My sister is having her best friend be called aunt

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

It’s not forcing OP to do anything. Someone else’s child, not OP’s child, is calling someone else, not OP, a name. OP isn’t involved except to maybe be in the same room someday in the future to witness it. OP isn’t being forced to say it. No one is forcing OP to make her children use that title for non relatives. They’re simply saying she shouldn’t tell her sister what to do, and her sister doesn’t have to conform to her wishes. People are also suggesting that if she keeps behaving this way, it might affect her relationship with her sister and niece. There’s no hypocrisy. OP just doesn’t like not getting her way with someone else’s child.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

That's really interesting. Thanks for the insight.

I agree with you that the behvior being described gives multiple good reasons to push back against it.

Yeah it was funny reading the thread seeing so many questions about what kind of culture doesn’t embrace more aunties. I was like the excited kid in class with my hand up waving it around saying, “I know, I know, pick me!”

Now that we know how your backwater town handled things in Appalachia, I think we can all sleep better tonight.

DP. It was relevant to the thread, and that PP seems to have been raised better there than some posters here in the thread.

Why be rude about it, PP?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

It’s not forcing OP to do anything. Someone else’s child, not OP’s child, is calling someone else, not OP, a name. OP isn’t involved except to maybe be in the same room someday in the future to witness it. OP isn’t being forced to say it. No one is forcing OP to make her children use that title for non relatives. They’re simply saying she shouldn’t tell her sister what to do, and her sister doesn’t have to conform to her wishes. People are also suggesting that if she keeps behaving this way, it might affect her relationship with her sister and niece. There’s no hypocrisy. OP just doesn’t like not getting her way with someone else’s child.

Yes, you most certainly are trying to force your belief onto op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

Another person waiting to hear the answer. I can't think of any culture which actively frowns on using the term "aunt" and "uncle" for anyone at all beyond the biological siblings of the parent.

I mean, OP can object to it because she doesn't like it, but attributing it to a culture to give it some kind of borrowed authority is really ringing flat.

NP. I don’t know if this counts, but I grew up in a really rural, conservative, evangelistic, insular, homogeneous, undereducated, poor white community in the south. They didn’t like bestowing relationship names on people not born into them, so no auntie or uncle unless it was your parent’s brother. The exceptions were grandparent-style names for some old person who had 60+ grandchildren, great grandchildren and so on. But even then you didn’t just call them Granny, it would be like Granny Jones or Old Granny Mary or something like that, and literally everyone in town except her own kids who called her Mom used that name for her. Another exception would be when you have children, you call the grandparents by the grandparents name and our children use rather than mom and dad without it being considered blasphemous. Also, we did play a little fast and loose with cousin, but chances are if we looked far enough into genealogy, we’d probably be related and some sort of cousin anyway.

When I was a kid and we’d watch a movie or tv show as a family, sometimes a character would call their spouse’s parents Mom and Dad. My parents would be so upset by that concept, and warn us that if we married someone who wasn’t from around there (but why would you do that?) we better make it clear that they weren’t to call my parents Mom and Dad, nor could we call their parents Mom and Dad, because we already have a mom and dad. It was all about insecurity leading them to exert more control to try and make themselves feel better. I don’t know if everyone where I’m from felt that strongly about it, but none of my friends’ parents referred to their in-laws as Mom and Dad.

There was also a sort of xenophobic aspect to the avoidance of using auntie to describe friends of moms. I remember hearing some version of “we’re not Asian” when I asked why I couldn’t do that.

*I’m not encouraging the behavior described above, nor do I live by those rules. I’m an Auntie to several children who aren’t blood relations. I feel like people should use names both the speaker and the person the name references are comfortable with. I also think OP sounds insecure and controlling, and it’s definitely not her place to control what her sister teachers her child to call people.

That's really interesting. Thanks for the insight.

I agree with you that the behvior being described gives multiple good reasons to push back against it.

Yeah it was funny reading the thread seeing so many questions about what kind of culture doesn’t embrace more aunties. I was like the excited kid in class with my hand up waving it around saying, “I know, I know, pick me!”

Now that we know how your backwater town handled things in Appalachia, I think we can all sleep better tonight.

Are you OP? For the record, I’m not from the Appalachias. But it’s not insulting to me that you think I am. It says a lot about you that you’re trying to use someone’s birthplace as an insult than it does the person you’re talking to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those saying MYOB. This is my sister don't I have a right to express my feelings to my own sister? Shouldn't my feelings as her sister trump the feelings of her friend?

Not if they’re dumb.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

It’s not forcing OP to do anything. Someone else’s child, not OP’s child, is calling someone else, not OP, a name. OP isn’t involved except to maybe be in the same room someday in the future to witness it. OP isn’t being forced to say it. No one is forcing OP to make her children use that title for non relatives. They’re simply saying she shouldn’t tell her sister what to do, and her sister doesn’t have to conform to her wishes. People are also suggesting that if she keeps behaving this way, it might affect her relationship with her sister and niece. There’s no hypocrisy. OP just doesn’t like not getting her way with someone else’s child.

