Anyone else going through this? Wary about discussing kids' success around public school family members

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid just go early admission from Brown (from BCC). His best friend at 30-40k? a year didn't. They both did private in younger years and we pulled mine out at some point because our neighborhood kids all loved BCC so we thought we'd give it a shot and haven't looked back. And this kid was a legacy! Very similar backgrounds, houses, vacations, summer camps though I didn't pay for my kid to participate in an Ivy league summer debate program. My kid worked at a rec center that summer selling sodas. I am sure that this kid will get into somewhere but definitely not his top few choices. And we remodeled our kitchen. We could have afforded private but it would have been a stretch. These are my favorite posts to troll because the private parents are so obnoxious and think that their grass is so green!

More worn out trolling from public school crazies who can't stop F5'ing the private school forum all week.

I love reading the public parent posts. My kids are too young to apply to Brown yet but at least they’re not in the same school with these types of people who are cruelty demeaning a “best friend”. It’s a good reminder to keep my kids away from the type of people who are rooting for their failure and mocking them when they do. I really appreciate our small school community and how supportive people are.

+1 public school parents are insufferable and that alone is enough reason to do private because of course it impacts their kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very open large extended family, so we talk about everything under the sun, both my side and in-laws. Dozens of nieces and nephews, so of course every parent is always talking up how their kids are doing. We didn't really notice when they were younger, but as our private school children (and their public school cousins) progress through high school, the gaps are clearly and sadly widening. Not just grades, but honor and advanced courses, the genuine rigor, and AP and SAT scores. When we're together for large family gatherings, our kids act far more mature and confident. They've become polished public speakers, they don't mumble and avoid eye contact when they speak to adults. Lately, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells when we're talking about how our kids are doing in school and their plans for the future. I don't even know if they can detect the stark differences, but I'm so worried they will, that I feel like I'm being evasive about things we used to freely discuss.

Just talk about what the kids are interested in (hobbies, ECs, a few favored subjects, maybe future career plans).

I hated my family bragging on me and my cousins didn't like it much either. Our side was smarter, their side was richer. Jealousy corrodes relationships between family that are not closely bonded. Don't let it.

Figure out fun things to do together that don't involve lots of chat.

I'm OP. I'm fine with family bragging and talking up your kids. In our family everything is fair game. It's family and we're all middle to upper middle class. (To me, bragging about kids becomes classless when you're in public around non-family.) The issue is now when talking up our kids, we're talking about teens that are very clearly on different levels. I'm not even sure if they grasp the full extent of the widening gaps. But I do and it is unsettling.

Is the bolded for real? Did no one ever teach you that it is rude to brag?

I’m very surprised that anyone thinks it is okay to brag.

I don’t consider it bragging when my husband is on the phone or having a drink in the basement bar talking to his brothers about all the kids. It’s just adult siblings talking up their kids. They brag, joking around, and some lighthearted sarcasm. Anything goes in a big outgoing family. But as our private school kids get older and more defined, that distance they’re created versus their public school teenage cousins is making me increasingly uncomfortable. Almost like a feeling of guilt or embarrassment. It’s difficult to express in words. I wasn’t sure if I was alone in feeling this way. It’s hard to participate in the same family conversations, at least with the same transparency.

If the conversation is about how many APs, how rigorous classes really are, or what children’s scores on standardized test are, you’ve crossed over to inappropriate bragging. It’s very odd for adults to sit around discussing these things about their kids- especially while having a drink in the basement bar! As my mother would say, were you raised in a barn that you don’t know the difference between appropriate conversational topics and bragging about your kids?

I do hope this is a troll and I’m just wasting my time here, but my kid went to TJ and I did encounter a number of parents there who were totally unaware that talking about their children’s SAT scores and class grades is inappropriate and braggy. So I do believe that people like this actually exist and maybe they just need to learn about manners and courtesy in an anonymous forum. Maybe if they know better, they’ll do better.

Societal norms are different for some immigrant groups. For example, the Chinese have no problem asking how much you make, how much you spent on your house, what your monthly rental is. Then there are the Japanese who would never be caught blowing their nose in public. Some cultures are simply very crass.
Speaking as someone who grew up in an Asian household, I've never understood what the purpose is in gossiping about one's child. All the bragging and complaining doesn't change outcomes. I think there is some effort at shaming the low performers though in some dumb hope that the comparisons will magically increase the GPA or test scores. There isn't a culture of encouraging what a child is good at if it's not associated with a grade nor funnelling their potential in that direction.

