Serious things you accept to stay marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Less sex than I would like, as a female. DH says I want it too much and need 4 men. I think he wants it too little!

Can you pls clarify how much sex WOULD you like? Curious which of you is the outlier.

Him, he is the outlier. He could easily go a couple of months without sex. And what was worse was that he would act like it was a chore. I don’t think this is typical for a man his age (early 40s). For me it depends on my cycle, sometimes I want it multiple times a day, sometimes I could go without for a couple of days. But I would be happy with a couple times per week.

I have a hourglass figure and take very good care of myself and wear sexy lingerie for him. Yesterday as we were about to do it he said “aww but I really like how we are just chatting right now.” Things are much better now but I know that he is having sex with me to make me happy. I don’t think he is gay or having an affair, he just has a lower drive.

Do you think he could be gay? This seems more than just low T or low libido

I thought about this a lot and he just... wasn't like this when we first got together. We had a ton of chemistry and were very physically attracted to one another and he couldn't keep his hands off me. We were very sexual until our second child was born, about 5 years into the marriage. I don't think he could have faked it to that extent.

I know someone who was married for a very long time before coming out a lot has to do with familial pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here.

Our sex life is pretty good, but I've had to say goodbye to the BJ.

I offer my services and she accepts, bc I like doing it. And I've asked for the same in return but she declines, saying she prefers to go straight to the action.

It's not a big deal, really, in the big picture. But it kind of sucks. It was a regular part of our life before marriage. But its been YEARS.

I wish it could come back

Do you shower just before sex? Do you pass gas? Do you keep yourself clean? Do you have a big belly and small P? Do you have skin diseases? Do you keep it trimmed? Women are also not attracted to sagging balls or stinky smell. You were young once and you are old now. You are not that attractive anymore, just like your spouse is not attractive.

Who the heck farts when getting head?!?

[Anonymous]

Different religions. I went to church with the kids alone. It’s all about mutual respect and clear communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Less sex than I would like, as a female. DH says I want it too much and need 4 men. I think he wants it too little!

Can you pls clarify how much sex WOULD you like? Curious which of you is the outlier.

Him, he is the outlier. He could easily go a couple of months without sex. And what was worse was that he would act like it was a chore. I don’t think this is typical for a man his age (early 40s). For me it depends on my cycle, sometimes I want it multiple times a day, sometimes I could go without for a couple of days. But I would be happy with a couple times per week.

I have a hourglass figure and take very good care of myself and wear sexy lingerie for him. Yesterday as we were about to do it he said “aww but I really like how we are just chatting right now.” Things are much better now but I know that he is having sex with me to make me happy. I don’t think he is gay or having an affair, he just has a lower drive.

Do you think he could be gay? This seems more than just low T or low libido

I thought about this a lot and he just... wasn't like this when we first got together. We had a ton of chemistry and were very physically attracted to one another and he couldn't keep his hands off me. We were very sexual until our second child was born, about 5 years into the marriage. I don't think he could have faked it to that extent.

I know someone who was married for a very long time before coming out a lot has to do with familial pressure.

He got married when he was in his late 20s; we actually overcame obstacles to get married, there was no pressure!

He just doesn’t want to have sex that much anymore. I think it may be low t or a health related issue, and he’s just really busy and involved with our kids and his job. I hope he’s not gay but honestly I may never know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Less sex than I would like, as a female. DH says I want it too much and need 4 men. I think he wants it too little!

Can you pls clarify how much sex WOULD you like? Curious which of you is the outlier.

Him, he is the outlier. He could easily go a couple of months without sex. And what was worse was that he would act like it was a chore. I don’t think this is typical for a man his age (early 40s). For me it depends on my cycle, sometimes I want it multiple times a day, sometimes I could go without for a couple of days. But I would be happy with a couple times per week.

I have a hourglass figure and take very good care of myself and wear sexy lingerie for him. Yesterday as we were about to do it he said “aww but I really like how we are just chatting right now.” Things are much better now but I know that he is having sex with me to make me happy. I don’t think he is gay or having an affair, he just has a lower drive.

Do you think he could be gay? This seems more than just low T or low libido

I thought about this a lot and he just... wasn't like this when we first got together. We had a ton of chemistry and were very physically attracted to one another and he couldn't keep his hands off me. We were very sexual until our second child was born, about 5 years into the marriage. I don't think he could have faked it to that extent.

yes, people can. Now that the internet can convey more stories, we regularly can read these happening in life.

[Anonymous]

Pretend like I care about what he is talking about and think of my crush during sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD and a lack of grit.

I missed the lack of grit when we were dating and first married - but the signs may have been there.

He constantly needs affirmation, and will randomly comment on how someone gave him a compliment years ago. Nothing is his fault. The slightest obstacle defeats him.

I didn’t realize the grit thing, because he had a successful career, in a competitive field. Now that I’m 20 years older - I realize that as a white, middle-class boomer, working for the federal government, he just hasn’t had the same experience as I have had (non-white, woman, GenX, working in the private sector) even though I had the more privileged upbringing.

It’s come out in the last year or so as he’s retired from his government job and struggled to find a job that he likes.

The lack of a job wouldn’t bother me if he took more ownership of household tasks, but he’s finding that hard to do - likely because his executive functioning skills are awful.

I had a feeling about the ADHD, but it’s gotten worse as he ages and we had a kid. He’s refusing to get help, but acknowledges there’s a problem.

Right now I’m in the appeasement stage- but also setting boundaries for what I take on, and lowering my standards for things.

He puts up with a wife who is 20 lbs overweight with a low sex drive. He doesn’t realize a lot of that is because of stress, a lack of a consistent schedule, and feeling like a I’m a mom to a moody teen - rather than his partner.

Ugh.

I hope he finds something, anything to get him out of the house most of the day and also helps with the kids more that he’s not working at all or so much.

[Anonymous]

+1 on the lack of grit and drive. He seems ok with me being the breadwinner and being exhausted and depleted and wonders why I don’t want to have sex

[Anonymous]

Gawd, what a clueless loser