What are the most common ways women waste their 20s?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most women dated in HS and college. Do they really need to keep dating different men for 3-4-5-6-7 more years after college? If they’ve been focused on finding good partners at every stage of dating, how likely is it that none of these guys was Mr. Right-enough? Are there really that many women who are setting impossible standards? Assuming that they envision at some point settling down and raising a family, why does this project take so damn long for so many of them? I think there’s something in our culture/nurturing of girls that throws a wrench in the works, but not sure what that is. Perhaps it’s how emphatic and powerful the highly contradictory messages are (such as in this thread) — they just cause a kind of purgatory of undecidedness.

It’s moreso that men suck.

NP here and I hear this sentiment from other women a good deal. I truly don't understand it -- if men are so horrible and constantly derided, why be with them at all? Why not find a woman to spend your life with or be celibate? There are awful dudes out there, and awful women, but it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with any of them.

A lot of women make this choice once the societal pressure to marry is gone. I know many contented single women in their 40s and beyond.

Content, or philosophically resigned tontheir fate, or putting on a brave face?

Do you actually think a woman cannot be haply without a man? I mean seriously, wtf. But yes, gasp, content.

Women seem unhinged when alone. Men less so. Both suffer from loneliness, to what extent is sensitive to their sex.

Guess you have not seen the data about remarriage after divorce or death of a spouse.

Men can’t handle running a home, let alone a family in their own.

Do older women (mid-40s) get remarried after divorce? I need to hear some positive stories, please.

IME some do, some don't. may don't want to. Others can't find anyone. It was hard enough the first time. But if you think it's hard mid-40s I am early 50s and its' a desert.

Ugh This divorce is not my choice. I enjoyed being married.

I did too but marriage is weird bc it's the one thing that matters more than anything else and it's heavily dependent on another person.

Yes and I should have said - I enjoyed being married - I enjoyed being a married person - but not married to this person - because he was a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

That's more or less what I told my now-husband when discussing my plans for after law school. I would be graduating around the 2-year dating mark (a little less) and I told him straight up that we'd either be engaged and planning a wedding or going our separate ways. I think it freaked him out a little but he proposed a few months later.

My wife did this to me. I had no thoughts of marriage when I graduated law school at 28 and was prepared to date and party for a while. Then girlfriend now wife gave an ultimatum and I didn't want to lose her

Eh, my law school girlfriend did this to me, and we broke up because I didn't want to be pressured into marriage. I ended up getting married to someone else a couple of years later. She did too, but she is supremely unhappy in her marriage and wishes things worked out differently with us. I suspect she gave her now husband (and apparently soon to be ex) an ultimatum too. So, yeah, it doesn't always work out to give ultimatums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

That's more or less what I told my now-husband when discussing my plans for after law school. I would be graduating around the 2-year dating mark (a little less) and I told him straight up that we'd either be engaged and planning a wedding or going our separate ways. I think it freaked him out a little but he proposed a few months later.

My wife did this to me. I had no thoughts of marriage when I graduated law school at 28 and was prepared to date and party for a while. Then girlfriend now wife gave an ultimatum and I didn't want to lose her

Eh, my law school girlfriend did this to me, and we broke up because I didn't want to be pressured into marriage. I ended up getting married to someone else a couple of years later. She did too, but she is supremely unhappy in her marriage and wishes things worked out differently with us. I suspect she gave her now husband (and apparently soon to be ex) an ultimatum too. So, yeah, it doesn't always work out to give ultimatums.

But in your head you didn’t care which one you married, just the ultimatum was enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

That's more or less what I told my now-husband when discussing my plans for after law school. I would be graduating around the 2-year dating mark (a little less) and I told him straight up that we'd either be engaged and planning a wedding or going our separate ways. I think it freaked him out a little but he proposed a few months later.

My wife did this to me. I had no thoughts of marriage when I graduated law school at 28 and was prepared to date and party for a while. Then girlfriend now wife gave an ultimatum and I didn't want to lose her

Eh, my law school girlfriend did this to me, and we broke up because I didn't want to be pressured into marriage. I ended up getting married to someone else a couple of years later. She did too, but she is supremely unhappy in her marriage and wishes things worked out differently with us. I suspect she gave her now husband (and apparently soon to be ex) an ultimatum too. So, yeah, it doesn't always work out to give ultimatums.

But in your head you didn’t care which one you married, just the ultimatum was enough?

Well, it wasn't like I was choosing between the two at the time. I knew that I want to be forced to make a decision on someone else's timeline. I get why she did it, but I didn't want that and thought that someone who acted like that wouldn't be a good spouse.

[Anonymous]

How long had you been dating your law school GF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marrying right after college is cool and smart. You should be in that mentality.

Sleeping around aka "dating" around is gross, unhealthy, and leads to mental despair.

Your laptop, PowerPoint, Excel, email job is not actually important.

Stop being an alcoholic.

Traveling is a time and money sink.

You sound like a good time...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry or have kids if you’re a woman. It’s a raw deal and women are waking up to it.

What if the guy is rich and an Uber provider? In that case, marriage is a bad deal for the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most common mistake I saw my 20-something peers make was wasting too much time in dead-end relationships. Early to late twenties are a woman's prime dating years and there's no reason to date the same guy for years on end without getting engaged and married within 2 years, MAX.

