Anyone else going through this? Wary about discussing kids' success around public school family members

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't brag about your kids, it's not a good look OP and creates issues for the kids.

My experience as a private school lifer leads me to believe that public school students to catch up quickly when in college and some private students crash and burn. My sibling, who went to public school, definitely outperformed some of his friends who went to private.

A lot of private students end up burned out and on drugs / alcohol before they reach college. I drank but stayed away from drugs, and did fine, but I was "poor" and some of my richer classmates didn't do so well.

Nice try, troll.

This is my experience too. If you have kids in private or went to a private and a good college you know this is like 35% of kids. Burnout and drug use or substance use.

Um, nope.

- parent who attended K-12 private, as did kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

+1

This is great advice, OP. Our private school kids have also started tutoring their public school cousins when the families get together, which has been such a great way for our kids to earn some money and put those brains to use!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

I'm laughing. This honestly hits home. Public school teens in our family only seem to want to eat chicken tenders, pizza, or mac & cheese! And I refuse to buy it for any family gatherings but they clearly eat fast food multiple times a week when they're not around us. Their parents are ambitious and competitive and highlight the kids having all A report cards and sometimes they're even in AP courses. But then you prod a little more and they tell you the teen never has homework, they didn't bother sitting for official AP exams (or they don't know what they scored), and the "advanced" math they're taking as a 12th grader sure sounds more like algebra II. The only time the public school teens don't mumble is when they're talking about sports or video games. And if the ACT or SAT is mediocre, they either dodge talking about it or have some excuse about the teen had a big game or tournament that same weekend, so they were exhausted when they sat for it.

OMG, you realize that previous post was satire, right? RIGHT?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid just go early admission from Brown (from BCC). His best friend at 30-40k? a year didn't. They both did private in younger years and we pulled mine out at some point because our neighborhood kids all loved BCC so we thought we'd give it a shot and haven't looked back. And this kid was a legacy! Very similar backgrounds, houses, vacations, summer camps though I didn't pay for my kid to participate in an Ivy league summer debate program. My kid worked at a rec center that summer selling sodas. I am sure that this kid will get into somewhere but definitely not his top few choices. And we remodeled our kitchen. We could have afforded private but it would have been a stretch. These are my favorite posts to troll because the private parents are so obnoxious and think that their grass is so green!

More worn out trolling from public school crazies who can't stop F5'ing the private school forum all week.

I love reading the public parent posts. My kids are too young to apply to Brown yet but at least they’re not in the same school with these types of people who are cruelty demeaning a “best friend”. It’s a good reminder to keep my kids away from the type of people who are rooting for their failure and mocking them when they do. I really appreciate our small school community and how supportive people are.

+1 public school parents are insufferable and that alone is enough reason to do private because of course it impacts their kids

The subset of public schools parents that post on private school forums to dunk on private schools are arguably “insufferable.” But so are the sort of (private school) parents that would slander the entire universe of public school parents.

—signed a private school lifer

I get it, I can be insufferable, but it’s because I’m a former private lifer who has seen the light. I want to share my truth (and save you some money). I can’t do it IRL because I’m polite, but this is my way of spreading the word.

—signed a former private school lifer, very happily converted to a much more competitive, academically (and athletically) superior public school

Nobody is asking for money saving techniques. The specific schools matter so your vague generalities have limited generalizability.

+100

It's as if there is a single private school and a single public school for the entire country and it's a choice between A or B for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

I'm laughing. This honestly hits home. Public school teens in our family only seem to want to eat chicken tenders, pizza, or mac & cheese! And I refuse to buy it for any family gatherings but they clearly eat fast food multiple times a week when they're not around us. Their parents are ambitious and competitive and highlight the kids having all A report cards and sometimes they're even in AP courses. But then you prod a little more and they tell you the teen never has homework, they didn't bother sitting for official AP exams (or they don't know what they scored), and the "advanced" math they're taking as a 12th grader sure sounds more like algebra II. The only time the public school teens don't mumble is when they're talking about sports or video games. And if the ACT or SAT is mediocre, they either dodge talking about it or have some excuse about the teen had a big game or tournament that same weekend, so they were exhausted when they sat for it.

