Invited neighbor friends over

[Anonymous]

I'm baffled by the people who think it doesn't matter. Surely there is some baseline. Showering? Brushing your teeth or hair? Or is it totally reasonable to show up in whatever slovenly state you want?

As with all such things, it is a way to show you care, are making an effort, etc. Showing up in sweats to a dinner party is trashy and rude. If you wouldn't show up like that to meet a client, a potential client, etc., then don't show up like to a friend whose invited you over, cleaned the house, cooked a meal, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OMG. Is that an argument against sweats? I sure hope so. Looks like she's carrying around a dump in her pants.

If I invited someone to my home for dinner and they came dressed like that, I would think they'd lost their tiny mind.

you think that someone not caring what you think has 'lost their mind'? you really think you are so important that anyone should care what you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know many adult women who wear sweatpants out of the house, and certainly not to any social event. So just an FYI--if you are invited to someone's home for dinner in NYC, do not wear sweatpants. You will stand out, and not in a good way.

Yeah...I wouldn't use a woman who had the poor judgment to marry a mentally ill anti-Semite as my role model, but carry on.

no one said she was their role model. But her $1.7 billion dollar net worth suggests that it is indeed socially acceptable to wear joggers out of the house.

Don't be daft. OP isn't talking about "wearing joggers out of the house." She isn't criticizing her friend to wearing them to the grocery store. She is talking about wearing them to a small dinner party. And I would not rely on KK for guidance on manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: Chevy Chase, is that you?

LOL.
chevy chase is all over this thread equating joggers with not showering.
sure, athleisurewear, not washing - that's the same.
are these people in a time capsule from 1825? nuts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know many adult women who wear sweatpants out of the house, and certainly not to any social event. So just an FYI--if you are invited to someone's home for dinner in NYC, do not wear sweatpants. You will stand out, and not in a good way.

Yeah...I wouldn't use a woman who had the poor judgment to marry a mentally ill anti-Semite as my role model, but carry on.

no one said she was their role model. But her $1.7 billion dollar net worth suggests that it is indeed socially acceptable to wear joggers out of the house.

Don't be daft. OP isn't talking about "wearing joggers out of the house." She isn't criticizing her friend to wearing them to the grocery store. She is talking about wearing them to a small dinner party. And I would not rely on KK for guidance on manners.

sure she'd be devastated to know that linda from silver springs isn't feeling her fit.

[Anonymous]

Some of you throwing out Vuori and Alo as if that matters (or as if those are brands that are chic and expensive) are either sad or funny. I can't decide which. Maybe both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm baffled by the people who think it doesn't matter. Surely there is some baseline. Showering? Brushing your teeth or hair? Or is it totally reasonable to show up in whatever slovenly state you want?

As with all such things, it is a way to show you care, are making an effort, etc. Showing up in sweats to a dinner party is trashy and rude. If you wouldn't show up like that to meet a client, a potential client, etc., then don't show up like to a friend whose invited you over, cleaned the house, cooked a meal, etc.

It wasn’t a dinner party or a client meeting, it was a casual dinner with neighbor friends. I can’t imagine inviting a friend over for something casual and then clutching my pearls that they wore joggers, let alone complaining on DCUM about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is so confusing.
On the one hand you bash someone who expects guests to wear actual clothes, not pajamas, as "judgmental". On the other hand you all never stop gushing over how much better other countries are, especially your beloved Europe. Do you not think Europeans would be insulted by someone wearing sweats as an invited guest in their house? They would of course expect clean, fitted clothing. Are they judgmental as well? A functioning society has standards.

I'm european.
- there is not such thing as 'european'. Different countries within europe have different societal expectations. Romania vs belgium? V different.
- If there is any commonality as it pertains to this stuff, it's that they generally all think that Americans have no manners and are overall lacking in class. Class to europeans is less about what clothes you wear than your curiosity, understanding of the world around you, appreciation of good food, wine, health etc. Those are standards in which america is sorely lacking and which are overall more important to a functioning society than what type of pants you have on.

OMG. Since we all know there is no such thing as "european", why on earth start this by saying that? I can tell you that as a German I would never wear sweats to a dinner. I would be surprised is someone showed up to my house dressed that way.

Can we please just start naming the country? It really is silly to keep saying "i'm european" when we all know that Germans and Greeks only have the "G" in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm baffled by the people who think it doesn't matter. Surely there is some baseline. Showering? Brushing your teeth or hair? Or is it totally reasonable to show up in whatever slovenly state you want?

