What makes a kid popular in middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many middle school boys do not watch "R" rated movies. Many are not on social media. Can't speak for girls as we only have boys.

An 8th grader who doesn’t watch R rated movies is an outlier.

Only in the "popular" group.

[Anonymous]

Not sure my high school freshman has ever watched an R rated movie. Just not interested in movies. Nor does he have tik tok, instagram or snapchat. He's on a group chat with his (giant public school) sports team and texts with friends. My 7th grader doesn't have a smartphone but texts on his Ipad. No social media obviously as he is only 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many middle school boys do not watch "R" rated movies. Many are not on social media. Can't speak for girls as we only have boys.

Not really. I have an 8th grade boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure my high school freshman has ever watched an R rated movie. Just not interested in movies. Nor does he have tik tok, instagram or snapchat. He's on a group chat with his (giant public school) sports team and texts with friends. My 7th grader doesn't have a smartphone but texts on his Ipad. No social media obviously as he is only 12.

Not sure what you mean by this. I'm sure you know that LOTS of 12 year olds have social media. Which is partly the problem with the "popular" kids.

[Anonymous]

The popular teenage girls at our MS have no extra curriculars and all the time in the world to socialize, make TikTok's and hangout. Oh and they also have the money for said activities and parents who facilitate all the hanging out.

The busy girls can be popular but it's a different kind of popular. A less vapid one, a kinder one.

[Anonymous]

All the popular kids when I went to high school (in my 40s now) were generally also the popular kids in middle school, and I’d say they were popular because of sports/cheerleading, student government (though the other popular kids thought they were losers and vice versa), or the kids that were partiers or some combination of those groups. And it’s interesting to see on social media that most of the super popular partiers are now the losers. Hard to get your kids to understand that though.

[Anonymous]

It really amazes me how so many people feel that tons of exteacurriculars are some magic thing that leads a kid to not be a jerk or do anything stupid. It's not like these busy kids are immune or anything, they could have just as many problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids, DS 17, DD 15 and DS 14 all go to private Catholic school. Their friends are all popular, well rounded, polite, normal, healthy teenagers. My oldest son excels at baseball, my daughter excels at volleyball and youngest boy excels at soccer. I don’t know what their friends or school experience would be like if they weren’t involved with athletics, but sports have been a very positive influence on my kids lives.

The popular catholic school kids are super nice/kind to adults and terrible/mean to other peers

This.

+2

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in private middle school and the popular kids are the athletes who are also good students. Risky behavior boys are looked down upon.

When I was in school (suburban MC district and public, on the west coast) this was also my experience. I mean these kids, later on in high school might go to a party and drink or smoke weed but that was like at age 16,17,18. Not 11-14. And it was in moderation.

It always kinda flummoxed me because it was nothing like the movies or TV shows had me expecting. It wasn’t dumb jocks, and pretty bimbos. The jocks were all good students, and the pretty girls were even better students than the boys. It seemed like the “popular kids” were well-rounded and had it all. Looks and brains.

Bullying was subtle, it was social exclusion and mean comments that could be passed off as jokes. Nothing physical.

Perhaps it’s just really dependent of the school, area, region, etc. idk

Same. The popular kids were smart, did well in school, generally came from upper middle class families, and were athletic. I always was surprised when the stereotype was that working on the yearbook was for nerds- that was like the #1 popular girl activity at my school and it was a serious job! That was the case in high school though. I do remember middle school being more skewed toward the trouble makers for a few years. And there was always a party crowd but the truly popular kids didn’t necessarily hang out with them a lot.

The wealthy popular kids are the ones already having drinking parties (condoned by their parents) at our public HS.

