Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is OP claiming that DC can't "aptly handle small talk"?

If DC finds it so distressing that he reports it to his mommy and she feels compelled to anonymously rant and demand that people fall in line with her expectations of appropriate inquiries on a tour, it's safe to say he's not handling mildly invasive but ultimately harmless small talk well.

It's not appropriate. But keep doing it anyway and pat yourself on the back for your impeccable social skills.

I will

[Anonymous]

Well-adjusted people aren't triggered by this question.

[Anonymous]

Omg this is so unhinged it's funny. What about college tours? Are we not allowed to ask the seniors giving the tours what they're going to do after graduation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.

+1
I will continue to ask. If the tour guide is too sensitive about their personal experiences at the school, they need a different role.

How many tours do you go on and why are you obsessed with knowing? Especially now that it exposes you as an obnoxious boor?

We've been on 6 tours. I'm interested in how articulate the students are because it says something about their ability to navigate social situations, which is an important life skill. If your kid can't handle it and they are a senior, then it's not the right fit for my child/family. That's information I need to have. I agree it's the equivalent of the cocktail party question 'where do you live/work'.

😬😬😬

I really hope you don’t end up applying anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC conducts tours for prospective students. On almost every tour, DC is asked where he is applying to college. He is happy to talk about the college guidance office and the process in general, but asking someone where they're applying is not okay. It's personal and absolutely none of your business. Please stop. There are far better and more relevant questions to ask.

To conducts tours for future applicants, don't you have to be an enrolled student?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

It's the equivalent of asking a stranger, in a public setting, whether they're looking to switch jobs and what other opportunities they're considering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s inconsiderate to ask any HS senior but it’s rude to ask a stranger. As many posters have explained, life is different than it was 20 or 30 years ago.

Why is it different, though? How is it any different than "what do you do?" when meeting another adult and engaging in small talk.

Because they are only applying to schools. It's just wishful thinking in some cases. Why do you think they need to share this with you? They don't currently go to any college so they aren't "doing" anything. A more applicable question would be "what classes are you taking now"?

This is nonsense. It's not rude to ask people about their thoughts and plans for the future. Small talk is not limited to topics only regarding what is happening now.

I was making small talk with a client at work while waiting for my boss and she asked me where I see my career heading and what kind of roles I would like to move into. Who cares? I didn't think it was invasive, but I also didn't really want to talk about it because it's kind of a loaded topic in my life right now. I answered vaguely and pivoted the conversation. No harm was done, she meant no ill intent.

It is very rude to ask strangers personal questions. Do you ask your clients if they plan to have kids? Or if they are pregnant if they look a little heavier? You don't know these people. But, you're a lost cause so just keep doing you.

DP. The fact that you equate asking a HS senior about their college application list with these questions shows how ridiculous your position is.

Uh, your boss asking you your future plans is akin to the college advisor asking the student where they plan to apply. Not at all the same. A parent on a tour is just some dipshit nosy busybody.

[Anonymous]

He can always say fond a funny answer to deflect the question without disclosing anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

How on earth did you make THAT leap? A person's college choices are dictated by more than just family income, obviously. Do you always read way too much into basic questions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I am a boomer, because it never occurred to me that this is an inappropriate question. without being sarcastic or snotty, can someone explain what is wrong with asking this?

It’s because of the enormous expense now associated with college. Essentially, this question is asking a child how wealthy their family is. It’s very tacky, at best.

When the boomers applied, the cost was far less of a factor. So, they could ask openly because it really wasn’t going to be a deeply financial inquiry.

The question is particularly insensitive to kids at private schools who receive aid, many of whom volunteer to be guides. They’re often excited about the school and appreciate the aid, and view admissions tours as a way to show appreciation. But their college choice may be significantly constrained by money, and that’s not anything they should need to explain to a nosy stranger.

The question is essentially a proxy for asking family income, which is obviously rude.

Ivy League is free for students on aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg this is so unhinged it's funny. What about college tours? Are we not allowed to ask the seniors giving the tours what they're going to do after graduation?

Parents often ask students giving college tours where else they applied and why they chose that college. And like the pp said, asking about post graduation plans is completely normal.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, I get other parents from my senior’s class asking where he’s applying. I just answer “X school ED and a bunch of unnamed EA schools”. I don’t get worked up about it.