What are the most common ways women waste their 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Education. Spend your valuable time in building up your educational and career credentials.

2) Self-care. Get the mental therapy, the laser treatment, the makeover, fix your teeth/skin/hair, exercise and become fit.

3) Be accessible not Easy. Date extensively and don't say "no" to anyone when they ask you out, at least for the 1 date. Do not have sex until your 8th date at the very minimum or for 3 months. Yes, that will eliminate the men who only want to use you. Pay for your share of the date. Go in your own car. Protect your health, safety, reputation, heart and wallet.

4) Organize mixers, get togethers, meet ups, reunions. You need to cast a wider net and expand your circle. After that, you need to nurture your expanding social circle too.

5) Make sure you have an event or two to go to every weekend. Check out the museum, check out the new play, attend a party, take a pottery class. If a prospective date calls you, you can invite them along. You need to surround yourself with people your age and be doing things. That way, you have never ever wasted a weekend (even if your date turned out a dud).

6) Travel a lot. Travel in groups.

7) Dress the part of the SES you want to belong to. Not in terms of expensive clothes, but in terms of style of clothing. Look well groomed and cute.

8) No to having pets. Yes, to pet-sitting occasionally.

9) Save your money and invest in retirement. You must understand what you are bringing to the table is a big factor in attracting the best spouse.

10) Be a warm and nice person. No one likes drama llama, gossipy or bittchy woman. Do not be an unpleasant person, do not be a doormat. Have goals for yourselves regarding education, HHI, career, health, social circle, hobbies - that you meet yourself.

11) Curate your Social Media. Make it inoffensive, innocuous, fun, varied, appropriate, PG-13 and interesting. Have a lag of a week before you post. Don't be posting your pics all the time. Make it mostly about places, things, activities.

11 easy steps to becoming an undercover serial killer

lol. or a spy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I spent my 20s in a 7-year relationship and in the end, we didn't get married (my choice at the time, but in retrospect, he is happy since he met someone much more compatible). I learned a lot about relationships and compromise in my "quasi-starter marriage" and we were able to travel together and grow together. I don't regret it. Once i turned 30, I realized it was time to get serious about a family, so I dated a lot, met DH at 32, we dated for a couple of years, got married, and I had my kids at ages 36 and 40.

I don't think there is one recipe for your 20s. You should follow your heart, explore the world, learn about yourself and others, and be kind and open to different outcomes. Marriage and kids are not the be all and end all in life, but if it's something you really want, then focus on finding it. If not, it's ok. Things will work out.

It’s great this worked out for you. It’s just definitely harder to meet guys in your 30s than it is in your mid twenties. And usually harder to have kids in your late thirties than late twenties/early thirties. And before anyone calls me brunch granny, I swear I’m not! Just have to know the statistics associated with waiting or not making romantic decisions sooner. Certainly you had inklings you wouldn’t marry the starter guy sooner than seven years in.

No, it’s really not. I had multiple relationships in my 30s.

[Anonymous]

It's interesting that a lot of the advice is contradictory: "date lots of different people" and "sleep with the hot guy", vs. "only date for marriage" and marry the good guy while you're young.

[Anonymous]

A big mistake that I have seen several women make - set a deadline to get married, like age 25 or age 30. To make the deadline, they marry the lower hanging fruit. One of my friends married an old man in his 50's. He was thrilled of course to have a hot wife. She wanted kids, he didn't. She wasted her time on that old loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that a lot of the advice is contradictory: "date lots of different people" and "sleep with the hot guy", vs. "only date for marriage" and marry the good guy while you're young.

Another great piece of advice that I picked up over time: only take advice from people whose life outcomes you admire or want to emulate. Or take someone who has terrible outcomes and do the opposite. The 35 year old divorcee who left her husband and secretly aborted his kid to sleep with the hot guy shacked up with another lady has a lot of “big sisterly” advice to give and it’s the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that a lot of the advice is contradictory: "date lots of different people" and "sleep with the hot guy", vs. "only date for marriage" and marry the good guy while you're young.

I think it depends how much you want to get married. For some women it's their main goal in life; others can take it or leave it, especially now that women have more economic opportunities and single motherhood is not so stigmatized.

[Anonymous]

Thinking that the only thing that matters in life is finding a man. You are a whole person in and of yourself and at the end of the day the only person you really ever have is yourself. Live your life for what makes her happy and fulfilled, regardless of what that looks like and regardless if that is how your mom did it when she was your age. The world is different now, people are different, women are different. And that is a great thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that a lot of the advice is contradictory: "date lots of different people" and "sleep with the hot guy", vs. "only date for marriage" and marry the good guy while you're young.

I think it depends how much you want to get married. For some women it's their main goal in life; others can take it or leave it, especially now that women have more economic opportunities and single motherhood is not so stigmatized.

