Birthday party invites - not inviting one girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see a problem with inviting all the girls but the bully. Absolutely do not force your child to invite someone who is mean to them. That teaches the wrong lesson. This is your kid's party, and she decides, within reason. Her reasons for leaving one girl out are very good. I would prepare her to respond if the girl asks about it, though, in a kind and honest way.

Agreed. I think if usually you are excluding one or a small number of kids, you'd need to be able to explain it if called out. Unlike a shy/awkward kid, this is a situation where I think you can be frank.

We declined to invite the girl who had been bullying my daughter since the beginning of school this year to a party in December (school was still in session). I reached out to the parents and told them that I couldn't invite her into our house because my daughter didn't want her there. Doing it slyly seems a little crappy?

You sound like a drama lama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

“Full Stop” 😂 that doesn’t validate your argument.

These are 11 year old fifth grade girls. At that age you how to behave and if you are being a bully, then you reap the consequences and in this case it’s not getting invited to a party.

DP. I would say 7th grade, not 5th. In 5th if you do this, it's actually the parents being mean, not the girls. Do it if you want, but be aware of this perception. The girls may get over this and be friends in a couple years and the mom will remember what YOU did.

I don't trawl for friends among my kids' friends' parents, so I don't really GAF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom invited my bully to my first grade party because she was friendly with her parents. Over forty years later, it still stings that everyone else’s feeling came before mine. As a result, I didn’t invite my child’s bully when I invited the entire first grade. It’s been several years and DC mentioned just the other day how stressful the bullying was in first grade and how much she appreciated that her bully wasn’t invited to the party.

Worry about your child. It is not your responsibility to worry about the bully.

DP. Absolutely this. I don’t even understand the women advocating for inviting a g.d. fifth-grade bully - a child fully aware of what she’s doing. (“OMG her prefrontal cortex still needs time to mature where’s your compassion???”) I hate sanctimony. OP is obviously right to value her DD (it’s literally her party) and ignore the craziness here. This is yet another thread where the attacks on OP and her POV make no sense whatsoever.

Why does this trigger you so?

It's a child's birthday and you don't even know the kids in question. Wierd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

11 is not a little kid. Half of them are probably menstruating.

No. Girls are menstruating later these days unless they're overweight. My 15 year old is not menstruating and I started on time at 13. This is a big difference to 11.

Lol. Wrong as can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom invited my bully to my first grade party because she was friendly with her parents. Over forty years later, it still stings that everyone else’s feeling came before mine. As a result, I didn’t invite my child’s bully when I invited the entire first grade. It’s been several years and DC mentioned just the other day how stressful the bullying was in first grade and how much she appreciated that her bully wasn’t invited to the party.

Worry about your child. It is not your responsibility to worry about the bully.

DP. Absolutely this. I don’t even understand the women advocating for inviting a g.d. fifth-grade bully - a child fully aware of what she’s doing. (“OMG her prefrontal cortex still needs time to mature where’s your compassion???”) I hate sanctimony. OP is obviously right to value her DD (it’s literally her party) and ignore the craziness here. This is yet another thread where the attacks on OP and her POV make no sense whatsoever.

Why does this trigger you so?

It's a child's birthday and you don't even know the kids in question. Wierd.

Shut up, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

11 is not a little kid. Half of them are probably menstruating.

No. Girls are menstruating later these days unless they're overweight. My 15 year old is not menstruating and I started on time at 13. This is a big difference to 11.

Lol. Wrong as can be.

I didn’t realize the menstrual clock started at 13!! Right on time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

11 is not a little kid. Half of them are probably menstruating.

No. Girls are menstruating later these days unless they're overweight. My 15 year old is not menstruating and I started on time at 13. This is a big difference to 11.

Sorry, no. Your daughter's experience is far out of step with the majority. Frankly, I might take her to see a doctor.
https://www.newyorker.com/science/annals-of-medicine/why-more-and-more-girls-are-hitting-puberty-early

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to be kind

+1
Does being reciprocal mean align with your family's values?

I would invite her, because those are MY values, which are not dependent on others' behaviors. I would also not hesitate to correct her misbehavior if I see it.

My values are kindness, unless it means putting my child in danger or in a situation that will be hurtful to her. So, I don’t care if another kid feels bad for being left out after doing mean things. I wouldn’t make my daughter sacrifice her comfort and safety and happiness on her day for that. I would also explain To my daughter that if she may not be invited to that girls party which it sounds like she wouldn’t mind.

Actions have consequences. And that girl may need to learn the hard way

OMG! Your daughter feels unsafe by a child making snarky remarks and throwing her eraser away. You are totally raising a snowflake and I feel sorry for her. As for the “bully” she will learn in middle school either way when the groups get smaller and more intimate. Until then does she really need you, the adult, teaching her a lesson of exclusion?

This kind of purposeful exaggeration does not make your point at all. OMG.

My point is your responsibility is to teach your daughter lessons, not other children. If you value kindness, teach that. If you don’t want your daughter to be bullied, teach her how not to be bullied. Excluding other kids doesn’t teach the lesson you think it does. If you still do not understand this, I can explain it to you, but not understand it FOR you - it would be a lost cause.

Look the type of girl I will exclude is the one who threatened to hurt my daughter and told her she wished she was dead. So, no thank you, she is not welcome at my house.

