S/O - Why does DCUM hate this kind of woman so much?

[Anonymous]

I can remember at least a half a dozen posts here mocking older men for thinking “edgy” glasses give them a style.

[Anonymous]

Ladies, life is waaay too short for all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

Every other post on this particular forum seeks input or validation on whether some relationship/male behavior is “normal” or acceptable.

Women less likely to go it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

An adult woman having preferences and making judgements is not being a "mean girl." Everyone does this. Most people recognize and accept that people do it to them, too.

Agreed if that’s all that was said.But calling someone a sheep or lemming is mean.

Are you feeling attacked because you have a Cartier love bracelet on right now?

I think the sensitivity stems from buying these items thinking it says something positive about them, and discovering that it may actually convey something negative.

Like I think women will covet a Cartier love bracelet thinking "if I get one of those I will look sophisticated and stylish." And then they get it and read online that many people associate that specific item with being a sheep and having no style. It's upsetting because it has the exact opposite effect they had hoped.

But that how fashion trends work and why the best advice is to never buy a trend unless you would like it even if no one else was wearing it. Because trends can turn and then you're just a fashion victim with a very expensive bracelet that seems generic and basic.

Yes. It's a truism for human beings that when someone challenges something we counted on as a sure thing, the response is often amped up emotion. Usually anger.

Not much of life is absolutely reliable. When you think you've won a position, you don't want to have it taken away.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like being a sheep, so I seek out things I actually like. I tend to favor items that are unique, hard to find. Other women seem to admire that.
Women who feel they have to wear the label everyone else is wearing are just obviously trying to ft in and show off, why not be yourself?

I think the issue is that a lot of women don't have a unique self to be. This is who they are -- sheep who will buy and wear what they were told by the powers that be, which in this case are other women who similarly are risk averse and unoriginal.

Let the lemmings run.

I love unique jewelry but am otherwise pretty basic in my style.

I don’t think women are “sheep,” exactly. But having “unique” style takes a pretty high investment of time and energy and experimentation. Even fairly wealthy women may not be interested in that. It’s like dressing for work- sometimes I want a uniform type outfit because I want my morning routine to be quick. For a lot of women that basic look is attractive enough and quick enough to figure out. I don’t begrudge anyone that.

Sure. I have a work uniform. It consists of blouses from Nordstrom, dress pants and skirts and cardigans and blazers etc. Not. Single one of them is from an “It” brand or conspicuously displays a label. Going out of one’s way to wear the coveted items is different than just wanting to simplify.

That’s not what I mean by simplify. I mean that when I travel I go out of my way to find expensive hand made jewelry that catches my eye. I want it to be seen on me and I love when I get compliments.

Another woman will buy a Cartier bracelet because she wants to be seen and she wants people around her to be aware of her social standing. She doesn’t want to wander around some market in the third world in 100 degree heat looking for a silver collar, she just wants to look pretty. She doesn’t want to search for some outfit that is “unique,” she just wants to buy something from lululemon that shows off that she doesn’t skip leg day.

None of this is a problem, none of this says anything particularly important about anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like being a sheep, so I seek out things I actually like. I tend to favor items that are unique, hard to find. Other women seem to admire that.
Women who feel they have to wear the label everyone else is wearing are just obviously trying to ft in and show off, why not be yourself?

I think the issue is that a lot of women don't have a unique self to be. This is who they are -- sheep who will buy and wear what they were told by the powers that be, which in this case are other women who similarly are risk averse and unoriginal.

Let the lemmings run.

I love unique jewelry but am otherwise pretty basic in my style.

I don’t think women are “sheep,” exactly. But having “unique” style takes a pretty high investment of time and energy and experimentation. Even fairly wealthy women may not be interested in that. It’s like dressing for work- sometimes I want a uniform type outfit because I want my morning routine to be quick. For a lot of women that basic look is attractive enough and quick enough to figure out. I don’t begrudge anyone that.

Sure. I have a work uniform. It consists of blouses from Nordstrom, dress pants and skirts and cardigans and blazers etc. Not. Single one of them is from an “It” brand or conspicuously displays a label. Going out of one’s way to wear the coveted items is different than just wanting to simplify.

That’s not what I mean by simplify. I mean that when I travel I go out of my way to find expensive hand made jewelry that catches my eye. I want it to be seen on me and I love when I get compliments.

