How to answer sons who are asking me why so many girls have 'girls are better' merch

post reply Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

◄ 1 2 3 ... 9 10 11 ... 17 18 19 ► Go

Go to page...

07/01/2023 14:09

Subject: How to answer sons who are asking me why so many girls have 'girls are better' merch

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tell my boys that they can do anything girls can do. I tell them that they are biologically stronger than girls. I tell them that men do all the most dangerous jobs and that the jobs that keep society functioning are mostly male dominated.

Do you tell them that society should be male dominated? Do you tell them that their strength makes them better than girls or less strong boys?

Wow sounds like I hit a nerve!

Sure! Sounds like you’re deliberately raising boys to believe their strength makes them superior to other people. That’s toxic and makes you part of the problem.

DP. If you WANT boys to have a nuanced understanding of what it means that men are on the average stronger than women, it’s sure as sh*t not gonna happen by lecturing them about decentering themselves, expecting them to be superhumanly resistant to negative messaging, and expecting them to accept being judged/excluded based on their gender/color.

Teaching kids about this stuff cannot be left to ditzy leftists whose understanding of human and child psychology goes no deeper than a bumpersticker slogan. Who believe that all we have to do is read our children the Antiracist Baby Book and then they will be perfect activists.

The fact is, the progessive take on teaching values to kids is usually a projection of their own anxiety to make a show of their own moral purity. The focus is all on the adult using the proper moral words, not on how kids actually learn.

I’m the “ditzy leftist” above suggesting white boys de center themselves in this argument. I get that people think that’s lefty ditz stuff - but it’s actually a real piece of advice. People in positions of privilege often think that things apply to them when they do not. The messages about girls’ empowerment have nothing to do with OP’s sons. Telling them “this is not about you, here’s what it’s about” should help them to not feel persecuted by a tshirt. Ongoing conversations are incredibly important so that they can put the stuff they see in context - whether they agree with it or not. Not everything you see and have an emotional response to us about you. Not everything should be treated as though it’s about you. It’s not a ditzy leftist thing to say.

What I have largely seen from people saying “ditzy leftists shouldn’t be the only ones teaching kids about this stuff” is that they disagree with my views on this issue and tend to communicate it by being personally insulting, like above.

Oh don’t be personally insulted! Just decenter yourself. That wasn’t about you.

I didn’t say I was insulted. I said your kind uses personal insults when they disagree with people’s views.

I have also never heard the word “ditzy” applied to a male, so that seems like a personal insult specifically intended to devalue an opinion you disagree with, in a sexist way. There are plenty of words to imply that someone is stupid. That one just means “stupid WOMAN.” Patriarchy showing through loud and clear.

It mainly is women trying to police this stuff, though … And the women tend to have extremely shallow and confused views about it.

Do you hear your own misogyny?! Seriously? I’m neither shallow nor confused on this issue. You just disagree with me, and your way of doing that is to saying “women are shallow and confused.”

There are actual social issues in the world and representation is one of them. The backlash against diverse representation by white moms in defense of their white sons is unnecessary. If OP’s sons feel marginalized by shirts boosting the awesomeness of girls, she could choose to respond to them validating their current perspective, explaining the history of the problem, and providing new perspective (“this is not about boys not being awesome, there are plenty of ways for you to feel awesome other than a snarky shirt, etc.”).

I agree that the gendered power shirts are stupid and that they never come in boy power the same way they don’t come in white power - privileged groups of people do not need support in representation the same way that marginalized people do.

But I guess I’m a shallow confused woman, a ditzy leftist. Maybe I should just let my husband have the opinions, since his perspectives are guaranteed to be deeper and less confused because he is male?

No, I actually think you are shallow and confused if you think lecturing boys to “decenter themselves” is the way to address this issue. I think you are 100% engaged in a type of speech that you believe is virtuous, and you have no understanding or interest in how children’s minds actually work. I also think your are fully ignorant about the way boys are disadvantaged compared to girls, and in your zeal to be an ally, you forget that it’s actually black boys who have it worst.

In short I think your uniformed, hackneyed, and hypocritical viewpoint is worse than any actual anti-girl rhetoric that may still be out there.