OMG, you realize that previous post was satire, right? RIGHT?

Was it though? Was it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid just go early admission from Brown (from BCC). His best friend at 30-40k? a year didn't. They both did private in younger years and we pulled mine out at some point because our neighborhood kids all loved BCC so we thought we'd give it a shot and haven't looked back. And this kid was a legacy! Very similar backgrounds, houses, vacations, summer camps though I didn't pay for my kid to participate in an Ivy league summer debate program. My kid worked at a rec center that summer selling sodas. I am sure that this kid will get into somewhere but definitely not his top few choices. And we remodeled our kitchen. We could have afforded private but it would have been a stretch. These are my favorite posts to troll because the private parents are so obnoxious and think that their grass is so green!

More worn out trolling from public school crazies who can't stop F5'ing the private school forum all week.

I love reading the public parent posts. My kids are too young to apply to Brown yet but at least they’re not in the same school with these types of people who are cruelty demeaning a “best friend”. It’s a good reminder to keep my kids away from the type of people who are rooting for their failure and mocking them when they do. I really appreciate our small school community and how supportive people are.

+1 public school parents are insufferable and that alone is enough reason to do private because of course it impacts their kids

The subset of public schools parents that post on private school forums to dunk on private schools are arguably “insufferable.” But so are the sort of (private school) parents that would slander the entire universe of public school parents.

—signed a private school lifer

I get it, I can be insufferable, but it’s because I’m a former private lifer who has seen the light. I want to share my truth (and save you some money). I can’t do it IRL because I’m polite, but this is my way of spreading the word.

—signed a former private school lifer, very happily converted to a much more competitive, academically (and athletically) superior public school

Nobody is asking for money saving techniques. The specific schools matter so your vague generalities have limited generalizability.

+100

It's as if there is a single private school and a single public school for the entire country and it's a choice between A or B for everyone.

Yep, that’s exactly what the parents at my old private would say. It’s like a cult. You have to convince yourself it’s worth the money and you do. But it’s not. Sorry! Numerous studies have shown that all that matters for higher test scores and college admissions is socioeconomic status.

https://www.davispoliticalreview.com/article/the-private-school-myth

But sure, keep telling yourself that Junior is getting a more well rounded experience with better peers while paying an arm and a leg for ridiculous affinity clubs and unqualified teachers who preach about their latest social justice campaign instead of just teaching. Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

I'm laughing. This honestly hits home. Public school teens in our family only seem to want to eat chicken tenders, pizza, or mac & cheese! And I refuse to buy it for any family gatherings but they clearly eat fast food multiple times a week when they're not around us. Their parents are ambitious and competitive and highlight the kids having all A report cards and sometimes they're even in AP courses. But then you prod a little more and they tell you the teen never has homework, they didn't bother sitting for official AP exams (or they don't know what they scored), and the "advanced" math they're taking as a 12th grader sure sounds more like algebra II. The only time the public school teens don't mumble is when they're talking about sports or video games. And if the ACT or SAT is mediocre, they either dodge talking about it or have some excuse about the teen had a big game or tournament that same weekend, so they were exhausted when they sat for it.

OMG, you realize that previous post was satire, right? RIGHT?

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

I'm laughing. This honestly hits home. Public school teens in our family only seem to want to eat chicken tenders, pizza, or mac & cheese! And I refuse to buy it for any family gatherings but they clearly eat fast food multiple times a week when they're not around us. Their parents are ambitious and competitive and highlight the kids having all A report cards and sometimes they're even in AP courses. But then you prod a little more and they tell you the teen never has homework, they didn't bother sitting for official AP exams (or they don't know what they scored), and the "advanced" math they're taking as a 12th grader sure sounds more like algebra II. The only time the public school teens don't mumble is when they're talking about sports or video games. And if the ACT or SAT is mediocre, they either dodge talking about it or have some excuse about the teen had a big game or tournament that same weekend, so they were exhausted when they sat for it.

