How to answer sons who are asking me why so many girls have 'girls are better' merch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have they asked you about why we say “Black lives matter.” ?

Actually yes - many many white kids ask that, fully embarassing their pious white parents. It’s a very natural question for a child to ask. If you are teaching young kids about race you have to be prepared for them to process it like kids, not 40 yr olds. My kid has said things like “wow, I am glad I’m not black, so I don’t have to be segregated!” You’ll *never* teach kids by slogans.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t know , OP, but my son complained that his elementary school has a “girls on the run” club but no running club for boys that he could join. And he wants to join!

He also asked me why the gym has a big “girls rule” sign in it and no boys rule sign. The sign is actually from the the girls
On the run club so it goes hand in hand with his other complaint I guess. I also had a hard time with these questions and actually encouraged him to ask to join the girls on the run club because he was absolutely correct. But, he was nervous to so he didn’t. For reference he is a rising 2nd grader.

As a woman, you should be able to have these conversations with your sons openly. Historically girls were not encouraged to participate in sports, and in fact, they weren’t allowed to. Title IV! These clubs are around to encourage girls to do things that historically they were not allowed to do. Easy answer.

That’s what I tried to do and his response was “so now boys aren’t allowed to, because when grandma was little, girls weren’t allowed to?” I mean he is 7. A sports club that exists only for one gender - without a club for the other gender- at a public school wasn’t ok then and it’s not ok now.

Boys are allowed to join girls on the run.

Boys are not allowed to create a Boys on the run club. Girls on the run is more of a mentorship fellowship club for girls than a running club. Can you imagine trying to create a fellowship club for elementary school boys only?

Until there’s an equal percentage of boys and girls in certain activities there’s no need for boys to have a boys only club 🙄

You clearly don’t have young boys. The elementary schools 1000% cater to girls , and girls strengths, in our region. Boys learning styles are largely ignored and things like yearbook club, school newspaper, class president- it’s almost all girls. Which is great for those girls. It is. But pretending that the boys are just fine and in no need of similar mentorship or gender-based guidance is a mistake.

The staff in elementary schools is overwhelmingly female, thanks to traditional gender roles. The majority of PTA volunteers are female, thanks to traditional gender roles. Girls on the Run was created by a mom specifically to empower girls, thanks to traditional gender roles. When girls couldn’t join Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts were created. Parents of boys don’t have a legitimate complaint here unless they are willing to do the work of creating and volunteering for niche clubs for boys or gender neutral clubs that cater to their sons’ interests. That’s how the world works. Have boy parents lobbied for more popular activities? Our elementary school had a chess club, foreign language clubs, computer programming clubs.

In this day and age of cancellation, what parent will stand up and advocate for Boys on the Run?

I doubt you could create such a blatant copycat that you call it Boys on the Run, but if you want to create an after school program called Running Rangers, where kids wear camouflage t-shirts and focus on self discipline, personal growth, physical fitness, mental toughness, and spend time talking about the issues they face, their emotional needs, self esteem, and appropriate ways to express emotion, you can market it as an alternative to Girls on the Run. As long as you allow girls, just as they allow boys, I think you’d be fine.

What if I - gasp - just want my kid to have access to a running after school activity, unecumbered by any ideology?

What “ideology” is present in Girls on the Run?

Ideology isn’t exactly the right word. The point is that Girls on the Run has a ton of chaff about “empowerment” and “kindness” etc that has nothing to do with running. In fact this would probably bug me if I was a “girl mom.” Why can’t they just run instead of focusing on “kindness”?

They describe themselves as “ Girls on the Run has fun, evidence-based programs that inspire girl empowerment by building confidence, kindness and decision making skills.”

Wow. You’re disparaging an organization that emphasizes kindness. That’s… something.

I’m not disparaging them. I’m just wondering why a girl’s athletic program has to include moral lessons instead of just … running?

Because it's not a running program, it's a program for girls with leadership training. And they do a bit of running, too.

Why does girls leadership have to focus on “kindness”? If we’re talking about stereotypes here … this would really bug me.