OMG, I had to think hard about whether or not I had written this but I had not. The girl who bullies my daughter tells her the same thing - she wishes she were dead/wishes she would die. That girl isn't invited to our house, full stop. We do value kindness, but you DO NOT HAVE TO TOLERATE BEING TREATED POORLY.

Yep, I'm the PP. There are some very cruel taunts being thrown around out there and we aren't the only ones encountering it. If the inclusion at all costs crowd doesn't get this, they are really out of touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom invited my bully to my first grade party because she was friendly with her parents. Over forty years later, it still stings that everyone else’s feeling came before mine. As a result, I didn’t invite my child’s bully when I invited the entire first grade. It’s been several years and DC mentioned just the other day how stressful the bullying was in first grade and how much she appreciated that her bully wasn’t invited to the party.

Worry about your child. It is not your responsibility to worry about the bully.

DP. Absolutely this. I don’t even understand the women advocating for inviting a g.d. fifth-grade bully - a child fully aware of what she’s doing. (“OMG her prefrontal cortex still needs time to mature where’s your compassion???”) I hate sanctimony. OP is obviously right to value her DD (it’s literally her party) and ignore the craziness here. This is yet another thread where the attacks on OP and her POV make no sense whatsoever.

Why does this trigger you so?

It's a child's birthday and you don't even know the kids in question. Wierd.

Shut up, lady.

You made my point. And I'm a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

11 is not a little kid. Half of them are probably menstruating.

No. Girls are menstruating later these days unless they're overweight. My 15 year old is not menstruating and I started on time at 13. This is a big difference to 11.

Lol. Wrong as can be.

I didn’t realize the menstrual clock started at 13!! Right on time!

You desperately need to consult your doctor. There is a mean, median, and mode to the data. Perhaps take a stats class to help with these big words?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

“Full Stop” 😂 that doesn’t validate your argument.

These are 11 year old fifth grade girls. At that age you how to behave and if you are being a bully, then you reap the consequences and in this case it’s not getting invited to a party.

DP. I would say 7th grade, not 5th. In 5th if you do this, it's actually the parents being mean, not the girls. Do it if you want, but be aware of this perception. The girls may get over this and be friends in a couple years and the mom will remember what YOU did.

Oh no! She may remember? Why would I care about that because I know full well what her daughter does to my DD. We aren't going to be friends, so I'm not losing sleep over the loss of the friendship that was never going to happen. Maybe the girls will circle back and be friends at some point, but we're living in the now and just want to have a nice time and not have a party end in tears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

11 is not a little kid. Half of them are probably menstruating.

No. Girls are menstruating later these days unless they're overweight. My 15 year old is not menstruating and I started on time at 13. This is a big difference to 11.

Lol. Wrong as can be.

I didn’t realize the menstrual clock started at 13!! Right on time!

You desperately need to consult your doctor. There is a mean, median, and mode to the data. Perhaps take a stats class to help with these big words?

Actually, seeing a doctor will not solve stupidity. For that, there is no cure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

11 is not a little kid. Half of them are probably menstruating.

No. Girls are menstruating later these days unless they're overweight. My 15 year old is not menstruating and I started on time at 13. This is a big difference to 11.

Lol. Wrong as can be.

I didn’t realize the menstrual clock started at 13!! Right on time!

You desperately need to consult your doctor. There is a mean, median, and mode to the data. Perhaps take a stats class to help with these big words?

Everything here needs an /s. I’m well aware unlike the goof talking about current data that girls have been trending towards earlier menarche for decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

“Full Stop” 😂 that doesn’t validate your argument.

These are 11 year old fifth grade girls. At that age you how to behave and if you are being a bully, then you reap the consequences and in this case it’s not getting invited to a party.

DP. I would say 7th grade, not 5th. In 5th if you do this, it's actually the parents being mean, not the girls. Do it if you want, but be aware of this perception. The girls may get over this and be friends in a couple years and the mom will remember what YOU did.

Oh no! She may remember? Why would I care about that because I know full well what her daughter does to my DD. We aren't going to be friends, so I'm not losing sleep over the loss of the friendship that was never going to happen. Maybe the girls will circle back and be friends at some point, but we're living in the now and just want to have a nice time and not have a party end in tears.

Most posters here totally understand. Ignore the freaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG do not do this!! You're seriously considering inviting 9/10 girls because one threw out an eraser?? What planet do you live on?

You have two choices:

1) Invite all the girls, this one included.

2) Invite 5 or fewer girls.

Less than half or all. Full stop. These are little kids, don't be cruel.

“Full Stop” 😂 that doesn’t validate your argument.

These are 11 year old fifth grade girls. At that age you how to behave and if you are being a bully, then you reap the consequences and in this case it’s not getting invited to a party.

DP. I would say 7th grade, not 5th. In 5th if you do this, it's actually the parents being mean, not the girls. Do it if you want, but be aware of this perception. The girls may get over this and be friends in a couple years and the mom will remember what YOU did.

Oh no! She may remember? Why would I care about that because I know full well what her daughter does to my DD. We aren't going to be friends, so I'm not losing sleep over the loss of the friendship that was never going to happen. Maybe the girls will circle back and be friends at some point, but we're living in the now and just want to have a nice time and not have a party end in tears.

Most posters here totally understand. Ignore the freaks.

It's weird that the worst thing you can do is exclude from a party. Not the 20 or so incidents of cruelty leading up to that decision, we're supposed to just ignore that to make sure a bully doesn't have to face consequences? Why makes no sense.