DH won't use any inheritance for a house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People over paper ($). Live in a less gorgeous house to help him with illness

That sucks. And with all the severely SN children around nowadays, makes me think we should counsel our children to avoid any siblings of severely SN people unless there are guaranteed trusts and accommodations in place to care for them. Why should our children’s lives be compromised?

DP. As someone a sibling with schizoaffective disorder, I am very grateful my husband is a better person than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People over paper ($). Live in a less gorgeous house to help him with illness

That sucks. And with all the severely SN children around nowadays, makes me think we should counsel our children to avoid any siblings of severely SN people unless there are guaranteed trusts and accommodations in place to care for them. Why should our children’s lives be compromised?

DP. As someone a sibling with schizoaffective disorder, I am very grateful my husband is a better person than you.

I'm also a sibling of someone schizophrenic and actually did have a boyfriend break up with me after 5 years of dating bc he hated the idea of my brother --, his violence, the risk of our kids inheriting it (not thinking about the money). I'm so thankful I found my husband, who is much kinder and more supportive and less afraid (and I have much better boundaries around my brother and family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You stand to inherit a "sizeable sum."

PLUS, you already got:

- Home down payment paid by parents;

- Kids' private school paid by parents;

- 529s for kids college paid by parents;

- Home renovations paid by parents;

- Vacations paid by parents;

- More cash from parents.

And you're seriously complaining??? You are privileged and spoiled as F. Check your privilege lady.

This!!

Agreed - but what is coming from her husband. I’d be upset he wasn’t contributing.

What is coming from her husband? The entire salary he earns from his job in a high paying field! WTF to pretending her bankroll from mom and dad is a grueling effort but him actually working for a living is somehow mooching off her parents' tax dodge gifts? Y'all are all nuts.

OP you suck.

Yeah, get a job OP if you need more renovations. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be upset too if I were OP given how much money from her family she has commingled especially if Dh is also not willing to have these discussions with his mom about the brothers future. DH has a responsibility to his own immediate family.

They can buy a house without OP’s money, they just can’t buy the kind of house OP wants. If she wants a nicer house, she can fund it with her own money.

[Anonymous]

And let's get real OP. Your DH brings more financially to your marriage than your parents gifts. So really, you are the liability.

[Anonymous]

Stop bashing OP. They just need a plan. They need a good idea of the brother's future lifelong care, then put that to appreciate. Then what do they have left, what kind of house can they get. I think the DH in this situation doesn't want to face some realities, and he could do his family lots of good if he would face up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are so helpful, why don’t they help you with money for a house? Your husband’s concerns about his brother are very valid.

OP here. They have already helped us with the down payment on my current house. I could ask them for money from a trust for the next house, but because they are very fair people, they would also insist on making distributions of the same amount to my brothers. I don't really want them to do that--mainly because one brother has a serious gold digger wife who is also abusive and the infusions of cash over the years have only serve to keep her in the marriage.

Holy shit OP, keep digging your hole deeper and deeper. You are making yourself look worse and worse. You clearly grew up with wealth and your husband did not. You feel entitled to other people's money because you've always had other people giving you money. Your husband is not because he didn't grow up that way, and he's concerned for his brother. If you truly ARE concerned about his brother and his financial knowledge, then you could suggest he meet with a financial planner to help set up a trust for his brother, but you're not going to do that because you want the money all for yourself. Kind of like your brother's gold digger wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is suggesting that I use the 34k annual gift I get from my parents towards the new house in perpetuity. It really irks me that he's suggesting this while refusing to consider using any of his inheritance and any of our joint savings for a new house. I don't think I'm being crazy here for being pissed off about this. Maybe I should just spend the money on jewelry, spa vacations, hand bags, etc. just for myself rather than on something that would benefit the family if he refuses to spend on anything that would actually, you know, improve his kids' quality of life.

Interesting how OP only brings this up immediately after someone else says she should not commingle her gifts from daddy. This never happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH's brother will never live with us. I asked DH early in our relationship if he would ever live with us and he emphatically said no. If he had said yes, I would have ended the relationship. Even if DH didn't have a family I'm sure he wouldn't have his brother living with him. The brother is a big guy and is volatile with violent episodes. Once he grabbed me inappropriately and DH had to yell at him to get off of me. No way I would have him living in my house with me and my kids and face potential assault.