The OP didn’t say anything about being part of an ethnic immigrant culture. The fact is she lives here in the US, as do her children and the relatives she is bragging to. If her kids are planning to spend their lives here, the adults should be modeling good manners for them. If they grow up thinking that bragging is okay, they will have difficulties getting along with friends and work colleagues.

Adult siblings talking in detail about their children is not bad manners, it is perfectly normal. You talk about kids, you talk about careers, you talk about investment opportunities, and you even clutch-the-pearls detail how much money you make. You miserable shut-ins project all of your family estrangement and social issues onto others. Just because you're an anti-social outcast who is sketchy and evasive around family, you think everyone else is too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid just go early admission from Brown (from BCC). His best friend at 30-40k? a year didn't. They both did private in younger years and we pulled mine out at some point because our neighborhood kids all loved BCC so we thought we'd give it a shot and haven't looked back. And this kid was a legacy! Very similar backgrounds, houses, vacations, summer camps though I didn't pay for my kid to participate in an Ivy league summer debate program. My kid worked at a rec center that summer selling sodas. I am sure that this kid will get into somewhere but definitely not his top few choices. And we remodeled our kitchen. We could have afforded private but it would have been a stretch. These are my favorite posts to troll because the private parents are so obnoxious and think that their grass is so green!

More worn out trolling from public school crazies who can't stop F5'ing the private school forum all week.

I love reading the public parent posts. My kids are too young to apply to Brown yet but at least they’re not in the same school with these types of people who are cruelty demeaning a “best friend”. It’s a good reminder to keep my kids away from the type of people who are rooting for their failure and mocking them when they do. I really appreciate our small school community and how supportive people are.

+1 public school parents are insufferable and that alone is enough reason to do private because of course it impacts their kids

I think I've visited the public forums here maybe two times and it was only because of something in the news. Other than that, don't read it and don't care what they do. Imagine how insecure and status conscious and frankly bonkers you have to be to not only obsessively read the private forum on a daily basis, but then also spam the same thinly-veiled anti-private fake rubbish for months if not years on end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It'll be hilarious when they end up in the same colleges

So funny. NP here and I was thinking this.

I went to a top boarding school. Was a great student, and then went to a good but not knock your socks off college. Fast forward 25 years, and I’m a UMC mom working in nonprofit comms. Literally no one on scum would be impressed.

I’m proud of my cool, imperfect, fun kids, and you should be proud of yours. But there’s a difference between proud and smug.

[Anonymous]

DCUM, not scum! Lol! But maybe that’s what I should have written!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid just go early admission from Brown (from BCC). His best friend at 30-40k? a year didn't. They both did private in younger years and we pulled mine out at some point because our neighborhood kids all loved BCC so we thought we'd give it a shot and haven't looked back. And this kid was a legacy! Very similar backgrounds, houses, vacations, summer camps though I didn't pay for my kid to participate in an Ivy league summer debate program. My kid worked at a rec center that summer selling sodas. I am sure that this kid will get into somewhere but definitely not his top few choices. And we remodeled our kitchen. We could have afforded private but it would have been a stretch. These are my favorite posts to troll because the private parents are so obnoxious and think that their grass is so green!

More worn out trolling from public school crazies who can't stop F5'ing the private school forum all week.

I love reading the public parent posts. My kids are too young to apply to Brown yet but at least they’re not in the same school with these types of people who are cruelty demeaning a “best friend”. It’s a good reminder to keep my kids away from the type of people who are rooting for their failure and mocking them when they do. I really appreciate our small school community and how supportive people are.

+1 public school parents are insufferable and that alone is enough reason to do private because of course it impacts their kids

I think I've visited the public forums here maybe two times and it was only because of something in the news. Other than that, don't read it and don't care what they do. Imagine how insecure and status conscious and frankly bonkers you have to be to not only obsessively read the private forum on a daily basis, but then also spam the same thinly-veiled anti-private fake rubbish for months if not years on end.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It'll be hilarious when they end up in the same colleges

And similar jobs.

[Anonymous]

It all comes out in the wash, OP. I went to Yale. My boss went to a college I’ve never heard of in Indiana, and she’s my boss. The public school kids will be all right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid just go early admission from Brown (from BCC). His best friend at 30-40k? a year didn't. They both did private in younger years and we pulled mine out at some point because our neighborhood kids all loved BCC so we thought we'd give it a shot and haven't looked back. And this kid was a legacy! Very similar backgrounds, houses, vacations, summer camps though I didn't pay for my kid to participate in an Ivy league summer debate program. My kid worked at a rec center that summer selling sodas. I am sure that this kid will get into somewhere but definitely not his top few choices. And we remodeled our kitchen. We could have afforded private but it would have been a stretch. These are my favorite posts to troll because the private parents are so obnoxious and think that their grass is so green!