It would be nice if little white boys were taught kindness, as they grow up to be the vast majority of serial killers, sexual abusers of white children, and sexual abusers of white women - given that sex crimes are usually within one's one community. The serial killer thing they have to own outright. Everyone should be taught kindness.

Morton et, al, FBI:

‘Myth: Serial killers are all white males.

Contrary to popular belief, serial killers span all racial groups. There are white, African-American, Hispanic, and Asian serial killers. The racial diversification of serial killers generally mirrors that of the overall U.S. population.”

Uh-huh, but over 90 percent are men and over 52% are white men. More over, organizational killers are overwhelming white men.

Do you understand proportions? Serial killers are disproportionately male but they are not disproportionately white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a feminist, have always been, and quite outspoken, AND I have 4 daughters. I hate these "girls are better than boys" shirts and I question the sanity of parents who let their children wear them.

Same. I am a women who works in STEM and I have two Science degrees.

I have 2 daughters and a son.

Also hate these shirts.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t know , OP, but my son complained that his elementary school has a “girls on the run” club but no running club for boys that he could join. And he wants to join!

He also asked me why the gym has a big “girls rule” sign in it and no boys rule sign. The sign is actually from the the girls
On the run club so it goes hand in hand with his other complaint I guess. I also had a hard time with these questions and actually encouraged him to ask to join the girls on the run club because he was absolutely correct. But, he was nervous to so he didn’t. For reference he is a rising 2nd grader.

As a woman, you should be able to have these conversations with your sons openly. Historically girls were not encouraged to participate in sports, and in fact, they weren’t allowed to. Title IV! These clubs are around to encourage girls to do things that historically they were not allowed to do. Easy answer.

That’s what I tried to do and his response was “so now boys aren’t allowed to, because when grandma was little, girls weren’t allowed to?” I mean he is 7. A sports club that exists only for one gender - without a club for the other gender- at a public school wasn’t ok then and it’s not ok now.

Boys are allowed to join girls on the run.

Boys are not allowed to create a Boys on the run club. Girls on the run is more of a mentorship fellowship club for girls than a running club. Can you imagine trying to create a fellowship club for elementary school boys only?

Until there’s an equal percentage of boys and girls in certain activities there’s no need for boys to have a boys only club 🙄

You clearly don’t have young boys. The elementary schools 1000% cater to girls , and girls strengths, in our region. Boys learning styles are largely ignored and things like yearbook club, school newspaper, class president- it’s almost all girls. Which is great for those girls. It is. But pretending that the boys are just fine and in no need of similar mentorship or gender-based guidance is a mistake.

The staff in elementary schools is overwhelmingly female, thanks to traditional gender roles. The majority of PTA volunteers are female, thanks to traditional gender roles. Girls on the Run was created by a mom specifically to empower girls, thanks to traditional gender roles. When girls couldn’t join Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts were created. Parents of boys don’t have a legitimate complaint here unless they are willing to do the work of creating and volunteering for niche clubs for boys or gender neutral clubs that cater to their sons’ interests. That’s how the world works. Have boy parents lobbied for more popular activities? Our elementary school had a chess club, foreign language clubs, computer programming clubs.

In this day and age of cancellation, what parent will stand up and advocate for Boys on the Run?

I doubt you could create such a blatant copycat that you call it Boys on the Run, but if you want to create an after school program called Running Rangers, where kids wear camouflage t-shirts and focus on self discipline, personal growth, physical fitness, mental toughness, and spend time talking about the issues they face, their emotional needs, self esteem, and appropriate ways to express emotion, you can market it as an alternative to Girls on the Run. As long as you allow girls, just as they allow boys, I think you’d be fine.

What if I - gasp - just want my kid to have access to a running after school activity, unecumbered by any ideology?

What “ideology” is present in Girls on the Run?

Ideology isn’t exactly the right word. The point is that Girls on the Run has a ton of chaff about “empowerment” and “kindness” etc that has nothing to do with running. In fact this would probably bug me if I was a “girl mom.” Why can’t they just run instead of focusing on “kindness”?

They describe themselves as “ Girls on the Run has fun, evidence-based programs that inspire girl empowerment by building confidence, kindness and decision making skills.”

Wow. You’re disparaging an organization that emphasizes kindness. That’s… something.