As with all such things, it is a way to show you care, are making an effort, etc. Showing up in sweats to a dinner party is trashy and rude. If you wouldn't show up like that to meet a client, a potential client, etc., then don't show up like to a friend whose invited you over, cleaned the house, cooked a meal, etc.

It wasn’t a dinner party or a client meeting, it was a casual dinner with neighbor friends. I can’t imagine inviting a friend over for something casual and then clutching my pearls that they wore joggers, let alone complaining on DCUM about it.

I thought it was sweats?

[Anonymous]

I actually find it easier to see how someone would judge someone for getting dressed up to go over to someone's house for dinner than dressed down. Unless it was like - a dinner 'party'.
I can see how my in laws might do this - but they are in their late 70s. Anyone younger than 50 cannot be caring about this. OP must be boomer gen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it either. Doesn’t bother me but I wouldn’t do it. I would change out of leggings into jeans and a top. I have a pair of flared yoga pants that can pass as pants so that might be the exception .! Dh wears his vionic flip flops almost everywhere because (he claims) they are the only comfortable shoes for his plants facsitisn, but he would pair with jeans. However we are in our early 50s so not up on the trend of 150$ Lycra pants.

I would be way more grossed out by his gnarly bare feet w/jeans than by OP's neighbors in sweats. Get your DH some manners and closed shoes. Nobody wants to see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't know many adult women who wear sweatpants out of the house, and certainly not to any social event. So just an FYI--if you are invited to someone's home for dinner in NYC, do not wear sweatpants. You will stand out, and not in a good way.

But see here's the thing - there's a certain lewk that involves athleisure ($$ athleisure, worn in a very intentional way - often as a set) plus a fully made up face, that doesn't scream "I wish you hadn't invited me over!" And there's another one, which I usually have on at home, which is old ratty yoga pants, a t-shirt with no bra, and no makeup, that does scream "I was not expecting to see anyone other than my cats!"

If the neighbors have on a little mascara and lipstick, and brushed their hair, I can see sweatpants being totally great. And if you're the sort of close where you don't even clean the bathroom before they come over, then you can even do the cat-level sweatpants outfit.

I don't know which iteration of this OP's neighbors were donning. I would assume the slobbier version, which is why she found it offensive. Or maybe she doesn't "read" these different types of sweatpants outfits, anyway. Or thought it was a dressier occasion, regardless of how nice the sweatpants are. Maybe it's just a social mismatch. Maybe next time give a dress code. Or wear yoga pants yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of the posts on dcum lately all fall into the category of people not realizing how massively unimportant and uninteresting they are to most other ppl. This one and the post by the person who said 'do people not retain things they are told anymore' in off topic. Like - NO! Most people are not thinking about you or wanting to impress you or caring what you think. I am at peace with that and think it's super weird that others are all like 'DONT THEY KNOW WHO I AM?'. No one cares who you are! They have other sh*t going on. Get TF over it.

Then why accept a dinner invitation, if your general feeling towards someone is "f8k you!" Like I'd really rather not clean the house and cook for you if there's other stuff you'd rather be doing. You know, rearranging your sweatpants drawer or the like.

we have answered this for you many many times.
if your neighbor invites you over you basically have no choice but to say yes. anything else is super awkward.
I really dont invite my neighbors over for this reason - just creates obligation. but if i did and they came i would give zero fs what they wore.

Nah - you can easily get out of it. Just say you can't do it, and then don't make a point to reschedule. If you say yes once, then you are expected to reciprocate, then you have to do it four more times, etc. Say no once, don't reschedule, and that's that.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This thread has gotten a lot of attention haha. It’s obviously not a huge deal, was more so curious to get people’s opinion. They were definitely in sweats, not joggers (which can admittedly look fairly neat at times).

Wouldn’t say I was offended. We really were just expecting something different after inviting someone over for dinner (wasn’t a barbecue or football game or something like that).

Everyone obviously has their different ways of dressing, so to each their own. Just felt that I would have dressed a bit differently for the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it either. Doesn’t bother me but I wouldn’t do it. I would change out of leggings into jeans and a top. I have a pair of flared yoga pants that can pass as pants so that might be the exception .! Dh wears his vionic flip flops almost everywhere because (he claims) they are the only comfortable shoes for his plants facsitisn, but he would pair with jeans. However we are in our early 50s so not up on the trend of 150$ Lycra pants.

I would be way more grossed out by his gnarly bare feet w/jeans than by OP's neighbors in sweats. Get your DH some manners and closed shoes. Nobody wants to see that.

urgh yes mens bare feet no no no.