Serious things you accept to stay marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard and you won’t always like your spouse.

We do really adore each other though - I think you have to love each other for it to work.

PP and want to add I’m sorry to see the sexless posters - your spouses are not being very good to you. I like sex and my husband loves it, would literally have sex multiple times a day if I would be up to it. I end up having a lot more sex than I would otherwise because I know it makes him happy and I know it’s good for us as a married couple.

Withholding sex is 100% equivalent to cheating and should be treated as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Realities of DH:
- ADD (let me senior dog out to potty, forgot about him, and the dog drowned in the pool)
- on the spectrum
- career fell off a cliff 8 years ago (fired from job, accepted low paying government drone position and has never left)

It’s been a struggle, but we have two kids and I literally have zero family support so I’m not leaving. I make significantly more than him, and also work an extra 30 hours per month as an attorney freelancer (on top of my full time job) so we can have a nice life and have a vacation, throw a good bday party for the kids etc.

I left (which I know DCUM likes to destroy people for) because I couldn’t handle it anymore. Severed ADHD, could barely handle his exec job while we were together and I did *everything* else - after we split he lost his job and ADHD’d (procrastinated) his way through all of his severance and had to take a huge pay cut job which I suspect he will never be pro-active enough to leave for a better paying one. So career also fell off of a cliff.

So here I am still doing everything for DC (which is fine because I don’t have an adult child to take care of too) AND I probably have to pay for everything/way more than 50%. College etc. ex-DH has saved a paltry sum thus far.

I wonder every now and again if ex wonders how DC get’s school books, school supplies, lunches funded, uniforms, field trip forms, annual school forms, medication/doctors appointments, etc etc etc. I hope I never get hit by a bus…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realities of DH:
- ADD (let me senior dog out to potty, forgot about him, and the dog drowned in the pool)
- on the spectrum
- career fell off a cliff 8 years ago (fired from job, accepted low paying government drone position and has never left)

It’s been a struggle, but we have two kids and I literally have zero family support so I’m not leaving. I make significantly more than him, and also work an extra 30 hours per month as an attorney freelancer (on top of my full time job) so we can have a nice life and have a vacation, throw a good bday party for the kids etc.

I left (which I know DCUM likes to destroy people for) because I couldn’t handle it anymore. Severed ADHD, could barely handle his exec job while we were together and I did *everything* else - after we split he lost his job and ADHD’d (procrastinated) his way through all of his severance and had to take a huge pay cut job which I suspect he will never be pro-active enough to leave for a better paying one. So career also fell off of a cliff.

So here I am still doing everything for DC (which is fine because I don’t have an adult child to take care of too) AND I probably have to pay for everything/way more than 50%. College etc. ex-DH has saved a paltry sum thus far.

I wonder every now and again if ex wonders how DC get’s school books, school supplies, lunches funded, uniforms, field trip forms, annual school forms, medication/doctors appointments, etc etc etc. I hope I never get hit by a bus…

also have ADHD spouse
it's insane bc it's somehow supposed to be ok for them to do no things and us to have to do everything and we can say nothing. This evening dh had taken all the kids sweaters from the living room and instead of hanging them up or asking the kids to hang them up, dumped them in a pile in the kids closet and then yelled at me for being annoyed about it.
you cannot win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realities of DH:
- ADD (let me senior dog out to potty, forgot about him, and the dog drowned in the pool)
- on the spectrum
- career fell off a cliff 8 years ago (fired from job, accepted low paying government drone position and has never left)

It’s been a struggle, but we have two kids and I literally have zero family support so I’m not leaving. I make significantly more than him, and also work an extra 30 hours per month as an attorney freelancer (on top of my full time job) so we can have a nice life and have a vacation, throw a good bday party for the kids etc.

What will you do when he lets one of your kids die?

PP. Put my kids in swim lessons when they turned 2. Now, they’re on a year round competitive swim team. They know they can’t swim alone in the pool and they comply with that rule. Oldest is 13, youngest 10. Would never allow DH to take the kids to the ocean without me. Part of the reason I stay..to protect them.