More worn out trolling from public school crazies who can't stop F5'ing the private school forum all week.

I love reading the public parent posts. My kids are too young to apply to Brown yet but at least they’re not in the same school with these types of people who are cruelty demeaning a “best friend”. It’s a good reminder to keep my kids away from the type of people who are rooting for their failure and mocking them when they do. I really appreciate our small school community and how supportive people are.

+1 public school parents are insufferable and that alone is enough reason to do private because of course it impacts their kids

I think I've visited the public forums here maybe two times and it was only because of something in the news. Other than that, don't read it and don't care what they do. Imagine how insecure and status conscious and frankly bonkers you have to be to not only obsessively read the private forum on a daily basis, but then also spam the same thinly-veiled anti-private fake rubbish for months if not years on end.

Public school parents don’t specifically go to the private forum to get you riled up, numbnut. They peruse Recent Topics and see a thread with “public school families” right in the title. Or, maybe, like me, they have kid in public and private and can post wherever they damn well please.

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It all comes out in the wash, OP. I went to Yale. My boss went to a college I’ve never heard of in Indiana, and she’s my boss. The public school kids will be all right!

I went to GDS and my boss went to Whitman. She’s a decade older than me but she’s a very powerful person and my boss.

All the people who think people on the forum saying the OP is delusional are not parents of public school students or exclusively public. Speaking for myself, I went to both public and private before going to Yale and my eldest goes to private (younger kids are not school age). FWIW my boss went to U Mich. I can’t understand how so many people live in bubbles where they have not experienced that kids who go to good privates and do well perform similarly to kids who go to good public’s and do well. That is reality. It is next level confirmation bias and willful delusion to think otherwise. You will be disappointed and your children will no doubt be frustrated as adults when they go to college and get jobs and realize their inferior public school counterparts are doing as well or better than them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all comes out in the wash, OP. I went to Yale. My boss went to a college I’ve never heard of in Indiana, and she’s my boss. The public school kids will be all right!

I went to GDS and my boss went to Whitman. She’s a decade older than me but she’s a very powerful person and my boss.

All the people who think people on the forum saying the OP is delusional are not parents of public school students or exclusively public. Speaking for myself, I went to both public and private before going to Yale and my eldest goes to private (younger kids are not school age). FWIW my boss went to U Mich. I can’t understand how so many people live in bubbles where they have not experienced that kids who go to good privates and do well perform similarly to kids who go to good public’s and do well. That is reality. It is next level confirmation bias and willful delusion to think otherwise. You will be disappointed and your children will no doubt be frustrated as adults when they go to college and get jobs and realize their inferior public school counterparts are doing as well or better than them.

Apologies for typos. Making mac and cheese for my kids while I post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It'll be hilarious when they end up in the same colleges

And similar jobs.

That's what happened to one of my siblings friends: he went to private and his parents were snobbish about it, my sibling went to public. Both ended up at the same college, and then in the same job for the same fed agency. The friend"s parents were not happy, after all that money they paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

I'm laughing. This honestly hits home. Public school teens in our family only seem to want to eat chicken tenders, pizza, or mac & cheese! And I refuse to buy it for any family gatherings but they clearly eat fast food multiple times a week when they're not around us. Their parents are ambitious and competitive and highlight the kids having all A report cards and sometimes they're even in AP courses. But then you prod a little more and they tell you the teen never has homework, they didn't bother sitting for official AP exams (or they don't know what they scored), and the "advanced" math they're taking as a 12th grader sure sounds more like algebra II. The only time the public school teens don't mumble is when they're talking about sports or video games. And if the ACT or SAT is mediocre, they either dodge talking about it or have some excuse about the teen had a big game or tournament that same weekend, so they were exhausted when they sat for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

I'm laughing. This honestly hits home. Public school teens in our family only seem to want to eat chicken tenders, pizza, or mac & cheese! And I refuse to buy it for any family gatherings but they clearly eat fast food multiple times a week when they're not around us. Their parents are ambitious and competitive and highlight the kids having all A report cards and sometimes they're even in AP courses. But then you prod a little more and they tell you the teen never has homework, they didn't bother sitting for official AP exams (or they don't know what they scored), and the "advanced" math they're taking as a 12th grader sure sounds more like algebra II. The only time the public school teens don't mumble is when they're talking about sports or video games. And if the ACT or SAT is mediocre, they either dodge talking about it or have some excuse about the teen had a big game or tournament that same weekend, so they were exhausted when they sat for it.

Your are either really invested in this troll effort or you did not read the PP's post in its entirety. Either way, hilarious!