S/O - Why does DCUM hate this kind of woman so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

Intrasexual competition, crabs in a bucket mentality, and an unrelenting need to one up others “I dress for myself not men or other women” is fascinating to watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like being a sheep, so I seek out things I actually like. I tend to favor items that are unique, hard to find. Other women seem to admire that.
Women who feel they have to wear the label everyone else is wearing are just obviously trying to ft in and show off, why not be yourself?

I think the issue is that a lot of women don't have a unique self to be. This is who they are -- sheep who will buy and wear what they were told by the powers that be, which in this case are other women who similarly are risk averse and unoriginal.

Let the lemmings run.

I love unique jewelry but am otherwise pretty basic in my style.

I don’t think women are “sheep,” exactly. But having “unique” style takes a pretty high investment of time and energy and experimentation. Even fairly wealthy women may not be interested in that. It’s like dressing for work- sometimes I want a uniform type outfit because I want my morning routine to be quick. For a lot of women that basic look is attractive enough and quick enough to figure out. I don’t begrudge anyone that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Is it mean because it's unfair though? Or is it mean because it bluntly states the truth, which is that women who dress this way are followers who do not have their own sense of style and are just conforming to a standard "rich white suburban mom" look? I think it's the latter.

That might feel mean but on this anonymous website there is no point in sugar coating an opinion. Women who have more original style are talking the risk of people disliking it or not pulling it off, and they get criticized for that too. So of course women who take no risks and just follow the crowd are subject to criticism as well. People have opinions about fashion and style. If no one cared, we'd all just wear interchangeable, utilitarian clothes and there would be no fashion industry at all and nothing to discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

I think the sensitivity stems from buying these items thinking it says something positive about them, and discovering that it may actually convey something negative.

Like I think women will covet a Cartier love bracelet thinking "if I get one of those I will look sophisticated and stylish." And then they get it and read online that many people associate that specific item with being a sheep and having no style. It's upsetting because it has the exact opposite effect they had hoped.

But that how fashion trends work and why the best advice is to never buy a trend unless you would like it even if no one else was wearing it. Because trends can turn and then you're just a fashion victim with a very expensive bracelet that seems generic and basic.

[Anonymous]

Like a previous poster, my daily uniform is very baggy Japanese clothes, edgy glasses and severe haircut. And lets not forget the so called handmade, beat up, thousand dollar shoes. But I'm not flattering myself it is a unique look. There is a large enough desire for this look that it is fairly easy to acquire.. if you have the interest and money. I'm definitely dressing to impress, just for a different audience than my Cartier and Neverfull wearing sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like being a sheep, so I seek out things I actually like. I tend to favor items that are unique, hard to find. Other women seem to admire that.
Women who feel they have to wear the label everyone else is wearing are just obviously trying to ft in and show off, why not be yourself?

I think the issue is that a lot of women don't have a unique self to be. This is who they are -- sheep who will buy and wear what they were told by the powers that be, which in this case are other women who similarly are risk averse and unoriginal.

Let the lemmings run.

I love unique jewelry but am otherwise pretty basic in my style.

I don’t think women are “sheep,” exactly. But having “unique” style takes a pretty high investment of time and energy and experimentation. Even fairly wealthy women may not be interested in that. It’s like dressing for work- sometimes I want a uniform type outfit because I want my morning routine to be quick. For a lot of women that basic look is attractive enough and quick enough to figure out. I don’t begrudge anyone that.

Sure. I have a work uniform. It consists of blouses from Nordstrom, dress pants and skirts and cardigans and blazers etc. Not. Single one of them is from an “It” brand or conspicuously displays a label. Going out of one’s way to wear the coveted items is different than just wanting to simplify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

I think the sensitivity stems from buying these items thinking it says something positive about them, and discovering that it may actually convey something negative.

Like I think women will covet a Cartier love bracelet thinking "if I get one of those I will look sophisticated and stylish." And then they get it and read online that many people associate that specific item with being a sheep and having no style. It's upsetting because it has the exact opposite effect they had hoped.

But that how fashion trends work and why the best advice is to never buy a trend unless you would like it even if no one else was wearing it. Because trends can turn and then you're just a fashion victim with a very expensive bracelet that seems generic and basic.

Yes. It's a truism for human beings that when someone challenges something we counted on as a sure thing, the response is often amped up emotion. Usually anger.

Not much of life is absolutely reliable. When you think you've won a position, you don't want to have it taken away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like a previous poster, my daily uniform is very baggy Japanese clothes, edgy glasses and severe haircut. And lets not forget the so called handmade, beat up, thousand dollar shoes. But I'm not flattering myself it is a unique look. There is a large enough desire for this look that it is fairly easy to acquire.. if you have the interest and money. I'm definitely dressing to impress, just for a different audience than my Cartier and Neverfull wearing sisters.

Who are you impressing with this look?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

I think the sensitivity stems from buying these items thinking it says something positive about them, and discovering that it may actually convey something negative.

Like I think women will covet a Cartier love bracelet thinking "if I get one of those I will look sophisticated and stylish." And then they get it and read online that many people associate that specific item with being a sheep and having no style. It's upsetting because it has the exact opposite effect they had hoped.

But that how fashion trends work and why the best advice is to never buy a trend unless you would like it even if no one else was wearing it. Because trends can turn and then you're just a fashion victim with a very expensive bracelet that seems generic and basic.

Or worse, a wannabe with all the dupes out there. How about this for a new rule — if it’s easily found on dhgate, it isn’t worth the price. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like a previous poster, my daily uniform is very baggy Japanese clothes, edgy glasses and severe haircut. And lets not forget the so called handmade, beat up, thousand dollar shoes. But I'm not flattering myself it is a unique look. There is a large enough desire for this look that it is fairly easy to acquire.. if you have the interest and money. I'm definitely dressing to impress, just for a different audience than my Cartier and Neverfull wearing sisters.

Who are you impressing with this look?

Bet it's more of a New York City thing than a Southern/Lululemon/DC privates thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

PP. (Those other responses were not me; the woes of an anonymous board.)

Nope, don't own one. And I'm an affluent WOC, so I have no real dog in this "rich white suburban mom" fight. I do find this aspect of UMC white culture fascinating, which is why I'm following the thread. This vitriol towards this female archetype isn't a thing in my own community.

But feel free to proceed with addressing the substance of my statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

Intrasexual competition, crabs in a bucket mentality, and an unrelenting need to one up others “I dress for myself not men or other women” is fascinating to watch.

+1,000,000

DP. Ten pages and this thread has reverted to DCUM form.

And since we're talking about truisms, I'll add one to the mix: When women are jealous of another woman, especially one that is meaningful competition but that they feel should be beneath them, they can rarely admit to that jealousy. Even to themselves.