DH thinks his brother would probably get kicked out of a group home due to outbursts and violence. His mother has chronically undermedicated him (part of the denial) so maybe if he were properly medicated the odds of the violence would decrease. He also thinks he can't handle living alone. DH's mother could certainly leave him her house but I don't think he could handle a large suburban house and possibly not even an apartment. So there's no clear answer to where he would live.

The brother could easily have assets of $1.5-2 million when the mother dies. I would think that + social security would be sufficient for one person with no dependents who never goes anywhere, but DH thinks that his brother will be preyed upon and end up with nothing.

I do not currently work. We had a baby early in the pandemic + an older child so I had to stop. I am currently looking for a job. DH is in a higher paying field, and I have always done the majority of the childcare and household management. I don't think he begrudges me not currently working as he knows it would have been impossible to maintain his job with both kids home during the pandemic + quarantine issues.

I think the advice to just use marital assets on buying the new house is probably right. I do think it's possible that in 20 years we'll be sitting on a pile of money and thinking we should have spent a little of it to to enjoy a nicer family house while our kids were still at home.

It’s been almost 2 years since the “can’t work with kids” phase of pandemic, and jobs are plentiful? What is your low paying but hard to find career? You could be working tomorrow if you wanted.

Right?? Jobs were SO easy to find over the past two years. Half the people I know got new jobs during the pandemic! I've been working in person 4 days a week since May 2021. My daycare has been open since August 2020. OP is making excuses, she's not looking for a new job. She keeps saying the most convenient things after other posters bring it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH's brother will never live with us. I asked DH early in our relationship if he would ever live with us and he emphatically said no. If he had said yes, I would have ended the relationship. Even if DH didn't have a family I'm sure he wouldn't have his brother living with him. The brother is a big guy and is volatile with violent episodes. Once he grabbed me inappropriately and DH had to yell at him to get off of me. No way I would have him living in my house with me and my kids and face potential assault.

DH thinks his brother would probably get kicked out of a group home due to outbursts and violence. His mother has chronically undermedicated him (part of the denial) so maybe if he were properly medicated the odds of the violence would decrease. He also thinks he can't handle living alone. DH's mother could certainly leave him her house but I don't think he could handle a large suburban house and possibly not even an apartment. So there's no clear answer to where he would live.

The brother could easily have assets of $1.5-2 million when the mother dies. I would think that + social security would be sufficient for one person with no dependents who never goes anywhere, but DH thinks that his brother will be preyed upon and end up with nothing.

I do not currently work. We had a baby early in the pandemic + an older child so I had to stop. I am currently looking for a job. DH is in a higher paying field, and I have always done the majority of the childcare and household management. I don't think he begrudges me not currently working as he knows it would have been impossible to maintain his job with both kids home during the pandemic + quarantine issues.

I think the advice to just use marital assets on buying the new house is probably right. I do think it's possible that in 20 years we'll be sitting on a pile of money and thinking we should have spent a little of it to to enjoy a nicer family house while our kids were still at home.

It’s been almost 2 years since the “can’t work with kids” phase of pandemic, and jobs are plentiful? What is your low paying but hard to find career? You could be working tomorrow if you wanted.

Right?? Jobs were SO easy to find over the past two years. Half the people I know got new jobs during the pandemic! I've been working in person 4 days a week since May 2021. My daycare has been open since August 2020. OP is making excuses, she's not looking for a new job. She keeps saying the most convenient things after other posters bring it up.

She does not need to work and is avoiding saying that so she doesn't hurt your feelings. Still, to have millions and still be fighting about money? They are not on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is suggesting that I use the 34k annual gift I get from my parents towards the new house in perpetuity. It really irks me that he's suggesting this while refusing to consider using any of his inheritance and any of our joint savings for a new house. I don't think I'm being crazy here for being pissed off about this. Maybe I should just spend the money on jewelry, spa vacations, hand bags, etc. just for myself rather than on something that would benefit the family if he refuses to spend on anything that would actually, you know, improve his kids' quality of life.

Nope, nope, nope. Keep those gifts in a separate account. Do not commingle. Tell him that since he is not comingling, you aren't either.

If you divorce, that will be your money in most states and not subject to being a marital asset that needs to be divided. Keep it in a new account all by itself and do not commingle it. Don't spend it on junk like jewelry. Spend your marital assets instead.