Another woman will buy a Cartier bracelet because she wants to be seen and she wants people around her to be aware of her social standing. She doesn’t want to wander around some market in the third world in 100 degree heat looking for a silver collar, she just wants to look pretty. She doesn’t want to search for some outfit that is “unique,” she just wants to buy something from lululemon that shows off that she doesn’t skip leg day.

None of this is a problem, none of this says anything particularly important about anyone.

I get what you are saying, but it’s not just about looking pretty, it’s about being in style and looking like everyone else. If it were really just about wanting to look pretty, then she wouldn’t have given all of her Lily Pulitzer dresses away in 2017, and she would still be wearing that Cartier bracelet 10 years from now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

Intrasexual competition, crabs in a bucket mentality, and an unrelenting need to one up others “I dress for myself not men or other women” is fascinating to watch.

+1,000,000

DP. Ten pages and this thread has reverted to DCUM form.

And since we're talking about truisms, I'll add one to the mix: When women are jealous of another woman, especially one that is meaningful competition but that they feel should be beneath them, they can rarely admit to that jealousy. Even to themselves.

Hence the Kardashian hatred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like being a sheep, so I seek out things I actually like. I tend to favor items that are unique, hard to find. Other women seem to admire that.
Women who feel they have to wear the label everyone else is wearing are just obviously trying to ft in and show off, why not be yourself?

I think the issue is that a lot of women don't have a unique self to be. This is who they are -- sheep who will buy and wear what they were told by the powers that be, which in this case are other women who similarly are risk averse and unoriginal.

Let the lemmings run.

I love unique jewelry but am otherwise pretty basic in my style.

I don’t think women are “sheep,” exactly. But having “unique” style takes a pretty high investment of time and energy and experimentation. Even fairly wealthy women may not be interested in that. It’s like dressing for work- sometimes I want a uniform type outfit because I want my morning routine to be quick. For a lot of women that basic look is attractive enough and quick enough to figure out. I don’t begrudge anyone that.

Sure. I have a work uniform. It consists of blouses from Nordstrom, dress pants and skirts and cardigans and blazers etc. Not. Single one of them is from an “It” brand or conspicuously displays a label. Going out of one’s way to wear the coveted items is different than just wanting to simplify.

That’s not what I mean by simplify. I mean that when I travel I go out of my way to find expensive hand made jewelry that catches my eye. I want it to be seen on me and I love when I get compliments.

Another woman will buy a Cartier bracelet because she wants to be seen and she wants people around her to be aware of her social standing. She doesn’t want to wander around some market in the third world in 100 degree heat looking for a silver collar, she just wants to look pretty. She doesn’t want to search for some outfit that is “unique,” she just wants to buy something from lululemon that shows off that she doesn’t skip leg day.

None of this is a problem, none of this says anything particularly important about anyone.

I get what you are saying, but it’s not just about looking pretty, it’s about being in style and looking like everyone else. If it were really just about wanting to look pretty, then she wouldn’t have given all of her Lily Pulitzer dresses away in 2017, and she would still be wearing that Cartier bracelet 10 years from now.

Or she'd buy a more practical item than a Cartier bracelet. A basic gold bangle from any jeweler would serve the same purpose in terms of visual style but cost less and, because not such a recognizable designer item, less likely to attract thieves or pickpockets.

You buy the Cartier bracelet because people see it and think "that's the Cartier love bracelet" and know how much it cost you.

Buying this stuff is not about practicality or just having an easy uniform. I could put together a complete wardrobe of good quality basics including a couple bags, a full suite of jewelry, and shoes, for about 5-8k, or the cost of a single Cartier bracelet. If you have a bit of money, you can pay someone like me to do this for you and have a stylish wardrobe that makes dressing super easy. But I wouldn't include any of these items because they are all poorly priced for what they are and their recognizability actually makes them less practical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It just comes off as so basic and materialistic. Too each her own, but just not my kind of person.

But for you to think this stuff is basic and materialistic, you have to (1) know what it is (2) know what it costs and (3) be noticing it—? These aren’t the flashiest items in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

Intrasexual competition, crabs in a bucket mentality, and an unrelenting need to one up others “I dress for myself not men or other women” is fascinating to watch.

+1,000,000

DP. Ten pages and this thread has reverted to DCUM form.

And since we're talking about truisms, I'll add one to the mix: When women are jealous of another woman, especially one that is meaningful competition but that they feel should be beneath them, they can rarely admit to that jealousy. Even to themselves.