I’m not disparaging them. I’m just wondering why a girl’s athletic program has to include moral lessons instead of just … running?

Because it's not a running program, it's a program for girls with leadership training. And they do a bit of running, too.

Why does girls leadership have to focus on “kindness”? If we’re talking about stereotypes here … this would really bug me.

It would be nice if little white boys were taught kindness, as they grow up to be the vast majority of serial killers, sexual abusers of white children, and sexual abusers of white women - given that sex crimes are usually within one's one community. The serial killer thing they have to own outright. Everyone should be taught kindness.

Morton et, al, FBI:

‘Myth: Serial killers are all white males.

Contrary to popular belief, serial killers span all racial groups. There are white, African-American, Hispanic, and Asian serial killers. The racial diversification of serial killers generally mirrors that of the overall U.S. population.”

Uh-huh, but over 90 percent are men and over 52% are white men. More over, organizational killers are overwhelming white men.

The bolded isn’t true. They are proportionately white. The reality is that killers of all kinds fairly closely reflect the racial makeup of their communities. There are a lot of statistics as to this point.

But what they all are is overwhelmingly male. The issue is their sex.

[Anonymous]

I think parents who let their daughters wear these tshirts have such poor taste and judgement. But whatever, people will do what they do. I would just tell my sons that people wear tshirts with all sorts of messages, in fact people in general have all sorts of ideas about everything. He doesn't have to agree with them, or engage with them, or think about them. Truth is all that matters and the truth is boys and girls are equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2 sons (7 and 10) have been asking me about this a lot. At school and camp a lot of girls have shirts that say various versions of like 'girls are better than boys' (i'm not sure exact wording bc the kids are telling me this second hand, but am vaguely aware through culture ofc). My kids ask 'why would they say this?' Thus far my tactic has been to explain that as yet we have had NO female president in US (I am from the UK so can talk about how we have had female leaders at home) and talk about what kind of message that sends to girls. But my kids are not dumb and their answer is - yes 100% we need a female president but that messaging is still like - girls are BETTER than boys. Any tips on how to talk about this to them? I am failing.

Tell them to get over their male fragility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 sons (7 and 10) have been asking me about this a lot. At school and camp a lot of girls have shirts that say various versions of like 'girls are better than boys' (i'm not sure exact wording bc the kids are telling me this second hand, but am vaguely aware through culture ofc). My kids ask 'why would they say this?' Thus far my tactic has been to explain that as yet we have had NO female president in US (I am from the UK so can talk about how we have had female leaders at home) and talk about what kind of message that sends to girls. But my kids are not dumb and their answer is - yes 100% we need a female president but that messaging is still like - girls are BETTER than boys. Any tips on how to talk about this to them? I am failing.

Tell them to get over their male fragility

Right? That will turn them into feminists. Absolutely. /s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2 sons (7 and 10) have been asking me about this a lot. At school and camp a lot of girls have shirts that say various versions of like 'girls are better than boys' (i'm not sure exact wording bc the kids are telling me this second hand, but am vaguely aware through culture ofc). My kids ask 'why would they say this?' Thus far my tactic has been to explain that as yet we have had NO female president in US (I am from the UK so can talk about how we have had female leaders at home) and talk about what kind of message that sends to girls. But my kids are not dumb and their answer is - yes 100% we need a female president but that messaging is still like - girls are BETTER than boys. Any tips on how to talk about this to them? I am failing.

Tell them to get over their male fragility

Exactly. This is what every 7 year old boy needs to be told. Girlz rule. F**k the patriarchy. That's totally going to lead to great things and wonderful well-adjusted young men. Parent of the year here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2 sons (7 and 10) have been asking me about this a lot. At school and camp a lot of girls have shirts that say various versions of like 'girls are better than boys' (i'm not sure exact wording bc the kids are telling me this second hand, but am vaguely aware through culture ofc). My kids ask 'why would they say this?' Thus far my tactic has been to explain that as yet we have had NO female president in US (I am from the UK so can talk about how we have had female leaders at home) and talk about what kind of message that sends to girls. But my kids are not dumb and their answer is - yes 100% we need a female president but that messaging is still like - girls are BETTER than boys. Any tips on how to talk about this to them? I am failing.