Agreed! I was with the wrong person I couldn't commit to in my 20s. Truly loved him, but it just wasn't right. It was hard, but we eventually split up after 5+ years. It would have been much better for me to stay single and date around at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most common mistake I saw my 20-something peers make was wasting too much time in dead-end relationships. Early to late twenties are a woman's prime dating years and there's no reason to date the same guy for years on end without getting engaged and married within 2 years, MAX.

Agreed! I was with the wrong person I couldn't commit to in my 20s. Truly loved him, but it just wasn't right. It was hard, but we eventually split up after 5+ years. It would have been much better for me to stay single and date around at that age.

Are both of you now married to other people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

That's more or less what I told my now-husband when discussing my plans for after law school. I would be graduating around the 2-year dating mark (a little less) and I told him straight up that we'd either be engaged and planning a wedding or going our separate ways. I think it freaked him out a little but he proposed a few months later.

My wife did this to me. I had no thoughts of marriage when I graduated law school at 28 and was prepared to date and party for a while. Then girlfriend now wife gave an ultimatum and I didn't want to lose her

Eh, my law school girlfriend did this to me, and we broke up because I didn't want to be pressured into marriage. I ended up getting married to someone else a couple of years later. She did too, but she is supremely unhappy in her marriage and wishes things worked out differently with us. I suspect she gave her now husband (and apparently soon to be ex) an ultimatum too. So, yeah, it doesn't always work out to give ultimatums.

But in your head you didn’t care which one you married, just the ultimatum was enough?

Well, it wasn't like I was choosing between the two at the time. I knew that I want to be forced to make a decision on someone else's timeline. I get why she did it, but I didn't want that and thought that someone who acted like that wouldn't be a good spouse.

DP. So how long did GF1 wait for you to propose and how long did your wife wait?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

That's more or less what I told my now-husband when discussing my plans for after law school. I would be graduating around the 2-year dating mark (a little less) and I told him straight up that we'd either be engaged and planning a wedding or going our separate ways. I think it freaked him out a little but he proposed a few months later.

My wife did this to me. I had no thoughts of marriage when I graduated law school at 28 and was prepared to date and party for a while. Then girlfriend now wife gave an ultimatum and I didn't want to lose her

Eh, my law school girlfriend did this to me, and we broke up because I didn't want to be pressured into marriage. I ended up getting married to someone else a couple of years later. She did too, but she is supremely unhappy in her marriage and wishes things worked out differently with us. I suspect she gave her now husband (and apparently soon to be ex) an ultimatum too. So, yeah, it doesn't always work out to give ultimatums.

But in your head you didn’t care which one you married, just the ultimatum was enough?

Well, it wasn't like I was choosing between the two at the time. I knew that I want to be forced to make a decision on someone else's timeline. I get why she did it, but I didn't want that and thought that someone who acted like that wouldn't be a good spouse.

DP. So how long did GF1 wait for you to propose and how long did your wife wait?

I bet a million bucks GF1 waited a lot longer. PP passively blames the girlfriend’s ultimatum on why they broke up, but really he just never wanted to marry the girl in the first place, so she wised up and left. Time wasting tale as old as time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

That's more or less what I told my now-husband when discussing my plans for after law school. I would be graduating around the 2-year dating mark (a little less) and I told him straight up that we'd either be engaged and planning a wedding or going our separate ways. I think it freaked him out a little but he proposed a few months later.

My wife did this to me. I had no thoughts of marriage when I graduated law school at 28 and was prepared to date and party for a while. Then girlfriend now wife gave an ultimatum and I didn't want to lose her

Eh, my law school girlfriend did this to me, and we broke up because I didn't want to be pressured into marriage. I ended up getting married to someone else a couple of years later. She did too, but she is supremely unhappy in her marriage and wishes things worked out differently with us. I suspect she gave her now husband (and apparently soon to be ex) an ultimatum too. So, yeah, it doesn't always work out to give ultimatums.

But in your head you didn’t care which one you married, just the ultimatum was enough?

Well, it wasn't like I was choosing between the two at the time. I knew that I want to be forced to make a decision on someone else's timeline. I get why she did it, but I didn't want that and thought that someone who acted like that wouldn't be a good spouse.

DP. So how long did GF1 wait for you to propose and how long did your wife wait?

I bet a million bucks GF1 waited a lot longer. PP passively blames the girlfriend’s ultimatum on why they broke up, but really he just never wanted to marry the girl in the first place, so she wised up and left. Time wasting tale as old as time.

Yes. Because the type of a women that he values - the one who doesn't force marriage, also doesn't wait.
I'm sure he didn't sit around and try to find out if she'd give an ultimatum OR leave. He proposed early!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry or have kids if you’re a woman. It’s a raw deal and women are waking up to it.

What if the guy is rich and an Uber provider? In that case, marriage is a bad deal for the man.

Most men aren’t. If they are, they might force their wife to do all the housework alone and other tactics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t marry or have kids if you’re a woman. It’s a raw deal and women are waking up to it.

What if the guy is rich and an Uber provider? In that case, marriage is a bad deal for the man.

Ooh tell us why.

[Anonymous]

Studying non-marketable degrees.