DH won't use any inheritance for a house

[Anonymous]

We are moving to a very expensive West Coast housing market and are trying to figure out how to afford a house that we like. DH's father passed away unexpectedly about a decade ago, and DH received an inheritance in the high six figures. (His parents were divorced, and I expect he will get at least that much and probably more from his mother when she passes.) DH hasn't spent a penny of his inheritance yet, and I think it's reasonable for him to use some of it for purchasing a house when we move. He is refusing to consider spending any of the money because he assumes he will be completely financially responsible for his disabled brother when his mother passes away and he wants to save the money for that. His brother has severe mental illness (schizophrenia/psychosis) and lives with his mother. His mother is in good shape but is 80 years old. She is in complete denial about the severity of her son's illness and as far as we know has not made any provisions for his care or set up any special needs trusts, etc.. DH's brother has/will inherit a decent sum of money but DH assumes that his brother will be preyed upon/be unable to manage the money.

Over the course of our marriage I have received substantial financial support from my parents that have greatly benefited our family (help with a down payment on our current house, funding kids' private school and 529s, as well as cash gifts that I have used for house upgrades and family vacations). I hope it is many years away but I will inherit a sizeable sum when my parents pass and would not hesitate to use it to improve our family's quality of life. So I'm quite resentful that DH is unwilling to use any of his inheritance to benefit his wife and children. If his father had wanted to leave all of his money to DH's brother, then that's what he would have done. Obviously it was his father's wish that his estate was divided equally between his two children. Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Both unreasonable and soulless. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are moving to a very expensive West Coast housing market and are trying to figure out how to afford a house that we like. DH's father passed away unexpectedly about a decade ago, and DH received an inheritance in the high six figures. (His parents were divorced, and I expect he will get at least that much and probably more from his mother when she passes.) DH hasn't spent a penny of his inheritance yet, and I think it's reasonable for him to use some of it for purchasing a house when we move. He is refusing to consider spending any of the money because he assumes he will be completely financially responsible for his disabled brother when his mother passes away and he wants to save the money for that. His brother has severe mental illness (schizophrenia/psychosis) and lives with his mother. His mother is in good shape but is 80 years old. She is in complete denial about the severity of her son's illness and as far as we know has not made any provisions for his care or set up any special needs trusts, etc.. DH's brother has/will inherit a decent sum of money but DH assumes that his brother will be preyed upon/be unable to manage the money.

Over the course of our marriage I have received substantial financial support from my parents that have greatly benefited our family (help with a down payment on our current house, funding kids' private school and 529s, as well as cash gifts that I have used for house upgrades and family vacations). I hope it is many years away but I will inherit a sizeable sum when my parents pass and would not hesitate to use it to improve our family's quality of life. So I'm quite resentful that DH is unwilling to use any of his inheritance to benefit his wife and children. If his father had wanted to leave all of his money to DH's brother, then that's what he would have done. Obviously it was his father's wish that his estate was divided equally between his two children. Am I being unreasonable?

Unreasonable? You are so many awful things that being unreasonable would be an upgrade.

[Anonymous]

Good lord op… tell your parents to hurry up and pass…

[Anonymous]

I'd just tell your husband that unless he ponies up, you'll be renting, not buying.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I wonder if he truly intends to use this inheritance for his brother, or just doesn’t want to commingle it with you? Where is it parked right now?

[Anonymous]

I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

[Anonymous]

I would be curious to know what the difference is between the house you can afford with and without it. Since you’re paying for private school and already own a house, it sounds like your spouse doesn’t think you need the extra money for the house you want to get. Is he right about his brother or do you think he’s using it as an excuse to not commingle the funds?

[Anonymous]

Hard cringe through your entire post, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

That is also a reasonable option for OP’s husband.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse is acting prudently and with care towards sibling's inevitable and probably near term financial needs.

[Anonymous]

If your parents are so helpful, why don’t they help you with money for a house? Your husband’s concerns about his brother are very valid.

[Anonymous]

Put the money out of your mind and find a house within your budget. It's not helpful to carry this resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

Because she clearly only cares about herself. Are you OP that you can't see that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard cringe through your entire post, OP.

Not for me.