Good, but posters need to stop at trying to get her to have the same culturally ideology as them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

I mean, except this is OP own sister making this choice. If OP and her sister share a culture, then either OP is lying about this being verboten or the sister has (correctly) decided to adopt a new cultural norm. Maybe because of her partner, or maybe just because she thinks the American definition of "family" is too small.

Either way, it's the sister's choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There may be some legal implications to the name. My brothers former girlfriends kid called my brother Dad when they were a little kid. After he died, the adult kid filed a claim on his estate and got a big chunk of his money.

That’s a completely different situation.

[Anonymous]

We live 1000 miles from the nearest family and 2500 miles from the nearest cousins. When we had a daughter, we designated some of our good friends as "aunts" and "uncles." My mom was the one who really objected on behalf of my brother. She actually fought with me over it, and all I could do was roll my eyes that someone would be so petty. It is not a good look, OP. Be the best aunt you can be, and be generous to including others in the warm embrace of family. You don't know your sister's motivation, and frankly, it doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

NP. The OP said “In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle” so yeah…they’re claiming that it’s frowned upon to call non-aunts and non-uncles Aunt and Uncle.

I didn’t grow up calling my parent’s friends aunty and neither did anyone else I knew and still my children don’t. That is not disrespectful or bad.

Me neither. I had never heard of someone using the term aunt or uncle for a non blood relative until I was in my 20s!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

It’s not forcing OP to do anything. Someone else’s child, not OP’s child, is calling someone else, not OP, a name. OP isn’t involved except to maybe be in the same room someday in the future to witness it. OP isn’t being forced to say it. No one is forcing OP to make her children use that title for non relatives. They’re simply saying she shouldn’t tell her sister what to do, and her sister doesn’t have to conform to her wishes. People are also suggesting that if she keeps behaving this way, it might affect her relationship with her sister and niece. There’s no hypocrisy. OP just doesn’t like not getting her way with someone else’s child.

Good, but posters need to stop at trying to get her to have the same culturally ideology as them.

She ... posted a thread. That's an invitation for feedback. Otherwise, why post?

People disagreed with her. Nobody is chasing her down in real life and forcing her to do anything. People get to disagree, PP. If you don't want to risk disagreement, then don't post a thread. Just keep it to yourself and carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

It’s not forcing OP to do anything. Someone else’s child, not OP’s child, is calling someone else, not OP, a name. OP isn’t involved except to maybe be in the same room someday in the future to witness it. OP isn’t being forced to say it. No one is forcing OP to make her children use that title for non relatives. They’re simply saying she shouldn’t tell her sister what to do, and her sister doesn’t have to conform to her wishes. People are also suggesting that if she keeps behaving this way, it might affect her relationship with her sister and niece. There’s no hypocrisy. OP just doesn’t like not getting her way with someone else’s child.

Good, but posters need to stop at trying to get her to have the same culturally ideology as them.

She asked for opinions. Multiple times. That’s not forcing someone to have an ideology. It’s answering a question.

[Anonymous]

Honest question OP: are you jealous of your sister’s closeness to this friend? Does it hurt your feelings that she feels closer to this woman than you, or is it just solely about your role as an aunt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

NP. The OP said “In our culture we are very big on only actual aunts and uncles being called aunt and uncle” so yeah…they’re claiming that it’s frowned upon to call non-aunts and non-uncles Aunt and Uncle.

I’m sure there are cultures out there that don’t practice calling close friends loved ones. That makes them bad? -np

Err..doesn't your best friends count as loved ones. They aren't synonymous to you? My closest friends are my rocks and they are certainly in the category of loved ones.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of poster point out that their culture does this. They should respect other cultures that do not.

What culture is that? Seriously.

Don’t be so obtuse.

Answer the question, then. Oh wait, your stance is a bunch of BS.

Yes, we’re waiting to hear which culture actively frowns on this practice.

No one said a culture actively frowns on this but keep making up things to make yourself feel better.

It’s the third sentence of the very first post of this thread.

No, it’s says that what is culturally done. It does not say frowned upon or condemned in anyway. Just because something may not be common doesn’t mean it is bad.

Well that changes everything. OP seems totally cool with this now that you explained that they’re big on only calling blood relations auntie means she’s embracing her sister’s choice. That’s why she started the thread and made cultural references to her feelings about her sister’s friend being called auntie, because she’s so excited to share the title.

It’s the hypocrisy of the posters who disagree with the op. They don’t want her forcing her sister into making a change she doesn’t like, yet the poster want to force op to like it because they do it.

It’s not forcing OP to do anything. Someone else’s child, not OP’s child, is calling someone else, not OP, a name. OP isn’t involved except to maybe be in the same room someday in the future to witness it. OP isn’t being forced to say it. No one is forcing OP to make her children use that title for non relatives. They’re simply saying she shouldn’t tell her sister what to do, and her sister doesn’t have to conform to her wishes. People are also suggesting that if she keeps behaving this way, it might affect her relationship with her sister and niece. There’s no hypocrisy. OP just doesn’t like not getting her way with someone else’s child.

Good, but posters need to stop at trying to get her to have the same culturally ideology as them.

She asked for opinions. Multiple times. That’s not forcing someone to have an ideology. It’s answering a question.

Plenty of people came to chime in that they do it, so the op is some sort of unicorn for not following suit like them.