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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]ADHD and a lack of grit.

I missed the lack of grit when we were dating and first married - but the signs may have been there.

He constantly needs affirmation, and will randomly comment on how someone gave him a compliment years ago.    Nothing is his fault.  The slightest obstacle defeats him.

I didn’t realize the grit thing, because he had a successful career, in a competitive field.  Now that I’m 20 years older - I realize that as a white, middle-class boomer, working for the federal government, he just hasn’t had the same experience as I have had (non-white, woman, GenX, working in the private sector) even though I had the more privileged upbringing.

It’s come out in the last year or so as he’s retired from his government job and struggled to find a job that he likes.

The lack of a job wouldn’t bother me if he took more ownership of household tasks, but he’s finding that hard to do - likely because his executive functioning skills are awful.

I had a feeling about the ADHD, but it’s gotten worse as he ages and we had a kid.   He’s refusing to get help, but acknowledges there’s a problem.

Right now I’m in the appeasement stage- but also setting boundaries for what I take on, and  lowering my standards for things.

He puts up with a wife who is 20 lbs overweight with a low sex drive.  He doesn’t realize a lot of that is because of stress, a lack of a consistent schedule, and feeling like a I’m a mom to a moody teen - rather than his partner.  [/quote]

Ugh.

I hope he finds something, anything to get him out of the house most of the day and also helps with the kids more that he’s not working at all or so much. [/quote]

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