Am I the jerk?

[Anonymous]

You're a terrible mother. I feel for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Here's a perfect example (and I can post because I am on an endless pointless stupid work meeting that needs zero attention but my presence is required).

DH came into my office and said he's going to store and asked me what ingredients I need to make a dinner I wanted to try. I picked up vegetables at the farmers market but there's some things he needed. Our conversation turned into when I can make this dinner because kid one is going here and kid two is going there and I have a training for a sport I am doing and need to go to the equipment store and so on. We started talking through my schedule and he started getting annoyed saying non-responsive things to my questions like "yeah" or "yeah no" when those aren't answers and I'm just like throw everything in the trash. I'm never going to make this. Fine.

He'll make the kids dinner, I'll be stuck eating pasta with vegetables snuck into the sauce like they are toddlers and the world spins on.

God, you are SUCH a baby.

[Anonymous]

What actually is having "control" or a "say", though? Do you want to cancel their activities right now, even though you agreed to them? It's very unclear to me what would actually satisfy you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do kinda think you are the jerk here OP.

This is far, far too nice. Yes, OP is the jerk, to her husband and to her kids.

Although I'm 87% sure that (i) the real OP of this post is the engaged parent, not the slug whining about "don't my feelings matter, too?"; or (ii) the genders have been flipped.

Yep.

The engaged parent wrote this. It's very passive aggressive. Lol

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I have not taken the time to read all ten pages of the thread, so forgive me if someone has already said the following. You sound like you are depressed. have you considered seeking help in that respect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure who is the jerk here, but I agree with the thrust of the OP that kids don't need to be scheduled every minute of the summer.

I also don't see why the other option is the kids sitting around watching TV all day. Have them spend some days outside with friends, making things, puttering around, whatever.

It doesn't make sense to say that she has no say in her kids being overscheduled if she doesn't make the plans. If the kids aren't scheduled, then her DH doesn't need to make plans either!

That would involve OP actually parenting them during the day, which she has not agreed to do. It's not fair to add this to the plate of a DH who is working and doing absolutely everything else at home.

A lot of parents do this but then both contribute or they have PT/flex or a babysitter etc.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone checked to see if this is a troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. Yes, you are the jerk here. If my husband did all the logistics of setting up all the camps and did all the driving, I would be over the moon. He would be getting extra sexual favors of his choice from me.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hold on.

There’s
1) deciding how many activities and events and camps
2) setting it up
3) making it happen, and successfully.

While OP doesn’t seem to help with #3… they both need to agree on #1.

Op and spouse are conflating #1 and 3. They should continue to work together (better) on hauling kids to what they have signed up for. They should also compromise or agree the next time it’s a decision point for signups.

But they did agree. In March. When OP’s DH organized options for summer. OP seems mad his carefully orchestrated camp schedule can’tbe randomly rearranged because she feels like the kids have too little free time halfway through July.

[Anonymous]

Troll or just insane?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am sticking to my guns because I'm in the right. I am the mother and I should have more control over what's happening in my family.

I gave the background info because I think it's important to point out that DH isn't a saint. He's decided to become a drunk and then announced it and left me with the choice of being a single mother or putting up with his addiction. I'm still angry thinking about it.

I know what he does and yes it's fine but there is so much energy I spend thinking about his being an addict, the kids, my terrible job and if I'm honest...I would leave if it didn't make me look like a terrible person. It's all exhausting and I was the happiest in my life before all of this. When I was single and just had a dog and did whatever I wanted.
I
So, I'm staying but I want to have a say here. What's wrong with that.

I really hope you’re trolling or whatever. No one should suck this much in real life.

Ok lady. No one decides to be an alcoholic. It’s an illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am sticking to my guns because I'm in the right. I am the mother and I should have more control over what's happening in my family.

I gave the background info because I think it's important to point out that DH isn't a saint. He's decided to become a drunk and then announced it and left me with the choice of being a single mother or putting up with his addiction. I'm still angry thinking about it.

I know what he does and yes it's fine but there is so much energy I spend thinking about his being an addict, the kids, my terrible job and if I'm honest...I would leave if it didn't make me look like a terrible person. It's all exhausting and I was the happiest in my life before all of this. When I was single and just had a dog and did whatever I wanted.
I
So, I'm staying but I want to have a say here. What's wrong with that.

I really hope you’re trolling or whatever. No one should suck this much in real life.

Ok lady. No one decides to be an alcoholic. It’s an illness.

alcoholic is an illness? i thought it was a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. The kids are happy doing a million things and you aren't involved in their activities. So why does it bother you that they are doing so much?

A bigger problem is that you are not pulling your weight. Your husband has the right to be resentful of that, especially if you tell him what to do (while not helping yourself). A more flexible job does not mean less demanding.

OP here. That's what is hard, he doesn't care. He's happy doing all of this but admits it's hard and can be exhausting. But my views should matter. I'm their mother and I feel like time is just flying by with my family shuffling in and out of the door and I'm just frustrated.

When I was a kid, I just was left to my own devices during the summer. My parents were admittedly lazy but this is crazy.

What do your children want to do? Because it should be about them and not about you.

Also, if they were home, you still would be working and your husband would be minding them. I get the feeling he'd rather be doing work from the waiting room or a coffee shop at a class than minding them at home. You sound super lazy and selfish. I would say this if you were a man, too, since I have the feeling you are a troll trying to make this a "gotcha" post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am sticking to my guns because I'm in the right. I am the mother and I should have more control over what's happening in my family.

I gave the background info because I think it's important to point out that DH isn't a saint. He's decided to become a drunk and then announced it and left me with the choice of being a single mother or putting up with his addiction. I'm still angry thinking about it.

I know what he does and yes it's fine but there is so much energy I spend thinking about his being an addict, the kids, my terrible job and if I'm honest...I would leave if it didn't make me look like a terrible person. It's all exhausting and I was the happiest in my life before all of this. When I was single and just had a dog and did whatever I wanted.

So, I'm staying but I want to have a say here. What's wrong with that.

Ok

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP’s husband keeps the kids busy and away from home because there’s a lot of negativity in the relationship.