Civilizing details that you missed during childhood- share here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.

Socialized means beyond manners and etiquette and cultural normals; it means you went out weekly and interacted with other families and ages groups. At temple, at restaurants, when traveling, had/at parties, went to sports games or arts, wandered museums, visited friends and family in person.

You socialized with other humans. Not the tv. Not only your parents.

I feel like cultural norms vary though. You can't know manners in every setting and culture even with the "best upbringing".

Well read people or people who socialize across various circles or many circles do. Besides reading or picking up on others’ cultural nuances, you can first hand just follow their lead.

Ex. when I lived in Asia I did not pee down the storm drains nor hack up phlegm out in public or my house multiple times a day. But totally acceptable there!

Right, but you don't know at first. That's my point. You would at first seem really inept if dropped in other countries. It's okay. You learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

And lack of travel or curiosity.

Can’t imagine some of these ignorant people in London or Quebec or Singapore.
Actually I can, they just put everyone else down and believe they are superior.

Do you think people in London are automatically cultured or something? There are just as many people there who think their particular way of doing thing is unquestionable and everyone else is weird.

Everything is just culture. That’s why when you go to different regions of the country different rules may apply. Or even different families in the same area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.

Socialized means beyond manners and etiquette and cultural normals; it means you went out weekly and interacted with other families and ages groups. At temple, at restaurants, when traveling, had/at parties, went to sports games or arts, wandered museums, visited friends and family in person.

You socialized with other humans. Not the tv. Not only your parents.

I feel like cultural norms vary though. You can't know manners in every setting and culture even with the "best upbringing".

Well read people or people who socialize across various circles or many circles do. Besides reading or picking up on others’ cultural nuances, you can first hand just follow their lead.

Ex. when I lived in Asia I did not pee down the storm drains nor hack up phlegm out in public or my house multiple times a day. But totally acceptable there!

Right, but you don't know at first. That's my point. You would at first seem really inept if dropped in other countries. It's okay. You learn.

Hm. Like the ones from other countries that come to the US and like to do fireworks and disrupt the neighbors?

[Anonymous]

I remember when elbows off the table was a trend. It was the 70s maybe from this jingle? We had to learn about it from a jingle, y'all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't use washcloths and I've never had an issue

Same. Always used natural loofahs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.

Socialized means beyond manners and etiquette and cultural normals; it means you went out weekly and interacted with other families and ages groups. At temple, at restaurants, when traveling, had/at parties, went to sports games or arts, wandered museums, visited friends and family in person.

You socialized with other humans. Not the tv. Not only your parents.

I feel like cultural norms vary though. You can't know manners in every setting and culture even with the "best upbringing".

Well read people or people who socialize across various circles or many circles do. Besides reading or picking up on others’ cultural nuances, you can first hand just follow their lead.

Ex. when I lived in Asia I did not pee down the storm drains nor hack up phlegm out in public or my house multiple times a day. But totally acceptable there!

I highly doubt peeing down the drain is normal in any country. Or was it a slum you visited?
Kind of like a visitor will think drug dealing is totally acceptable in the US if they just visited Skid row.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.

Socialized means beyond manners and etiquette and cultural normals; it means you went out weekly and interacted with other families and ages groups. At temple, at restaurants, when traveling, had/at parties, went to sports games or arts, wandered museums, visited friends and family in person.

You socialized with other humans. Not the tv. Not only your parents.

I feel like cultural norms vary though. You can't know manners in every setting and culture even with the "best upbringing".

Well read people or people who socialize across various circles or many circles do. Besides reading or picking up on others’ cultural nuances, you can first hand just follow their lead.

Ex. when I lived in Asia I did not pee down the storm drains nor hack up phlegm out in public or my house multiple times a day. But totally acceptable there!

I highly doubt peeing down the drain is normal in any country. Or was it a slum you visited?
Kind of like a visitor will think drug dealing is totally acceptable in the US if they just visited Skid row.

NP. There are many countries where a public restroom is just a hole in the floor. Russia comes to mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.

Socialized means beyond manners and etiquette and cultural normals; it means you went out weekly and interacted with other families and ages groups. At temple, at restaurants, when traveling, had/at parties, went to sports games or arts, wandered museums, visited friends and family in person.

You socialized with other humans. Not the tv. Not only your parents.

I feel like cultural norms vary though. You can't know manners in every setting and culture even with the "best upbringing".

Well read people or people who socialize across various circles or many circles do. Besides reading or picking up on others’ cultural nuances, you can first hand just follow their lead.

Ex. when I lived in Asia I did not pee down the storm drains nor hack up phlegm out in public or my house multiple times a day. But totally acceptable there!

I highly doubt peeing down the drain is normal in any country. Or was it a slum you visited?
Kind of like a visitor will think drug dealing is totally acceptable in the US if they just visited Skid row.

NP. There are many countries where a public restroom is just a hole in the floor. Russia comes to mind.

Those things are not a matter of culture or 'civilized' or whatever this thread is about. It's just about not enough money to build adequate infrastructure - you see normal toilets/sewage system in more affluent parts of Russia.

[Anonymous]

Here’s one: my spouse told me a story about the only time they went to a wedding when he was a kid. His mom grabbed a vase of theirs in the way out, wrapped it and included a card. That was the wedding gift from the family of four.
They went downtown to the big wedding and part of the night, after dinner and some dances, was opening presents in front of everyone. At that point they left asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This all illustrates lack of socialization. The parents’ and thus the kids’.