Please god! Don't let my son run into this woman's daugther! Imagine being married to someone like you pp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is suggesting that I use the 34k annual gift I get from my parents towards the new house in perpetuity. It really irks me that he's suggesting this while refusing to consider using any of his inheritance and any of our joint savings for a new house. I don't think I'm being crazy here for being pissed off about this. Maybe I should just spend the money on jewelry, spa vacations, hand bags, etc. just for myself rather than on something that would benefit the family if he refuses to spend on anything that would actually, you know, improve his kids' quality of life.

Nope, nope, nope. Keep those gifts in a separate account. Do not commingle. Tell him that since he is not comingling, you aren't either.

If you divorce, that will be your money in most states and not subject to being a marital asset that needs to be divided. Keep it in a new account all by itself and do not commingle it. Don't spend it on junk like jewelry. Spend your marital assets instead.

Please god! Don't let my son run into this woman's daugther! Imagine being married to someone like you pp!

Or, please god! Don’t let my daughter marry a man with a schizophrenic brother who will become our daughter’s responsibility and whose care will be prioritized over that of our grandchildren, especially not one whorefuses to chip in any of his inherited wealth while, from the other side of his mouth, he demands that the money we give to our daughter be used to better his life and lessen his responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is suggesting that I use the 34k annual gift I get from my parents towards the new house in perpetuity. It really irks me that he's suggesting this while refusing to consider using any of his inheritance and any of our joint savings for a new house. I don't think I'm being crazy here for being pissed off about this. Maybe I should just spend the money on jewelry, spa vacations, hand bags, etc. just for myself rather than on something that would benefit the family if he refuses to spend on anything that would actually, you know, improve his kids' quality of life.

Nope, nope, nope. Keep those gifts in a separate account. Do not commingle. Tell him that since he is not comingling, you aren't either.

If you divorce, that will be your money in most states and not subject to being a marital asset that needs to be divided. Keep it in a new account all by itself and do not commingle it. Don't spend it on junk like jewelry. Spend your marital assets instead.

Please god! Don't let my son run into this woman's daugther! Imagine being married to someone like you pp!

Or, please god! Don’t let my daughter marry a man with a schizophrenic brother who will become our daughter’s responsibility and whose care will be prioritized over that of our grandchildren, especially not one whorefuses to chip in any of his inherited wealth while, from the other side of his mouth, he demands that the money we give to our daughter be used to better his life and lessen his responsibilities.

OP’s children will have a perfectly fine house without the money the DH has set aside to take care of his brother. You sound very spoiled and materialistic.

[Anonymous]

OP is a selfish and greedy wife. She is showing no compassion for her mentally ill BIL.
She doesn't work. She's dependent on parents' money. It's because she doesn't contribute anything to the HHI that the husband wants her to at least use the gifts she gets from her parents. to pay for household expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is suggesting that I use the 34k annual gift I get from my parents towards the new house in perpetuity. It really irks me that he's suggesting this while refusing to consider using any of his inheritance and any of our joint savings for a new house. I don't think I'm being crazy here for being pissed off about this. Maybe I should just spend the money on jewelry, spa vacations, hand bags, etc. just for myself rather than on something that would benefit the family if he refuses to spend on anything that would actually, you know, improve his kids' quality of life.

Nope, nope, nope. Keep those gifts in a separate account. Do not commingle. Tell him that since he is not comingling, you aren't either.

If you divorce, that will be your money in most states and not subject to being a marital asset that needs to be divided. Keep it in a new account all by itself and do not commingle it. Don't spend it on junk like jewelry. Spend your marital assets instead.

Please god! Don't let my son run into this woman's daugther! Imagine being married to someone like you pp!

Or, please god! Don’t let my daughter marry a man with a schizophrenic brother who will become our daughter’s responsibility and whose care will be prioritized over that of our grandchildren, especially not one whorefuses to chip in any of his inherited wealth while, from the other side of his mouth, he demands that the money we give to our daughter be used to better his life and lessen his responsibilities.

I didn’t see where DH demanded she use her parents money towards the house. It’s actually a pretty reasonable idea. DH thinks they can buy a house with just their income and not add his inheritance money which he is saving for his BIL. DW wants a bigger house than income can support. DW happens to have a regular gift from parents that could be used towards the bigger house that she wants. Why not use it that way? She would be using the money her parents give her to get something she really wants.