OMG, you realize that previous post was satire, right? RIGHT?

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

DP. Well, yes, but there are also a lot of jesting words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry other posters are being dismissive and don't want to help you. I get it.

Our kids are a bit older than yours and I can help give you some perspective.

When we'd get together with the public school cousins I would always tell my kids to try to talk to them about small things they just might have in common. Like music or tv (avoiding topics like classical music and art films). When we had them over to our house we'd serve simple foods like cheeseburgers and spaghetti instead of our usual fare (dover sole, artichokes with aioli, risotto, I'm sure you get it). We'd also be sure to have those little orange ramen soup packets for the cousins. We avoided talking about academics and kept discussion very basic, intellectually.

Anyway, now they are all adults and they get along great. They have a lot to talk about, and the public school cousins are always eager to spend time with my kids, especially if they get to babysit my daughter's kids (she pays them well). They've also been really nice about visiting my son, who is in prison for insider trading, and he has graciously let them use his home in Montauk while he's "away."

Anyway, it gets better!

+1

This is great advice, OP. Our private school kids have also started tutoring their public school cousins when the families get together, which has been such a great way for our kids to earn some money and put those brains to use!

Your children handle money?
My children are above such vulgar things. They care for cousins because caring for family is the right to do. Since my family has good people to manage our holdings, we don't have to occupy our minds with low activities like fetching money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid just go early admission from Brown (from BCC). His best friend at 30-40k? a year didn't. They both did private in younger years and we pulled mine out at some point because our neighborhood kids all loved BCC so we thought we'd give it a shot and haven't looked back. And this kid was a legacy! Very similar backgrounds, houses, vacations, summer camps though I didn't pay for my kid to participate in an Ivy league summer debate program. My kid worked at a rec center that summer selling sodas. I am sure that this kid will get into somewhere but definitely not his top few choices. And we remodeled our kitchen. We could have afforded private but it would have been a stretch. These are my favorite posts to troll because the private parents are so obnoxious and think that their grass is so green!

More worn out trolling from public school crazies who can't stop F5'ing the private school forum all week.

I love reading the public parent posts. My kids are too young to apply to Brown yet but at least they’re not in the same school with these types of people who are cruelty demeaning a “best friend”. It’s a good reminder to keep my kids away from the type of people who are rooting for their failure and mocking them when they do. I really appreciate our small school community and how supportive people are.

+1 public school parents are insufferable and that alone is enough reason to do private because of course it impacts their kids

The subset of public schools parents that post on private school forums to dunk on private schools are arguably “insufferable.” But so are the sort of (private school) parents that would slander the entire universe of public school parents.

—signed a private school lifer

I get it, I can be insufferable, but it’s because I’m a former private lifer who has seen the light. I want to share my truth (and save you some money). I can’t do it IRL because I’m polite, but this is my way of spreading the word.

—signed a former private school lifer, very happily converted to a much more competitive, academically (and athletically) superior public school

Nobody is asking for money saving techniques. The specific schools matter so your vague generalities have limited generalizability.

+100

It's as if there is a single private school and a single public school for the entire country and it's a choice between A or B for everyone.

Yep, that’s exactly what the parents at my old private would say. It’s like a cult. You have to convince yourself it’s worth the money and you do. But it’s not. Sorry! Numerous studies have shown that all that matters for higher test scores and college admissions is socioeconomic status.

https://www.davispoliticalreview.com/article/the-private-school-myth

But sure, keep telling yourself that Junior is getting a more well rounded experience with better peers while paying an arm and a leg for ridiculous affinity clubs and unqualified teachers who preach about their latest social justice campaign instead of just teaching. Have fun!