Our son, who is 9, asked us this. We told him that there are people who think the opposite- that girls are weaker and cannot do the sane things as boys. That in the grownup world, this means women are paid less or not hired for some jobs. We told him that these messages are meant to remind everyone that we are equally strong.
There was a girl in his class with a really strong personality who was very much vocal about “girl power”.
As a mom to a boy, I think it’s important to tell our children we can all do brave and difficult things, and we all should be given the chance to follow our dreams and desires. This is the best spirit, IMHO, because women need allies in the workplace who truly believe this in their heart.

[Anonymous]

We need to start supporting young boys and males.

Far fewer males go to college than women.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t know , OP, but my son complained that his elementary school has a “girls on the run” club but no running club for boys that he could join. And he wants to join!

He also asked me why the gym has a big “girls rule” sign in it and no boys rule sign. The sign is actually from the the girls
On the run club so it goes hand in hand with his other complaint I guess. I also had a hard time with these questions and actually encouraged him to ask to join the girls on the run club because he was absolutely correct. But, he was nervous to so he didn’t. For reference he is a rising 2nd grader.

As a woman, you should be able to have these conversations with your sons openly. Historically girls were not encouraged to participate in sports, and in fact, they weren’t allowed to. Title IV! These clubs are around to encourage girls to do things that historically they were not allowed to do. Easy answer.

That’s what I tried to do and his response was “so now boys aren’t allowed to, because when grandma was little, girls weren’t allowed to?” I mean he is 7. A sports club that exists only for one gender - without a club for the other gender- at a public school wasn’t ok then and it’s not ok now.

Boys are allowed to join girls on the run.

Boys are not allowed to create a Boys on the run club. Girls on the run is more of a mentorship fellowship club for girls than a running club. Can you imagine trying to create a fellowship club for elementary school boys only?

Until there’s an equal percentage of boys and girls in certain activities there’s no need for boys to have a boys only club 🙄

You clearly don’t have young boys. The elementary schools 1000% cater to girls , and girls strengths, in our region. Boys learning styles are largely ignored and things like yearbook club, school newspaper, class president- it’s almost all girls. Which is great for those girls. It is. But pretending that the boys are just fine and in no need of similar mentorship or gender-based guidance is a mistake.

The staff in elementary schools is overwhelmingly female, thanks to traditional gender roles. The majority of PTA volunteers are female, thanks to traditional gender roles. Girls on the Run was created by a mom specifically to empower girls, thanks to traditional gender roles. When girls couldn’t join Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts were created. Parents of boys don’t have a legitimate complaint here unless they are willing to do the work of creating and volunteering for niche clubs for boys or gender neutral clubs that cater to their sons’ interests. That’s how the world works. Have boy parents lobbied for more popular activities? Our elementary school had a chess club, foreign language clubs, computer programming clubs.

In this day and age of cancellation, what parent will stand up and advocate for Boys on the Run?

I doubt you could create such a blatant copycat that you call it Boys on the Run, but if you want to create an after school program called Running Rangers, where kids wear camouflage t-shirts and focus on self discipline, personal growth, physical fitness, mental toughness, and spend time talking about the issues they face, their emotional needs, self esteem, and appropriate ways to express emotion, you can market it as an alternative to Girls on the Run. As long as you allow girls, just as they allow boys, I think you’d be fine.

What if I - gasp - just want my kid to have access to a running after school activity, unecumbered by any ideology?

What “ideology” is present in Girls on the Run?

Ideology isn’t exactly the right word. The point is that Girls on the Run has a ton of chaff about “empowerment” and “kindness” etc that has nothing to do with running. In fact this would probably bug me if I was a “girl mom.” Why can’t they just run instead of focusing on “kindness”?

They describe themselves as “ Girls on the Run has fun, evidence-based programs that inspire girl empowerment by building confidence, kindness and decision making skills.”

Wow. You’re disparaging an organization that emphasizes kindness. That’s… something.

I’m not disparaging them. I’m just wondering why a girl’s athletic program has to include moral lessons instead of just … running?

