Napping on vacation when you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few weeks ago, I took my kids to the beach. It was awesome, we did a ton of stuff. And one evening, instead of doing one of the 100 things on our to-do list, I napped while the kids watched tv in the room. It was awesome and very much needed for all of us.

It is ok to nap. It is ok to let your kids watch tv/play on the ipad/etc. Not everything in life needs to be busy and planned.

The OP has made it clear she doesn't think that, but that her kids want to do special activities with their Dad, and he won't. That's sad.

It’s noteworthy that OP didn’t identify any specific activity and she was back earlier in the day to clarify ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

Only one of them is a teen. See OP's PP about them not being old enough to be at the pool alone.

An 11 is old enough to quietly occupy themselves.

You keep saying this but still haven’t said what they should actually be doing during that time? when we’re on vacation, we don’t have to fill every minute w activities and we do build in down time/screen or reading or napping time but 2 hrs a day of that is kind of a lot. The vacation is only 1 week.

Reading? Watching tv or a movie? Writing in a journal? Napping themselves? Going on a photography hunt? Researching where to go for dinner? Looking up the planned activity for tomorrow? Good lord, if your 11/13 yo can't entertain themselves for a few hours you have failed as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Less important but worth noting is the unfairness to me because it’s not like I get a similar break; in fact, I would find it incredibly selfish to take two hours every day for myself on family vacation. We coordinated and paid money to take this trip, it seems foolish to waste 14 waking hours of the trip on naps.

I don't know if anyone has addressed this, but your framing here is absolutely bonkers. It isn't that you aren't getting a similar break, you are just refusing to take one. You could take one if you wanted to. But you apparently don't want to, and don't want him to either. That's a valid (though selfish) position to take, but it is crazy to suggest that it's unfair that you don;t get something that you don't want, and could have but choose not to take.

In your mind, you want a nap, so everyone else should have one too.

Oh is that jetboat tour leaving now? Too bad. You should want a nap. Or go by yourself. Sorry, kid—Dad needs his "alone" time. Maybe some other year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this really depends on what type of vacation it is. Staying at a beach resort? No big deal as long as the DH can at least occasionally be open to change (if say, the only available slot for the boat tour or whatever is at 2pm or something). Otherwise who cares- the rest of the family can continue to hang out at the pool or beach, find another activity around the resort or also take some downtime in the rooms etc. However, if it is a more active vacation with excursions or sightseeing plans this would be a total PITA on some days and really limit things for the rest of the family.

Or on an active vacation, DH can go back to the hotel and they can continue to paddle board or walk around a European city or whatever.

DH has decided he won't allow his family to do what they want. Play with the scenario all you want, the OP doesn't need advice on how to accommodate a lazy vacationer, the point is he's disrupting and he doesn't care.

You really seem to be projecting. OP didnt say anything about "not allowing" his family to do what they want. In fact, it sounds like he may encourage them to do what they want while he gets his nap in! Why are you so hell bent on twisting this post to fit your narrative?

Let's review the tape... OP wrote in her original post:

It’s unfair because the options are to hang back at the hotel and wait, or head out on an experience that they want to enjoy with dad

OP also wrote in her original post:

Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day,

in her second followup post she wrote:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

In her third post, she wrote:

OP again: Somehow he can get through a work day, a round of golf and drinks at the club, etc etc, without this nap.

OP is making it VERY clear that DH is making a choice to "nap" for 2+ hours during prime-time for activities for his children and he "expects" it and "crabby like a toddler" if he doesn't get his way.

His kids just want to do fun things with him and he's angry when he can't "nap" for 2+ hours with his phone, OnlyFans and locked hotel room.

Why are you so obsessed with OF? Catch your husband on there recently or something?

Anyways, none of that says he's refusing. He likes to nap, will slog through if he has to but otherwise gets cranky, and the kids have 2h of downtime or do a different activity. This isnt that complicated. You can plan around it, or do something else while he's napping. His kids are on vacation and doing fun things for the rest of the time. Why can't they settle in for a few hours of quiet relaxation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

Only one of them is a teen. See OP's PP about them not being old enough to be at the pool alone.

An 11 is old enough to quietly occupy themselves.

You keep saying this but still haven’t said what they should actually be doing during that time? when we’re on vacation, we don’t have to fill every minute w activities and we do build in down time/screen or reading or napping time but 2 hrs a day of that is kind of a lot. The vacation is only 1 week.