My sister in Q, don't sprain your wrists trying to twist all your prejudices to force them into the right boxes. You forgot that it's the public schools who are indoctrinating our children with cultural Marxism now.

[Anonymous]

"Cultural Marxism" is the new dog whistle for woke, I see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid just go early admission from Brown (from BCC). His best friend at 30-40k? a year didn't. They both did private in younger years and we pulled mine out at some point because our neighborhood kids all loved BCC so we thought we'd give it a shot and haven't looked back. And this kid was a legacy! Very similar backgrounds, houses, vacations, summer camps though I didn't pay for my kid to participate in an Ivy league summer debate program. My kid worked at a rec center that summer selling sodas. I am sure that this kid will get into somewhere but definitely not his top few choices. And we remodeled our kitchen. We could have afforded private but it would have been a stretch. These are my favorite posts to troll because the private parents are so obnoxious and think that their grass is so green!

More worn out trolling from public school crazies who can't stop F5'ing the private school forum all week.

I love reading the public parent posts. My kids are too young to apply to Brown yet but at least they’re not in the same school with these types of people who are cruelty demeaning a “best friend”. It’s a good reminder to keep my kids away from the type of people who are rooting for their failure and mocking them when they do. I really appreciate our small school community and how supportive people are.

+1 public school parents are insufferable and that alone is enough reason to do private because of course it impacts their kids

The subset of public schools parents that post on private school forums to dunk on private schools are arguably “insufferable.” But so are the sort of (private school) parents that would slander the entire universe of public school parents.

—signed a private school lifer

I get it, I can be insufferable, but it’s because I’m a former private lifer who has seen the light. I want to share my truth (and save you some money). I can’t do it IRL because I’m polite, but this is my way of spreading the word.

—signed a former private school lifer, very happily converted to a much more competitive, academically (and athletically) superior public school

Nobody is asking for money saving techniques. The specific schools matter so your vague generalities have limited generalizability.

+100

It's as if there is a single private school and a single public school for the entire country and it's a choice between A or B for everyone.

Yep, that’s exactly what the parents at my old private would say. It’s like a cult. You have to convince yourself it’s worth the money and you do. But it’s not. Sorry! Numerous studies have shown that all that matters for higher test scores and college admissions is socioeconomic status.

https://www.davispoliticalreview.com/article/the-private-school-myth

But sure, keep telling yourself that Junior is getting a more well rounded experience with better peers while paying an arm and a leg for ridiculous affinity clubs and unqualified teachers who preach about their latest social justice campaign instead of just teaching. Have fun!

Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.

[Anonymous]

This thread made me think of my childhood growing up.

Not a public vs. private thing but a money and stability thing.

My cousin, who is very close in age to me, was brought up in a loving home, lots of support (financially, emotionally, academically etc.) whereas I was the black sheep who came from literal poverty and an abusive household with addicts for parents.

I was also smart, as was my cousin. We would talk about school, classes we were in, books we were reading etc. One night my grandmother asked me to not talk to my cousin about school. Because my aunt got upset that her perfect snowflake kid wasn't so much better or smarter than I was.

But before you get upset, don't worry - I send family those (by DCUM standards) annoyingly detailed, multipage updates as holiday cards about how awesome my DC is (grades, EC's, summer programs, our travel etc.). Apart from most of my family who call or text me to tell me how much they love the updates every year (they all live elsewhere and do not have a day in/day out relationship with my DC) I know it has to make her toes curl.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I grew up in a big family in OH. Out of 29 first cousins, mine was the only cousin not to grow up in OH. She went to a fancy private here + HYP. All of the others went to public and state universities in OH. We were/are worlds away from all of them They would not even know what an Ivy University is.

[Anonymous]

ITT: tell me you’re Asian without telling me you’re Asian.