Helicopter parents and their presence out of control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Exactly what a helicopter mom would say.

^^Exactly what a sh--ty judgmental mom would say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah... you know what?
I'm a little tired of people criticizing helicopter parents.

We all do what we think is best for our families. I don't think being close-knit and seeking family togetherness is inherently bad, quite the contrary. I speak as a member of an international family whose relatives are scattered all over the world.

If I thought doing something "non-traditional" for my family was helpful, or if it made me very happy and I could afford it... heck yes, I'd do it!

Yes I agree!

What’s wrong with caring about your child’s future?

Caring about your child’s future means letting go. That means no weekend visits for starters. Omg, you only see them during parent’s weekend, then at fall break, then at Thanksgiving, then for an entire month during Christmas. His will my delicate little teacup survive without me for 4-6 week intervals?


There are some cray cray parents in the DMV, that’s for sure.

It does? I can tell you that my friends/family in the midwestern state I grew up in do the same things as DMV people, first. Second, visiting and talking to your kid isn't not "letting go."

Are you always so binary and simple? ANd do you always feel the need to tell other people how to live their lives?

NP I am from a Midwestern state too and I call total BS on this. Culturally this sort of over involvement is just not done unless you happen to be from a smaller, traditionally more protective community (Jewish, etc). Thats the only place you’d possibly find it.

I dgaf what you call BS on. And not sure why you cannot fathom that people have different experiences than you do.

Lot of friends/family are very involved in their kid's lives, in college and beyond, outside the DMV. And in my home state specifically. I know a family (my friends from HS) where the dad still pays his adult daughter's car insurance.

So your BS-o-meter needs recalibration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw some wild stuff when DD was in high school. Pay to play private theater groups, kids demanding roles in high school productions and quitting if they didn’t get the role. Parents stomping down to the school to complain. Same things in sports. Getting accommodations for tests when not really necessary.

Fast forward - these are the kids not getting jobs etc.

Obviously---unless they land a position thru their parental connections

MS/HS is the time to start teaching your kid to be independent (well ES is the start). By MS we let our kids start handling many issues at school. If they tried and teacher/staff wasn't responsive, then we would step in if appropriate (ie. the teacher isn't allowing them to use the bathroom as needed or teacher refuses to call on them in class yet participation is 25% of the grade, type of things). But not for "my kid didn't get first chair orchestra" or "my kid deserves the lead role " or "my kid is at a 92.9999, why can't you round to an A"

So basically if you do that in MS/HS, by the time they leave for college they are already "mostly independent" young adults who know how to advocate for themselves, even in difficult situations.

I had 2 times in HS I had to step in for my kids. And one involved the crazy PE department at our HS, who forced kids to run hard 2x/week and your grade was fully based on how well you did (we had kids with broken legs during the semester 5K, kids vomiting while being yelled at by the PE teachers, etc.....beyond ridiculous teacher behavior)---I stepped in when my kid asked me to. Ultimately I didn't get far, but did negotiate something acceptable for our family. it took 2 more years before real changes finally happened, so there was no way my own kid could advocate with that level of crazy

My kid goes to a high school where parent involvement is actively- very actively- discouraged - even for the type of things you mention. Dh and I reached out exactly once to try to discuss something, and the blow back was harsh and dc made clear never ever again should we contact his school. Fine by me.

I think there is a happy medium. IN the PE example, kids were miserable and getting hurt. My kid was unable to dance the one semester they had PE---why? Because they injured themselves running (shin splints) and had to rest. They had 3 other friends in the same situation. One never returned to dancing (due to the injuries caused by the extensive running) and one never returned to EnPointe due to the injuries. My kid never had the problems again, once they never had to run again. But I will step in as a parent if something is causing major injuries to my kids (or others really). But for everything else, nope, my kids had to learn to speak up for themselves, or at least attempt to solve the problem themselves. As it should be for majority of HS kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems to be more of an SEC football thing than a helicopter thing.

+1 This is very common in the South. Some families live for football season and are at every game.

Which is a different sort of culture fail that probably merits its own discussion thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Three cousins all went to bigger Southern schools. They were raised by Gen X parents. One set of parents quite literally bought an apartment where the daughter goes to school so they could attend all of the football home games. They say they give their daughter space and don't sit next to her at the games, but they quite literally fly in every single weekend there is home game at the school where the D goes. Same for the other 2 cousins. Parents bought a house in the city where the S goes to attend all of the games. They also go down to the city where their other D goes all the time, like probably 15+ weekends during a school year.