Reading? Watching tv or a movie? Writing in a journal? Napping themselves? Going on a photography hunt? Researching where to go for dinner? Looking up the planned activity for tomorrow? Good lord, if your 11/13 yo can't entertain themselves for a few hours you have failed as a parent.

ALl of your suggestions are a perfectly valid response for one day. But this sounds like it's EVERY day, on EVERY vacation. The guy just can't be bothered to give a damn about his kids and what they might want to do. What's even more sad, the kids want to be with him—it's not even like he's being asked to babysit, the kids WANT TO BE WITH HIM. And his response is churlish, hostile and insistent that he better get his nap, OR ELSE.

And I guarantee you this isn't the only time he treats his family this way...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last time we did a resort vacation we had to balance the free time by the pool with "adventure" activities. Even when the kids were occupied in the pool or at kid's club, we parents didn't have time to do anything like a nap... maybe dozing on the beach under the cabana, but a 2+ hour nap, wtaf?

I don't have time for that at home, much less a busy family vacation... when youv'e got kids with you, it's not about you. Grow up and take care of the kids.

Isn’t the whole point of a kids club that you have time to relax and **gasp ** have a nap if you want while your kids are entertained? It sounds like you’re doing it wrong…or just bent on being a martyr.

Or, I'm not a narcoleptic.

I don't like dumping my kids for hours and hours, and when they do it's the opportunity to go make a reservation, go to the shop and buy some more sunscreen, have a drink with my wife...

“Dumping” your kid at a resort. So many martyrs on here.

I mean, I can have them sit with a babysistter at home. If I'm going to take them that far, at that expense, it's going to be special for them—and for me.

The kids are 11 and 13; they don’t need to be babysat at the resort if you don’t want to spend the money. Like I said, some of you just want to be martyrs.

How old are your kids? when we go on vacation, we’re always in a place we’ve never been before, doing different activities each day in a city or national park…they’re not going to go out on their own in a city they e never been to before or in a park/wilderness they don’t know at ages 11 and 13. Or else we’re at the beach, where kids of all ages need supervision if swimming in the ocean. Maybe if it was a resort it would be different. 11 year olds aren’t really old enough to be left alone in an unfamiliar city, park, or beach. Most 13 year olds aren’t either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Less important but worth noting is the unfairness to me because it’s not like I get a similar break; in fact, I would find it incredibly selfish to take two hours every day for myself on family vacation. We coordinated and paid money to take this trip, it seems foolish to waste 14 waking hours of the trip on naps.

I don't know if anyone has addressed this, but your framing here is absolutely bonkers. It isn't that you aren't getting a similar break, you are just refusing to take one. You could take one if you wanted to. But you apparently don't want to, and don't want him to either. That's a valid (though selfish) position to take, but it is crazy to suggest that it's unfair that you don;t get something that you don't want, and could have but choose not to take.

In your mind, you want a nap, so everyone else should have one too.

Oh is that jetboat tour leaving now? Too bad. You should want a nap. Or go by yourself. Sorry, kid—Dad needs his "alone" time. Maybe some other year.

Literally no one said that.

If I want a nap, I can nap, and if you don't want a nap, you can do something else. There are multiple options here that you are refusing to see and only rabidly holding onto this notion that he's refusing to let his family do anything while he locks himself in the bathroom jerking off. Quite the imagination you have!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: read your post again but insert “my 8 year old” in place of “my DH”.

What does that tell you?

I find this post amusing. If OP were referring to a child, everyone would tell her things like “the child needs to suck it up, child should see pediatrician as this is not normal, the world does not revolve around child, an 8yo should not need naps, and so on” LOL. And I would largely agree.

Yet people are defending a healthy grown man (who slept 9hrs overnight) who gets “cranky” if he doesn’t get his scheduled nap? Good lord. Think about this.

Does the 8yo grind to make $250K a year to support a family? Does the 8yo mow the lawn, fix stuff around the house, do laundry, cook meals, run errands, coach soccer, serve as an election volunteer, and help care for elderly parents? Yes or no. Yes or no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a DW and like to take naps whenever possible - especially on vacation. With non-little children, this should not be a big deal.

Get up and do most of your activities in the morning and then have some quiet time before dinner. Better to be out of the sun if possible or sunscreen up and chill by the pool if you don't want to be indoors.

