My father put an AirTag in my car to track me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear your anger and would also be livid. That said, since you have the air tag, can you have some fun with this? Any friends who do a lot of travel by car or work an unusual schedule? I’d start passing that AirTag around.

He knows I found it. He doesn’t see the big deal. He apologized because my mom made him do it, but he also repeatedly heard him say he doesn’t see what the big deal is.

I think you need to treat him like the child in the relationship bc that’s how he is acting.
You just need to calmly revisit this (bc he is the irrational one, not you…and blowing up in anger was not ideal), and you say:

1–the “big deal” is you did not ask me because you knew I would say no to having you track me, even for “safety.”
2–the “big deal” is that it was something you did in secret, which means you were being deliberately deceptive.
3–the “big deal” is that it’s an extreme invasion of my privacy.
4–I cannot trust someone who goes behind my back, invades my privacy, and disregards my expressed wishes simply because they *think* they have a good reason.
5–I’m an adult and my safety is not your responsibility.

Then reiterate that the fact that he claims not to understand why this is a big deal is actually very concerning to you…and so you will not be able to continue to have him take an active role in your life until he acknowledges that this is not okay behavior.

This is OP. Thank you for your wise post. There has been a lot of anger on my part, which isn’t great.

Part of the problem is that he has apologized and ‘acknowledged’ that this is not okay behavior, but only because he thinks that saying the right thing will reset everything to normal. He does not have the capacity to understand that this is a gross violation of trust.

My mother and sister will not shun him for his behavior (‘it’s just who he is!’), which makes me appear unreasonable when I push back against his inappropriate behavior, because he’s not getting the exact same feedback from everyone in his life. They have explained to him that his behavior is bad, but are still conversing with him as normal otherwise.

I wish I had broken off contact before my kid could get attached to him. I wouldn’t be in this dilemma now.

How old is your kid?

Early elementary school

More than old enough to understand the explanation that some behavior—by kids or adults—is inappropriate and violates our privacy and that we don’t have to stay in touch with people who do that and refuse to change their ways, even though sometimes it’s sad.

Good luck OP.