+1, also some of us were ambivalent about both marriage and kids because of negative childhood experiences that made us question whether that was a good deal. I wound up married and a mom but at 24 I would have told you I wasn't sure about either. It was way more important for my well being to go to therapy and just work on myself and find my own way in life, and recover from a $hitty childhood, than to lock down a guy at 25. I can't think of anyone I dated in my 20s who I wish I'd married, but even if I'd met a great guy at that age, I was not prepared for that commitment and had to do some maturing and evolving before I did.

Prioritizing marriage in your 20s is totally fine advice if you are already in a health mental space AND if marriage is the right thing for you specifically. The idea that these are universal states is silly -- it should be self evident from just a little observation that people are different and need/want different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that a lot of the advice is contradictory: "date lots of different people" and "sleep with the hot guy", vs. "only date for marriage" and marry the good guy while you're young.

I think it depends how much you want to get married. For some women it's their main goal in life; others can take it or leave it, especially now that women have more economic opportunities and single motherhood is not so stigmatized.

It was my main goal in life. I wanted to have my own family. Now that I am married, my husband and children continue to be my main priority in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I spent my 20s in a 7-year relationship and in the end, we didn't get married (my choice at the time, but in retrospect, he is happy since he met someone much more compatible). I learned a lot about relationships and compromise in my "quasi-starter marriage" and we were able to travel together and grow together. I don't regret it. Once i turned 30, I realized it was time to get serious about a family, so I dated a lot, met DH at 32, we dated for a couple of years, got married, and I had my kids at ages 36 and 40.

I don't think there is one recipe for your 20s. You should follow your heart, explore the world, learn about yourself and others, and be kind and open to different outcomes. Marriage and kids are not the be all and end all in life, but if it's something you really want, then focus on finding it. If not, it's ok. Things will work out.

It’s great this worked out for you. It’s just definitely harder to meet guys in your 30s than it is in your mid twenties. And usually harder to have kids in your late thirties than late twenties/early thirties. And before anyone calls me brunch granny, I swear I’m not! Just have to know the statistics associated with waiting or not making romantic decisions sooner. Certainly you had inklings you wouldn’t marry the starter guy sooner than seven years in.

PP here, I did have inklings but neither of us was focused on marriage until the end. We lived together in 5 cities in 4 countries, traveled more widely, supported each other through grad school, ran races together, and learned from each other a lot. We are both happily married with kids now. Just because it wasn’t a 40 year marriage doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right relationship at the time. I never would have recognized my husband as “the one” had we met earlier, and he is a true gem. I was lucky in that I got pregnant easily, but I was also willing to do IVF or adopt if it were necessary. And if I didn’t have my own kids, I would have found a different way to influence the next generation. There are so many fulfilling options in life and somehow we’re still sold this story that only one path is the true, right path. It’s simply not the case.

I came from a difficult background and I think that’s given me the confidence to roll with the punches and not take life SO seriously, because so few things are in our control.

[Anonymous]

I’m shocked that no one has mentioned to not ignore red flags in a relationship and think your future spouse will change (or you can fix him) when they get married, have kids, etc. If your boyfriend has a drinking problem, drug problem, spending problem, inability to manage stress, or is physically or emotionally abusive - get out of the relationship and move on. These issues don’t go away and only get worse while married or trying to raise kids.

Don’t waste money on buying stuff. Spend your money on travel and experiences. There will come a time where work and family obligations make those opportunities difficult.

Take excellent care of your health.

Don’t be afraid to say no to a job that doesn’t advance your career in the way you want and don’t stay in a job too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying right after college is cool and smart. You should be in that mentality.

Sleeping around aka "dating" around is gross, unhealthy, and leads to mental despair.

Your laptop, PowerPoint, Excel, email job is not actually important.

Stop being an alcoholic.

Traveling is a time and money sink.

Go back to r/theredpill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things people should do in their 20s -
Save for retirement
Wear sunscreen
Find mentors at work and network outside your company
Not share your life on Instagram and TikTok
Go to therapy and work on any issues with your family

This is probably the best advice on this thread.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. All the women I know wasted their 20s by:

- getting JDs and MBAs and PhDs and CS degrees
- living in amazing cities like NYC and London and Madrid
- traveling
- having great sex (and generating great storied for the bad sex)
- going to yoga and brunch on Sundays
- working hard at prestigious professional jobs that established their financial security for the rest of their lives
- if they wanted and it worked out, getting married and having babies in their 30s

+1

Good times. Nothing "wasted".

And what % of women fit this bill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that a lot of the advice is contradictory: "date lots of different people" and "sleep with the hot guy", vs. "only date for marriage" and marry the good guy while you're young.

I think it depends how much you want to get married. For some women it's their main goal in life; others can take it or leave it, especially now that women have more economic opportunities and single motherhood is not so stigmatized.

For a lot of people, it’s not that marriage is a main goal, it’s that they want a good partner to go through life with. Many men and women (not just women) enjoy being with someone who is their best friend, supporter, and lover.

Some people like being alone, some people like sharing their life with another person. People are different and want different things. No need to be snarky about those who want different things and want to live their lives in different ways.