Vacations are for relaxing and taking a change of pace. OP just seems to be bothered by DH in general and likes to be a victim. This is very manageable since you are early risers.

The example you could relate to is if your husband insisted that every day at 2pm, everyone must leave the pool and go attend tennis lessons. NO EXCEPTIONS. He's booked 2.5 hours.

It's one member of a family disrupting the flow of the rest of the family. Whether it's by sleeping or forcing activity, it's selfish and it sucks.

More like Dad has a tennis lesson booked at this specific time. Either you plan around it or the rest of the fam does something else while hes at tennis. No one else has to do anything.

This isn't complicated.

Imagine your perfect vacation. Maybe it's forcing our family to run a marathon. Maybe it's sittiing like a slug in a RV park in Williamsport MD. Pick what you want to do.

Now, imagine one person in your family who REFUSES to go along and disrupts your ideal. Every day. No exception.

We all have different vacay styles and that's okay. We're never going to convince that PP who wants to mooch around all day avoiding frescos that someone else wants to do interesting things. That's fine. It's a matter of taste. The point is, a family member who refuses to let the rest of the family have the vacation they want.

It isn’t complicated. OP can plan her dream day and her husband can get himself back to the hotel at naptime.

The real issue is some people lack independence and don’t enjoy hanging with their tweens/teens.

Yes, seems like OP lacks independence and her DH doesn't want to hang with the kids. Kind of a double edged sword for their situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Less important but worth noting is the unfairness to me because it’s not like I get a similar break; in fact, I would find it incredibly selfish to take two hours every day for myself on family vacation. We coordinated and paid money to take this trip, it seems foolish to waste 14 waking hours of the trip on naps.

I don't know if anyone has addressed this, but your framing here is absolutely bonkers. It isn't that you aren't getting a similar break, you are just refusing to take one. You could take one if you wanted to. But you apparently don't want to, and don't want him to either. That's a valid (though selfish) position to take, but it is crazy to suggest that it's unfair that you don;t get something that you don't want, and could have but choose not to take.

In your mind, you want a nap, so everyone else should have one too.

Oh is that jetboat tour leaving now? Too bad. You should want a nap. Or go by yourself. Sorry, kid—Dad needs his "alone" time. Maybe some other year.

Literally no one said that.

If I want a nap, I can nap, and if you don't want a nap, you can do something else. There are multiple options here that you are refusing to see and only rabidly holding onto this notion that he's refusing to let his family do anything while he locks himself in the bathroom jerking off. Quite the imagination you have!

Again, to the tape...

OP said:

I cherish this time with my kids, but we are sort of in limbo waiting on his naps, and want him included. We are busy at home and rarely get this sort of quality time. The kids wish he didn’t have to nap.

His kids want to do special things with him. He won't.

My bet is selfishness, but maybe he's got apnea and can't stay awake (weird how he stays awake for HIS activities tho). The only other reason I can think of for such mulish refusal to spend time with the kids and insistence that it be in the hotel room, by himself is a porn addiction. It's not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this but I don’t judge him for it. I take the kids for ice cream and let them run around a town square while I sit with a glass of wine and a book, or we go to the pool. Or they also chill and play video games for 2 hours if they want while I read on a terrace. It’s fun!

Oh, and BTW my kids are 14 and 11, very similar to OP’s. I give them $20 and they are fine running around a town square in Europe for a couple of hours. I have also gotten compliments from other tourists…”oh we met your boys at the gelato stand! They are so polite!” I give the oldest my phone so he can text me, all fine. The nice parts of European towns are very very safe.

And that’s a great example that’s so relevant because of course the “nice parts of European towns” is where most people vacation.

/s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: read your post again but insert “my 8 year old” in place of “my DH”.

What does that tell you?

I find this post amusing. If OP were referring to a child, everyone would tell her things like “the child needs to suck it up, child should see pediatrician as this is not normal, the world does not revolve around child, an 8yo should not need naps, and so on” LOL. And I would largely agree.

Yet people are defending a healthy grown man (who slept 9hrs overnight) who gets “cranky” if he doesn’t get his scheduled nap? Good lord. Think about this.

Does the 8yo grind to make $250K a year to support a family? Does the 8yo mow the lawn, fix stuff around the house, do laundry, cook meals, run errands, coach soccer, serve as an election volunteer, and help care for elderly parents? Yes or no. Yes or no.