Because it's not a running program, it's a program for girls with leadership training. And they do a bit of running, too.

Why does girls leadership have to focus on “kindness”? If we’re talking about stereotypes here … this would really bug me.

It would be nice if little white boys were taught kindness, as they grow up to be the vast majority of serial killers, sexual abusers of white children, and sexual abusers of white women - given that sex crimes are usually within one's one community. The serial killer thing they have to own outright. Everyone should be taught kindness.

Since you want to bring up race and crime, black men commit disproportionately more crimes as a percentage of the population. Should we cross the street when we see a black man walking our way? I assume you would say yes based on the way you favor generalizations based on race.

Actually, I think we have to teach our girls from a young age to cross the road when they are alone and see a group of white boys or men, Hispanic boys or men, AA boys or men, or Asian boys or men. Because these groups of boys or men are likely to be rapists in whole or in part, statistically. Even PPs' sons who are triggered by girls on the run or girls rules t-shirts could very easily grow up to be, say, a Stanford swimmer raping a peer in the bushes, or a frat bro gang rapist, etc.

[Anonymous]

I hate these shirts and would never buy one for my daughter. I have a boy and and a girl - the girl is younger. It is tough for boys these days! Especially if they are a more "typical" boy - schools and current social norms and expectations do not help boys become men I would go as far to say that they try to push men down. It is our job as parents to teach our boys about their self-worth, that the world needs them, that in many situations girls and boys are equal but that in some girls are better and in some boys are better. A trope t-shirt saying doesnt mean anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think your example about presidents is great; maybe add the 80 cents on the dollar salary figure. I'd tell your boys that these shirts are fighting against negative messaging that girls constantly get. They are not saying boys are bad, they are emphasizing that girls are strong and worthwhile which unfortunately not everybody believes yet. And because our society tends to elevate boys over girls, an equivalent shirt saying "boy power" would be inappropriate.

I’m too late for write this!
Or why dont white lives matter..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think your example about presidents is great; maybe add the 80 cents on the dollar salary figure. I'd tell your boys that these shirts are fighting against negative messaging that girls constantly get. They are not saying boys are bad, they are emphasizing that girls are strong and worthwhile which unfortunately not everybody believes yet. And because our society tends to elevate boys over girls, an equivalent shirt saying "boy power" would be inappropriate.

Op - ok yes this is helpful!
I guess on some level I’ve been reluctant to say ‘society elevates boys over girls’ bc I don’t even want to put the idea in their head. But obv I guess I have to acknowledge out loud at some point.

Op similar to how you need to actively teach your kids about racism, you need to actively teach them about sexism. It isnt putting the idea in their head - if you don’t, someone else/society will in a way that is likely much more fraught. If you don’t teach your kids especially boys that sexism exists and some of that important history when they witness people treating boys differently then girls, or more men as lawyers, more men in congress etc, they will come up with their own reasons for why that is. Usually that will be well there must be something inherent or, maybe they worked harder! Kids are trying to understand. Don’t be afraid to tell them, you want to be the one explaining.

Same with racism. Your kids need to know from you that it exists, why, why it is wrong, and how it impacts people with darker skin. So when they notice that more homeless people they see our black they don’t come up with their own explanation for that (which they will, if not given one).

Kids can understand this. My 5 year old has a basic understanding that women and people of color (and others) have been treated cruelly and unfairly through much of our history and that means they sometimes weren’t able to have the same jobs, or buy a house etc. Then we’ll keep building on that basic foundation as he gets older.

They don’t see it….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2 sons (7 and 10) have been asking me about this a lot. At school and camp a lot of girls have shirts that say various versions of like 'girls are better than boys' (i'm not sure exact wording bc the kids are telling me this second hand, but am vaguely aware through culture ofc). My kids ask 'why would they say this?' Thus far my tactic has been to explain that as yet we have had NO female president in US (I am from the UK so can talk about how we have had female leaders at home) and talk about what kind of message that sends to girls. But my kids are not dumb and their answer is - yes 100% we need a female president but that messaging is still like - girls are BETTER than boys. Any tips on how to talk about this to them? I am failing.

You should have a frank and honest conversation with them about the culture of toxic femininity in the United States.