Sigh. That person wasn’t just talking about SWIMMING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realities of DH:
- ADD (let me senior dog out to potty, forgot about him, and the dog drowned in the pool)
- on the spectrum
- career fell off a cliff 8 years ago (fired from job, accepted low paying government drone position and has never left)

It’s been a struggle, but we have two kids and I literally have zero family support so I’m not leaving. I make significantly more than him, and also work an extra 30 hours per month as an attorney freelancer (on top of my full time job) so we can have a nice life and have a vacation, throw a good bday party for the kids etc.

What will you do when he lets one of your kids die?

PP. Put my kids in swim lessons when they turned 2. Now, they’re on a year round competitive swim team. They know they can’t swim alone in the pool and they comply with that rule. Oldest is 13, youngest 10. Would never allow DH to take the kids to the ocean without me. Part of the reason I stay..to protect them.

And you think that's the only way they can die from his neglect/ forgetfulness?

They are 13 and 10. Seems like she's been pretty successful so far.

True. It only takes one time though.

If they divorced, the kids would get way more unsupervised time with dad than in a marriage. So there isn’t a better option. NP

[Anonymous]

DH has never told me I’m hot or sexy. On occasion he’ll say I like nice in something. It makes me feel so ugly. I’m not blowing my family up over it, but I’ve stopped trying.

[Anonymous]

Suboptimal blended family dynamics. Stepkids are now adults and things are civil but cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less sex than I would like, as a female. DH says I want it too much and need 4 men. I think he wants it too little!

Same here. I have a pretty ordinary drive but DH never initiates and our sex life has declined over time. Otherwise he's a great partner.

[Anonymous]

He is selfish and 100% would cheat on me if he hasn't already.

[Anonymous]

Addiction.

Our young kids adore him and have mostly been shielded from his chaos. Not completely, but mostly. He’s in recovery now.

The thing about having kids with someone is you are never not connected to them. Not through divorce, or even death. Not really.

I’ve been more forgiving than I thought possible. He’s also on his last chance.

[Anonymous]

Another DW married to a DH who has zero interest in sex. It’s hard. We do it maybe 2-3 times per YEAR. And I don’t feel like he enjoys it-or I guess he does in the end but it only happens as like a favor to me (Mother’s Day and my birthday are the two days a year we do it). It just makes me sad. I’m an extremely sensual person, love sex, had lots of it before I married DH. I enjoy my memories at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realities of DH:
- ADD (let me senior dog out to potty, forgot about him, and the dog drowned in the pool)
- on the spectrum
- career fell off a cliff 8 years ago (fired from job, accepted low paying government drone position and has never left)

It’s been a struggle, but we have two kids and I literally have zero family support so I’m not leaving. I make significantly more than him, and also work an extra 30 hours per month as an attorney freelancer (on top of my full time job) so we can have a nice life and have a vacation, throw a good bday party for the kids etc.

What will you do when he lets one of your kids die?

PP. Put my kids in swim lessons when they turned 2. Now, they’re on a year round competitive swim team. They know they can’t swim alone in the pool and they comply with that rule. Oldest is 13, youngest 10. Would never allow DH to take the kids to the ocean without me. Part of the reason I stay..to protect them.

And you think that's the only way they can die from his neglect/ forgetfulness?

They are 13 and 10. Seems like she's been pretty successful so far.

True. It only takes one time though.

If they divorced, the kids would get way more unsupervised time with dad than in a marriage. So there isn’t a better option. NP

PP. Bingo. This seemed lost on some of the others commenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse doesn't stimulate me intellectually. Which is fine - they are a wonderful person and I get to exercise my brain plenty at work.

This. And he’s a highly functioning alcoholic

[Anonymous]

My spouse is intellectual, but different things stimulate us intellectually.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if these no-drive men have low T or if they are on SSRIs.