What makes a kid popular in middle school?

[Anonymous]

Careful of the stereotypes there, OP.

I have two introverted teens and neither are popular. They have a few friends each, and are respected in school because they're smart but not know-it-alls. They avoid the people who drink and do drugs. My oldest is in college now and has found a like-minded group.

It's been a good, socially-pleasant experience.

Given your second's profile, I would reframe your thinking to: why is he attracted to kids with these behaviors? And why is he getting Bs and Cs? This is the time to get solid As to prepare for the rigors of high school. Get tutors if necessary, and keep an eye on the misbehaving, maybe keep him busier than he is now. My daughter knows of kids who go to the mall to shoplift. One slower kid in that group, who had not shoplifted herself, was left holding the bag and got caught by security. Your kid doesn't want to get in with the wrong crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Redefine popularity. Sounds like your older son is also popular, with a good group of friends.

Popular is usually code for the group with power and unfortunately it’s often used to make others feel poorly about themselves.

I would ask, popular with whom? It sounds like your older son is popular with some decent kids. I've found that the "popular kids" are mainly popular with themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

What does that mean?? Npc?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=NPC

"The second definition is a person with such little originality and brain power that they are the most bland human on the planet."

"A play on the term "non--player character" from various forms of interactive gaming (particularly RPGs).

Someone using no critical thought or reasoning skills.
Simply regurgitating a set of arguments and non-sequiturs bequeathed to them by someone else."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my middle school son said: rich, athletic and white. and if you're NOT white, but you ARE rich and athletic, that works too.

+1. Or parents willing to overspend on the kids. We have some popular kids who are definitely not rich but the parents are willing to “keep up” with all that the rich kids have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age- usually the boys that are “fast”. Early physical developers + doing teen stuff on the early side- sometimes this is just dating/interests other times it is drinking, vaping etc

In my DS' school, the kids that drink and vape are sort of made fun of.

It's the kids that are good at sports. The kids that start on the football or basketball team.

And of course, the good looking kids

[Anonymous]

In my experience (3 kids, now in high school) the popular kids are: (in this order)

-charismatic
-good looking
-athletic
-funny

I haven't found that money matters or possessions matter much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

NP - so to be a non-NPC, would this be a person who spends more time in real world and less online, so they're more original in their behavior? Like unplugged for the matrix kind of thing? And by extension, if there's a conscious move by teens away being on online 24/7?

Not really unplugged. From how she described it, non-NPCs sound like kids with high EQ. They are socially adept, tuned into people's moods and emotions, know how to interact with both teachers and other kids, fairly adaptable. They don't have to be trendy, but are generally well put together.

For the person who asked, NPC = Non Player Character. Basically people in the background that no one really connects with, and may not have any interest in connecting with other people. They are forgettable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my middle school son said: rich, athletic and white. and if you're NOT white, but you ARE rich and athletic, that works too.

This exactly.

The popular kids where we live have wealthy parents, the right clothes and shoes, and the right accessories (iphone instead of android, macbooks instead of the school-issued chromebooks, new car at 16 instead of a used or hand-me-down car, etc.).

It's the same as when I was in school in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience (3 kids, now in high school) the popular kids are: (in this order)

-charismatic
-good looking
-athletic
-funny

I haven't found that money matters or possessions matter much.

Would add in self confidence and largely agree, except at least with the girls there is an undercurrent of exclusion. Part of the cache of popularity is that not anyone can be it, but they can try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience (3 kids, now in high school) the popular kids are: (in this order)

-charismatic
-good looking
-athletic
-funny

I haven't found that money matters or possessions matter much.

Would add in self confidence and largely agree, except at least with the girls there is an undercurrent of exclusion. Part of the cache of popularity is that not anyone can be it, but they can try.

In other words you can be charismatic and nice, but if you're nice to the "losers" (I despise that term but it gets thrown around a lot) you ended up not being popular yourself. It takes a little time, but hoping my dd settles with the nicer kids than the popular ones who have been pretty mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience (3 kids, now in high school) the popular kids are: (in this order)

-charismatic
-good looking
-athletic
-funny

I haven't found that money matters or possessions matter much.

This is more what I found in my daughter’s middle school group which was the popular kids. Money that your parents had didn’t change anything. I knew her friends well. Not all athletic or funny but more of a mix. A lot of risky behavior, some worse than others. Some drugs again not everyone. A mixture of academics, mostly typical academically. And the girls fight amongst themselves usually about boys.

I would guess it’s different in different parts of the country. Sports in the South and Midwest. Material items and looks in the California area. Northeast is random. It’s not something anyone should pursue.

My younger daughter now in the sixth grade has a small group of friends and that’s more than enough.

[Anonymous]

It's so dependent on where you live. In our middle school, the popular boys are rich and play football and lacrosse. I don't see them engaging in any risky behavior. My son calls the kids who are experimenting with vaping, drugs, and partying the emo kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d say confidence is what makes them popular (or faking confidence well).

Agree with this. Usually the kids who are also the most social and confident. They value being social and being around confident people.

[Anonymous]

There is research on this:

Boys: Height, athletic ability, sense of humor

Girls: looks, clothes, charisma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have asked my kid this question, about popular kids in school, and she says that it's not like you see in the movies, there isn't a bunch of jocks or popular girls that move in a group and make other people's lives miserable.

What she did say is that there are NPCs and non-NPCs, and you want to be a non-NPC.

NP - so to be a non-NPC, would this be a person who spends more time in real world and less online, so they're more original in their behavior? Like unplugged for the matrix kind of thing? And by extension, if there's a conscious move by teens away being on online 24/7?

Not really unplugged. From how she described it, non-NPCs sound like kids with high EQ. They are socially adept, tuned into people's moods and emotions, know how to interact with both teachers and other kids, fairly adaptable. They don't have to be trendy, but are generally well put together.

For the person who asked, NPC = Non Player Character. Basically people in the background that no one really connects with, and may not have any interest in connecting with other people. They are forgettable.

My DS basically described a quiet, studious girl in his class as a NPC. I don't think this is very kind, but that's what it is.