My father put an AirTag in my car to track me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are no hints of parental abuse in OP’s post - just that he has asked to track her phone repeatedly, she refused, and he very much overstepped that boundary. If this is the only issue and they otherwise have been loving parents then yes, it is insane and harsh to cut off contact over this. If there are other problems, that is different. I did not read the whole thread so I don’t know which it is.

Parents will not be around forever. They are flawed human beings, like everyone else. How will OP feel when her dad dies and she understands she cut off contact over something that is trivial in the grand scheme of things? Or when she realizes that this is the start of his dementia or a neurological disorder? My dad left when I was little and barely had a relationship with me for years. Now he is dying, and I very much regret hanging on to old grudges.

So yes, get some perspective and grow up.

No, sorry. This line of guilt trip thinking is not valid.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your parents are 800 miles away, I would either fly and rent a car while I was there or rent a car to drive to see them. Problem solved, and air tag will not be helpful in the long run. Also, I would have your dh keep the car keys and always lock the car.

My parents were similar, except not interested in technology, and I had to find ways around their prying to be able to have relationship of any sort.

The first step was moving 800 miles away, the last next step is to still see them but to subvert any way to track you or your family. You can still have a superficial relationship and know deep inside you can not trust either of them.

In my case I always had my phone privacy locked down tight enough so they could no access it, even if I left it out. All journals or backpacks or anything that may have personal information was locked in my car trunk.

Seriously OP, rent a car. Don't drive your own car, lock anything at all personal in the trunk and have you or dh keep the keys in your pocket at all times. Just know you love each other, but you really can't trust your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your parents are 800 miles away, I would either fly and rent a car while I was there or rent a car to drive to see them. Problem solved, and air tag will not be helpful in the long run. Also, I would have your dh keep the car keys and always lock the car.

My parents were similar, except not interested in technology, and I had to find ways around their prying to be able to have relationship of any sort.

The first step was moving 800 miles away, the last next step is to still see them but to subvert any way to track you or your family. You can still have a superficial relationship and know deep inside you can not trust either of them.

In my case I always had my phone privacy locked down tight enough so they could no access it, even if I left it out. All journals or backpacks or anything that may have personal information was locked in my car trunk.

Seriously OP, rent a car. Don't drive your own car, lock anything at all personal in the trunk and have you or dh keep the keys in your pocket at all times. Just know you love each other, but you really can't trust your parents.

This is all useless advice. If this is really true it would be very easy to just put an AirTag on anything else. In a bag, in the kids' stuff, husband's stuff. A person would just move on from the car to something else and you're back where you started. But if this is going to be your hill to die on the only thing to do is never ever see them again. Which OP won't do b/c she couldn't even be bothered to pack the car and drive home after this. If she's not that worked up, why should anyone else be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear your anger and would also be livid. That said, since you have the air tag, can you have some fun with this? Any friends who do a lot of travel by car or work an unusual schedule? I’d start passing that AirTag around.

He knows I found it. He doesn’t see the big deal. He apologized because my mom made him do it, but he also repeatedly heard him say he doesn’t see what the big deal is.

Why would he want to track you? I don’t get it. There must be background you’re not telling us. Abusive, controlling etc

This is why I don't understand the calls for no-contact, or OP saying she can't trust him with her kids. It was deceitful, but was it harmful? Is OP worried he's dangerous?
There are some parents who are dangerous! There are some whose bad online security habits could inadvertently create other threats to OP. And there are some who are just annoying. I would respond differently depending on the context.

[Anonymous]

If the post is true, does the dad have an anxiety disorder? Other mental health issues?

[Anonymous]

Please put it on a bus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the post is true, does the dad have an anxiety disorder? Other mental health issues?

Lots of people on here said their parents are similar. It’s anxiety and/or other mental illnesses. It’s really not too far from a lot of moms in my moms group. They still have video monitors on their elementary schoolers, refuse to have a babysitter even once, air tags on their kids tracking them.

I think the older people get the more paranoid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is absolutely insane to break off contact with your parents over this. Grow up.


You are wildly incorrect.

Grow up.

So let me get this straight. OP's relationship with her parents is mostly fine except for her dad's weird obsession with tracking her phone or car, which sounds like worry or anxiety or early signs of dementia to me. There are no other signs of abuse or disrespect. He has otherwise been a decent dad. And, based just on the tracking obsession thing, she is considering severing her relationship and cutting off contact. No, I am sorry - that is insane and absolutely intolerant, unless as the one PP pointed out, there are signs that the dad is dangerous (and it did not sound like that was the case).

I really hope your own children do not display the same type of intolerance and judgment when you get older. Because trust me, we are all flawed as parents. Maybe many of you have little kids and can't imagine it yet, but you will do things that your kids absolutely hate and not even realize it. You will read the books and try to say and do the right things, and you will fail spectacularly, nonetheless. I deal with this with one of my teen daughters every day, and I pray that she extends me grace for my shortcomings as a parent.