Is it just a common these days for parents to be so clingy? These kinds of helicopter parents were unheard of when I was in school. Who wants to go to college and have their parents even remotely close to them for the whole weekends for 85% of the academic year?

Gameday condos are normal for wealthy alums of SEC schools

This, this, this. You don't understand the culture, OP (which you're better off for).

+1

I’ll even name the school- Vanderbilt. So many parent owned condos.

How I know: the same parents constantly try to do short-term rental in whatever they consider off -season. Which is probably smart in NashVegas.

But, it’s false that these are all just arms-length football lovers. In fact there’s a lot of overlap between the “but what can my daughter eat for breakfast/ classes are full! / how should Larlo get himself around campus? and the condo owners advertising their Nashville units after the season

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for some parents. It is really hard to be a parent. If you do your job correctly, you raise a kid that doesn’t need you.

I can see why some people struggle with their children not needing them. Especially when they based their whole identity on it. Those “mama bear” ladies don’t have much else going on. I mean how many “live, laugh, love” signs can you make with your cricut?

Wow, what a misogynistic piece of sh--- you are. Guess what? I'm a professional, FT working parent. You can't just lump all "mama bears" together, or women generally, and then think you're making a valid point. Or any point whatsoever.

But, given your kids apparently seem fit to be rid of you the minute they're in school, I can see why those who have close bonds with their kids irk you so much. (And ftr, mine isn't in college yet).

Hit a nerve huh?! My kids and I get along great because I have never been a helicopter parent. But sure go ahead and create whatever negative image you need, Mama Bear. 😂😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Lol, at 26 I had already finished grad school, had a job and one kid. You can function independently with a prefrontal cortex still developing

Are you 80? I know no one who had a baby at that age unless it was an accident from generations subsequent to my grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for some parents. It is really hard to be a parent. If you do your job correctly, you raise a kid that doesn’t need you.

I can see why some people struggle with their children not needing them. Especially when they based their whole identity on it. Those “mama bear” ladies don’t have much else going on. I mean how many “live, laugh, love” signs can you make with your cricut?

Wow, what a misogynistic piece of sh--- you are. Guess what? I'm a professional, FT working parent. You can't just lump all "mama bears" together, or women generally, and then think you're making a valid point. Or any point whatsoever.

But, given your kids apparently seem fit to be rid of you the minute they're in school, I can see why those who have close bonds with their kids irk you so much. (And ftr, mine isn't in college yet).

Hit a nerve huh?! My kids and I get along great because I have never been a helicopter parent. But sure go ahead and create whatever negative image you need, Mama Bear. 😂😂

Good for you. And other ways of parenting have children who get along with their parents as well. Sorry if that hits a nerve with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Exactly what a helicopter mom would say.

And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Huge difference between providing guidance and doing everything for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Huge difference between providing guidance and doing everything for them.

Why are you trying to police how anyone parents their own children? How narcissistic are you to think that you have that right?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Lol, at 26 I had already finished grad school, had a job and one kid. You can function independently with a prefrontal cortex still developing

Are you 80? I know no one who had a baby at that age unless it was an accident from generations subsequent to my grandparents.

DP: I had finished grad school at 24, married at 22. Chose to wait until 29 for a kid. But There are plenty of people who choose to have kids in their mid to late20s who are only in their 40/50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Huge difference between providing guidance and doing everything for them.

Do you think they sat in class with them in high school or college or played on the field for them in sports? Get over your dramatics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Lol, at 26 I had already finished grad school, had a job and one kid. You can function independently with a prefrontal cortex still developing

Are you 80? I know no one who had a baby at that age unless it was an accident from generations subsequent to my grandparents.

DP: I had finished grad school at 24, married at 22. Chose to wait until 29 for a kid. But There are plenty of people who choose to have kids in their mid to late20s who are only in their 40/50s.

Wise ones do not choose to have children at that age, much less get married. That is too young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young people’s brains do not fully develop until age 26. After age 26, they are finally capable of making sound, adult, decisions.

Before that age, our children need our guidance; it’s as simple as that.

I’m not going to apologize for being a good parent.

Lol, at 26 I had already finished grad school, had a job and one kid. You can function independently with a prefrontal cortex still developing

Are you 80? I know no one who had a baby at that age unless it was an accident from generations subsequent to my grandparents.

DP: I had finished grad school at 24, married at 22. Chose to wait until 29 for a kid. But There are plenty of people who choose to have kids in their mid to late20s who are only in their 40/50s.

Wtf gets married at 22?