Hence the Kardashian hatred.

Do people view the Kardashians as "meaningful competition"? Their taste in men is... not good. None of them has ever dated or married someone that made me think "oh I wish a man like that would be interested in me." Plus they didn't get rich by marrying well -- they were born rich and then made money by selling their privacy and dignity. They've married rich guys but they are already rich so that's to be expected. They aren't winning any prizes with their relationships.

I think people hate the Kardashians for perfectly embodying an era where fame and celebrity is totally divorced from talent, skill, or contributing something of value to society. It's not a "they hate us 'cause they ain't us" situation. It's more of a "please go away" situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like being a sheep, so I seek out things I actually like. I tend to favor items that are unique, hard to find. Other women seem to admire that.
Women who feel they have to wear the label everyone else is wearing are just obviously trying to ft in and show off, why not be yourself?

I think the issue is that a lot of women don't have a unique self to be. This is who they are -- sheep who will buy and wear what they were told by the powers that be, which in this case are other women who similarly are risk averse and unoriginal.

Let the lemmings run.

I love unique jewelry but am otherwise pretty basic in my style.

I don’t think women are “sheep,” exactly. But having “unique” style takes a pretty high investment of time and energy and experimentation. Even fairly wealthy women may not be interested in that. It’s like dressing for work- sometimes I want a uniform type outfit because I want my morning routine to be quick. For a lot of women that basic look is attractive enough and quick enough to figure out. I don’t begrudge anyone that.

Sure. I have a work uniform. It consists of blouses from Nordstrom, dress pants and skirts and cardigans and blazers etc. Not. Single one of them is from an “It” brand or conspicuously displays a label. Going out of one’s way to wear the coveted items is different than just wanting to simplify.

That’s not what I mean by simplify. I mean that when I travel I go out of my way to find expensive hand made jewelry that catches my eye. I want it to be seen on me and I love when I get compliments.

Another woman will buy a Cartier bracelet because she wants to be seen and she wants people around her to be aware of her social standing. She doesn’t want to wander around some market in the third world in 100 degree heat looking for a silver collar, she just wants to look pretty. She doesn’t want to search for some outfit that is “unique,” she just wants to buy something from lululemon that shows off that she doesn’t skip leg day.

None of this is a problem, none of this says anything particularly important about anyone.

I get what you are saying, but it’s not just about looking pretty, it’s about being in style and looking like everyone else. If it were really just about wanting to look pretty, then she wouldn’t have given all of her Lily Pulitzer dresses away in 2017, and she would still be wearing that Cartier bracelet 10 years from now.

Or she'd buy a more practical item than a Cartier bracelet. A basic gold bangle from any jeweler would serve the same purpose in terms of visual style but cost less and, because not such a recognizable designer item, less likely to attract thieves or pickpockets.

You buy the Cartier bracelet because people see it and think "that's the Cartier love bracelet" and know how much it cost you.

Buying this stuff is not about practicality or just having an easy uniform. I could put together a complete wardrobe of good quality basics including a couple bags, a full suite of jewelry, and shoes, for about 5-8k, or the cost of a single Cartier bracelet. If you have a bit of money, you can pay someone like me to do this for you and have a stylish wardrobe that makes dressing super easy. But I wouldn't include any of these items because they are all poorly priced for what they are and their recognizability actually makes them less practical.

I don’t know. It isn’t just about money. You could have a much more expensive wardrobe and still not be wearing the right thing. You could even have all of the right bracelets and clothes and still wear them wrong.

There is more to this look than just being able to afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like being a sheep, so I seek out things I actually like. I tend to favor items that are unique, hard to find. Other women seem to admire that.
Women who feel they have to wear the label everyone else is wearing are just obviously trying to ft in and show off, why not be yourself?

I think the issue is that a lot of women don't have a unique self to be. This is who they are -- sheep who will buy and wear what they were told by the powers that be, which in this case are other women who similarly are risk averse and unoriginal.

Let the lemmings run.

I love unique jewelry but am otherwise pretty basic in my style.

I don’t think women are “sheep,” exactly. But having “unique” style takes a pretty high investment of time and energy and experimentation. Even fairly wealthy women may not be interested in that. It’s like dressing for work- sometimes I want a uniform type outfit because I want my morning routine to be quick. For a lot of women that basic look is attractive enough and quick enough to figure out. I don’t begrudge anyone that.

