Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

Maybe they are just a nosy busybody to some random teenager on a school tour, or maybe they're genuinely interested. Maybe they're super insecure about their own kid's prospects and want to know what kind of student goes to the school that they're touring. Who knows. An so what? Honestly, a 16 or 17 year old should be able to handle this type of question. If they don't want to answer it, they can come up with whatever answer or non-answer they are comfortable with.

All of you arguing about how insensitive and rude this question is are doing a huge disservice to these teenagers. Instead of helping your kid navigate these situations, you come on a message board to lecture about how adults shouldn't be asking the question in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.

Agree with this take.

And if DC doesn’t want to disclose, all he need say is: “oh, it’s a pretty varied list…and we have students applying to a broad spectrum of schools from Ivy league to big state schools to LACs…our school has a great college counseling department and they work individually with each student to help identify the right fit for them and navigate the application process, so most students find that really helpful.”

Instead of trying to manage what questions (invasive or not) other people ask, just focus on helping your child finesse responses and refocus attention on promoting the school and its programs and services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

That goes to whether it's relevant or helpful, as opposed to "inconsiderate." And by your logic, asking a child or teenager what they would like to do when they grow up would be similarly "inconsiderate" because it's just wishful thinking?

A HS senior should be handle basic questions about themselves. No wonder we are seeing such an uptick in mental health crises with our kids in this country.

The kids are fine. The parent or the tour guide is the crazy person is this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Wow, people are so sensitive these days. This is a completely normal question to ask someone that age. Didn't you get this question from adults and other peers when you were in your senior year? Most of the time I figured the people asking didn't really care, but were just asking to be polite and show an interest in my life. Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

Maybe they are just a nosy busybody to some random teenager on a school tour, or maybe they're genuinely interested. Maybe they're super insecure about their own kid's prospects and want to know what kind of student goes to the school that they're touring. Who knows. An so what? Honestly, a 16 or 17 year old should be able to handle this type of question. If they don't want to answer it, they can come up with whatever answer or non-answer they are comfortable with.

All of you arguing about how insensitive and rude this question is are doing a huge disservice to these teenagers. Instead of helping your kid navigate these situations, you come on a message board to lecture about how adults shouldn't be asking the question in the first place.

The kid seems to be navigating it just fine by deflecting to general information about the college office. The outrage is coming from people shocked to find out this is considered rude and invasive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people are so sensitive these days. This is a completely normal question to ask someone that age. Didn't you get this question from adults and other peers when you were in your senior year? Most of the time I figured the people asking didn't really care, but were just asking to be polite and show an interest in my life. Geez.

Why do people keep going back to their own very outdated experience? Do any of you know high school students or anyone involved in this process in the past 25 years? Times have changed, keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

Well, those of us with any kind of social intelligence understand there is a vast difference between asking someone about their college plans and their family planning or fertility But if these “nuances” are challenging for you, then yes you should err on the side of caution and not ask anything.

[Anonymous]

OP is either highly insecure about her child's college prospects, or so full of herself that she believes this information must be held in strict confidence only to be disclosed to those she deems worthy.

It's tiresome and crazy either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people are so sensitive these days. This is a completely normal question to ask someone that age. Didn't you get this question from adults and other peers when you were in your senior year? Most of the time I figured the people asking didn't really care, but were just asking to be polite and show an interest in my life. Geez.

Why do people keep going back to their own very outdated experience? Do any of you know high school students or anyone involved in this process in the past 25 years? Times have changed, keep up.

Yet no one has explained how times have changed in such a way as to render this question rude. What exactly makes it rude? That is, other than the extreme sensitivity and social awkwardness that plagues people in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

Maybe they are just a nosy busybody to some random teenager on a school tour, or maybe they're genuinely interested. Maybe they're super insecure about their own kid's prospects and want to know what kind of student goes to the school that they're touring. Who knows. An so what? Honestly, a 16 or 17 year old should be able to handle this type of question. If they don't want to answer it, they can come up with whatever answer or non-answer they are comfortable with.

All of you arguing about how insensitive and rude this question is are doing a huge disservice to these teenagers. Instead of helping your kid navigate these situations, you come on a message board to lecture about how adults shouldn't be asking the question in the first place.

The kid seems to be navigating it just fine by deflecting to general information about the college office. The outrage is coming from people shocked to find out this is considered rude and invasive.

Yes, I’ve never seen a child not navigate this question with skill, and I’m around a lot of teens. But that doesn’t mean the rudeness of the person asking isn’t noted. There is a difference between not being able to manage a question and observing the rudeness of the asker. We all, if we have social skills, know how to handle inappropriate questions. That’s what these kids are doing.

I think the people shocked to find they are considered rude and tacky people just aren’t around a lot of teens these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

How on earth did you make THAT leap? A person's college choices are dictated by more than just family income, obviously. Do you always read way too much into basic questions?

Funny how you asked for a neutral, non-sarcastic or snotty answer and then can’t handle the neutral answer when provided and go immediately to a snotty response yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

It was a client who I’d never met before, not my boss, as I stated clearly. I know this topic makes you kind of emotional but please to read so you can engage in the conversation properly and not derail it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

It was a client who I’d never met before, not my boss, as I stated clearly. I know this topic makes you kind of emotional but please to read so you can engage in the conversation properly and not derail it.

It’s funny how clueless you are about all this. If you actually have a soon to be high schooler you are in for a rough ride. Buckle up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, people are so sensitive these days. This is a completely normal question to ask someone that age. Didn't you get this question from adults and other peers when you were in your senior year? Most of the time I figured the people asking didn't really care, but were just asking to be polite and show an interest in my life. Geez.

Why do people keep going back to their own very outdated experience? Do any of you know high school students or anyone involved in this process in the past 25 years? Times have changed, keep up.

I graduated from high school in 2013. and I fielded this question constantly. I worked at a popular tourist destination on campus of my town’s university before my senior year. Visitors would frequently ask whether I was applying to the university. I wasn’t, I was applying only to out of state SLACs. but I didn’t want to appear to denigrate the school which was essentially my employer, so I had to come up with a polite canned response. I got annoyed with the question the same way I got annoyed with questions about how I handled questions about whether I liked Sarah Palin or if I got depressed in the winter due to our extremely short days: just tired of hearing and answering the same question 10 times a day. No harm was meant and it certainly never occurred to me that it was inappropriate.

Unless you can give me a good reason why the question is sooooooo much ruder than it was 10 years ago, I’m going to assume you’re just socially awkward like most people in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, those of us with any kind of social intelligence understand there is a vast difference between asking someone about their college plans and their family planning or fertility But if these “nuances” are challenging for you, then yes you should err on the side of caution and not ask anything.

You lack the social intelligence to understand that "asking someone about their college plans" can encompass a vast spectrum of questions. There are completely innocuous questions one side of the spectrum, and unnecessarily nosy ones (like specifically where they're applying, whether EA/ED, etc.) on the other side.