What makes a kid popular in middle school?

[Anonymous]

After reading this thread, I am ever more grateful that my kids go to an incredibly diverse middle schools - there just doesn't seem to be a 'cool crowd' in the same way as some middle schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

For girls, its if you are slutty and for boys it's if you are athletic.

Wait if the girls are “slutty” who are they being “slutty” with if the boys are just innocent athletes?!?

Exactly. Can we please STOP the dated "girls are sluts" sh---? If the girls are SO ARE THE BOYS.

No we can’t stop it. Because there are girl sluts in middle school and there are girl slut wannabes.
They wear too much makeup, they show too much skin, they don’t want good grades or grades better than the boys, they watch rated R movies, they’re on social media all the time.
They’re also LOUD and in your face about it.

I wouldn’t call that popular, buts is a clear dynamic and displayed in several groups of girls.

Ok boy mom. Calm down. We get it. Poor innocent boys LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my observation, popularity still exists, but not in the same way as when I was that age. (I'm 43 now)

There seems to be 2 kinds of popular:

one is athletic, smart kids, this group is mostly boys

the other is "bad kids" who dress inappropriately, spend a lot of time on hair and make up, talk back to teachers and get ISS, this group is majority girls

This school is mostly Black and Latinx, so I think there are different factors at play.

My kid is nerdy and musical, has plenty of friends and is never bullied

The girl bashing on this entire thread is insane

It is really hard being a girl these days. Girls seem to be mean. The boys may or may not think you are cute. So much pressure.

My kids affluent middle and high school have a lot of very awkward looking girls.

This isn't what I'm seeing AT ALL at our public high school. There is very little awkwardness in the girls. Still some awkwardness with the boys.

Most of the smart highly academic popular kids are girls. Or gay boys. They do debate and constitution team and mock trial and run for student elections. They often do play sports but with some exceptions that's not what they are known for. Their counterparts in boys are the athletes who also get good grades but sports is more their defining characteristic. These kids all party or are okay with partying, and they often mix with each other. They dress a little more basic and preppy but fashionable.

Then there are the popular "bad" kids but not TOO bad. They dress more urban and trendy - baggy jeans, y2k style, some of the boys seem to be getting into designer looks (mostly fake though). Girls are more into makeup, the boys usually have overgrown fluffy hair and good shoes. Some of these kids get good grades and are in sports, academics etc but its not what they are known for. Usually the "bad" behaviors of this group are exaggerated for gossip (from what my daughter says as she became friends with many of these kids this year and learned that no, they are just smoking weed or drinking at parties not doing lines of coke, but that was a good story wasn't it.....)

The kids who are really wild end up going to rehab and getting sent to alternative school by sophomore year. All the really "bad" kids are gone this year.

These two groups mix some. They certainly know each other. This is at a public high school with 400-500 per grade. These two groups probably covers about 100 kids, with another 100 kids who are also known but are more niche social groups like choir, drama, etc, 100 kids who are probably in between and known to some or known "weird kids" or known for something not good, and then about 100 who would probably be classed at NPC. Just not memorable in a good or bad way.

Someone missed the TITLE of the thread that is addressing MIDDLE school, which is far different than high school

Yeah this is Page 8. I already answered the middle school question earlier. It’s called an evolving conversation, genius.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my observation, popularity still exists, but not in the same way as when I was that age. (I'm 43 now)

There seems to be 2 kinds of popular:

one is athletic, smart kids, this group is mostly boys

the other is "bad kids" who dress inappropriately, spend a lot of time on hair and make up, talk back to teachers and get ISS, this group is majority girls

This school is mostly Black and Latinx, so I think there are different factors at play.

My kid is nerdy and musical, has plenty of friends and is never bullied

The girl bashing on this entire thread is insane

It is really hard being a girl these days. Girls seem to be mean. The boys may or may not think you are cute. So much pressure.

My kids affluent middle and high school have a lot of very awkward looking girls.

