wash your parts.

Some of you need to unclench.

I've been laughing at the image of a poor befuddled DCUM poster shoving a soap bar up her butt because there isn't a wash cloth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh at the pearl--clutchers here. You can get yourself clean without a wash cloth, okay? You don't rub a bar of soap in your butt; you rub the soap and lather up and then wash your parts.

Some of you need to unclench.

Their bar of soap is stuck somewhere they can no longer reach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Almost zero exposure to pop culture/what was generally popular with kids and adults at the time (mid to late 80s through late 90s) because my parents hated everything. No music - we could listen to the radio in the car on certain stations like the “70s, 80s, 90s mix” type stations on short trips. Anything else was horrible and inappropriate and my parents would rather sit in silence or listen to news and weather radio type stations.

No movies in theaters, but we could watch Disney and family type movies only on VHS or on TV in the basement only. No cable TV allowed but my parents would watch some of the popular network shows.

When I got a little older and I had my own money from birthday/Christmas gifts or babysitting, I wasn’t allowed to buy teen magazines because they were trash, wasn’t allowed to buy certain CD’s and music because they were also trash, they did let up on movies though as long as I paid for the tickets myself and either got my own ride or they could just drop me off and pick me up later. It was just overall very weird and controlling behavior.

Whoa. I thought I blacked out last night and wrote this. My childhood was the same and I still don’t understand it. I had to read teen magazines in the library. Luckily my town had a $1 second run movie theater, so once I was in MS and HS and could find a ride I did catch up on some movies. My parents didn’t play music radio ever, only incessant talk radio and NPR, but if they were stressed car rides were silent. I often wonder if they might have had autism or similar disorders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the opposite, my mom taught me all these stupid little civilizing details such as “never pull up vertical blinds” and “no overhead lights” and how to fold towels on the hanging towel rack and use a nice pewter dish or towel-lined basket to set out things like bread at dinner , all while modeling horrific money habits and financial strain and moving us to a new apartment every 10-12 months and marrying and divorcing 3 times and not caring for the animals we adopted and on and on. All about silly stupid appearances and minor details while being an absolute mess.

My mom is a non-hand washer but ingrained all of the above in me. Add never, ever put a container on the dining table even if it’s just a family lunch. Also, pull the shades up as soon as you wake up or else people will think you are rude or lazy.

Once in a while DH turns on an overhead light in his office and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. Our hands might be covered in germs but we can’t have people seeing that from the street and and thinking we are poor heathens!

I'm so confused. What is wrong with overhead lights? I thought I was raised with all the etiquette, but my parents missed this one.

I was taught they’re tacky and low-rent and make you look like you were raised in a trailer. Outside of the kitchen, we never used the overhead lights in our home - to this day they bother me and I don’t turn them off. It’s lamp lighting ONLY. I am not saying I care if anyone else uses overhead lights or that this is right, just that these were the kinds of “civilized details” OP laments not knowing that my mom taught me while otherwise leading a very disastrous life and not teaching important things because she didn’t know them.

Exact opposite here, I was taught lamps are trashy and overhead lights are much better and fancy because an electrician had to install them (costs money) whereas anyone can buy a "cheap kmart lamp."

Also SHOCKED at how many people don't use washcloths to wash themselves. It's a little disturbing actually.

I’m shocked at the number of people who deem the term “trashy” acceptable to use. It’s a little disturbing, actually. NOKD.

Once again… we are talking about what our PARENTS taught us. I don’t call things trashy… my MOM called raised vertical blinds and overhead lighting trashy! And she was mostly wrong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chapelle’s show did a wife swap skit where the white family didn’t use wash cloths, and the black dad is appalled they all use the same bar of soap directly on their bodies.

At 1:20 here:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrq01UB05Vc

Well he's not wrong, how are you going to rub a bar of soap in your butt hole then wash you face with it? Gross.

I mean, it's soap. Wash it off before use.

With another bar of soap? What soap cleans soap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not knowing to leave a tip for hotel maids. As a kid we did a lot of camping on our vacations and rarely stayed in hotels.

I stay in hotels all the time and don't tip the maid.

You’re horrible

Most people don’t tip the maid. Outside the US almost no one does.