Reply to Helicopter parents and their presence out of control?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I saw some wild stuff when DD was in high school. Pay to play private theater groups, kids demanding roles in high school productions and quitting if they didn’t get the role. Parents stomping down to the school to complain. Same things in sports. Getting accommodations for tests when not really necessary.

Fast forward - these are the kids not getting jobs etc.[/quote]

Obviously---unless they land a position thru their parental connections

MS/HS is the time to start teaching your kid to be independent (well ES is the start).  By MS we let our kids start handling many issues at school.  If they tried and teacher/staff wasn't responsive, then we would step in if appropriate (ie. the teacher isn't allowing them to use the bathroom as needed or teacher refuses to call on them in class yet participation is 25% of the grade, type of things). But not for "my kid didn't get first chair orchestra" or "my kid deserves the lead role " or "my kid is at a 92.9999, why can't you round to an A"

So basically if you do that in MS/HS, by the time they leave for college they are already "mostly independent" young adults who know how to advocate for themselves, even in difficult situations.

I had 2 times in HS I had to step in for my kids.  And one involved the crazy PE department at our HS, who forced kids to run hard 2x/week and your grade was fully based on how well you did (we had kids with broken legs during the semester 5K, kids vomiting while being yelled at by the PE teachers, etc.....beyond ridiculous teacher behavior)---I stepped in when my kid asked me to.  Ultimately I didn't get far, but did negotiate something acceptable for our family.  it took 2 more years before real changes finally happened, so there was no way my own kid could advocate with that level of crazy 
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My kid goes to a high school where parent involvement is actively- very actively- discouraged - even for the type of things you mention. Dh and I reached out exactly once to try to discuss something, and the blow back was harsh and dc made clear never ever again should we contact his school. Fine by me. [/quote]

I think there is a happy medium.  IN the PE example, kids were miserable and getting hurt.  My kid was unable to dance the one semester they had PE---why?  Because they injured themselves running (shin splints) and had to rest.  They had 3 other friends in the same situation.  One never returned to dancing (due to the injuries caused by the extensive running) and one never returned to EnPointe due to the injuries.  My kid never had the problems again, once they never had to run again.  But I will step in as a parent if something is causing major injuries to my kids (or others really).  But for everything else, nope, my kids had to learn to speak up for themselves, or at least attempt to solve the problem themselves.  As it should be for majority of HS kids
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