Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

I’m not the OP but this prompted me to say I’ve never had a baby who would take a bottle. And I’ve tried. People don’t necessarily know what they are asking a nursing mother to do.

Anyway…. Ask, don’t ask. I think the “yes ask” people have close sibling relationships where talking openly is normal; and the “don’t ask” people think weddings are just that sacred that you don’t dare hassle the bride for anything. The OP probably knows at this point whether it’s a good idea to ask her sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

But you said she can be apart from the baby for 3.5 hours. Not necessarily true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

But you said she can be apart from the baby for 3.5 hours. Not necessarily true.

Okay. When I was nursing an infant I worked, and of course I was away from my infant for 3.5 hours. I pumped milk. Every mother I know was able to be away from an infant for at least 3.5 hours.

OP, you say you’ll still be nursing. How old will the baby be? Will the baby be taking bottles and some solids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do kid-free destination weddings. No hard feelings - people can have the wedding they want and I'll still send a nice gift.

Happy to leave kids with spouse or a sitter for a local wedding, but not spending money on airfare or hotel to go solo, or for the whole family to fly in and then wait at the hotel. Maybe if I had an unlimited travel budget and PTO, but I don't.

See, you come off sounding like one of those crazy mommies who expect the whole world to open their arms to your entire family for every event and blur the distinction between adult and family friendly social events at all times. You became a mother and checked your individual self at the door. It’s not healthy.

...What? I am the PP. I literally said I have no hard feelings toward people who have child-free weddings and that I'll send a nice gift even if I don't go!

[Anonymous]

OP,

Are you still here? Did you reach out to your sister? Is the destination in this country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

But you said she can be apart from the baby for 3.5 hours. Not necessarily true.

Okay. When I was nursing an infant I worked, and of course I was away from my infant for 3.5 hours. I pumped milk. Every mother I know was able to be away from an infant for at least 3.5 hours.

OP, you say you’ll still be nursing. How old will the baby be? Will the baby be taking bottles and some solids?

I personally had no success with pumping and had to wean to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

But you said she can be apart from the baby for 3.5 hours. Not necessarily true.

Okay. When I was nursing an infant I worked, and of course I was away from my infant for 3.5 hours. I pumped milk. Every mother I know was able to be away from an infant for at least 3.5 hours.

OP, you say you’ll still be nursing. How old will the baby be? Will the baby be taking bottles and some solids?

I personally had no success with pumping and had to wean to go back to work.

So you would have been able to leave your child with your spouse and go to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go-her right to plan wedding with no hard feelings, your right to accept or decline with no hard feelings.

[Anonymous]

If your nursing baby will take a bottle and your spouse is capable of caring for the kids solo for a couple days, I’d go alone and just stay 1-2 nights. If your baby won’t take a bottle and/or your spouse isn’t able to care for the kids solo, I wouldn’t go at all and would send a nice gift instead. I’d hate to miss a sibling’s wedding but obviously your presence there isn’t that important to your sibling if they planned a wedding it’s very difficult for you to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

I have been a many childfree weddings where someone was wearing an infant.
It really isn’t a big deal. It’s not anything I’ve ever heard of anyone being offended about either.

There is no way that bringing the baby is going to be more annoying than the brides sister pumping in the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

+1

I have also seen kids ruin weddings because the moms (and dads) refuse to step outside when the kid starts inevitably screaming.

I think the issue is that the bride or groom (for example) may have family that they consider as close as siblings (possibly cousins that are closer than certain siblings), and if those kids are not invited, then it would be offensive to those who were not allowed (if the bride and groom made other exceptions).

Interesting. Some of my favorite memories of my own wedding were of my cousins' little kids dancing. They were adorable and the photos are great. Also my SIL's 3 year old yelling out "mommy!" during the ceremony when she got up to do a reading. I guess some people would think that "ruined" the ceremony, but DH and I thought it was a riot.

We are Catholic and maybe that is a cultural difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

I have been a many childfree weddings where someone was wearing an infant.
It really isn’t a big deal. It’s not anything I’ve ever heard of anyone being offended about either.

There is no way that bringing the baby is going to be more annoying than the brides sister pumping in the bathroom.

Who is going to know she’s pumping one time during the reception? She isn’t in the wedding. She isn’t going to be the center of attention. No one is going to notice if she is gone for 15 minutes.

So much depends on how old the baby will be and what other sources of nutrition the baby is already taking, information that the OP didn’t share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

But you said she can be apart from the baby for 3.5 hours. Not necessarily true.

Maybe the OP did share how old her youngest will be? All I saw was “I’ll still be nursing the littlest” and a reference to toddler ages. Are we talking a 3 MO? 9 MO? A toddler?