Or maybe you all are just Millennials, and you expect the world to be perfect for you. Those of us who grew up GenX know what truly sh!tty parents look like (hint: it's not a dad who tracks you with an AirTag, it's a dad who abandons you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear your anger and would also be livid. That said, since you have the air tag, can you have some fun with this? Any friends who do a lot of travel by car or work an unusual schedule? I’d start passing that AirTag around.

Yeah! bring it to a strip club, a K-spa (they are nude), where else? Gay or Lesbian bar....pot seller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe you could get that much information from an AirTag that isn’t yours, ergo I don’t believe this story.

Troll score: 2. Demerits for bullshit details. But that’s what liars do — they overexplain.

https://www.wired.com/story/how-to-find-airtags/

quote: This page may also include a partial phone number from the person who owns the tracking device. If you feel hesitant about scanning the AirTag or do not have the ability, a serial number is printed on the device beneath the battery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your parents are 800 miles away, I would either fly and rent a car while I was there or rent a car to drive to see them. Problem solved, and air tag will not be helpful in the long run. Also, I would have your dh keep the car keys and always lock the car.

My parents were similar, except not interested in technology, and I had to find ways around their prying to be able to have relationship of any sort.

The first step was moving 800 miles away, the last next step is to still see them but to subvert any way to track you or your family. You can still have a superficial relationship and know deep inside you can not trust either of them.

In my case I always had my phone privacy locked down tight enough so they could no access it, even if I left it out. All journals or backpacks or anything that may have personal information was locked in my car trunk.

Seriously OP, rent a car. Don't drive your own car, lock anything at all personal in the trunk and have you or dh keep the keys in your pocket at all times. Just know you love each other, but you really can't trust your parents.

This is all useless advice. If this is really true it would be very easy to just put an AirTag on anything else. In a bag, in the kids' stuff, husband's stuff. A person would just move on from the car to something else and you're back where you started. But if this is going to be your hill to die on the only thing to do is never ever see them again. Which OP won't do b/c she couldn't even be bothered to pack the car and drive home after this. If she's not that worked up, why should anyone else be?

Eh, she will probably eventually find those air tags, unlike the one in the car. I am the pp and had parents like this, they were older and elderly and I decided to figure out a way to live with their malfunction from hundreds of miles away, with the help of a therapist, while still seeing them occasionally. Did I get angry? Yes. Did I think they were going to ever change? No.

Dad can put in all the air tags he wants; if I was OP I would just hide the air tags in her parents car so she can track them instead.

[Anonymous]

But, I am another Gen X person, and my parents ignored me as a kid and then was super over protective when I was an adult, so I may have a different point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your parents are 800 miles away, I would either fly and rent a car while I was there or rent a car to drive to see them. Problem solved, and air tag will not be helpful in the long run. Also, I would have your dh keep the car keys and always lock the car.

My parents were similar, except not interested in technology, and I had to find ways around their prying to be able to have relationship of any sort.

The first step was moving 800 miles away, the last next step is to still see them but to subvert any way to track you or your family. You can still have a superficial relationship and know deep inside you can not trust either of them.

In my case I always had my phone privacy locked down tight enough so they could no access it, even if I left it out. All journals or backpacks or anything that may have personal information was locked in my car trunk.

Seriously OP, rent a car. Don't drive your own car, lock anything at all personal in the trunk and have you or dh keep the keys in your pocket at all times. Just know you love each other, but you really can't trust your parents.

This is all useless advice. If this is really true it would be very easy to just put an AirTag on anything else. In a bag, in the kids' stuff, husband's stuff. A person would just move on from the car to something else and you're back where you started. But if this is going to be your hill to die on the only thing to do is never ever see them again. Which OP won't do b/c she couldn't even be bothered to pack the car and drive home after this. If she's not that worked up, why should anyone else be?

Eh, she will probably eventually find those air tags, unlike the one in the car. I am the pp and had parents like this, they were older and elderly and I decided to figure out a way to live with their malfunction from hundreds of miles away, with the help of a therapist, while still seeing them occasionally. Did I get angry? Yes. Did I think they were going to ever change? No.

Dad can put in all the air tags he wants; if I was OP I would just hide the air tags in her parents car so she can track them instead.

Right, the point is Dad isn't going to stop being Dad. OP isn't going to cut him off so I guess she just finds a way to tolerate his ways.

[Anonymous]

Exactly. One way is to live far away and search your belongings for air tags when you leave after a visit. After becoming angry.

Another would be to bring your own air tags and attach them to your soon to be senile parents car so you can see how they like being tracked. My parents only behaved when I turned whatever they were doing back in them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Exactly. One way is to live far away and search your belongings for air tags when you leave after a visit. After becoming angry.

Another would be to bring your own air tags and attach them to your soon to be senile parents car so you can see how they like being tracked. My parents only behaved when I turned whatever they were doing back in them.

Or you could just roll your eyes and move on. How many senile parents would have any clue an AirTag was in their car? And also, since Silver Alerts are a real thing this might actually be a really good idea.