Sure. I have a work uniform. It consists of blouses from Nordstrom, dress pants and skirts and cardigans and blazers etc. Not. Single one of them is from an “It” brand or conspicuously displays a label. Going out of one’s way to wear the coveted items is different than just wanting to simplify.

That’s not what I mean by simplify. I mean that when I travel I go out of my way to find expensive hand made jewelry that catches my eye. I want it to be seen on me and I love when I get compliments.

Another woman will buy a Cartier bracelet because she wants to be seen and she wants people around her to be aware of her social standing. She doesn’t want to wander around some market in the third world in 100 degree heat looking for a silver collar, she just wants to look pretty. She doesn’t want to search for some outfit that is “unique,” she just wants to buy something from lululemon that shows off that she doesn’t skip leg day.

None of this is a problem, none of this says anything particularly important about anyone.

I get what you are saying, but it’s not just about looking pretty, it’s about being in style and looking like everyone else. If it were really just about wanting to look pretty, then she wouldn’t have given all of her Lily Pulitzer dresses away in 2017, and she would still be wearing that Cartier bracelet 10 years from now.

Or she'd buy a more practical item than a Cartier bracelet. A basic gold bangle from any jeweler would serve the same purpose in terms of visual style but cost less and, because not such a recognizable designer item, less likely to attract thieves or pickpockets.

You buy the Cartier bracelet because people see it and think "that's the Cartier love bracelet" and know how much it cost you.

Buying this stuff is not about practicality or just having an easy uniform. I could put together a complete wardrobe of good quality basics including a couple bags, a full suite of jewelry, and shoes, for about 5-8k, or the cost of a single Cartier bracelet. If you have a bit of money, you can pay someone like me to do this for you and have a stylish wardrobe that makes dressing super easy. But I wouldn't include any of these items because they are all poorly priced for what they are and their recognizability actually makes them less practical.

How do I hire someone like you? What do you charge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It just comes off as so basic and materialistic. Too each her own, but just not my kind of person.

But for you to think this stuff is basic and materialistic, you have to (1) know what it is (2) know what it costs and (3) be noticing it—? These aren’t the flashiest items in the world.

None of this stuff is a IYKYK situation. You'd have to live in a cave for the last 15 years to not know what Lululemon is. The other stuff is not going to be known to just anyone, but if you are an UMC or wealthy woman in her 30s/40s/50s with kids, it's going to be hard to avoid knowing what a Neverfull is or to become aware of the Cartier love bracelet -- they are so ubiquitous that you'd have to be really oblivious not to start to noice them.

Same with the hair and makeup -- that look is so common you are not going to be able to avoid noticing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, this devolved quickly. We got some really insightful posts up front, but no, it’s not that anyone “hates” this woman. It’s just that she’s stupid, a sheep, and a lemming. Ouch.

Now who’s the mean girl?

Intrasexual competition, crabs in a bucket mentality, and an unrelenting need to one up others “I dress for myself not men or other women” is fascinating to watch.

+1,000,000

DP. Ten pages and this thread has reverted to DCUM form.

And since we're talking about truisms, I'll add one to the mix: When women are jealous of another woman, especially one that is meaningful competition but that they feel should be beneath them, they can rarely admit to that jealousy. Even to themselves.

Hence the Kardashian hatred.

Do people view the Kardashians as "meaningful competition"? Their taste in men is... not good. None of them has ever dated or married someone that made me think "oh I wish a man like that would be interested in me." Plus they didn't get rich by marrying well -- they were born rich and then made money by selling their privacy and dignity. They've married rich guys but they are already rich so that's to be expected. They aren't winning any prizes with their relationships.

I think people hate the Kardashians for perfectly embodying an era where fame and celebrity is totally divorced from talent, skill, or contributing something of value to society. It's not a "they hate us 'cause they ain't us" situation. It's more of a "please go away" situation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, life is waaay too short for all of this.

This. I'm 38. I can't imagine looking at another women and going "ugh, she's wearing a Love Bracelet. Clearly she's a materialistic lemming and I should immediately judge her and decide she's not worth getting to know based off what she's wearing. ".
It's so juvenile. I'm boring. I barely wear jewelry and my hair is usually in a messy bun or pony. My best friend never leaves the house without a full face of makeup. Yet she's the kindest and most generous person I've ever met. It just seems SO weird to me that grown ass women are making these snap judgements based off clothes and accessories.