Exactly this! For an 8yo, pretty much every day is—or can be—a vacation. If my 8yo is super tired on a particular day, I let her skip gymnastics and go to bed early. It’s not like grown-ups get as much opportunity for rest, recuperation, relaxation, or simply chilling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Less important but worth noting is the unfairness to me because it’s not like I get a similar break; in fact, I would find it incredibly selfish to take two hours every day for myself on family vacation. We coordinated and paid money to take this trip, it seems foolish to waste 14 waking hours of the trip on naps.

I don't know if anyone has addressed this, but your framing here is absolutely bonkers. It isn't that you aren't getting a similar break, you are just refusing to take one. You could take one if you wanted to. But you apparently don't want to, and don't want him to either. That's a valid (though selfish) position to take, but it is crazy to suggest that it's unfair that you don;t get something that you don't want, and could have but choose not to take.

In your mind, you want a nap, so everyone else should have one too.

Oh is that jetboat tour leaving now? Too bad. You should want a nap. Or go by yourself. Sorry, kid—Dad needs his "alone" time. Maybe some other year.

Literally no one said that.

If I want a nap, I can nap, and if you don't want a nap, you can do something else. There are multiple options here that you are refusing to see and only rabidly holding onto this notion that he's refusing to let his family do anything while he locks himself in the bathroom jerking off. Quite the imagination you have!

Again, to the tape...

OP said:

I cherish this time with my kids, but we are sort of in limbo waiting on his naps, and want him included. We are busy at home and rarely get this sort of quality time. The kids wish he didn’t have to nap.

His kids want to do special things with him. He won't.

My bet is selfishness, but maybe he's got apnea and can't stay awake (weird how he stays awake for HIS activities tho). The only other reason I can think of for such mulish refusal to spend time with the kids and insistence that it be in the hotel room, by himself is a porn addiction. It's not uncommon.

If you believe the kids said that, I have some waterfront property to sell you...

OP wants them to be together 24/7, gogogo, look at how close we are etc. Her DH wants to take a nap during the day.

Also interesting that some of your posts specify that he's on his corn addiction, and others he's forcing everyone else to be in the same room napping with him. Make up your mind or at least try to keep your story straight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

Only one of them is a teen. See OP's PP about them not being old enough to be at the pool alone.

An 11 is old enough to quietly occupy themselves.

You keep saying this but still haven’t said what they should actually be doing during that time? when we’re on vacation, we don’t have to fill every minute w activities and we do build in down time/screen or reading or napping time but 2 hrs a day of that is kind of a lot. The vacation is only 1 week.

Reading? Watching tv or a movie? Writing in a journal? Napping themselves? Going on a photography hunt? Researching where to go for dinner? Looking up the planned activity for tomorrow? Good lord, if your 11/13 yo can't entertain themselves for a few hours you have failed as a parent.

ALl of your suggestions are a perfectly valid response for one day. But this sounds like it's EVERY day, on EVERY vacation. The guy just can't be bothered to give a damn about his kids and what they might want to do. What's even more sad, the kids want to be with him—it's not even like he's being asked to babysit, the kids WANT TO BE WITH HIM. And his response is churlish, hostile and insistent that he better get his nap, OR ELSE.

And I guarantee you this isn't the only time he treats his family this way...

You are making a LOT of assumptions and "guarantees" about a person you dont even know, getting one side of a story on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand- the kids are teens. Send them to the pool if they don’t want to nap.

It not at all that are stuck with the kids; the teens want a little rope.

You are mad because you think he gets a break and you don’t. But since the kids aren’t babies, this t even an issue.

Only one of them is a teen. See OP's PP about them not being old enough to be at the pool alone.

An 11 is old enough to quietly occupy themselves.

You keep saying this but still haven’t said what they should actually be doing during that time? when we’re on vacation, we don’t have to fill every minute w activities and we do build in down time/screen or reading or napping time but 2 hrs a day of that is kind of a lot. The vacation is only 1 week.

Regardless of the rules, no one is going to kick out an 11 year sitting quietly by the pool reading. It sounds like a lot of don’t travel with tweens and teens.

Sounds like a fun vacation for the 11 year old sitting by the pool they can’t get in, reading alone for 2 hrs every day.