Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP will be back in the fall whining how there are no good women to date online when it gets cold and his kids stop using the pool.

The kids will soon be launched and have a life of their own. They won’t be back much. Supposedly he was building a life with his GF but wants to completely and utterly disregard everything she feels. She was feeling out how the situation would be if she moved and and OP failed. She will be much better off with a grow up after she dumps his ass.

Win win. He's not ready to cohabitate yet, and she wants someone who's ready.

Once the kids are launched, maybe he'll find the right person. But you're saying this like he must act now, ask her to move in, and change his attitude for THIS girlfriend, with whom he is not compatible. Why? Why is it now or never?

Once the kids are launched he will find some other reason not to commit because he doesn’t want to commit. He needs to find someone who doesn’t want to cohabitate or have a serious relationship. He’s going to have to keep fending off all of the desirable women who are competing for his attentions.

LoL

Those desirable women aren’t going to stick around past the first date question of “what happened to your last relationship?”

“Oh after three years we broke up because I wasn’t willing to teach my college aged kids basic manners.”

“…”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now it's about time spent, soon it will be about inheritances spent.

Good point. Someone without kids will never truly understand that the kids will always come first. Another parent would get this. And tbh I’d be turned off by a guy who didn’t prioritize his kids.

There seems to be a critical mass here who thinks OP should date a woman with kids who will understand, maybe even praise him for prioritizing his kids. But would OP actually date a woman his own age with the same number of kids who is on great terms with her ex and best friends with his new wife and who lets her adult kids and all their friends come and go as they please at her house where they spend most of their time together, in her terms? Doubt it. He’s been with a childless woman for the last three years for a reason, right OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons kidfree people shouldn't even bother to date people who have kids. OP's girlfriend is wasting her time and should find someone else to date, preferably someone who is younger and doesn't have kids.

+1 Feel sorry for the GF in this case, she deserves someone who will put her first not after multiple adult kids.
Hope OP cuts her loose soon so she can go out and find someone without baggage.

Fwiw OP I think you're a fine parent but I'd go for someone with kids the next time around, she will understand that kids always come first.

People with kids (especially ones they were watching in the hs play like three years ago) are not going to put a girlfriend first. It’s fine if that’s not okay with her they just aren’t compatible.

Also, having “talked about moving in” is g the same as moving in. In the same way gf could replace the bath mats if she was living there but it would be weird to do that when she’s not, it might be more okay to have some (few) visiting guidelines after she moved in but not before.

But that's the context - they've talked about her moving in, and she's raising this as an obstacle. Definitely a bad idea to move in and hope that they can deal with it later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP will be back in the fall whining how there are no good women to date online when it gets cold and his kids stop using the pool.

The kids will soon be launched and have a life of their own. They won’t be back much. Supposedly he was building a life with his GF but wants to completely and utterly disregard everything she feels. She was feeling out how the situation would be if she moved and and OP failed. She will be much better off with a grow up after she dumps his ass.

Win win. He's not ready to cohabitate yet, and she wants someone who's ready.

Once the kids are launched, maybe he'll find the right person. But you're saying this like he must act now, ask her to move in, and change his attitude for THIS girlfriend, with whom he is not compatible. Why? Why is it now or never?

Once the kids are launched he will find some other reason not to commit because he doesn’t want to commit. He needs to find someone who doesn’t want to cohabitate or have a serious relationship. He’s going to have to keep fending off all of the desirable women who are competing for his attentions.

LoL

Those desirable women aren’t going to stick around past the first date question of “what happened to your last relationship?”

“Oh after three years we broke up because I wasn’t willing to teach my college aged kids basic manners.”

“…”

Nah. "We broke up because she didn't like my college age kids coming home to hang out, and I wasn't ready to give them the boot. I wanted my kids to always have a home to come back to during college but my gf wanted me to treat them more like pesky relatives. So we parted ways."

[Anonymous]

I would never limit my college kids visits due to a significant other demanding it. Time with kids is so precious and they do eventually launch and get busy with their own lives. OP wants to cherish the time he has and he should. My kids will always come first over any boyfriend. And they do, and my boyfriends kids come first as well, as they should.