This isn't what I'm seeing AT ALL at our public high school. There is very little awkwardness in the girls. Still some awkwardness with the boys.

Most of the smart highly academic popular kids are girls. Or gay boys. They do debate and constitution team and mock trial and run for student elections. They often do play sports but with some exceptions that's not what they are known for. Their counterparts in boys are the athletes who also get good grades but sports is more their defining characteristic. These kids all party or are okay with partying, and they often mix with each other. They dress a little more basic and preppy but fashionable.

Then there are the popular "bad" kids but not TOO bad. They dress more urban and trendy - baggy jeans, y2k style, some of the boys seem to be getting into designer looks (mostly fake though). Girls are more into makeup, the boys usually have overgrown fluffy hair and good shoes. Some of these kids get good grades and are in sports, academics etc but its not what they are known for. Usually the "bad" behaviors of this group are exaggerated for gossip (from what my daughter says as she became friends with many of these kids this year and learned that no, they are just smoking weed or drinking at parties not doing lines of coke, but that was a good story wasn't it.....)

The kids who are really wild end up going to rehab and getting sent to alternative school by sophomore year. All the really "bad" kids are gone this year.

These two groups mix some. They certainly know each other. This is at a public high school with 400-500 per grade. These two groups probably covers about 100 kids, with another 100 kids who are also known but are more niche social groups like choir, drama, etc, 100 kids who are probably in between and known to some or known "weird kids" or known for something not good, and then about 100 who would probably be classed at NPC. Just not memorable in a good or bad way.

Someone missed the TITLE of the thread that is addressing MIDDLE school, which is far different than high school

Yeah this is Page 8. I already answered the middle school question earlier. It’s called an evolving conversation, genius.

I have kids in college. Let’s evolve there and then mid 20’s next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

For girls, its if you are slutty and for boys it's if you are athletic.

Wait if the girls are “slutty” who are they being “slutty” with if the boys are just innocent athletes?!?

Exactly. Can we please STOP the dated "girls are sluts" sh---? If the girls are SO ARE THE BOYS.

No we can’t stop it. Because there are girl sluts in middle school and there are girl slut wannabes.
They wear too much makeup, they show too much skin, they don’t want good grades or grades better than the boys, they watch rated R movies, they’re on social media all the time.
They’re also LOUD and in your face about it.

I wouldn’t call that popular, buts is a clear dynamic and displayed in several groups of girls.

Ok boy mom. Calm down. We get it. Poor innocent boys LOL

For real. What is this boy mom yapping on about middle school girls being slutty and watching r rated movies when we all know any little boy that has the internet and can sprout his branch is on every porn site imaginable. It’s unreal the parents that can point fingers and judge others, especially based on gender alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

For girls, its if you are slutty and for boys it's if you are athletic.

Wait if the girls are “slutty” who are they being “slutty” with if the boys are just innocent athletes?!?

Exactly. Can we please STOP the dated "girls are sluts" sh---? If the girls are SO ARE THE BOYS.

No we can’t stop it. Because there are girl sluts in middle school and there are girl slut wannabes.
They wear too much makeup, they show too much skin, they don’t want good grades or grades better than the boys, they watch rated R movies, they’re on social media all the time.
They’re also LOUD and in your face about it.

I wouldn’t call that popular, buts is a clear dynamic and displayed in several groups of girls.

So who are the slutty girls being slutty with and what do you call those boys?

Do middle school boys not watch rated r movies?

Are middle school boys not on social media?

Are middle school boys not loud?

And are you saying there are girls that purposely make sure they don’t want good grades and make sure to let the boys know how much smarter they are than them?

Help me understand your post

[Anonymous]

Many middle school boys do not watch "R" rated movies. Many are not on social media. Can't speak for girls as we only have boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many middle school boys do not watch "R" rated movies. Many are not on social media. Can't speak for girls as we only have boys.

