DH won't use any inheritance for a house

[Anonymous]

OP, can you price out what care would be for your BIL? Do you intend to have him move in with you? Pay for a group home? Pay for home care? Maybe once you see how much that will cost over the length of time that you expect to need to cover it, you'll have a better idea if there is extra money available of not.

Your DH is modeling to your children that you take care of family when they need it. That's worth more than a big house, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

Because she clearly only cares about herself. Are you OP that you can't see that?

She cares about HER family, what are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be curious to know what the difference is between the house you can afford with and without it. Since you’re paying for private school and already own a house, it sounds like your spouse doesn’t think you need the extra money for the house you want to get. Is he right about his brother or do you think he’s using it as an excuse to not commingle the funds?

Parents are paying for that because OP obviously doesn't have a career that pays as much as she wants. She's used to living from OPM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

Because she clearly only cares about herself. Are you OP that you can't see that?

She cares about HER family, what are you talking about?

Because she wants them to have a bigger house? Ohboy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

Because she clearly only cares about herself. Are you OP that you can't see that?

She doesn't only care about herself. She's trying to figure out how to afford a home and her husband has a huge pile of money. The brother ALSO got a high 6 figure inheritance.

OP I think you should have a discussion with your dh about what happens to the brother after his mom passes. You need a plan. He doesn't have a plan, so he's just hoarding money and not knowing what he'll do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

Because she clearly only cares about herself. Are you OP that you can't see that?

She cares about HER family, what are you talking about?

Hahahahaha....wanting someone else to pay for her to have a bigger house is hardly a sign of caring about much of anything other than appearances. Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

Because she clearly only cares about herself. Are you OP that you can't see that?

She doesn't only care about herself. She's trying to figure out how to afford a home and her husband has a huge pile of money. The brother ALSO got a high 6 figure inheritance.

OP I think you should have a discussion with your dh about what happens to the brother after his mom passes. You need a plan. He doesn't have a plan, so he's just hoarding money and not knowing what he'll do with it.

No, she's trying to figure out how to get a bigger/better home. Same as she clearly did when she had her parents pay for the current one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

Because she clearly only cares about herself. Are you OP that you can't see that?

She cares about HER family, what are you talking about?

Her husband’s brother is HER family.

[Anonymous]

You lose all credibility with me when you reveal that you're still financially dependent on your own parents.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I’d do the same if I were your husband. Seems like you want to spend any money you have and then use your parents’ money for living above your means. And your husband sees his parents’ money as being there to support his brother, not to pay for a bigger house or a fancy vacation.

I say this as someone who gets money from my parents (that I invest) and had been told there is a 7 figure inheritance (which makes me feel queasy when I think about it). I wanted my parents to leave more to my sibling with mental health issues (in a trust). They decided against it, because they wanted to be “fair”.

[Anonymous]

You need to let go of where the money comes from. It’s a joint asset now. The issue is that you disagree about how much money you need to set aside for BIL, which is also a joint problem.

If you were mature and reasonable, you would work on that problem together. But you sound more like a spoiled child than a real adult.

[Anonymous]

I'd plan to buy or rent around what you can afford. Just take the inheritance out of your calculation.

Needing care for a mentally ill brother, who has probably already spent his portion of the estate, is a huge burden to carry. And yes it can be outrageously expensive.

You all sound financially very secure, I doubt you will need to live like the poors even without using this money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is reasonable and I don't get why you all thinks she's mean. I would have assumed he was trying to protect the inheritance in case you divorce.

Because she clearly only cares about herself. Are you OP that you can't see that?

She doesn't only care about herself. She's trying to figure out how to afford a home and her husband has a huge pile of money. The brother ALSO got a high 6 figure inheritance.

OP I think you should have a discussion with your dh about what happens to the brother after his mom passes. You need a plan. He doesn't have a plan, so he's just hoarding money and not knowing what he'll do with it.

No, she's trying to figure out how to get a bigger/better home. Same as she clearly did when she had her parents pay for the current one.

You’re being ridiculous and perhaps approaching this with bias. Their family is moving somewhere very expensive. I would consider calling off the move myself if it doesn’t work financially. Most people don’t share inheritances because they sense down the road there could be divorce. So when I advise OP, I have that in mind.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a responsible human being and a good brother. Be proud you have such a husband, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to let go of where the money comes from. It’s a joint asset now. The issue is that you disagree about how much money you need to set aside for BIL, which is also a joint problem.

If you were mature and reasonable, you would work on that problem together. But you sound more like a spoiled child than a real adult.

In most states, an inheritance is not a, "joint asset". Having said that, it's concerning to me that DH isn't meeting with a financial planner about BIL. If he's truly concerned about saving to help him, he should meet with someone to plan. If invested wisely, it seems to me that at least some of that "high six figures" should be available to fund a downpayment, or at least make a big dent in 529 plans for the kids. Should also consider funding retirement savings if 529s are fully funded. Sounds to me, like others, like he's trying to protect that money for himself in case of divorce.