People think divorces screw up the kids. It’s not the divorce, it’s how the parents maintain their relationships with their kids after the divorce. OP should absolutely not limit his kids visits. I’d think most adult women would understand and if they didn’t they’re just not compatible.

[Anonymous]

Dump her now

[Anonymous]

Hole Camole.

People think kids should knock or call ahead before they come TO THEIR OWN HOUSE.

Bye Felicia!

[Anonymous]

She’s 10 + years younger than you, right?

[Anonymous]

Female here. Your girlfriend is a nut-job. Does she want children? If so, expect that to be the next demand. And then once she’s the mother of your second kids you can bet she’ll try to demand that you cut off your first family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP will be back in the fall whining how there are no good women to date online when it gets cold and his kids stop using the pool.

The kids will soon be launched and have a life of their own. They won’t be back much. Supposedly he was building a life with his GF but wants to completely and utterly disregard everything she feels. She was feeling out how the situation would be if she moved and and OP failed. She will be much better off with a grow up after she dumps his ass.

Win win. He's not ready to cohabitate yet, and she wants someone who's ready.

Once the kids are launched, maybe he'll find the right person. But you're saying this like he must act now, ask her to move in, and change his attitude for THIS girlfriend, with whom he is not compatible. Why? Why is it now or never?

Once the kids are launched he will find some other reason not to commit because he doesn’t want to commit. He needs to find someone who doesn’t want to cohabitate or have a serious relationship. He’s going to have to keep fending off all of the desirable women who are competing for his attentions.

LoL

Those desirable women aren’t going to stick around past the first date question of “what happened to your last relationship?”

“Oh after three years we broke up because I wasn’t willing to teach my college aged kids basic manners.”

“…”

Nah. "We broke up because she didn't like my college age kids coming home to hang out, and I wasn't ready to give them the boot. I wanted my kids to always have a home to come back to during college but my gf wanted me to treat them more like pesky relatives. So we parted ways."

But then she meets the post-college kids who show up with no notice and get catered to by dad and the lie is out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never limit my college kids visits due to a significant other demanding it. Time with kids is so precious and they do eventually launch and get busy with their own lives. OP wants to cherish the time he has and he should. My kids will always come first over any boyfriend. And they do, and my boyfriends kids come first as well, as they should.

People think divorces screw up the kids. It’s not the divorce, it’s how the parents maintain their relationships with their kids after the divorce. OP should absolutely not limit his kids visits. I’d think most adult women would understand and if they didn’t they’re just not compatible.

One of the ways people think divorce screws up kids is messing up their sense for what a healthy relationship looks like. Ending a three year relationship because your partner has reasonable expectations of privacy and boundaries in their home is just setting up another generation or narcissists, enabled by their parents.

OP will be on the board in a few years complaining about the quality of kids today when no one is wants to date/marry his children who have been told they never need to consider other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also if your ex-wife’s husband is really your “best friend”, then yeah, i’m guessing you do have boundary issues.

Guessing OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now it's about time spent, soon it will be about inheritances spent.

Good point. Someone without kids will never truly understand that the kids will always come first. Another parent would get this. And tbh I’d be turned off by a guy who didn’t prioritize his kids.

There seems to be a critical mass here who thinks OP should date a woman with kids who will understand, maybe even praise him for prioritizing his kids. But would OP actually date a woman his own age with the same number of kids who is on great terms with her ex and best friends with his new wife and who lets her adult kids and all their friends come and go as they please at her house where they spend most of their time together, in her terms? Doubt it. He’s been with a childless woman for the last three years for a reason, right OP?

Yeah I'd pass.

[Anonymous]

In a nutshell, OP posts a thread entitled "Am I wrong...?" and then wants everyone to say "no".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hole Camole.

People think kids should knock or call ahead before they come TO THEIR OWN HOUSE.

Bye Felicia!

They live elsewhere. Do you still pop up at your parents' house unannounced? I certainly don't--I don't want to see 70 year olds in flagrante delicto.