What makes a kid popular in middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

NP - so to be a non-NPC, would this be a person who spends more time in real world and less online, so they're more original in their behavior? Like unplugged for the matrix kind of thing? And by extension, if there's a conscious move by teens away being on online 24/7?

Not really unplugged. From how she described it, non-NPCs sound like kids with high EQ. They are socially adept, tuned into people's moods and emotions, know how to interact with both teachers and other kids, fairly adaptable. They don't have to be trendy, but are generally well put together.

For the person who asked, NPC = Non Player Character. Basically people in the background that no one really connects with, and may not have any interest in connecting with other people. They are forgettable.

My DS basically described a quiet, studious girl in his class as a NPC. I don't think this is very kind, but that's what it is.

I think this NPC would be my daughter. I don't mind if it's kind or not. It's largely irrelevant to her. She would choose her loser friends over the popular crowd.

For me, it's a relief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

What does that mean?? Npc?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=NPC

"The second definition is a person with such little originality and brain power that they are the most bland human on the planet."

"A play on the term "non--player character" from various forms of interactive gaming (particularly RPGs).

Someone using no critical thought or reasoning skills.
Simply regurgitating a set of arguments and non-sequiturs bequeathed to them by someone else."

In real life it means "gets along in society and isn't an incel".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience (3 kids, now in high school) the popular kids are: (in this order)

-charismatic
-good looking
-athletic
-funny

I haven't found that money matters or possessions matter much.

Would add in self confidence and largely agree, except at least with the girls there is an undercurrent of exclusion. Part of the cache of popularity is that not anyone can be it, but they can try.

Yes, and in this day and age part of the exclusion is which group chats you are not invited to be part of.

[Anonymous]

My 6th grade DD goes to a Christian private and is popular but not one of the cool girls.
The teachers say she gets on well with everyone, is liked, sits with friends at lunch etc….. but her friends are the quirky kids and a few of the boys. She’s sporty, the cool girls at her school are into hair, make up and talking about the boys in a giggly way. They’re not mean to DD she’s just not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Both of my kids (7th and 9th grade) are self described NPCs.

They both say it’s a confidence game. The popular kids are confident, are usually athletic and put themselves out there. My kids say SES and race don’t matter. We live in a fairly diverse area both SES and race-wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in private middle school and the popular kids are the athletes who are also good students. Risky behavior boys are looked down upon.

When I was in school (suburban MC district and public, on the west coast) this was also my experience. I mean these kids, later on in high school might go to a party and drink or smoke weed but that was like at age 16,17,18. Not 11-14. And it was in moderation.

It always kinda flummoxed me because it was nothing like the movies or TV shows had me expecting. It wasn’t dumb jocks, and pretty bimbos. The jocks were all good students, and the pretty girls were even better students than the boys. It seemed like the “popular kids” were well-rounded and had it all. Looks and brains.

Bullying was subtle, it was social exclusion and mean comments that could be passed off as jokes. Nothing physical.

Perhaps it’s just really dependent of the school, area, region, etc. idk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in private middle school and the popular kids are the athletes who are also good students. Risky behavior boys are looked down upon.

When I was in school (suburban MC district and public, on the west coast) this was also my experience. I mean these kids, later on in high school might go to a party and drink or smoke weed but that was like at age 16,17,18. Not 11-14. And it was in moderation.

It always kinda flummoxed me because it was nothing like the movies or TV shows had me expecting. It wasn’t dumb jocks, and pretty bimbos. The jocks were all good students, and the pretty girls were even better students than the boys. It seemed like the “popular kids” were well-rounded and had it all. Looks and brains.

Bullying was subtle, it was social exclusion and mean comments that could be passed off as jokes. Nothing physical.

Perhaps it’s just really dependent of the school, area, region, etc. idk

This is the plot of the movie Booksmart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my middle school son said: rich, athletic and white. and if you're NOT white, but you ARE rich and athletic, that works too.

Eh, in my kids' charter the black kids are the cool ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

I teach middle school. The popular boys are either great athletes or do stupid stuff.

[Anonymous]

I have two teens, a boy and a girl. After hearing about friends and school for years I really think it’s being really confident, comfortable in yourself and being an extrovert is helpful. Confidence and talking to all sorts of people have been the common theme I’ve seen with these “popular” kids. Much more than clothes or looks.

[Anonymous]

In general, there are two categories of popular kids, and some kids overlap both categories

1. Kids who have a hook - they are athletic, attractive, have access because of wealth or connections, famous parents, etc.

2. Kids who are kind, have positive energy, are trustworthy and respect their friends.

Kids will be attracted to kids in both categories. But it’s helpful for them if you can show them the distinction between the types of popularity. They can decide how they want to treat and be treated by other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my middle school son said: rich, athletic and white. and if you're NOT white, but you ARE rich and athletic, that works too.

Sadly, I think that's an accurate answer. It's a rare athletic kid who isn't popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general, there are two categories of popular kids, and some kids overlap both categories

1. Kids who have a hook - they are athletic, attractive, have access because of wealth or connections, famous parents, etc.

2. Kids who are kind, have positive energy, are trustworthy and respect their friends.

Kids will be attracted to kids in both categories. But it’s helpful for them if you can show them the distinction between the types of popularity. They can decide how they want to treat and be treated by other kids.

I wish there were more of #2.
Some of the "popular" kids who have been mean to mine appear to have watched "mean girls" for instructions rather than as a cautionary tale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I teach middle school. The popular boys are either great athletes or do stupid stuff.

Former middle school teacher and totally agree. I think there's a higher ratio of boys with ADHD who are popular, especially with girls. People like their extroversion, lack of holding grudges, spontaneity, and occasional rebelliousness. Of course, there's the messy boy with ADHD who is not popular, but that's another story. I say this as the mom of a boy with ADHD. He's too young for me to tell if he's going to be popular with a capital P, but he sure is well-liked, for the above reasons.

[Anonymous]

In wealthier schools with steady communities, I also think the parents' social network can have some influence. My DD has some kids in her class who I don't think would be popular except that the kids have been in that school system since day 1, are on soccer teams with the other kids and so have been doing outings with them forever. All the connections and cute clothes can't make a kid popular from nowhere, but I have definitely noticed the network effect.