What makes a kid popular in middle school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many middle school boys do not watch "R" rated movies. Many are not on social media. Can't speak for girls as we only have boys.

Most middle school boys are absolutely on social media. Snap, discord, tik tok, Insta, fundraising, etc….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many middle school boys do not watch "R" rated movies. Many are not on social media. Can't speak for girls as we only have boys.

Most middle school boys are absolutely on social media. Snap, discord, tik tok, Insta, fundraising, etc….

Supposed to be finsta
LOL

[Anonymous]

My kids, DS 17, DD 15 and DS 14 all go to private Catholic school. Their friends are all popular, well rounded, polite, normal, healthy teenagers. My oldest son excels at baseball, my daughter excels at volleyball and youngest boy excels at soccer. I don’t know what their friends or school experience would be like if they weren’t involved with athletics, but sports have been a very positive influence on my kids lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids, DS 17, DD 15 and DS 14 all go to private Catholic school. Their friends are all popular, well rounded, polite, normal, healthy teenagers. My oldest son excels at baseball, my daughter excels at volleyball and youngest boy excels at soccer. I don’t know what their friends or school experience would be like if they weren’t involved with athletics, but sports have been a very positive influence on my kids lives.

The popular catholic school kids are super nice/kind to adults and terrible/mean to other peers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:And do the same popular middle school kids stay popular in high school?

I have 12 (7th grade) and 14 (9th grade) year old boys.

My older son has a friend group consisting of smart athletic boys and he is in many academic extracurriculars. These boys are motivated and achievers. DS is an A+ student and always has been.

My younger son just started middle school and is not so interested in school. He currently has a mix of As, Bs and Cs. He seems much more interested in making new friends and hanging out with the cooler kids who seem more popular. In my opinion, these kids just seem like they do stupid things to gain attention.

What makes a kid popular?

Both kids have told me the popular kids go to parties and drink and do drugs. My high school kid doesn’t get invited to these parties (yet?). I’m glad he isn’t in that group. I do worry for my younger son because he seems much more interested in how social life than anything else.

For girls, its if you are slutty and for boys it's if you are athletic.

Wait if the girls are “slutty” who are they being “slutty” with if the boys are just innocent athletes?!?

Exactly. Can we please STOP the dated "girls are sluts" sh---? If the girls are SO ARE THE BOYS.

No we can’t stop it. Because there are girl sluts in middle school and there are girl slut wannabes.
They wear too much makeup, they show too much skin, they don’t want good grades or grades better than the boys, they watch rated R movies, they’re on social media all the time.
They’re also LOUD and in your face about it.

I wouldn’t call that popular, buts is a clear dynamic and displayed in several groups of girls.

Literally NONE of this is relevant to the definition of "slut." You, on the other hand, are a dumba$$ ignorant shrew.

And you're sweet boys are the ones pitching a tent the minute a girl even looks their way. Saying inappropriate things to/about them (I've heard it). And pushing them to move too fast. Don't like those generalizations b/c your son isn't? Well I don't like the generalizations about girls, grannie. And if you said that to my face, you and I would be having a major situation.

(DP, btw)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I am ever more grateful that my kids go to an incredibly diverse middle schools - there just doesn't seem to be a 'cool crowd' in the same way as some middle schools.

I went to a very diverse and small middle school (50 kids per grade) and I thought the same thing - no cliques, just a lot of kids who got along. Twenty years later, I mentioned this to a former classmate, who diplomatically informed me that from her perspective, there had definitely been cliques, and that she had felt shut out. In my recollection, she had her group of close friends and I had mine, but we all got along. In her memory, we were nice enough, but never wanted to be close friends with her group of friends and never invited them to our parties. And I’m sure I got the sanitized version of the story. It made me realize that every school has cliques and cool kids. And if you don’t think so, it’s because you were oblivious.

My kids' middle school is diverse and huge. They report that compared to some other schools where they have friends, it doesn't seem particularly cliquey. So, I don't think is just being oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After reading this thread, I am ever more grateful that my kids go to an incredibly diverse middle schools - there just doesn't seem to be a 'cool crowd' in the same way as some middle schools.

I went to a very diverse and small middle school (50 kids per grade) and I thought the same thing - no cliques, just a lot of kids who got along. Twenty years later, I mentioned this to a former classmate, who diplomatically informed me that from her perspective, there had definitely been cliques, and that she had felt shut out. In my recollection, she had her group of close friends and I had mine, but we all got along. In her memory, we were nice enough, but never wanted to be close friends with her group of friends and never invited them to our parties. And I’m sure I got the sanitized version of the story. It made me realize that every school has cliques and cool kids. And if you don’t think so, it’s because you were oblivious.

My kids' middle school is diverse and huge. They report that compared to some other schools where they have friends, it doesn't seem particularly cliquey. So, I don't think is just being oblivious.