NP
Okay, I have middle school boy and girl. My son doesn't watch R rated movies and is not on social media. He's following in my DH's footsteps of starting puberty late.

But many of his friends and classmates do these things and talk horribly about girls. We watch any communication he has with his friends (mostly text) very carefully.

[Anonymous]

Oh no, not R rated movies 🤣🤣 Some of you are wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

For girls, its if you are slutty and for boys it's if you are athletic.

Wait if the girls are “slutty” who are they being “slutty” with if the boys are just innocent athletes?!?

Exactly. Can we please STOP the dated "girls are sluts" sh---? If the girls are SO ARE THE BOYS.

No we can’t stop it. Because there are girl sluts in middle school and there are girl slut wannabes.
They wear too much makeup, they show too much skin, they don’t want good grades or grades better than the boys, they watch rated R movies, they’re on social media all the time.
They’re also LOUD and in your face about it.

I wouldn’t call that popular, buts is a clear dynamic and displayed in several groups of girls.

Literally NONE of this is relevant to the definition of "slut." You, on the other hand, are a dumba$$ ignorant shrew.

And you're sweet boys are the ones pitching a tent the minute a girl even looks their way. Saying inappropriate things to/about them (I've heard it). And pushing them to move too fast. Don't like those generalizations b/c your son isn't? Well I don't like the generalizations about girls, grannie. And if you said that to my face, you and I would be having a major situation.

[Anonymous]

As a mom of a MS daughter and a HS daughter, and a sub in both schools, the struggle to get the girls to wear enough clothes is REAL. Its better in winter of course, but the elimination of any meaningful dress code (public school) has been...interesting. A sports bra with an unbuttoned plaid shirt definitely passes. Your butt check hanging out the bottom of your shorts definitely passes. I don't let my girls do this and they think I am the meanest mom in the world. But its fairly common. And the boys just look...homeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh no, not R rated movies 🤣🤣 Some of you are wild.

I was a nerdy kid and I watched rated R movies in elementary school.

My kids have been watching movies on Netflix through a pandemic. They started the pandemic still watching cartoons. Im sure my high school and middle school kids have watched R movies. Isn’t this the generation where they have tons of screens??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I am ever more grateful that my kids go to an incredibly diverse middle schools - there just doesn't seem to be a 'cool crowd' in the same way as some middle schools.

I went to a very diverse and small middle school (50 kids per grade) and I thought the same thing - no cliques, just a lot of kids who got along. Twenty years later, I mentioned this to a former classmate, who diplomatically informed me that from her perspective, there had definitely been cliques, and that she had felt shut out. In my recollection, she had her group of close friends and I had mine, but we all got along. In her memory, we were nice enough, but never wanted to be close friends with her group of friends and never invited them to our parties. And I’m sure I got the sanitized version of the story. It made me realize that every school has cliques and cool kids. And if you don’t think so, it’s because you were oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I am ever more grateful that my kids go to an incredibly diverse middle schools - there just doesn't seem to be a 'cool crowd' in the same way as some middle schools.

I went to a very diverse and small middle school (50 kids per grade) and I thought the same thing - no cliques, just a lot of kids who got along. Twenty years later, I mentioned this to a former classmate, who diplomatically informed me that from her perspective, there had definitely been cliques, and that she had felt shut out. In my recollection, she had her group of close friends and I had mine, but we all got along. In her memory, we were nice enough, but never wanted to be close friends with her group of friends and never invited them to our parties. And I’m sure I got the sanitized version of the story. It made me realize that every school has cliques and cool kids. And if you don’t think so, it’s because you were oblivious.

Lol you might be my friend. She's complaining about her teens and has no memory that we went through the same thing. "but we all got along! And we were cool, right?"

Uh no.

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh how dare girls be loud and confident. And be into the latest fashion. Which yes is certain makeup styles and small shirts. I really hope some of these posters don’t have daughters to foist their internalized misogyny onto.