My sister is having her best friend be called aunt

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

It’s not forcing OP to do anything. Someone else’s child, not OP’s child, is calling someone else, not OP, a name. OP isn’t involved except to maybe be in the same room someday in the future to witness it. OP isn’t being forced to say it. No one is forcing OP to make her children use that title for non relatives. They’re simply saying she shouldn’t tell her sister what to do, and her sister doesn’t have to conform to her wishes. People are also suggesting that if she keeps behaving this way, it might affect her relationship with her sister and niece. There’s no hypocrisy. OP just doesn’t like not getting her way with someone else’s child.

Good, but posters need to stop at trying to get her to have the same culturally ideology as them.

She asked for opinions. Multiple times. That’s not forcing someone to have an ideology. It’s answering a question.

Plenty of people came to chime in that they do it, so the op is some sort of unicorn for not following suit like them.

No, people chimed in that they do it because nobody can figure out what culture OP was talking about in the first post -- we ran through a pretty diverse scope of them. There was a poster who commented on a very white, insular, poor, and somewhat racist culture, so maybe that was what OP meant.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

I dunno I think it's a lot weirder and extremely controlling to tell someone else whose kids isn't even yours what they should or shouldn't refer to other people as. Not your kids not your business.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

I dunno I think it's a lot weirder and extremely controlling to tell someone else whose kids isn't even yours what they should or shouldn't refer to other people as. Not your kids not your business.

They are both weird. Both to insist her sister not allow her children to call others what she wants and for people to try to enforce their beliefs onto others.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

I dunno I think it's a lot weirder and extremely controlling to tell someone else whose kids isn't even yours what they should or shouldn't refer to other people as. Not your kids not your business.

They are both weird. Both to insist her sister not allow her children to call others what she wants and for people to try to enforce their beliefs onto others.

OP, this is you responding, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB.

Sometimes I wonder whether this poster has a computer keyboard with only four working keys.

I wonder more about posters that think there is just one person posting MYOB.

[Anonymous]

I'm still curious about OP's culture (I do appreciate the poster from a small town who chimed in to give us her family's perspective, but I would like OP to tell us what her family's culture is).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There may be some legal implications to the name. My brothers former girlfriends kid called my brother Dad when they were a little kid. After he died, the adult kid filed a claim on his estate and got a big chunk of his money.

This didn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm still curious about OP's culture (I do appreciate the poster from a small town who chimed in to give us her family's perspective, but I would like OP to tell us what her family's culture is).

I get the feeling that if OP identified the culture, people on this thread would debate whether or not thats “really” that culture’s belief or “really” a culture. I don’t see how it matters anyway. The point is that OP can’t prevent her sister from doing this and should move on.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

This sounds more specific to your family than “cultural.”

Signed — person raised in an evangelical Southern family who has lots of “Aunts” and “Uncles” who aren’t related to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

This sounds more specific to your family than “cultural.”

Signed — person raised in an evangelical Southern family who has lots of “Aunts” and “Uncles” who aren’t related to me.

The first line of my post was “I don’t know if this counts,” because it is a small group. But it wasn’t just my family, more like a county/few towns. Like I said, it was a very isolated group, so I didn’t mean to try to represent the south as a whole.

[Anonymous]

I am with OP in that I would not like it but I probably wouldn’t bring it up as it’s not my child. Side note, I hate the term “god mommy.” My husband and I fought over this term and its usage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with OP in that I would not like it but I probably wouldn’t bring it up as it’s not my child. Side note, I hate the term “god mommy.” My husband and I fought over this term and its usage.

I’m with op as well but don’t feel it would be my right to dictate to sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing will be the relationship you have with your nibling and that will not be determined by what others are called.

What is a nibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing will be the relationship you have with your nibling and that will not be determined by what others are called.

What is a nibling?

A nrother or nister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing will be the relationship you have with your nibling and that will not be determined by what others are called.

What is a nibling?

https://www.google.com/search?q=nibling