I meant that you are getting the opinions of your kids and your kids only. Other kids at your kids’ school might disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids, DS 17, DD 15 and DS 14 all go to private Catholic school. Their friends are all popular, well rounded, polite, normal, healthy teenagers. My oldest son excels at baseball, my daughter excels at volleyball and youngest boy excels at soccer. I don’t know what their friends or school experience would be like if they weren’t involved with athletics, but sports have been a very positive influence on my kids lives.

The popular catholic school kids are super nice/kind to adults and terrible/mean to other peers

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids, DS 17, DD 15 and DS 14 all go to private Catholic school. Their friends are all popular, well rounded, polite, normal, healthy teenagers. My oldest son excels at baseball, my daughter excels at volleyball and youngest boy excels at soccer. I don’t know what their friends or school experience would be like if they weren’t involved with athletics, but sports have been a very positive influence on my kids lives.

The popular catholic school kids are super nice/kind to adults and terrible/mean to other peers

This.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in private middle school and the popular kids are the athletes who are also good students. Risky behavior boys are looked down upon.

When I was in school (suburban MC district and public, on the west coast) this was also my experience. I mean these kids, later on in high school might go to a party and drink or smoke weed but that was like at age 16,17,18. Not 11-14. And it was in moderation.

It always kinda flummoxed me because it was nothing like the movies or TV shows had me expecting. It wasn’t dumb jocks, and pretty bimbos. The jocks were all good students, and the pretty girls were even better students than the boys. It seemed like the “popular kids” were well-rounded and had it all. Looks and brains.

Bullying was subtle, it was social exclusion and mean comments that could be passed off as jokes. Nothing physical.

Perhaps it’s just really dependent of the school, area, region, etc. idk

Same. The popular kids were smart, did well in school, generally came from upper middle class families, and were athletic. I always was surprised when the stereotype was that working on the yearbook was for nerds- that was like the #1 popular girl activity at my school and it was a serious job! That was the case in high school though. I do remember middle school being more skewed toward the trouble makers for a few years. And there was always a party crowd but the truly popular kids didn’t necessarily hang out with them a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are in private middle school and the popular kids are the athletes who are also good students. Risky behavior boys are looked down upon.

When I was in school (suburban MC district and public, on the west coast) this was also my experience. I mean these kids, later on in high school might go to a party and drink or smoke weed but that was like at age 16,17,18. Not 11-14. And it was in moderation.

It always kinda flummoxed me because it was nothing like the movies or TV shows had me expecting. It wasn’t dumb jocks, and pretty bimbos. The jocks were all good students, and the pretty girls were even better students than the boys. It seemed like the “popular kids” were well-rounded and had it all. Looks and brains.

Bullying was subtle, it was social exclusion and mean comments that could be passed off as jokes. Nothing physical.

Perhaps it’s just really dependent of the school, area, region, etc. idk

Same. The popular kids were smart, did well in school, generally came from upper middle class families, and were athletic. I always was surprised when the stereotype was that working on the yearbook was for nerds- that was like the #1 popular girl activity at my school and it was a serious job! That was the case in high school though. I do remember middle school being more skewed toward the trouble makers for a few years. And there was always a party crowd but the truly popular kids didn’t necessarily hang out with them a lot.

The wealthy popular kids are the ones already having drinking parties (condoned by their parents) at our public HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd is popular, but on the edge of popularity. If there’s a 1%, she’s a 2%er.

She would answer (I didn’t ask her directly):
For girls:
Has all the merch, or access to it, even if they don’t like or buy into it.
The moms are friends and hang out. They even go on exepensive vacations as families.
No concern for modesty in clothes. Just wear whatever they want, even to school.
Get picked up the neighborhood (at the bus stop) in the parent’s or big sister’s Jeep or golf cart or other cool ride.
Many of them have sisters 15 years older. Seriously. It’s like mom had one when she was 20. Broken relationship. Had another when she was 35. Big sister teaches the younger sister how to be popular.
Usually cheerleading or dance.
Most of them blonde.
In my area, it helps to be a longterm local.

My dd has none of those things but, I do buy her some merch. She’s naturally way prettier than these other girls. Even though the other girls seem prettier with blonde hair and expensive clothes, their faces look like their dads’. So it helps them with the family ties, maybe longterm local connection “looks just like her rich grandaddy!” (But just as ugly)

My dd is confident, friendly, has a boyfriend that isn’t there coolest either but a lot of people “like like” him. She and he both have “rizz.”

They’re both super confident which makes up for the less rich thing.

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread as a parent of a 5th grader has been sobering 😭

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread as a parent of a 5th grader has been sobering 😭

I’m a sixth grade mom and think maybe this stuff becomes more relevant in 7th/8th. I’ve heard very little about this stuff and my kid likes to talk. I don’t think my kid is popular or particularly unpopular FWIW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many middle school boys do not watch "R" rated movies. Many are not on social media. Can't speak for girls as we only have boys.

An 8th grader who doesn’t watch R rated movies is an outlier.