Imagine how many kids continued to. It socialize or realize there were “other ways of doing things” and just continue on.

Sort of. I know that my mother was very well socialized by her parents. But she was a horrible raving lunatic — and that seemed to have prevented her from picking any of it up permanently and definitely prevented her from teaching any of it to us.

Socialized means beyond manners and etiquette and cultural normals; it means you went out weekly and interacted with other families and ages groups. At temple, at restaurants, when traveling, had/at parties, went to sports games or arts, wandered museums, visited friends and family in person.

You socialized with other humans. Not the tv. Not only your parents.

I feel like cultural norms vary though. You can't know manners in every setting and culture even with the "best upbringing".

Well read people or people who socialize across various circles or many circles do. Besides reading or picking up on others’ cultural nuances, you can first hand just follow their lead.

Ex. when I lived in Asia I did not pee down the storm drains nor hack up phlegm out in public or my house multiple times a day. But totally acceptable there!

I highly doubt peeing down the drain is normal in any country. Or was it a slum you visited?
Kind of like a visitor will think drug dealing is totally acceptable in the US if they just visited Skid row.

China does this. They even get off the coach bus in Copley square and allow young children to pee down the storm drains. Have seen it.

Our LatAm nanny also taught our girls, when age 2-5, to go pee in the bushes at the playground. Easy peasy. We corrected this all at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, will someone please make a post about how books in the living room or family photos are tacky? I remember these being inexplicably controversial items.

Books in the living room is tacky? What alternate universe is this from?

Exactly! Never heard of such a thing. No books sounds like all you are uneducated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one in my family ever used a fork and knife to eat (fork in the left hand, knife in the right). We just ate with forks in our dominant hand, and eating Euro-style is very unnatural and fancy to me.

I didn’t know we’re supposed to send a thank you note after receiving a gift.

I thought meat should always be very, very well done.

This one is me. I work internationally and I always feel very awkward, but I'm too uncoordinated to shift to Euro-style on cutlery.

I grew up using cutlery American style as well. I've always had the sense that European style is more refined, but it feels awkward to me so I don't bother with it. How many people here use American vs. European style?

We use American, like most people do here, but I actually don't think the European style looks more refined. It looks (to me) like you're in too much of a hurry to put your knife down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up being the only person in my family using a washcloth, which I called "my emergency washcloth" and was carefully laid on the side of the tub for if/when I got soap or shampoo in my eyes. Otherwise they weren't ever used. I still don't use them.

The no soap at the sink thing is weird. I always start prepping a meal by washing my hands with soap.

Ha! Same here on the washcloths. I still do that when I take a bath. I like to read in there, so the washcloth is for when I need to dry my hands.

I think we only had them because my family must have bought bundled bath/hand towels and washcloths. I’m pretty sure my parents used them for dusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents basically never socialized. Like maybe once a year? Both going to people's houses and having people over. I always got in trouble when we had company for being too loud, too boisterous, but it was because I was SO excited.

I was given TERRIBLE socializing advice. It's a huge part of why I was bullied my entire school career.

Oh, and let's talk about my parents casual racism. They'd have sworn they weren't racist, but they were/are (one is dead now). One time my dad got in a minor car accident in Miami and he just drove off. He claimed it was the safe thing to do because the other driver was probably a gang-banger. The only time we had anyone of a different race to our house, it was when my brother or I had a friend over who was not white. Which was super rare, since we barely ever had friends over.

My mother was convinced that at all concerts there are tons of drugs, and older men trying to give them (for free) to young kids. So neither my brother nor I went to a concert until we were in our 20's. Yes, I'm sure that New Kids on the Block concert was super dangerous and she saved me from a lifetime addiction.

OMG the "casual racism" back in the day, the FIRST time I met my spouses parent at the table the drop a horrid word like it was nothing but them a "compliment" surrounding it if that makes sense (I don't want to repeat it here)! Like it was nothing. When I read people throwing that word around now I think they have no idea how blatant that crap was!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents basically never socialized. Like maybe once a year? Both going to people's houses and having people over. I always got in trouble when we had company for being too loud, too boisterous, but it was because I was SO excited.

I was given TERRIBLE socializing advice. It's a huge part of why I was bullied my entire school career.

Oh, and let's talk about my parents casual racism. They'd have sworn they weren't racist, but they were/are (one is dead now). One time my dad got in a minor car accident in Miami and he just drove off. He claimed it was the safe thing to do because the other driver was probably a gang-banger. The only time we had anyone of a different race to our house, it was when my brother or I had a friend over who was not white. Which was super rare, since we barely ever had friends over.

My mother was convinced that at all concerts there are tons of drugs, and older men trying to give them (for free) to young kids. So neither my brother nor I went to a concert until we were in our 20's. Yes, I'm sure that New Kids on the Block concert was super dangerous and she saved me from a lifetime addiction.

OMG the "casual racism" back in the day, the FIRST time I met my spouses parent at the table the drop a horrid word like it was nothing but them a "compliment" surrounding it if that makes sense (I don't want to repeat it here)! Like it was nothing. When I read people throwing that word around now I think they have no idea how blatant that crap was!

It's hard to realize how much the demographic of the country have changed in a few decades. While TV showed diversity in the 90s, it was unrealistic at that time. In day-to-day life, white Americans might never encounter Americans of other races, ever, in the 70s, 80s and even 90s.

In the 70s, America was 90% white and even in the 90s, was 75% white.