I’m sure the well off popular and athletic kids did drink and party, but they also got good grades in all advanced classes. Whereas the party crowd was in regular or remedial level classes for the most part and a lot of them (not all) were from working class families. There was also never any dating or relationships between the two groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really amazes me how so many people feel that tons of exteacurriculars are some magic thing that leads a kid to not be a jerk or do anything stupid. It's not like these busy kids are immune or anything, they could have just as many problems

It’s not - these kids aren’t any kinder usually.
They do have less time to make trouble, and have something to bond over/talk about together that isn’t gossip (but it’s not like they are immune from gossiping)

It’s also that kids in a lot of EC often do it bc they are thinking of college apps. Someone in zero EC probably lacks that kind of ambition, so tend to be less future minded. And more likely to eff around in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really amazes me how so many people feel that tons of exteacurriculars are some magic thing that leads a kid to not be a jerk or do anything stupid. It's not like these busy kids are immune or anything, they could have just as many problems

The amount of drugs that the male sports high school teams do are insane. Especially lacrosse, football, and basketball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids, DS 17, DD 15 and DS 14 all go to private Catholic school. Their friends are all popular, well rounded, polite, normal, healthy teenagers. My oldest son excels at baseball, my daughter excels at volleyball and youngest boy excels at soccer. I don’t know what their friends or school experience would be like if they weren’t involved with athletics, but sports have been a very positive influence on my kids lives.

The popular catholic school kids are super nice/kind to adults and terrible/mean to other peers

This.

+2

+3

+4

I had one kid go to private and the sweet ass-kissing to the adults kids were terrible bullies and entitled brats. My radar is ALWAYS up on guys/girls that are too vocal and overly nice to adults. Not always but I keep my eye out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the popular kids when I went to high school (in my 40s now) were generally also the popular kids in middle school, and I’d say they were popular because of sports/cheerleading, student government (though the other popular kids thought they were losers and vice versa), or the kids that were partiers or some combination of those groups. And it’s interesting to see on social media that most of the super popular partiers are now the losers. Hard to get your kids to understand that though.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I am ever more grateful that my kids go to an incredibly diverse middle schools - there just doesn't seem to be a 'cool crowd' in the same way as some middle schools.

I went to a very diverse and small middle school (50 kids per grade) and I thought the same thing - no cliques, just a lot of kids who got along. Twenty years later, I mentioned this to a former classmate, who diplomatically informed me that from her perspective, there had definitely been cliques, and that she had felt shut out. In my recollection, she had her group of close friends and I had mine, but we all got along. In her memory, we were nice enough, but never wanted to be close friends with her group of friends and never invited them to our parties. And I’m sure I got the sanitized version of the story. It made me realize that every school has cliques and cool kids. And if you don’t think so, it’s because you were oblivious.

My kids' middle school is diverse and huge. They report that compared to some other schools where they have friends, it doesn't seem particularly cliquey. So, I don't think is just being oblivious.

I meant that you are getting the opinions of your kids and your kids only. Other kids at your kids’ school might disagree.

+1 it is often the effortlessly popular kids that will say this. Not intentional, but when the social struggles don’t really hit you you often view it as oh everyone has their friend group I don’t see it being a big divide but others may see it differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I am ever more grateful that my kids go to an incredibly diverse middle schools - there just doesn't seem to be a 'cool crowd' in the same way as some middle schools.

I went to a very diverse and small middle school (50 kids per grade) and I thought the same thing - no cliques, just a lot of kids who got along. Twenty years later, I mentioned this to a former classmate, who diplomatically informed me that from her perspective, there had definitely been cliques, and that she had felt shut out. In my recollection, she had her group of close friends and I had mine, but we all got along. In her memory, we were nice enough, but never wanted to be close friends with her group of friends and never invited them to our parties. And I’m sure I got the sanitized version of the story. It made me realize that every school has cliques and cool kids. And if you don’t think so, it’s because you were oblivious.

My kids' middle school is diverse and huge. They report that compared to some other schools where they have friends, it doesn't seem particularly cliquey. So, I don't think is just being oblivious.

I meant that you are getting the opinions of your kids and your kids only. Other kids at your kids’ school might disagree.

+1 it is often the effortlessly popular kids that will say this. Not intentional, but when the social struggles don’t really hit you you often view it as oh everyone has their friend group I don’t see it being a big divide but others may see it differently

Liar.